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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24319624">The Concert</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_escapist/pseuds/little_escapist'>little_escapist</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Underneath [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Glee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Anderberry Siblings, Break Up, Bullying, Concerts, Dark Past, Depression, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Music, Past Relationship(s), Phone Sex, Secret Relationship, Unhappy Ending, though it will be corrected in the third part of this verse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:42:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>97,357</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24319624</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_escapist/pseuds/little_escapist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The concert, the main event: through music, you can go through many emotions like excitement, joy, sadness, love, pleasure and even heartbreak. </p><p>Kurt is going to see Elliott Starchild live in concert with his friend Rachel's big brother Blaine. That concert begins a journey he never thought he'd find himself on. Can dreams really come true?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Underneath [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1748998</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>505</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>122</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Please check out the first installment of the series, Soundcheck. It reveals a little more about who Kurt is in this fic. </p><p>This story has been hard to write. Nothing worked, and then I didn't have the time to write at all, but two years after I first started, I'm here. This story is still in progress, but I've written 20 chapters so far and I know where I'm going, plus now I have nothing but time to write. Updates, for now, will be every Friday, but once I finish the story, I might start to update more often. </p><p>Also, please trust me. This fic might take you to places, but when the third installment is finished, eventually there will be a happy ending.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The day has finally come. It’s February 17<sup>th</sup>, 2012.</p><p> </p><p>The day Kurt Hummel will see Elliott Starchild live in concert for the first time ever.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt has been waiting for today anxiously ever since he bought the ticket for Starchild’s extended tour. Columbus was added to the list late, and Kurt is more than happy for the opportunity. The ticket was expensive, and that means none of his friends could come with him, but he doesn’t let that sour his spirit. He can’t enjoy the gig with his best friend Mercedes, but he will get to go with Blaine, and on top of it all, he gets to spend the night.</p><p> </p><p>It’s been difficult to sleep these last few nights, because Kurt has been so excited, looking forward to this day. He has been annoying the hell out of his friends, almost vibrating at least half of his days, because he gets to see Starchild on stage. It’s everything he’s been able to talk about. He’s more excited than when they went to New York for Nationals last spring.</p><p> </p><p>The concert is the only thing he’s been able to talk about, but it’s not the only thing that has kept him up until late. The concert doesn’t even feel like the main attraction anymore, even though it’s a dream come true. But Elliott Starchild with his amazing arms and bright smile and tattoos isn’t the man making Kurt nervous and tingly – it’s Blaine, Rachel’s big brother.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt knows that his crush is doomed, he has always known that, but he can’t help his feelings. Blaine is gorgeous, nice, and he seems to see Kurt in a way no one else ever has. Blaine is the kindest person in existence, and Kurt can’t quite understand how he has grown up in the same house with loud, self-centered Rachel Berry. They aren’t really related, because they have two gay dads, and it shows. They might have a slight resemblance, but their personalities are very different. Every time Kurt has met Blaine, he has been calm and composed, where Rachel is like dynamite – intense and a little scary. Rachel is selfish, Blaine is selfless. When Rachel usually only sees her own drama, Blaine has been there for her sister’s friend as if they weren’t almost total strangers at that point. Kurt still doesn’t know Blaine very well, but he likes everything he does know. And tonight Kurt will spend hours and hours with Blaine, alone, just the two of them. Kurt knows that nothing can happen. He is only too aware of the over five year age gap, and that they live in different cities, and that he’s dumb to even imagine Blaine ever being attracted to him. Still, he’ll take what he can get. No one will ever be interested in him in Lima, and Kurt doesn’t know what mutual attraction feels like. So he’ll take tonight, enjoy it, and remember fondly how he got to stay the night with someone like Blaine.</p><p> </p><p>It’s been really difficult to keep his crush under wraps for the last couple of weeks. Kurt has managed well enough, he thinks. He has been able to make his mood all about the concert and erase the Blaine part of it almost completely. Mercedes has given him a few long looks, but she hasn’t said anything, so Kurt’s been playing dumb. Rachel, luckily, seems oblivious. And well, it’s not like anything is going on. There’s nothing to tell. Kurt has texted Blaine a little, just to sort out details of the day and evening. The tone of the texts has been warm and friendly, but nothing more than that. Every message has made Kurt’s heart race, but if Rachel or Mercedes saw them, there wouldn’t be anything incriminating there. Kurt is just getting to know Blaine a little. That is all there is to it. They can be friendly.</p><p> </p><p>That’s what Kurt keeps telling himself as he drives towards Columbus after school. He tells himself over and over again how it’s stupid to be more excited about Blaine than Elliott Starchild. Kurt has talked to Blaine before, Blaine even hugged him after the Karofsky incident, and they are on friendly terms even though Blaine is still just Rachel’s awesome brother. Kurt has never been to a concert before, and he has worshipped Starchild for a few years already. The concert really should be the most important thing, and it is the reason he is going to Columbus in the first place!</p><p> </p><p>But Blaine is Blaine, and Kurt can’t help but daydream a little. Blaine is passionate and generous and empathetic. Blaine has thick, dark hair that curls at his temples even though Blaine gels it down. Blaine has the most amazing honey-colored eyes that mesmerize Kurt every time he gets to look into them. Blaine is slightly shorter than Kurt, lightly muscled and compact – pretty much perfect, in Kurt’s opinion. Kurt can’t even pretend his mind hasn’t wandered about Blaine’s body more than once. Kurt can picture scenarios of knocking on Blaine’s door and being invited inside, some more innocent than others. He keeps hoping for a hug. In the wilder set-ups he has made up in his mind Blaine is fresh from the shower as he opens the door, in just a towel, water still dripping from his hair. It is nice to daydream, but daydreams are only that. Blaine is five years, four months and fourteen days older than Kurt, as well as Kurt’s friend’s brother. Blaine is the picture of unattainable. Kurt is young and inexperienced, and honestly, sexual stuff scares him. He is thin and pale and cold, and he doesn’t really do well with people in general. He is more than aware of his flaws.</p><p> </p><p>It all makes Kurt’s hands sweat as he drives. It feels impossible that he is in his car, heading towards the place where Blaine lives, and tonight he will see Elliott Starchild perform. It’s unreal. Kurt can’t believe it is actually happening, and he is pretty sure he won’t understand it until he’s inside the venue, Blaine by his side. He has a standing spot ticket, and Blaine has hinted that if they play their cards right, they might have chances of making it to the front row.</p><p> </p><p>Luckily navigating the unfamiliar streets of a neighborhood in Columbus takes all of Kurt’s concentration. He has the navigation app open on his phone, and he has memorized the directions Blaine texted him, but it’s still different from actually knowing where he is going. He does find the right street with little difficulty, and parks the car on the lot he believes belongs to Blaine’s building.</p><p> </p><p>He has to sit still and breathe for a while once he stops the car. His belly is swooping in excitement, and it makes him feel vaguely nauseous. He pushes the nervous feeling down. He is Kurt Hummel, he will do fine. He will hold his head up high and face the music no matter the turmoil inside. And, it’s only Blaine. It’s not like this is their first meeting. Kurt can do this. He gets out of the car, takes his bag and locks the doors. He can do it. It’s not a long walk to the building. He presses the buzzer by the door, and soon after the door lets out a beep to announce that he can step in now. Kurt chooses to take the elevator to the fifth floor. He doesn’t want to knock on the door all out of breath from taking the stairs, as it’s hard enough to breathe through his nerves anyway.</p><p> </p><p>Apartment 5A is to Kurt’s right as the steps out of the elevator. The door is a boring brown, just a door. Still, seeing the plastic number there makes Kurt’s heart beat faster. It’s Blaine’s door. And the door is suddenly opening – Blaine must have heard the elevator coming up.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, Kurt! Welcome. You’re early, I just got home,” Blaine greets him with a smile. He looks amazing in his dark red cardigan and well fitting jeans.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt ignores the blush he can feel rising on his cheeks as he steps past Blaine into the apartment. Blaine’s home. “Hi. And yeah, there wasn’t that much traffic.”</p><p> </p><p>“Better that way, now we can head to the venue earlier!” Blaine closes the door and Kurt swallows. He is in Blaine’s home, with Blaine, and no one else. His heart is beating so loud he’s half certain Blaine can hear it, too, and his hands are shaking slightly. He can’t even look around properly, he is so nervous.</p><p> </p><p>“You can come sit down in the living room. Did you want something to drink?” Blaine leads the way and gestures towards the couch.</p><p> </p><p>“No thanks, I’m fine,” Kurt says and curses his voice, suddenly way too high. He doesn’t think he’d get even water down right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright. I’ll just change my clothes real quick,” Blaine says, disappearing into a room.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt sits down and tries to keep breathing normally. He takes in the small living room, decorated with browns and greens. There’s a tv and a gaming console, and a bookshelf half filled with books, half with photos and various knick-knacks. Kurt itches to go see the photos more closely, but he decides it would be too nosy. The place screams Blaine, somehow, even though Kurt spots a perfume bottle on the shelf that can’t belong to Blaine, as well as dark red furry slippers under a chair. They must belong to a roommate Kurt knows nothing about. There’s a guitar on its stand in the corner, and that is probably Blaine’s.</p><p> </p><p>“I thought we’d go eat before the concert and head straight to the venue from there,” Blaine asks from his bedroom, voice slightly muffled. “We can either eat at the restaurant or grab something to go, and then have them in the line. There will be one, since I went past the place earlier, and there were some people already.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt bites his lip. Does that mean they won’t get so good spots after all? “I think we should have take out in the line,” he says. He wants to get to the venue as soon as possible.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, that sounds good to me,” Blaine agrees from behind his door. “There weren’t that many people that we’d lose our chance at front row, but it’s good to be there earlier rather than later.”</p><p> </p><p>“You sound excited about this,” Kurt says.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I’m excited, it’s a concert!” Blaine tells him with a smile in his voice as the gets back to the living room. Kurt almost swallows his tongue as he sees Blaine.</p><p> </p><p>The cardigan is long gone, and instead Blaine is wearing a black t-shirt that clings to his shoulders in all the best ways. His jeans are now black, too, and very tight. He has done something about his hair, as well, since it’s not nearly as put together as it was a moment ago – the curls are sticking up all over, and it’s a good look. Blaine has a leather bracelet in both wrists, and even though the getup is simple, it’s hot as sin. Kurt is used to seeing Blaine in more layers, in more colors, his hair slicked back. This is like a different person. The guy standing next to Kurt is a rock star, not a prep-school boy grown up. It takes Kurt’s breath away. He does have a type, since he is insanely attracted to Starchild’s looks, and seeing this on Blaine makes him a little crazy.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you find the place fine?” Blaine asks as if there just wasn’t several seconds worth of silence while Kurt just took Blaine’s appearance in.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, surprisingly easily,” Kurt answers, looks quickly away, and swallows. “You gave me good directions.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine laughs a little. “Happy to help. But it can be difficult navigating a strange place. Some of my friends have been lost on the way.”</p><p> </p><p>A silence follows, Kurt doesn’t know what to say. He wants to talk to Blaine, desperately, but he can’t come up with a single thing.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want to change before we go?” Blaine asks then, and Kurt is relieved.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, that’d be nice.” He dares a short glance towards Blaine.</p><p> </p><p>“You can change in my roommate’s room, she’s away for the weekend,” Blaine says and gestures towards another door right behind the couch.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks.” Kurt gets up and goes to the room with his bag, shuts the door and closes his eyes. This is not going well at all. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. He has no idea how to act like a normal person around Blaine, and they have all night to spend together. Kurt shakes his head at himself and takes in the room.</p><p> </p><p>It’s small, but there’s enough room for a bed, a nightstand and a chair. There’s a closet, and a large mirror on its door. Kurt meets his own eyes and sighs. He has never felt so out of his depth. He doesn’t think he has ever been this nervous, either, not in the first Regionals, not in Nationals, not even when he sent his application letter to NYADA. He gives himself a death stare in the mirror. It’s just a concert. He’s here to have fun, and he really should focus on the fact that he’s going to see his idol. Starchild is the reason he’s here in the first place.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt changes his clothes. He puts on tight, dark blue jeans and a Starchild shirt that’s a little big on him. He laces up his boots and gives himself a once-over in the mirror. He looks fine, the jeans hug his legs and behind nicely, if he says so himself. The shirt is black, and it makes him really pale, but that’s the norm, really. He fixes his hair with some hairspray to make sure it stays up. He adds a little cologne and tells himself that he’s ready.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine appears from the bathroom just as Kurt steps back to the living room. Blaine meets Kurt’s eyes and Kurt’s breath catches – eyeliner. Blaine has put on black eyeliner that makes his eyes look huge and his lashes even longer than normal. He’s so beautiful it’s hard to believe he’s real and standing right in front of Kurt. Kurt swallows and blushes, turning to stare at the floor. He has never been this attracted to <em>anyone</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Ready to go?” Blaine asks, and even though he looks so different, he sounds exactly like he has always sounded. “You look amazing.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt preens at the compliment and looks back up. “Thank you. You look rather nice yourself.” Somehow he manages to sound teasing, and not at all like the overwhelmed boy he feels like right now. “The eyeliner is a good touch.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine laughs and flutters his lashes. Kurt’s knees feel weak. No one should look like that.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s with the rock star look, anyway?” Kurt asks. <br/><br/></p><p>Blaine shrugs, almost sheepish. “Not what you expected, huh?” <br/><br/></p><p>Kurt shakes his head a little. “You just look so different to what I’m used to.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, the truth is I don’t feel like dressing like this every day. It takes effort, and sometimes it just doesn’t fit to where I’m going or who I’m with. Giving piano lessons to kids in a rocker get up would make some parents uncomfortable,” Blaine says and rolls his eyes. “When the opportunity rises, though, I’m game. It’s nice to change things up every now and then, and look completely different.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt smiles. “I get that.” He wants to say that Blaine should be allowed to dress however he wants, even when he’s teaching children, but now isn’t the time for that.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you have your wallet and phone? And the ticket?” Blaine asks then, suddenly all business.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods. <br/><br/></p><p>“Great. Let’s go, then.” Blaine takes a black leather jacket from the coat rack by the door, and Kurt resists the urge to sigh. Here he thought Blaine couldn’t get any hotter, yet there he goes. The jacket seems to emphasize Blaine’s already drool-worthy shoulders even more. He opens the door and lets Kurt out first.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt has to wonder who this man actually is. He never in his wildest dreams could have imagined Blaine looking like this. The Blaine Kurt knows is colorful, often wears cardigans and always, always gels his hair down. This is something new, and it really drives home the point that Kurt doesn’t actually know Blaine at all.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The line at the venue isn’t very long when they arrive there, but Kurt still envies the girls squatting right at the doors with their travel chairs. By the looks of it they’ve been there a while. The weather is fine for February, a little cloudy and not too cold. It doesn’t look like it’s going to snow. Everything looks gray in the soft afternoon light, the sky, the street, the concrete under their feet. Blaine hands Kurt his sub sandwich as they settle at the end of the short queue. They have about an hour to kill before the doors open. Kurt worries a little, because his studded and fabulous jacket might be too little for the weather. On the other hand, the excitement is back full force now that he’s actually here, and one of the girls in the front of the line is playing Starchild’s music from a portable speaker. It’s actually happening, in some short hours he will see Elliot Starchild climb on stage, and Blaine is right there by his side. The silence is more comfortable now, even though Kurt can feel some awkwardness lingering still. Kurt wants to talk to Blaine so bad, but he doesn’t know where to start or what to say.</p><p> </p><p>“So, this is your first concert?” Blaine asks between bites, and Kurt sighs in relief.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, it is. Is it completely stupid to admit that I’m a little nervous?”</p><p> </p><p>“Not at all. New things are always a little nerve-wracking, but don’t worry. Focus on being excited”, Blaine says. “We’re here, and once they open the doors, we’re going in. I’ve got earplugs for both of us, we have our tickets, and when we get in I’m doing my best to get you to the front row. You just follow me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Seems like you know what you’re talking about”, Kurt notes.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine chuckles around his mouthful that he just took, swallows it and smiles.  “I’ve seen a gig or two. Good for us that the VIP tickets to this show don’t include early entrance.” <br/><br/></p><p>“Have you seen Starchild before?” Kurt asks. <br/><br/></p><p>Blaine nods. “Yeah, twice, in New York City. First time was back when he had just started out, and the second was at the end of his first tour. He knows how to put on a show, so be prepared to have the time of your life. I’m sure he’s only gotten better since I last saw him.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m so jealous,” Kurt blurts out. He wishes he had seen Starchild right in the beginning of it all. And how is Blaine getting more interesting? Kurt just wants to sit him down and ask him about everything. Why was he in New York to see Starchild? What did he think about New York, what does he think about Rachel and Kurt’s plans to move there next summer?</p><p> </p><p>“No need to be jealous,” Blaine says and pats Kurt on the arm with the back of his hand. “You’re here now, and I bet you’ll get to see him again after this. I don’t see his career ending any time soon.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sacrilege, to even mention such a thing!” Kurt plays at being traumatized by the words.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine laughs. “Yeah. Besides, I hear he’s working on new music all the time, so there will be many new albums and concerts after this one. Maybe next time we’ll go and see him in NYC. It’s his home turf, so there’s always a special vibe when he performs there.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt’s heart skips a beat. “<em>We</em> will go?” He has to ask. The thought that Blaine would be interested in going to another concert with him makes Kurt warm and shivery at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine gives him a look that Kurt can’t begin to read. There’s a smirk playing on his lips. “Why, yes, this is going to be a new tradition. Whenever there’s a Starchild tour, we’ll go to at least one of his concerts together. I won’t take no for an answer.”</p><p> </p><p>“As if I’d refuse that!” Kurt says.</p><p> </p><p>He can’t believe this is his life.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>When the doors open and they are let in the venue, somehow Blaine manages to drag Kurt right in front of the stage, facing the exact spot where the microphone is set up waiting for Starchild. It’s the best place of the whole venue, Kurt is sure of it. People are pushing inside and the front row is getting packed even though there’s still a long while before anything will happen on the stage. The girls that camped in front of the doors are to Blaine’s right, and there’s a couple next to Kurt, a tall guy with a redheaded girl. And more people are behind them, chatter filling up the arena. Kurt feels dizzy with the excited energy in the air. His hands are shaking slightly, and he can’t stop smiling. He spared a thought to Mercedes, who couldn’t be here tonight, a little sad that he can’t share this experience with his best friend. He digs out his phone and snaps a picture of the mic stand above him, and sends it to her. Next time, he will go with Mercedes, too. Next time they will be old enough to do as they please.</p><p> </p><p>But right now, Kurt is here.</p><p> </p><p>He really is here, in the first row, about to see Starchild just a few feet away. It’s overwhelming, the scent of the venue and the people, the ever louder chatter all around him. People are still steadily flowing in from the doors, but Kurt doesn’t feel anxious in the least, even though there’s a mass of people blocking his way anywhere. He’s excited. He stands arm to arm with Blaine, who is drawn to a conversation with the girls next to them. Kurt is too hyped to pay attention to what they’re talking about, he’s too busy taking in everything. He looks over his shoulder to see hundreds of people taking their places on the seats higher up and away. He is on the floor, in the front row. He has to keep reminding himself of that, and he answers to Mercedes’ excited reply to the picture with shaking hands. <em>I know!</em> he writes.</p><p> </p><p>Then something that Blaine says catches Kurt’s attention.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks for the invitation, but I don’t play for your team.”</p><p> </p><p>The girl with long, black hair and sparkly lipstick shrugs. “It was worth a try.”</p><p> </p><p>“Joanne, we told you that has to be his boyfriend,” another girl pipes up.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine laughs, but to Kurt’s utter confusion, doesn’t deny it. Kurt knows his face must be glowing red when Blaine glances at him, putting a hand on his back. “This is Kurt. He’s a little preoccupied since this is his first concert.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt gives the girls a small wave, hyper aware of Blaine’s hand pressing into his back through his shirt. Blaine keeps his hold on Kurt even when Kurt tunes out of the conversation again, and Kurt has nothing to complain about. Usually he shies away from physical contact, but this is nice. And it’s Blaine. He knows his little crush is doomed to stay unrequited, but he can still enjoy the moment. A hot, older guy is right next to him, holding on to him. That doesn’t happen every day to Kurt Hummel.</p><p> </p><p>“How are you?” Blaine asks Kurt after a while.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt blinks. “I’m amazing. Why?”</p><p> </p><p>“You turned really quiet once we got in,” Blaine says, his face close and intimate, in their own little bubble in the vast ocean of people. Kurt has never been more content. He loves it, but it makes him nervous at the same time, having Blaine so close, so intent on him. Also, Blaine smells real good.</p><p> </p><p>“This is a lot to take in,” Kurt says. “So many people.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re right, there are. Starchild has made it big,” Blaine says, and sounds almost proud. “When I first saw him perform, it was a tiny stage in a bar before his first album was even out.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wow,” Kurt breathes. He’s not sure what to do with this information. He files it away for later – he needs details when there aren’t thousands of people around them.</p><p> </p><p>“He was a breathtaking performer already then. I’m happy that so many people agree.”</p><p> </p><p>“I certainly do, and I’ve only seen videos,” Kurt says.</p><p> </p><p>“How did you get into his music?” Blaine asks. “I always pictured you more of a show tune guy.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt shrugs a shoulder. “I am a show tune guy. Mercedes, my friend, found Starchild when his first album came out. She wanted me to listen to it, and I was into it from the start. After I found out he’s gay, well. Some of his songs turned really personal, because he gave me hope.” It’s odd to say it out loud. Kurt has thought about it a lot, but he’s never tried to explain it to anyone. Starchild means a lot to him, and even though Blaine probably only wanted to make small-talk before the warm-up act came on, Starchild is anything but small-talk to Kurt.</p><p> </p><p>“I see,” Blaine says, eyes intent on Kurt and hand warm against his back.</p><p> </p><p>“Starchild is everything I want to be,” Kurt confesses. “I’ve always wanted to be a performer. Then, by the time Mercedes introduced his music to me, I was battling with my sexuality. I’ve always been bullied, and even though I clung to my dreams, I had a hard time believing in them. I feared they might be forever out of my reach. Then Starchild just blew all of that away. He is popular, he is a big name, and he’s gay and no one seems to care! People buy tickets and they play his music on the radio, he has so many fans that love him. And… maybe, if he can do it, I can, too.” Kurt doesn’t think he’s ever told that to another person. He feels a little embarrassed, he just blurted it all out like that, to Blaine of all people.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt,” Blaine says. He has a way of saying Kurt’s name that makes Kurt feel all warm and fluttery – no one else says his name quite like it. “Of course you can do it. You can do anything you set your mind to, and you’re phenomenal. I believe in you.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt’s breath catches at that. Only his dad has ever been so firmly on his side. “But… you haven’t even seen me perform.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes I have,” Blaine smiles.</p><p> </p><p>“What? Where?” Why didn’t Kurt know this before?</p><p> </p><p>“Sectionals last year,” Blaine says. “I was going to come to congratulate you all after the show, but I was in a hurry to get back to Columbus that same night.”</p><p> </p><p>Sectionals last year. The one and only time Kurt has ever had a competition solo, and even that one was given to him out of pity. Mr. Schue had felt bad after Kurt told him about the bullying, and given him the solo. Kurt’s dignity had screamed, but he had taken it. He had sung, because for once they had allowed him to. He had sung his heart out, and gotten a standing ovation.</p><p> </p><p>“You haven’t seen anything, yet,” Kurt insists. Blackbird by The Beatles is a good song that links him to his mother, but it isn’t a song that showcases everything he is capable of.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t wait to hear you sing properly, then, if that was nothing. It was really impressive, Kurt,” Blaine says, and his honey brown eyes are so warm and tender that Kurt has trouble breathing.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” he manages, and bites his lip. He can feel the blush rising on his cheeks. He can’t remember when someone so freely gave him a compliment, or a compliment that clearly came from the heart.</p><p> </p><p>They have no time for more conversation, because the opening act climbs on stage and Blaine has to hurry with the ear plugs. In a way, it’s a relief, because Kurt has no idea what he could have said next. He still feels hot with the compliment Blaine gave him. Blaine has seen him perform, he has heard him sing, and Blaine was impressed by him. Kurt kind of wants to break into song right now, just to show Blaine how high he can get, and just because he’s so happy. He wants to look Blaine in the eye and sing, to see how his voice affects Blaine. Blaine sounded so sincere, but Kurt wants to<em> see</em> it.</p><p> </p><p>The band opening for Starchild isn’t bad, but they’re too far from what Kurt likes to listen to. Their energy is angry, their music loud and drum-heavy, and still the speeches in between songs are too rehearsed to have a connection with the audience. Kurt nods his head along a little, but mostly just because he would feel embarrassed standing still while the band is giving their all right in front of him. Blaine seems to be more into the music, headbanging properly from time to time, his curly hair flying. The lead singer makes eye contact with Kurt at one point, and that leads to a train of thought that Starchild might do the same. Suddenly Kurt isn’t sure how he’s going to survive the night.</p><p> </p><p>As the band whose name Kurt already forgot thank the audience and leave the stage, the crowd starts to shift and move around. The man they’re all here for will soon get on stage and sing and dance and perform. Kurt leans on the safety railing that separates the crowd from the stage. His feet are already feeling the long time he has spent standing.</p><p> </p><p>“How was it?” Blaine asks, leaning a forearm next to Kurt’s. <br/><br/></p><p>Kurt shrugs. “A little too angry for my tastes.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll make a rocker out of you, yet,” Blaine laughs. “Also, don’t worry about your feet. You’ll forget all about the discomfort once Starchild is up there.” So, Blaine noticed Kurt lifting his right foot, then his left one. It’s almost worse than after dancing for hours.</p><p> </p><p>“How long is it still?” Kurt whines, and yes, he sounds like a child, but he doesn’t care.</p><p> </p><p>“They have to haul away the other band’s stuff. Maybe half an hour?”</p><p> </p><p>Luckily, the time seems to fly even though Kurt in anxious for the real show to begin. Sooner than he realizes they’ve revealed the instruments of Starchild’s band, and a familiar intro starts up, sending shivers down Kurt’s spine. He is really here, it’s happening. Kurt’s eyes are glued to the stage as the performers appear from the back. The band is there, Dani on the guitar, Brody on the bass, and the new drummer whose name Kurt forgets. Next up are the dancers, Mike and Brittany, who have been with Starchild for years now.</p><p> </p><p>And then, Elliott Starchild himself walks to center stage and starts singing.</p><p> </p><p>He’s dressed in a black and brown outfit. His tighter than tight pants have a slight golden sheen to them. They hug his full thighs impossibly well. His shirt is completely made of lace, and he has left front buttons open to reveal his chest. The ensemble is topped off with a leather vest, open and hanging from his shoulders. He holds a golden microphone and sings, dancing along to the beat of the song. Kurt is in heaven, completely captivated. The music surrounds him, Starchild’s pure tones seem to go right into his soul. He has goosebumps all over. Any video Kurt has seen online does not do justice for this man, this performer. He is hotter than anyone Kurt has ever seen before.</p><p> </p><p>After the first song Starchild greets the crowd, and the crowd screams back, Kurt right along with them. People press closer to the stage, closer to Kurt’s back, and he ends up practically pressed against Blaine’s side. The closeness of all these people doesn’t bother Kurt at all. He welcomes the heat, feels sweat running down his back, and he sings along the words he knows by heart. The smile on his face makes his cheeks hurt, but he doesn’t care. And like Blaine said, he forgets all about his aching feet, dancing in his spot and rubbing against Blaine in the process.</p><p> </p><p>And then, during Fever, when Kurt has already forgotten how many songs he’s heard and what they even were, it happens. Starchild struts from where he was dancing with Mike back to the front of the stage, right in front of Kurt. He sings the line “<em>you’re mine</em>” and points a finger at Kurt. Kurt feels faint, presses a hand against his chest in a wordless question. Elliott Starchild nods and smirks, singing all the while, before turning and walking to the left. Kurt stares after him and swoons. This is the best night of his life. Elliot Starchild saw him, noticed him, and looked at him for like, three seconds. Kurt shares a quick, excited glance with Blaine, who gives him a thumbs-up.</p><p> </p><p>A couple of songs later something odd happens. Starchild is stading right in front of Kurt, again, grinding into the mic stand in his sinfully tight pants during a guitar solo. Kurt might die, burst from all the things he’s feeling – Starchild is indecent on stage, and it makes Kurt hot all over. As Starchild starts singing again, he lets his eyes sweep the front row. They stop right next to Kurt, on Blaine. Starchild makes a short gesture with the hand not holding the microphone and raises is eyebrows. A question. As if they know each other. Kurt can feel Blaine shrug in answer, and then the moment is over, Starchild dancing his way across the stage again.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt tears his eyes off his idol long enough to give Blaine a look. Blaine just mouths “later”, leaving Kurt curious and bewildered. It’s plain as day now that Blaine knows Starchild – a small gig in a bar in New York, and now this? There’s something Blaine has not told Kurt.</p><p> </p><p>Songs bleed together, every single one more amazing than the last. Kurt is beginning to feel it in his throat that he’s been shout-singing along all night. Then it’s time for goodbyes, the band bows, the dancers have their little solos. They leave the stage, and people scream for more, Kurt along with them – he can’t believe it’s over already, how have two hours gone by so fast?</p><p> </p><p>Starchild returns for encore, and makes all Kurt’s wishes come true – he sings Aftermath. Kurt doesn’t sing anymore, he just mouths along the words, because he wants to hear Starchild and Starchild only. He tears up. This song is everything. He remembers the scared, lonely boy he used to be, hearing this for the first time, afraid to admit who he really was. And now he’s here, out and proud, in Starchild’s concert. He has friends and a bright future away from Lima. The song is beautiful, it hits differently live, somehow even more deeply. Kurt wipes his face discreetly, never taking his eyes off Starchild.</p><p> </p><p>After that one song it’s really over. They all bow together, one last time, and the audience screams and claps their hands and it goes on for a small eternity. Kurt’s hands are red and raw by the time the lights return and someone puts music on. People start to move away, suddenly there is air to breathe as the crowd dissolves. Kurt feels like he’s waking up from a pleasant dream, the real world somehow unreal around him.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine seems to be in no rush to leave, leaning on the safety railing, cool as a cucumber. His curls are falling on his forehead, some strands on his temples wet from sweat. His eyeliner is slightly smudged. He looks downright delicious, a little flushed still. There’s sweat clinging to his neck and his dark eyes are sparkling, happy. Kurt wants to lean into him and maybe even lick his neck, just to taste the salt there. Where do these urges even come from? Kurt turns away quickly, takes a step to follow the stream of people heading to the doors, but Blaine’s hand on his arm stops him.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re not in a hurry, are we?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt shrugs. Since he’s staying with Blaine, he has no urgent need to be anywhere. He’s really thirsty, but that can wait for a moment. “Guess not.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good. Just hold on a moment.” Blaine turns towards the stage, where Starchild’s crew is packing up, collecting wires and taking instruments apart.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Evans!” Blaine shouts, startling Kurt. No one on stage reacts.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine huffs and tries again. “Evans! Sam!”</p><p> </p><p>Still, no answer. One of the guys glances their way, but doesn’t say or do anything to acknowledge them. Kurt looks at Blaine, then the guys on stage. Blaine seems to be staring at a blond guy gathering some wire on his arm.</p><p> </p><p>“You leave me no choice, pal,” Blaine mutters to himself before bellowing “Trouty mouth!”</p><p> </p><p>The guy with the overgrown, dyed blond hair turns around and blinks. Blaine grins. “Are you turning deaf? Not using your ear plugs like you should, Evans?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hold on, Anderson, let a guy finish his work,” the guy, apparently Evans, says, and turns to carry the wires out of sight, somewhere backstage. Kurt just has time to wonder about this guy calling Blaine Anderson before the guy emerges again, and walks right to them, squatting on the edge of the stage. “Why are you calling me that? Low blow, dude, these guys don’t need to hear that. They’ll give me hell forever.”</p><p> </p><p>“I tried calling you by your birth name, but you didn’t even budge. I needed to get your attention somehow,” Blaine says, smiling like a loon.</p><p> </p><p>“Still, not cool.”</p><p> </p><p>“Not sorry,” Blaine informs him before gesturing to Kurt. “This is Kurt. Kurt, meet Sam Evans. He used to be my roommate before the life on the road lured him away.”</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt,” Sam nods and gives Blaine a calculating look.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi”, Kurt says, not sure what is going on. Blaine’s ex-roommate is in Starchild’s crew, and he said Anderson? Also, now Kurt’s feet are screaming for relief, and his mouth feels parched. Kurt wants to go, get a bottle of water, and he wants to sit down somewhere that isn’t the floor stomped by thousands of feet.</p><p> </p><p>“Where’s the after party at? Would anybody mind, if you bring some friends over?” Blaine asks next, and Kurt is sure he heard that wrong. Is Blaine seriously inviting himself and Kurt to Elliott Starchild’s after party? It can’t be. Suddenly his thirst isn’t so acute anymore. This conversation just turned interesting.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s at some bar about a block over,” Sam says like it’s nothing. “You can join us, if your jailbait of a boyfriend can get in.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m eighteen!” Kurt exclaims at the same time as Blaine calmly states, “Not a boyfriend, Sam.”</p><p> </p><p>Sam looks at Kurt, then at Blaine, then at Kurt again. He shakes his head and levels Blaine with a look. “Yeah, right.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sam, you owe me one for leaving me to deal with rent all by myself. Besides, the after party would make Kurt’s year, and he deserves it. You smuggle us in, we won’t even stay long.”</p><p> </p><p>Sam rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, Anderson, stop looking at me like a wounded puppy. I’ll get you in, you just have to wait while we finish packing up.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sure, we’ve got time,” Blaine says. Sam stands up and hurries to help someone with the drum set.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt is shell-shocked. He can’t quite believe that tonight is real. He stares at the spot where Sam sat just moments ago, and tries to wrap his head around it all. He was in his first Elliott Starchild concert, with Blaine of all people, and now Blaine talked them into the after party. It’s probably only the crew, Kurt reminds himself, trying to keep his cool. Elliott Starchild is big enough a name to afford to be a diva and party with his best friends at some expensive hotel, or something. This doesn’t necessarily mean he’s going to meet Elliott Starchild for real. He can’t even think of that option, because he can’t get his hopes up. Tonight has been amazing, and it cannot end in disappointment of any kind.</p><p> </p><p>“What just happened?” Kurt asks.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re hanging out here until Sam is finished, and then we go to the after party.” Blaine says it like it’s nothing, nothing at all, and Kurt’s head hurts. “What’s on your mind?” Blaine asks then, and looking at him is almost a surprise – that tone sounds so much like the cardigan-wearing Blaine that it’s difficult to understand how the disheveled rocker is the same person.</p><p> </p><p>“Your last name is not Berry?” It’s the first thing, the easiest thing to catch on to.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine laughs. “I can’t believe that never came up! No. I still have my own surname, even though the Berrys adopted me.”</p><p> </p><p>There’s more there, clearly, but since Blaine doesn’t elaborate, Kurt leaves it be. He has a lot to think about, anyway. “This is a lot to take in,” he says softly. The arena is mostly empty, all the noise gone out of the doors. Just a few stragglers are left, making their way slowly towards the doors.</p><p> </p><p>“Too much?” Blaine asks, hint of concern in his voice. “We can always head back home, if you’re too tired. It was just a silly idea, we don’t have to go.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, of course I want to go!” Kurt protests immediately. “And you get to see your friend, too.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine puts a hand on Kurt’s shoulder. It’s a warm weight that Kurt wants more of. “Of course it’s nice to see Sam and ask how he’s doing, but that’s not the reason I asked him this. I want to make this special for you.” His eyes are terribly beautiful, dark and warm, golden. He stares into Kurt’s very soul, and Kurt’s insides shake.</p><p> </p><p>“Why?”</p><p> </p><p>“Because I can and you deserve it, Kurt. I know some of the hell you’ve been through, and… I just want you to have something extraordinary to look back to. You’re so close to getting out, being free, and I can give you this to help you through the rest of the school year.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt swallows. The sincerity is radiating from Blaine, and Kurt feels tears burning under his eyelids. <em>What was it like for you</em>, he wants to ask, because this kind of compassion can only come from someone who knows pain. Blaine has been hurt. Yet here he is, trying to help Kurt, wanting to give Kurt something amazing, just because he can. Kurt doesn’t know how to handle it, it feels like too much, he wants to protest. He doesn’t know what to say or do to tell Blaine how much he appreciates this. He wants to tell him that just getting to the concert is huge for him, and front row was an amazing bonus. To get even more than that? It feels like Blaine is spoiling him rotten in one night. It feels like Blaine is going above and beyond, and Kurt hasn’t asked for any of it. It’s being given to him, a gift most precious. Blaine seems to genuinely just want to give Kurt it all.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” Kurt breathes, fighting back the tears threatening to come out.</p><p> </p><p>“Just something I can do,” Blaine says, so modest, as if this was nothing at all. “And because I can, I want to.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Tell me what you think?</p><p>Come find me on tumblr! little-escapist.tumblr.com</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Sam Evans, who shakes Kurt’s hand after he’s done heaving heavy equipment from the stage, is a long-time friend of Blaine’s. He talks a lot, and he has a face that’s nice to look at. Kurt likes him, even though his trail of thought can be a little hard to follow. Sam is telling them, or mostly Kurt, how he ended up in Starchild’s crew.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s kind of weird, thinking back”, Sam says as they head down the street from the venue. “Brittany is behind it all. She moved to New York, and is friends with Dani, but before she left there, we kind of had a thing. Or, more of a thing, because I almost asked her to marry me. But well, her ex showed up, and they made up, and I didn’t stand a chance, really. Then she got this dance thing and left both me and her ex here. But anyway. They didn’t need me at the swimming pool here in Columbus because Emily got back from her sabbatical, and I was without a job. I was talking to Brittany over the phone about it, and then she talked to Dani, and before I knew it, I was on my way to NYC to start this tour. I have no idea how it actually happened at all, but here I am!”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s so cool,” Kurt says, even though he’s pretty sure he only understood half of what Sam told him. Sam talks about people as if Kurt knows them all. Kurt knows who Brittany and Dani are, but that’s pretty much it. Brittany is the blonde dancer, and Dani plays guitar for Starchild.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, this is the best job ever! We have so much fun every night, there are so many girls you wouldn’t believe, and Elliott throws the best parties.”</p><p> </p><p>“He just brags because he knows the famous people now,” Blaine says and smirks behind Sam’s back.</p><p> </p><p>“And you’re just jealous, dude,” Sam throws back.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine doesn’t answer, he just rolls his eyes and shakes his head. The smile on his face looks like he knows something Sam doesn’t.</p><p> </p><p>Soon after that they arrive to the bar where Starchild’s crew is having the after party. Sam shows his crew pass at the door and all three of them walk in without anyone questioning it. The tattooed guy at the door doesn’t even look at Kurt twice, though it’s clear he is under 21. Kurt huddles a little closer to Blaine, intrigued and intimidated at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>The bar is dimly lit, and rock is playing from the speakers. Wooden bar and walls make the place dark; this is more of a pub than a bar. The dance floor is tiny, since most of the floor space is filled with tables and chairs. There aren’t too many people there, and it’s not too loud, either. People are sitting at tables drinking and talking, and it isn’t exactly what Kurt expected – this is so much calmer than an after party sounds like. The dancers are at one table, shots lined in front of them. There are crew members at the booths, also sitting down and drinking. This is not just the crew’s after party, because Dani the guitarist is talking to the drummer whose name Kurt can’t recall still, standing close to the dancers’ table. And then Kurt sees <em>him</em>, and stops almost mid-step.</p><p> </p><p>Elliott Starchild is here.</p><p> </p><p>Elliott Starchild, charismatic, tattooed, almost unreal, is just sitting on a stool waiting for his drink like any other person. He has changed out of the outfit he had on stage, now in just jeans and a tight, dark green shirt with glitter on it. Kurt has trouble breathing as Blaine and Sam turn to look at him, probably wondering about his abrupt stop.</p><p> </p><p>“C’mon, I’ll introduce you,” Sam says casually, like it’s nothing at all. Kurt’s heart is hammering and his fingers are suddenly freezing and sweaty at the same time. “He’s really cool, very down to earth.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt just nods. He’s numb. He is going to meet Elliott Starchild, and this must be some kind of a fever dream. Maybe he passed out from dehydration at the arena, and this is a hallucination. Kurt never thought he’d find himself in the same room with Elliott Starchild. He didn’t have enough money for a meet and greet, and he never thought he’d get here without one. He has looked up to this man for so long, Starchild means everything to him, and now he is <em>here</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you okay?” Blaine asks him, voice barely heard over the music.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods again. “I will never be able to thank you enough.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine just smiles and grabs his arm, leading him towards the bar and his idol.</p><p> </p><p>“Elliott!” Sam greets the man, and Kurt can’t believe Blaine knows a guy who can just casually walk up to Elliott Starchild and talk to him. “The show was amazing, as usual! Can I introduce my friends? Kurt here is a huge fan.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt blushes hotter than he ever has before and quenches the urge to hide his face in Blaine’s shoulder. Blaine wraps his left arm around Kurt’s shoulders, and Kurt is thankful, because he might not stay upright much longer without the support. He tries to focus on breathing.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, Sam! And yeah? It’s always nice to meet fans,” Elliott Starchild says with the brightest smile Kurt has ever seen on any person in his life, and offers his hand to Kurt.</p><p> </p><p>“Nice, nice to meet you too,” Kurt stutters and shakes the hand, Elliott Starchild’s hand, warm and strong and oh no, his own hand is icy cold and sweaty at the same time, yuck. Kurt is shaking, he will never wash that hand. He feels like he might keel over any moment now.</p><p> </p><p>“And this is Blaine, the roommate I’ve mentioned before,” Sam goes on, totally oblivious to the inner turmoil going in Kurt’s head. He knows he’s staring at Starchild and it’s embarrassing, but he just can’t help himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Why Mr. Glitter Rock Vampire, in my neighborhood,” Blaine says as he shakes Starchild’s hand, his left arm still around Kurt. The words don’t really register, because Kurt is so focused on Elliott Starchild right in front of him, but when they do, they make no sense whatsoever. He turns to stare at Blaine instead, a little offended on his idol’s behalf.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, Blaine, I finally am. I had no idea you were coming, and then I saw you in the audience! It’s been too long,” Elliott Starchild says, and the world has stopped making sense completely.</p><p> </p><p>“Hold up,” Sam says, lifting his hands up. He seems to be just as confused as Kurt is. “What?”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Blaine asks, cool as ever, but a little smile tugging on the corner of his lips.</p><p> </p><p>“What have you left out? Why didn’t I know you two know each other?” Sam looks from one man to the other, large mouth hanging open, eyebrows frowned together.</p><p> </p><p>“I never realized your Blaine was the same tiny Blaine who overthinks everything when he’s feeling insecure and ends up threatening people,” Starchild laughs. “If I had known your roommate was the same guy, I would have demanded a phone call.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Kurt asks in a small voice. He can’t believe this. Why didn’t Blaine ever tell him? It’s completely out of the blue and yet, now Blaine’s story about the gig in a tiny bar and Starchild’s gesture on stage make sense.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, we met during my short stint in New York, before this guy here got famous”, Blaine tells them.</p><p> </p><p>“You so owe me a story,” Sam says. It’s clear that Kurt isn’t the only one who feels like he’s out of the loop and a little stupid. Oddly, seeing Sam upset makes Kurt feel better. Sam knows Blaine, they have lived together, so it’s not that awful Kurt didn’t know about this. He still feels like Blaine should have shared this, though. They have talked about Starchild more than about anything else.</p><p> </p><p>“I guess you’re right, Sam,” Blaine sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“I know how you love to keep your secrets, man, but you knew I was going to work for this guy,” Sam says, slamming a hand on Starchild’s shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Calm down, Sam,” Starchild says in a no-nonsense tone. “We were friends of friends back then, hung out in a group sometimes.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt swallows. He feels young and out of place, and a little like Blaine has been tricking him. He is also beyond curious about everything he has heard so far, and still, he just met Elliott Starchild and shook his hand, wow. He wants to ask questions, but his voice isn’t working. Also, suddenly he remembers his aching feet.</p><p> </p><p>“I think I need to sit down,” he announces, and Blaine hurries to help him on a stool.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you alright?” Blaine asks as Kurt tries to keep down the happy sigh of getting off his feet after standing on concrete for hours and hours. He nods, biting the inside of his cheek. Blaine looks a little worried, and Kurt wants to say that he’s not a child to be coddled. He’s fine, he’s just tired and overwhelmed.</p><p> </p><p>“Can I have two waters, please?” Blaine asks the bartender, and before Kurt knows it, he has a tall glass of ice water in front of him. He takes it happily. He has never felt this parched.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, I still want an explanation,” Sam says after a short silence.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine sighs. “I guess I can say it as it is. Elliott was in a band with my ex. They were really good friends, so I ended up spending time with Elliott, too.”</p><p> </p><p>“What, why the past tense? Is he not my friend anymore?” a new voice says, and a tall, slight guy with a meerkat face walks between Sam and Blaine.</p><p> </p><p>The change in Blaine is immediate. His spine stiffens, his open, friendly face turns into steel and all emotion disappears. It’s almost scary to witness how the warm light goes away from his eyes and his mouth turns into a flat line. His chin juts out, defensive and almost angry, and he doesn’t even look at the newcomer that’s smirking right next to him, a large cocktail in hand. There’s a little too much mischief in the new guy’s face for him to look nice. Kurt dislikes him immediately.</p><p> </p><p>“Sebastian,” Blaine nods, still not looking at the guy.</p><p> </p><p>“Seb, do you mind, we were in the middle of something,” Starchild says, clearly trying to get the new guy, apparently Sebastian, to leave them alone. His words have no effect, though. It’s like he never spoke at all, because Sebastian’s focus is completely on Blaine.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s been awhile, killer,” Sebastian says, never taking his eyes off Blaine. Kurt wants to wrap his arm around Blaine and put a physical barrier between him and this lanky guy, but he doesn’t think he’s allowed to. There’s something about this Sebastian that rubs Kurt the wrong way, and Sebastian has been in their company for five seconds.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I haven’t exactly been longing to see you,” Blaine says, his tone clipped and short.</p><p> </p><p>“You definitely should have let us know you were coming to the show, though,” Sebastian says, sugary and cunning. Kurt really hates the look in his eyes as he’s staring at Blaine. “I almost couldn’t believe my eyes when I recognized that mess of curls, finally wild and free. You’re now showing your bed-head to the whole world, huh? No more slicking it down? We really should catch up.” Sebastian takes a long sip of his drink and licks his lips. Kurt’s skin crawls at the sight of him.</p><p> </p><p>“No, we shouldn’t,” Blaine says, finally making eye-contact. “Not in the regular sense of the phrase, and most certainly not in the way <em>you</em> mean it. I have company.”</p><p> </p><p>Sebastian makes a show of noticing Kurt and giving him a slow, critical once-over. His eyes flick up and down, and Kurt feels exposed and like he’s lacking something. He pushes his spine a little straighter and lifts his chin. Kurt Hummel does not cover before bullies, not anymore, not ever again, no matter if the bully is significantly older than him and good friends with his idol. Sebastian holds his gaze for a moment before snickering as if Kurt was something hilariously stupid.</p><p> </p><p>“I never realized you were into children, Blaine,” he says. “Surely I can show you a better time than some small town boy-virgin.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt flushes hot at that, and wow, nothing Karofsky ever did made him feel this small and inadequate. He stares at the floor, stunned. Sebastian is easily the most annoying person Kurt has ever met, and he’s friends with Rachel Berry.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine scoffs loudly, and Starchild stands up, clearly annoyed, too.</p><p> </p><p>“No means no, Sebastian. Stop insulting Kurt. We’ve been over this before.” Blaine levels Sebastian with a look.</p><p> </p><p>“Have we?” Sebastian fakes an exaggerated I-can’t-remember face. “No, we haven’t. You keep avoiding me. Now with children, it seems.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sebastian,” Starchild warns, but again his words are ignored.</p><p> </p><p>“Though,” Sebastian says loudly, eyes on Kurt again, “he might be interesting to train. You and I could turn him into something amazing, keep him as a pet.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up.” Blaine’s voice cuts the air like a whip before Kurt has the time to even feel awful. Blaine steps right into Sebastian’s space and stares at him. He is furious. Kurt has never seen Blaine look like that. The calm, collected big brother character is long gone, and in his place is this messy guy radiating anger. “You don’t get to talk like that about him. Now excuse us and fuck off.”</p><p> </p><p>Sebastian’s eyes widen and his smirk drops only to return full of teeth. “Oh, kitten has grown some claws. This boy must be something special indeed, if he gets that reaction out of you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Enough, Sebastian,” Starchild raises his voice this time, not calm anymore. “I suggest you do as Blaine says. Leave us alone, and do me a personal favor – no more drinks tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, dude, you’ve had more than enough,” Sam says. He looks like he just woke up from some frozen state, where he was nothing more than a spectator. Now he takes Sebastian’s arm and starts to lead him away.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt is so angry he doesn’t know what to do with himself, and at the same time, he feels small like a child who got lost in the grocery store. He knows the power of words. He can cut deep with his words, and he has had comments and sneers thrown his way for almost as long as he can remember. He knows how much words hurt, and he has received so many mental wounds from words alone that he should know it. Yet, he has never felt like this. The humiliation Sebastian sought to bring with his words is something new and terrible, and it makes Kurt feel inadequate, dirty and awful. Train him? Train him to be a pet? He isn’t even sure if he wants to know what Sebastian implied, though he has a guess that makes him want to vomit. Then Blaine’s arm is around his waist, and a determined finger on his chin turns his face away from Sebastian’s retreating back. Kurt meets Blaine’s eyes, and he can’t begin to pinpoint the expression in them. Then Blaine turns away.</p><p> </p><p>“Apparently you are still friends with my ex,” Blaine says to Starchild, his voice tight.</p><p> </p><p>Starchild shakes his head. “Some days I wonder why. He has turned bitter, and when he drinks, he becomes downright nasty. I am so sorry, Kurt.” Striking blue eyes meet and hold Kurt’s and suddenly Kurt remember who this is and why they are here, and he feels light-headed again. This night is too much to take in.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay,” Kurt says, but it sounds a little thin even to his own ears.</p><p> </p><p>“It is not,” Blaine growls. He is still so tense, his jaw clenched, but he’s right in Kurt’s space, no matter how awkward it is with Kurt sitting on the stool. His arm is warm around Kurt, and his fingertips squeeze into Kurt’s side a little. Kurt welcomes it, though. It makes this mess of a night better, to have Blaine there, anchoring him. Holding Kurt seems to have a calming effect on Blaine as well, since Kurt can practically feel him loosen up little by little as their eyes meet again. “I am beyond sorry you had to get caught in that.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not your fault,” Kurt says.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, He won’t even apologize for anything, so I have to,” Blaine says and swallows. His Adam’s apple bops.</p><p> </p><p><em>How many times have you apologized for Sebastian</em>, Kurt thinks, but says nothing. It’s not his place. “No, Blaine, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m okay. It wasn’t fun, but it’s over now.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re really okay, though?” Starchild butts in, peering at Kurt. “He knows how to be rude, and damn, he really unloaded on you.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods. He has regained his composure, moved past it, and Elliott Starchild seems to be genuinely worried about him. He decides to enjoy what is left of his night. “Yes, I am. Can you finish your story now, Blaine?”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine licks his lips, taking Kurt’s cue. He steps back, away from Kurt, and Kurt feels cold. “Well, there’s not much more to tell, really. Elliott was putting together a band, and Sebastian auditioned. They really hit it off, and Sebastian became an unofficial member of the band since there was no need for two vocalists. Then we broke up, I came back here, and suddenly I see this guy in tv and hear his voice in my radio.”</p><p> </p><p>Starchild chuckles. The tension Sebastian created is still there, but they are all working to get rid of it. “It all happened really fast once things got going. There was a solo performance at an open mic night, and before I knew it, I had a record deal. Long story short, here I am, and not really complaining about how everything turned out.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not complaining, either,” Kurt pipes up. This is it. He gathers his courage. “You’re basically my hero.”</p><p> </p><p>Starchild’s face melts into a real, wide smile that seems to light up the whole room. His eyes scrunch up, and he is so handsome. Kurt is struck by his looks again, he can’t believe he forgot for a second that the world’s most attractive man is sitting right next to him. Kurt Hummel is here, in Elliott Starchild’s after party, and Elliott Starchild is smiling at him. Elliott Starchild with his amazing arms and tattoos and piercings and hair…</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you! Tell me more,” Starchild says.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt has to look away. Blaine laughs beside him. “Your ego, man. I remember that.”</p><p> </p><p>Starchild winks. “Yep. I love to hear how amazing I am,” he quips, full of good humor.</p><p> </p><p>“But you are,” Kurt says, smirking to cover some of his sincerity. “When I first heard your debut album, I wasn’t properly out even to myself. I knew I wasn’t into girls, and it was a difficult thing to accept at first. But your music, finding out that you were out and proud and making music – it gave me courage. I was able to admit it to myself, and later to everyone. I…” Kurt giggles a little, nerves returning, “I listened to Aftermath so many times it’s no wonder my dad already knew when I told him I’m gay.”</p><p> </p><p>There’s a silence, just long enough for Kurt to feel thoroughly embarrassed, he just came out to his idol! Then Starchild gets up from his stool and motions Kurt to do the same. In a daze, Kurt stands up on his still aching feet, and before he knows it, he’s swept in an embrace. Starchils thick, tattooed arms are around him, holding him firmly. Starchild smells so good, manly and real, and Kurt feels like his heart might beat out of his chest. It’s one of the best hugs he has ever received.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you for sharing that with me, Kurt,” Starchild says into Kurt’s temple. Kurt can actually feel the words on his skin, and it makes goosebumps rise on his neck. Starchild pulls away, but keeps holding on to Kurt’s arms. He looks Kurt in the eyes, and Kurt is mesmerized by the blue in them, the clean black surrounding them, and lashes not quite as long as Blaine’s.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m glad that my music helped you. It makes this whole music thing bigger than I am, bigger than anything I ever dreamed of. And for you to tell me that, give face to the experience, it’s… it’s the best feeling. I love hearing how my music has impacted people, and as a creator, that impact means more than any number of sold copies.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt can only stare at him with a stunned, breathless smile. He can’t believe he’s here, that he got to tell his story to Starchild, and that Starchild appreciates him. Kurt might turn into a puddle of goo any time now. Mercedes is never going to believe this.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine clears his throat, making both Kurt and Starchild blink. Reluctantly Kurt takes a step back, back towards Blaine. Blaine moves too, just enough for their arms to brush together. Starchild gives Blaine a look, and then rolls his eyes with a smile, but doesn’t say anything.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine keeps touching Kurt throughout the night. They sit on stools next to each other, Blaine leaning on the bar so his arm is almost around Kurt. Sam returns, and they get drinks (Kurt only drinks diet soda, not feeling like experimenting with alcohol while both Blaine and Starchild are right there), and they keep talking about anything and everything. Starchild talks about his music, about touring, and Sam offers his different point of view. Dani comes over at one point, joins in their conversation before getting a round of drinks and leaving them again.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt could listen to them talk forever. It’s interesting to hear how everything works, how things happen behind the scenes, and he little anecdotes of funny or embarrassing moments. Kurt is mostly quiet, just listening, but still he is happy. Blaine stays close to his side, part of him constantly in Kurt’s space or outright touching him, a hand on his arm or knee, or a brush of finger over hand, arm, neck. Kurt doesn’t mind in the slightest. It makes him feel safe to have Blaine so close. At some point he realizes he’s actually leaning into Blaine’s chest, and he jumps a little, leaning away. The conversation is lost on him, and without him noticing, Starchild’s dancer Mike has joined them.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re getting tired,” Blaine murmur to Kurt, excluding them completely from the loud banter between the others. “Do you want to head back home?”</p><p> </p><p>“Do I want to? No, absolutely not. Do I know that we should, before I fall asleep on top of you? Yeah,” Kurt admits with a sigh. He isn’t ready to leave, not ready for this night to be over, but he has been up since early Friday morning before school, and it’s nearing four am. He is tired from everything that has happened, it’s almost impossible to think that in the morning he drove to school just like any other day.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine smiles and pets his cheek, and Kurt can’t help but smile back. He loves Blaine. He’s delirious because he has been awake for so long, but he loves Blaine so much. He wants to stay here, in Blaine’s personal space, listening to Starchild, forever.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Elliott, Sam, thank you. Thanks for having us here. The concert was amazing,” Blaine says, interrupting Sam’s wild tale that includes a lot of hand-waving. “Sam, you have to call me more often.”</p><p> </p><p>Sam nods and smiles. Starchild walks around Sam to get to Kurt and Blaine. “You’re leaving?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, it’s getting late. Or early, depending on who you ask,” Blaine says, and Kurt adores how calm and warm Blaine is. “Kurt almost fell asleep just now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” Kurt protests.</p><p> </p><p>Starchild laughs. His green shirt sparkles. “Happens to the best of us. It was great seeing you, Blaine, and nice to meet you, Kurt. Be safe, alright?”</p><p> </p><p>“We will. Thank you again for having us, and letting us take your entire night,” Blaine says.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you so much,” Kurt echoes. “The concert was amazing, and that I got to be here and talk to you – all my dreams have come true! I’ll remember this forever!”</p><p> </p><p>Starchild laughs. “Thank you for coming. You’ll make it big too, one day. Don’t let anyone pull you down, you hear me?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt shakes his head, then nods. “They’ll never get to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s the spirit,” Elliott smiles. “Last hug for me before you go?”</p><p> </p><p>“As if you have to ask,” Kurt sighs and almost collapses into Starchild’s arms. He smells just as good as before. Kurt breathes in, wonder how he’ll ever believe tomorrow that this happened, and enjoys the strong arms around his shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>Then, too soon, Elliott lets go. “Okay, champ, time to go home and sleep. I’m sure I’ll see you again somewhere.”</p><p> </p><p>“I hope so,” Kurt says, smiling like an idiot and not caring one bit.</p><p> </p><p>Starchild nods and turns to look at Blaine. “You, don’t be a stranger, either. And take good care of him.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine smiles. “I plan to. Have a great rest of the tour.”</p><p> </p><p>With that, they head out of the door and into the cool night, Blaine’s arm protectively around Kurt.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Again, I'd be happy to know what you think!</p><p>You can also find me on tumblr, little-escapist.tumblr.com</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Surprise! I have finally done a detailed outline for the rest of this story, and it seems like there will be 30 chapters in total (and after that, the third part of this verse). Since I now know I'll be able to finish this part soon, I'll be posting twice a week, on Tuesdays as well as Fridays.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Kurt almost falls asleep in the cab back to Blaine’s. The darkness of the backseat and the humming of the engine make for the best of lullabies. It’s warm and cozy, and Kurt’s eyelids are so heavy. He is happy, and tired, and exhausted, and elated, and so many emotions he can’t even name them all. Blaine is quiet, too, and doesn’t seem to mind that Kurt is leaning on his shoulder. Blaine smells nice, even nicer than Starchild. He smells homely somehow. It’s nice to be so close to someone. Kurt never gets to cuddle. He sometimes leans his head on his father’s shoulder when they watch tv, and he offers his arm to Mercedes, Rachel, or Tina, but those touches are small, fleeting. Blaine doesn’t seem to mind Kurt plastered all over his side, and it’s just so nice there.</p><p> </p><p>With Blaine, every touch is different. Blaine’s touches are warm, safe, and comforting. Blaine has been so touchy all night, and it fills some deep longing in Kurt he wasn’t even aware of before. He feels full and happy with it, just from spending time with Blaine and getting to touch him, to be touched by him. The attention and physical closeness are divine. Kurt doesn’t want to go home tomorrow – today? – at all, and instead he wants to live with Blaine always.</p><p> </p><p>“C’mon, Kurt, we’re here, wake up,” Blaine says softly, and cards a hand through Kurt’s hair that’s still stiff with spray.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt lifts his heavy head form Blaine’s shoulder. “Already?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. I paid for the ride already, too, so get out of the car,” Blaine says with gentle humor in his voice.</p><p> </p><p>“Mmkay,” Kurt murmurs. His mouth isn’t working properly, and neither are his fingers as it takes several tries before the seat belt unlatches. He thanks the driver and step out into the cool air. It makes him shiver after it was so nice in the car. He feels suddenly really violently awake, and just longs to fall back asleep.</p><p> </p><p>They head up to Blaine’s building, and Kurt keeps shivering all the way inside. The elevator is warm, though, and he doesn’t feel like he’s going to turn into an icicle any longer. The worst of his tiredness is gone, blown off by the wind outside. He blinks at his reflection in the elevator mirror. He looks a bit rumpled, but there’s a slight smile on his face still.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you enjoy your night?” Blaine asks softly.</p><p> </p><p>“So much,” Kurt says. “I can’t ever thank you enough for all of this. It was magical. Best night of my life.” He meets Blaine’s eyes and his breath catches at the warmth and affection he sees there. All of a sudden the situation is intimate somehow, early Saturday morning, in the confined space of the elevator together.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt,” Blaine says, and Kurt loves how his name sounds like on Blaine’s lips, “no need to thank me. I had fun, too, and I’m so happy I got to go with you. Making you happy makes me happy.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt feels like his exhausted brain must be playing tricks on him, because he could swear Blaine’s eyes drop to his lips just for a second before meeting his eyes again. Blaine’s eyes are so dark, and it would be so easy to just lean over. Kurt turns away at the thought, suddenly shy. Blaine isn’t like that. Blaine is Rachel’s big brother, gorgeous, older, and so, so unattainable that it’s ridiculous. Kurt bites his lip, his heart stuttering in his chest, because this right here is definitely a moment, and he has no idea what to do with it.</p><p> </p><p>The elevator stops. They’re on Blaine’s floor, the doors slide open, and it’s simultaneously a relief and a disappointment to step out of the small space and into the hallway. Kurt tucks his chin into his chest and follows Blaine to the door, where Blaine fiddles with his keys for a moment. The silence between them feels heavy with something Kurt can’t name. Blaine lets Kurt inside first, trailing a hand down Kurt’s back as Kurt passes, and it strikes Kurt again that he is spending the night at Blaine’s. He’s going to sleep one room over from the amazing, kind, generous man that made possible the best night of Kurt’s miserable life. Kurt swallows and closes his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“The bathroom is all yours,” Blaine says quietly, breaking the silence. “I’ll go put the couch ready for you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” Kurt smiles, keeping his voice low, as if talking too loudly would do some damage. Blaine passes Kurt, their arms just brushing, and it makes Kurt shiver. Blaine is so touchy-feely tonight, and Kurt loves it.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt gets his toiletry bag and pajamas from his things and goes to the bathroom. The air feels tingly between him and Blaine, like something is about to happen. Kurt looks himself in the eye in the mirror and shakes his head. He is tired, he’s probably imagining it all. It’s Blaine, Rachel’s brother. There can’t be anything like <em>that</em> between them, no matter how long Kurt has been crushing on Blaine. Kurt brushes his teeth and then showers away the sweat and bar-smell from his skin, focusing single-mindedly on his task, not lingering anywhere, wanting to be quick. He just needs to go to sleep, and stop imagining stuff that won’t ever happen. Blaine doesn’t want to kiss him, and he saves himself from a world of embarrassment if he cuts that train of thought right off. It would be so nice, though, to have his first proper kiss from Blaine. It would be so, so nice. Enough nice things have already happened tonight, though, so there is no way Kurt will get any more. And it’s Blaine. It’s Rachel’s big brother, who has an ex and who has lived in New York and doesn’t – couldn’t – want someone like Kurt. Kurt nods to himself. Blaine is not into him, and it’s easier that way. There will be someone for Kurt, once he goes to New York.</p><p> </p><p>He puts on his pajamas and feels oddly vulnerable in them. Maybe Blaine will be in his room and not see Kurt? He has no choice, anyway, he has to get out of the bathroom to give Blaine his turn. Kurt sighs, gathers his dirty clothes, and heads out into the living room.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine is putting a pillow into a pillowcase. He has pulled out the couch and made a bed for Kurt there. He looks very domestic, fussing with the pillow, curls all over the place, make up smudged around his eyes. Kurt wants to hug him, because he looks so tired-soft and inviting. Homely.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh hey, you’re done!” Blaine smiles, now tired and not as wide as earlier. “This isn’t the best to sleep on, but at least it’s somewhat comfortable. I thought about kidnapping my roommate’s bed for you, but then again, I’m not sure if you’d feel comfortable sleeping there. She likes to bring lady-friends over quite a lot.”</p><p> </p><p>“No no, the couch is more than okay,” Kurt insists. “I’m not complaining, I’m saving so much not getting a hotel room.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, this certainly is no hotel,” Blaine shrugs, looking around.</p><p> </p><p>“The company is a lot better,” Kurt quips before thinking.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine bites his lip, eyes twinkling. “I’m glad you think so.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt just nods. He doesn’t know what to say to that, that was almost flirty, and Kurt doesn’t know the first thing about flirting. They stand there, a couple of feet apart, just looking at each other. Then Blaine blinks and shakes his head a little, a hand twisting up in his hair. “I’ll go wash up, too. You can go to bed, and I’ll try to be quiet.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods again. Now everything is awkward, and he’s not sure what happened to cause it. They have been so at ease all this time, until now. Kurt is overly aware of the fact that they are alone here. There’s no one else around, just the two of them. Kurt goes to the couch as Blaine heads to the bathroom. He sits down, not sure what to do now. He should just lie down and go to sleep, but suddenly he feels too wired. His mind is fuzzy, it feels impossible to fall asleep. Thoughts are racing each other in his head, and he can’t really hold on to any of them. He wants to wait for Blaine, he wants to talk. He has no idea what to say, but it doesn’t feel right to just go to sleep. He should at least wait to say goodnight. He can just go under the covers and wait like that.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt is asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.  </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Kurt wakes up slowly, just lying there, listening to the A/C humming. He can hear water being poured in the kitchen, and Blaine humming quietly under his breath. Kurt’s head and mind feel heavy after sleeping so deeply. He opens his eyes, and shuts them again, because the room is filled with way too bright sunlight. He tries again after a while, opening his eyes to just slits to get used to the brightness of the day. After a moment of just trying to be awake he reaches for his phone, charging on the floor. It’s almost noon. Kurt should get up. His dad will be waiting for him to get home, and even though Kurt said he wouldn’t be home until the afternoon, Kurt knows he worries. With a sigh Kurt sits up and pulls a hand though his hair. His eyes feel gritty and he’d be more than happy to sleep for some more. He isn’t used to staying up so late, so his body is a little confused. His limbs feel heavy, but he has to wake up properly and start his day. He can go to bed early tonight, and he’ll be fine. He yawns, so wide he fears for his jaw, and rubs his eyes. In just a moment he will get up and go to the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine emerges from the kitchen just as Kurt decides to get on his feet. The first thing that Kurt notices is that oh god, Blaine is not wearing a shirt. He’s in blue pajama pants only, belly and chest bare for the entire world, for Kurt, to see. His shoulders are wide and amazing. He is slightly hairy, dark hair covering his chest and a trail leading down, down, down from his belly button into his pajama pants. Kurt averts his eyes quickly and sits back down before he has a problem in his own pants. Blaine is perfectly compact, his belly soft, chest more toned, and Kurt knows he will be daydreaming of it for weeks.</p><p> </p><p>“Morning,” Blaine says. “I thought I heard you moving. Sorry about my state of dress – I went to get a glass over water and get the toaster started. I should have put a shirt on, knowing you’re here.”</p><p> </p><p>“No no, it’s fine,” Kurt says, staring at his own toes. “It’s your home, after all.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, and I have a guest, so it’s not polite. I’ll get dressed, and then finish making us breakfast, how’s that sound?”</p><p> </p><p>“So kind of you to make breakfast,” Kurt says. He wants to tell Blaine that dressing isn’t necessary, but there is no way to say it without sounding like a creep.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt, it’s nothing, really.” Okay, so Kurt still loves how Blaine’s tongue curls around his name. “I would make breakfast for myself anyway, so it’s not that much extra work.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt hums his reply, not really knowing what to say to that. Blaine passes the couch to get to his room, and Kurt dares to take a peek at him. He is in no way prepared to the sight of Blaine’s back, though.</p><p> </p><p>It’s covered in tattoos.</p><p> </p><p>There’s a tree on the left side of Blaine’s back, its roots disappearing into his waistband and its branches reaching out over the top of his back to his right shoulder. There’s a bird flying on his right shoulder blade, and a scattering of stars right next to it, seven in total. There are words running down his spine, the font too small for Kurt to read them. There are notes to a song that Kurt vaguely recognizes but can’t quite get a hold of in his mind. There’s more, smaller pictures all over, symbols and maybe words, so much ink that very little of Blaine’s actual skin is visible.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow,” Kurt breathes, stopping Blaine on his tracks by the door of his room. He turns to look at Kurt, eyebrows lifted in question, and then seems to realize what prompted Kurt’s reaction.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, my tattoos?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods. “They’re amazing.” He wants to touch. He wants to get close, see them all, read the words. He wants to run his fingers along them, memorize them. He wants to know if the ink can be felt under the skin. He wants Blaine to turn around so he can see the little pictures, take them in. He wants to ask about them all, learn the story behind every single one. He wants to know why those exact words and pictures are inked into Blaine’s skin forever. He wants to kiss them, ask if Blaine remembers which one is which, when he touches his lips to them one by one. Kurt shakes his head a little. That’s crossing a line.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks,” Blaine smiles.</p><p> </p><p>“I never thought…” Kurt starts, and stops. He isn’t sure how to put it without sounding impolite or downright rude. The Blaine he knew before last night didn’t seem like the type to have even one small tattoo on his skin, much less his whole back full of ink. Kurt still can’t be sure if the Blaine he was with last night is the kind to have tattoos. Is there even a kind to have tattoos? Still, it’s unexpected and if Kurt is totally honest with himself, it’s a huge turn on. He thought Blaine could not get any more attractive, yet here he is, trying to arrange the blanket over his lap without being too obvious about it. Because the tattoos make Blaine so much hotter.</p><p> </p><p>“You never thought..?” Blaine trails off just like Kurt did, with a crooked smile.</p><p> </p><p>“I never thought you’d have tattoos,” Kurt says quietly.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I guess I don’t seem like a person who carries ink. People are so tiny minded about things, and this is one of them. As if you have to be a certain way to have tattoos! Like a biker, or a celebrity, or been to jail. Do I look like any of those?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt shakes his head. “Though you could be a celebrity, with those looks.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine blinks. Then he smiles, a small, pleased smile, and his cheeks turn slightly red. “Thanks, Kurt.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt blushes fiercely. If he couldn’t look Blaine in the eye before that comment, now he certainly can’t. And Blaine is still there without his shirt. Kurt is going to die. “But yeah, there is a stereotype about tattoos.” He desperately needs to make Blaine talk, to forget he ever said anything about Blaine’s looks.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, there is. That stereotype is the reason they’re on my back, too. You know I’m going to teach music to kids once I graduate? I can’t have visible tattoos if I want to teach. People would get mad about it. It’s bad enough that I’m gay, but I absolutely refuse to be in the closet. If anyone asks, I won’t pretend to be something else. But if people saw my tattoos? Who would want a tattooed deviant freak to teach their child to play the piano? That’s all they would see and think. They would not care how good I am at what I do. They’d only see the tattoos and boom. It’d be impossible to get a job. But I guess you’re the wrong audience to preach about people being prejudiced idiots.” Blaine sighs and shakes his head. “I totally got into my head about this, sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt laughs a little, tugging at the cover in his lap. He feels hot. Blaine is amazing, and the more Kurt knows about him, the more Kurt likes him. “No, don’t be. I totally get your point. People are idiots.” It’s getting a little… hard, pun intended, that Blaine is just standing there shirtless while getting emotional about being judged because of his tattoos. There’s a shine to his eyes, there’s a fire in his soul, and he looks amazing with it shining through.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine lets out a little, self-deprecating laugh and rubs a hand on his chest. “Yeah, shirt. Breakfast.” Then he turns and disappears into his room, giving Kurt a short glance on his tattoos again. Kurt sighs. He feels a little dirty, getting turned on by tattoos, a bare chest and a passionate talk about prejudice. He just can’t help it. Blaine has a way of getting to him, different from anyone else. Blaine is under his skin now, and Kurt wants to get to know all of him, every little detail. He used to think he knew who Blaine was: put-together, polite, perfectly mannered and kind. This trip has revealed a new side of him, a side with an edge. There’s anger in Blaine, passion, and so many mysteries Kurt desperately wants to uncover. He also desperately wants to uncover the rest of Blaine’s body, and that is all kinds of new, because Blaine is a real person. Real in a way celebrities are not – Blaine is flesh and blood, not just an image in Kurt’s mind to play with. And this short conversation with Blaine has turned Kurt’s morning wood into something so demanding that Kurt isn’t sure what to do with himself.</p><p> </p><p>He gets up and hurries into the bathroom before Blaine comes back out and sees his dilemma.</p><p> </p><p> *</p><p> </p><p>Blaine does make Kurt breakfast, though it’s closer to lunchtime. There are pancakes and toast and fruit, and Kurt hides his embarrassment about jerking off in Blaine’s bathroom somewhere deep, deep down as they settle to the kitchen table to eat. He refuses to blush, and he tries to seem normal as he meets Blaine’s eyes when he marvels at the large breakfast set up for them. Blaine sits, all morning-soft, across the table with his hair still gel free and his cheeks rosy. Kurt never wants to leave. He wants to have every morning just like this, unhurried, sun shining on them, Blaine smiling as he munches on his toast and asks Kurt about last night.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt gushes about his favorite songs. He thanks Blaine a million times for taking him along. He still can’t believe half the stuff that happened; he actually hugged Elliott Starchild twice. Mercedes will freak out once Kurt tells her everything. Kurt says this to Blaine, who laughs.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure even Rachel will be a little jealous you got so close to someone famous,” he says.</p><p> </p><p>“She doesn’t know that you know him, like, personally?” Kurt has to ask.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine’s smile vanishes, and he shakes his head. “No. I never told her that many details about New York. Of course she has asked my ear off about anything that might interest her, or be beneficial once she’s there, but we’ve never talked about my private life there.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt wants to ask. He is beyond curious about Blaine’s life in New York, how Blaine ended up there and what went so wrong that he’s now finishing college in Columbus. Kurt knows that once he gets to New York, he won’t come back for more than holidays. He got a glimpse of the buzzing city life during Nationals last spring, and he’s hooked to the noise, to the people crowding everywhere, to the pulsing energy that never really dies down. He wants that, and he can’t imagine living anywhere else now that his mind is set on this goal.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s your sister,” Kurt points out quietly.</p><p> </p><p>“I thought you were friends with Rachel,” Blaine quips back, a tiny smile taking off the sharpness of his words. “She’s so self-centered that she rarely asks about my life. I love her to death, but we don’t do heart to hearts. Besides, there’s a lot I’m not willing to talk to my little sister about – there’s a lot she should never know about me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Like?” Kurt can’t help himself.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine’s eyes narrow. “Let’s not, Kurt. You’re just as young as she is.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, but I’m not your sister.”</p><p> </p><p>“I am very aware of that,” Blaine says. Kurt can’t read his tone, but there’s something underlying there that he wishes he could put his finger on. “But anyway, I’m glad you enjoyed last night. No need to thank me anymore – I love that you had fun, and I had a great night, too. So thank you for being here, and making it memorable.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt sighs. He will get to Blaine’s secrets at some point if it kills him. “I still feel like I owe you. This has been the best weekend of my life. I hate that I have to get going.” It’s true, it’s almost half past one already, and he has a drive ahead. He really should get going as soon as possible.</p><p> </p><p>“Already?” Blaine glances at the clock on the wall, his face falling.</p><p> </p><p>“I promised dad I’d be home at reasonable hour,” Kurt says.</p><p> </p><p>“I was hoping I could show you around town a little before you have to go,” Blaine says, clearly disappointed. “Have a late lunch or early dinner somewhere, talk some more.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’d love that,” Kurt says from the bottom of his heart, “but I know dad worries.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine stays quiet for a moment, staring at his empty plate. Then he lifts his face to look Kurt in the eye. “How about you call him, and tell him you’re staying for another night? It’s only Saturday, it’s not like you have school tomorrow. We just woke up.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt’s heart begins to beat in double time. He wants that. He didn’t even know that was an option – he was supposed to go to the concert and sleep and drive home, but now Blaine is asking him to stay for another night. Blaine wants to spend more time with Kurt, and Kurt could have a whole weekend with Blaine, just the two of them, in Columbus. Kurt wonders if he’s still asleep and this is the most realistic dream he has ever had. Blaine can’t be for real.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, that would be amazing,” Kurt breathes out eventually. He hasn’t been this excited since, well, yesterday, but that was different. This whole weekend is more excitement than Kurt has had in a year.</p><p> </p><p>“So, call your dad.” Blaine’s eyes are warm and shining.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt hurries to get his phone from the living room, and calls his dad before he makes it back to the kitchen. He sits down and shoots Blaine an excited look while he waits for an answer.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey there, kid. Starting your way home yet?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, dad. Not quite yet, actually – we were up late last night, so we just finished breakfast,” Kurt says. He wants to find the right words. He knows his dad trusts him, but still, asking for this makes him feel young and scared of denial. Kurt has no reason to go home yet if he doesn’t want to.</p><p> </p><p>His dad laughs at the other end. “Late, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” Kurt bites his lip, wondering if he could just blurt it out.</p><p> </p><p>“So you’ll be home later today, then?”</p><p> </p><p>Here goes nothing. “I was thinking tomorrow, actually.”</p><p> </p><p>There’s a long silence at the other end. Kurt gives Blaine a nervous glance and plays with the knife on his plate. He wants this so much.</p><p> </p><p>“Tomorrow? Is this fine with Blaine?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, actually he suggested it. He said it’d be nice to see the town and have proper meal later,” Kurt says, repeating Blaine’s earlier words. He has a good feeling, his dad hasn’t demanded that he must come home right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine. Behave yourself, no funny business, and I expect you home tomorrow afternoon at latest. We’ll have dinner together, and you’ll tell me all about your trip.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, of course. Thank you.” Kurt gives Blaine a smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Have fun. See you tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt hangs up the phone and looks at Blaine. He knows he’s smiling like a loon, mouth wide and eyes shining, but he doesn’t care. He’s staying for another night with Blaine, and there’s a whole day for them to spend together.</p><p> </p><p>“Seems like I’m staying,” Kurt says, a little breathless.</p><p> </p><p>“Seems like,” Blaine echoes, and returns Kurt’s smile.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts.</p><p>I'm little-escapist on Tumblr!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Columbus is not New York, but it’s still different from Lima. It’s definitely a lot bigger, for one, and people seem less hostile. Blaine takes Kurt to a mall and helpfully tags along as Kurt gets a little too excited about his new options for shopping. It’s not the first time Kurt is in Columbus, he has gone shopping there with Mercedes and Rachel a couple of times, but it still has a different shine to it than shopping in Lima. Kurt knows his budget is non-existent, he needs to save for New York, but he splurges on one shirt anyway. He needs to have something to remember this weekend by, after all, and it’s just one shirt.</p><p> </p><p>They walk around a little in the city center, Blaine close to Kurt’s personal space as he tells Kurt about this or that, or point a finger to a place where something happened or where he had gone with Sam some time. It’s nice to just listen to Blaine talk. Kurt asks him questions, and Blaine tells him happily about his studies and about living in Columbus in general. The topics stay superficial, but it doesn’t matter. Kurt loves to know this stuff about Blaine, too, even though he’s itching to get deeper. Blaine is calm and in a good mood, and Kurt is happy, too. This weekend is the best thing that has ever happened to him.</p><p> </p><p>Also, there are the little touches. It seems that Blaine is touchy without the late hour and beer in him. Blaine touches Kurt freely and often, tapping Kurt’s arm to make a point, he places his hand on Kurt’s back as they turn a corner, he seeks eye contact with a hand to Kurt’s shoulder. Kurt loves the easy, friendly affection that comes so naturally to Blaine. Usually Kurt dreads being touched. Too often it has meant a slap or a push against a row of lockers. With Blaine, Kurt welcomes every casual brush of fingers. Kurt even initiates it after an hour or two, grabbing Blaine’s arm almost without noticing as he sees a window of a small fashion boutique he absolutely has to get to.</p><p> </p><p>Needless to say, Kurt goes over budget, but he has to get something from there. The pale green silk scarf is well worth it.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s too bad it’s February,” Blaine says as he steers Kurt towards a restaurant. “I’d love to take you to the Park of Roses. You need to come back during summer, it’s so beautiful there. I’ve only been once, but I enjoyed it, and I think you would like it, too.”</p><p> </p><p>“You want me to visit you again?” Kurt asks, touched and almost giddy. The mere thought makes him want to sing. Blaine is the one who wanted more time with him, and now he’s hinting at a future where they hang out again, just the two of them. Blaine wants to take him to the Park of Roses. To say that Kurt wants it is an understatement of the century.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine tucks in his chin and smiles. “Well, I hope you’d like to come back.”</p><p> </p><p>“Or course I want to!” Kurt can’t help the happy laugh that bubbles out. “I’ve had the time of my life here. You’re amazing.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine lifts his eyes, meets Kurt’s, and only then Kurt realizes what he blurted out. There’s a small, pleased smile on Blaine’s face, and he reaches out for Kurt’s hand. “Easy to be when the company is amazing,” Blaine says, and squeezes Kurt’s fingers before letting go.</p><p> </p><p>That is flirting. Kurt has never been flirted to before, but he’s pretty sure. The smile, the words, Blaine taking his hand? Kurt can’t quite believe it, but it’s true, it’s real. Blaine has made his heart beat overtime again, and that’s like the fourth time in one day.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The restaurant that Blaine takes him to is small and cozy. It’s an Italian place with dark wood paneling and red tablecloths. There are candles on the tables, and soft music is playing. They are free to seat themselves since it isn’t dinner time yet. Blaine chooses them a small table by the window and pulls out a chair for Kurt before seating himself. Kurt smiles, suddenly nervous. He has no idea how to act around Blaine now. Up to this point they’ve come along so well, there has been no weirdness or awkward pauses. Kurt’s hands are shaking lightly, and he swallows down his nerves. He takes the menu and hides behind it, trying to calm himself. This is not a date. Blaine is only being nice and a good host. Blaine is Rachel’s big brother. Kurt is just a high school student with a fashion sense, and Blaine wants to be nice to him.</p><p> </p><p>“They make the best lasagna I’ve ever eaten,” Blaine says after a moment that Kurt spent not seeing anything of the menu he’s staring at.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe I’ll try that, then,” Kurt decides and closes the menu. He really wouldn’t have been able to choose, anyway. He’s too nervous.</p><p> </p><p>A waitress comes over and takes their orders before leaving again. Kurt is at a loss. They’ve been talking effortlessly all day, but now he has nothing to say and he’s slowly starting to freak out about it.</p><p> </p><p>“A penny for your thoughts?” Blaine says softly. “You turned real quiet all of a sudden.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt huffs. “I… don’t know.” He can’t even come up with a little white lie about being tired. He wants to talk, he wants to have a conversation, but his crush is back full force, choking him, paralyzing him to his seat without mercy.</p><p> </p><p>“Is everything alright?” Blaine’s concern is touching, so touching, and Kurt wants to squirm. He wants to reach out and take Blaine’s hand, he wants to confess his feelings, he wants <em>so much</em>. Not many people have cared enough to ask why Kurt gets into his head sometimes and Blaine noticing means the world, even though it makes Kurt awkward, because he was just thinking how awkward everything turned.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine,” Kurt says and tries on a smile that comes easier than he would have guessed.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, I won’t push,” Blaine says, lifting up his hands in surrender. “But if something is wrong, you know you can talk to me? Especially now that it’s just us here, and I want you to have a good time, but I mean any time. I said it over a year ago, and I’m saying it again – you can talk to me whenever.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt bites his lip and looks at Blaine for a long time. He is so in love it hurts. “I appreciate that a lot.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yet you never called or texted me before the concert came up,” Blaine reminds him gently. “How is school nowadays?”</p><p> </p><p>“Things are better now,” Kurt tells him. “He… he transferred. After that, it’s been a lot easier, and some of the bullies graduated last spring, so there’s that, too. It’s still not always easy, but it’s a lot better. And I’m leaving soon, anyway, so that thought helps. I’m not staying in Lima once I get my diploma.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah – you’re going to New York with Rachel,” Blaine smiles. Suddenly the air is clear again, awkwardness gone, and Kurt is able to breathe easier. “Rachel hardly talks about anything else. It’s either Finn, glee, or NYADA.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds accurate,” Kurt says. “We sent our applications together, and she was a mess. I was, too, since it’s the first step towards a dream, but… she’s intense. I’m glad I have her, though. Someone understands what it’s like, waiting for the audition dates – wondering, if either of us even gets an audition.” It’s been a nerve-wracking time, thinking about future, making plans, and fearing that it might all turn into dust in one letter.</p><p> </p><p>“I have no doubts about you getting an audition, or getting in the school, even,” Blaine says, and he sounds so sure. “Rachel is amazing and amazingly driven, god is she driven, and you – Kurt, you are just phenomenal.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt blushes. “It’s been over a year since you heard me sing.”</p><p> </p><p>“It was enough to impress me. And you’ve had over a year to practice and get even better. You realize that now I will be making you sing something once we get back home, right?”  Blaine smirks, daring Kurt with his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll see,” Kurt says airily, lifting his nose a little. He’s back on his feet, not overwhelmed anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Their drinks arrive, and a little later, their food. All the walking around and shopping have made Kurt ridiculously hungry. He wasn’t even aware of how hungry he really was before he smells the food in his plate, and then he’s practically salivating at the smell of cheese and tomatoes. For a moment they focus solely on their food. It is very good, just like Blaine said it would be.</p><p> </p><p>“So, why New York?” Blaine asks after a while. “What is it about New York in particular?”</p><p> </p><p>“Broadway,” Kurt answers right away. “Theater. Freedom. A chance to be myself without being scared all the time. I’m sure living in a big city and studying and being on my own will take some getting used to, but really, I can’t wait. Last spring we went there for Nationals and I fell in love with the place – not just the idea, but actually being there cemented it for me.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re right, it will take some time before you adjust. New York… it’s amazing, but it has its downsides. Rats. Noise. Never-ending rush that takes seed in your mind, and eventually you can’t relax at all.” Blaine digs a fork into his food and shrugs. “Some people never get used to it. It’s crowded, it’s stuffy, and sometimes the lights are just too bright.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt looks at Blaine, cocking his head to the side and swallowing his mouthful. “Are you trying to talk me out of loving New York City?”</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Blaine laughs, “I don’t think I’d be capable of that. It’s just… I try to say this to Rachel, too, but she never listens. Of course I want you both to achieve your dreams. I don’t want to change your minds about it. I just want you to be prepared. It’s not all songs and roses all the time, it’s the gritty every day as well, struggling to make rent and adjust how vastly different it is there. I think you have a chance to flourish there, but the beginning might not be easy.” Blaine sighs and shakes his head. “Sorry, I’m bringing you down. I didn’t mean to go on a spiel. Tell me something about glee?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt files away Blaine’s rant so he can think on it better, but goes along and tells Blaine about Mercedes and Tina, about Finn and Puck, and how their little misfit family might be dysfunctional and dramatic, but still they have each other’s backs. He tells Blaine how in glee he doesn’t have to be scared. Then he goes on a rant about never getting the spotlight, about how Mr. Schue favors Rachel, and only then he remembers who he’s talking to, and shuts up quickly.</p><p> </p><p>His embarrassment is met with laughter.  “Kurt, I do know my sister well. You can say whatever you were going to say about her, because I’m sure I already know and agree.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt sighs. “It’s not that I don’t like her. She’s one of my best friends; actually, she’s the first friend I made at McKinley High. Still, there are days I wish I could bite her head off.” <br/><br/></p><p>Blaine nods. “I’m familiar with that urge.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s so unfair,” Kurt continues, playing with a leftover piece of tomato on his plate. “Mr. Schuester loves her, and lets her get away with everything. She gets more solos than anyone else, and then she still riots when she doesn’t get a solo. In consolation, she gets more solos later, or then we give them to her anyway, because no one wants to deal with her heartbroken anger. It’s all about her, all the time, and it isn’t fair.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine whistles. “I knew she was bad, but that sounds terrible.”</p><p> </p><p>“It is,” Kurt agrees. “Mercedes is amazing. I am a good singer. Tina has a really pretty voice that we almost never hear. Puck has this bad boy charm, and he has a nice voice too, for the right songs; and so does Quinn. Artie is really, really good as well! And still Rachel gets all the solos in competitions, and every duet is with her and Finn. No matter what we do in school, how well someone sings, when Sectionals or Nationals come up, Rachel is lifted up high and she gets to belt out the lyrics while everyone else just sways in the background. We are all talented. She’s just the loudest and most annoying, so she gets her way, and the rest of us just have to deal with it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Blaine says, and Kurt absently notes that again Blaine is apologizing for someone else. “I’m not sure where it all comes from, with her. She’s been like that as long as I can remember.”</p><p> </p><p>“Since she was born? How does a baby demand people to bend to her wishes?” Kurt wonders.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine sets down his fork and knife and sighs. “Actually, I wasn’t there when Rachel was born.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” It comes out a little louder than Kurt meant it to, and Kurt glances around. Luckily there aren’t that many people in the restaurant, and no one seems to pay any attention to Kurt and Blaine. “But how?”</p><p> </p><p>“She was three when I was placed with the Berrys,” Blaine says. He’s not looking at Kurt, but staring into his lap instead.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt looks at Blaine. This is new information. He had automatically assumed Blaine had been adopted as a baby, but apparently that isn’t the case. Blaine had been <em>nine</em>. “I had no idea.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, well, it isn’t something that often comes up in conversation,” Blaine says. “Did you want to have some dessert, or should we just ask for the check?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt blinks. Okay, not talking about that, then. He lets Blaine off the hook. “I’m good – I’m stuffed, there’s no way I could fit in dessert.”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright then. We should head back, maybe watch a movie?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, sure.” Kurt keeps looking at Blaine, who avoids his eyes. Kurt really wants to know more. What happened to Blaine? Kurt knows it’s not polite or nice to ask about it, especially since Blaine was so quick to change the topic, but this little bit of information makes Kurt yearn for more. He wants to know Blaine, all layers of him – the dapper teacher-to-be, the tattooed rocker, the adopted boy. Kurt desperately wants to get underneath all of those personas, he wants to see Blaine for who he is in his entirety.</p><p> </p><p>He is super attracted to Blaine, but he’s also more intrigued than he’s ever been.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>They settle on the couch once they get back to Blaine’s. They had put the couch together after breakfast, so that there’s someplace to sit in the living room. Kurt’s night things, his pillow and blanket, are a carefully folded pile on a chair, waiting for the next night. The next night. The thought almost makes Kurt purr. They are in no rush to get anywhere anymore, just the two of them in Blaine’s apartment, and they have all night. Kurt is a little surprised how easily his dad let him stay for longer. Blaine was a relative stranger at the beginning of the trip, even though now Kurt might cautiously call them friends. He really wants to be Blaine’s friend. Okay, actually he wants to be something other, but since that option is off the table, friends is more than fine.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt has loved every moment with Blaine. Blaine is so easy to be with, they get along well, and they have enough in common to have things to talk about. Besides, without Blaine Kurt would have never made it to Starchild’s concert. Now, all thanks to Blaine, he has met his idol. Kurt wonders how he will ever be able to give Blaine back even a fraction of what Blaine has given him.</p><p> </p><p>“Have I thanked you yet?” Kurt asks as Blaine fiddles with the remote of the tv.</p><p> </p><p>“For what, this time?” Blaine asks, looking at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Everything!” Kurt exclaims. “This weekend has been so amazing, more than I could have hoped for in my wildest dreams. I only wanted to go to a concert, and you… you made that possible, and gave me so much extra on top – you are amazing.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine smiles. His hair is slicked back slightly, since they were out and about. Kurt kind of wants the curls back. It hits him again, how it’s just the two of them in the apartment. No one knows what they are doing. He could move closer, and only Blaine would know he did that. He could touch Blaine, and no one would know, no one but them. Kurt shifts a little, not quite brave enough.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt, you have thanked me more than enough. And I’ve told you, this was no chore for me. It’s been a pleasure to have you here.” And there it is, a warm, gentle weight of a hand on Kurt’s upper arm.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt bites his lip. He wants so much, and he’s not even sure, what. He wants to be closer, he wants to ask questions, he wants to touch and be touched. It’s like a kick in the gut, the sudden want that rushes into him. It’s been slowly brewing all day long, and now it’s about to boil over.</p><p> </p><p>“Blaine…”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine looks at him, really looks at him in the eye. Kurt is not imagining it, there is definitely heat there, in the depths of Blaine’s golden brown eyes. The same eyes stray somewhere under Kurt’s nose before coming back up again. The air crackles between them, and Kurt is holding his breath.</p><p> </p><p>Then Blaine shakes his head and turns away. “So, what kind of a movie would you like?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt barely keeps his sigh of disappointment in check. “I, I, I don’t know. What have you got?”</p><p> </p><p>They end up with Mamma Mia, something silly and light-hearted. As they stop talking and the movie begins, Blaine visibly relaxes against the couch. Kurt can’t really focus on the woe of having three possible fathers, because Blaine is sitting next to him, so close, yet so far away. Blaine’s arm moves to the top of the couch, his fingers so close to the nape of Kurt’s neck. Kurt bites his lip, keeping his eyes on the screen, and leans just slightly towards Blaine. He holds his breath, not sure if this is okay. Blaine doesn’t say anything, but still Kurt can feel a blush making its way on his face. It's really hard to concentrate what's on the screen - Kurt's eyes may look in the direction of the tv, but he can't see, because all his focus is on Blaine. He's hyperaware of how close they are. His heart is beating wildly, his mind a whirlwind of sudden possibility as Blaine’s hand finds his shoulder. Kurt leans even closer, and shit, this must count as cuddling soon. There’s a giddy smile on Kurt’s lips, he can’t help it. Blaine moves slightly, too, and suddenly Kurt’s thigh is pressed against Blaine’s. Their sides are practically glued together. Kurt loves it. Blaine is warm and smells so good, and the closeness is at the same time the most frustrating and satisfying thing Kurt has ever felt.</p><p> </p><p>As the three possible fathers settle in the barn and Donna starts singing the title song, Kurt turns away from the movie and looks at Blaine. Blaine’s face is intent on the tv screen, but his arm is undeniably around Kurt. This is all real, this is not wishful thinking. Kurt’s heart is beating in his throat, but he can’t just sit still and silent. He tells himself to be brave.</p><p> </p><p>“Blaine… why did you want me to stay?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I could not resist a cliffhanger. </p><p>As always, feel free to talk to me on little-escapist.tumblr.com!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Blaine glances at Kurt at the question that hangs heavy in the air. They are so close together, faces just inches apart, and Kurt is hot all over. Blaine looks back at the screen and licks his lips. There’s something dark and beautiful in Blaine’s golden brown eyes as they meet Kurt’s, and Kurt shivers involuntarily, gazing into them. The air is thick with anticipation. This is happening, Kurt tells himself. This is actually happening.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt, I…” Blaine leans even closer, eyes definitely on Kurt’s lips now, and Kurt can’t breathe, he wants this kiss, he needs this kiss that he can almost taste in the air between them.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello, Hobbit!” A loud, female voice calls out, and then there’s a rattle of keys being set down.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine leans away from Kurt’s space, scooting away, and Kurt wants to scream, either from being startled so badly, or because Blaine was <em>certainly</em> about to kiss him just now. He settles on just pressing a hand on his poor, over-worked heart. He can’t even begin to process what is happening.</p><p> </p><p>A tall, thin woman appears in the living room. Her dark hair is long and slightly wavy on her back, and she’s wearing the shortest red dress Kurt has ever seen on anyone. She’s dangerously attractive, and there’s hardness to her appearance. She tilts her head curiously as she notices Kurt.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Blainers, I didn’t realize the boy was still here.” There’s an edge to her words, an evil glint to her eyes, and Kurt braces himself as she looks at them. “Did I interrupt something?”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine gives her a short glance, seemingly calm, but Kurt can see how red his ears are. “We’re just watching Mamma Mia, care to join us? Kurt, this is my roommate, Santana. Satan, Kurt, Rachel’s best friend.”</p><p> </p><p>It hurts. Kurt is back to being Rachel’s friend right when Blaine’s roommate walks in. He doesn’t even count as <em>Blaine’s</em> friend, though Kurt was sure after this weekend they would be connected more than just through Rachel. They’ve shared things, they’ve talked, Kurt feels like they like each other, but maybe Blaine isn’t feeling like that at all. Kurt swallows the bitterness and stares at the tv without seeing anything, though there are probably people dancing there. Real world is back, Kurt’s little fantasy bubble where he might get kissed by Rachel’s big brother has popped now. He’s just a little boy with a vivid imagination, and it feels awful. He was so sure something was about to happen. Silly. There’s no way Blaine could want him. No way.</p><p> </p><p>“Nice to meet you,” Kurt says belatedly to Blaine’s roommate.</p><p> </p><p>“How old is he again?” Santana asks Blaine, as if Kurt wasn’t sitting right there. “He looks <em>and</em> sounds like a kid.”</p><p> </p><p>“Stop it, Satan,” Blaine says. He sounds really, really tired. “You have no reason to be nasty. Also, if you are curious, you can ask Kurt himself, because he is right here. Why the hell are you asking me?”</p><p> </p><p>Santana raises one nicely shaped eyebrow, looking at Blaine a little like he just grew a second head, before she turns to look at Kurt. “Okay. How are you over 18?”</p><p> </p><p>“My birthday was in December,” Kurt says unkindly. “That’s how it usually happens, anyway, my dad said it’s been 18 years since I was born.”</p><p> </p><p>Santana smirks. “Feisty. Blaine, he’s just like you prefer them – he’ll keep you on your toes, even though he’s young. Just what you need, someone with enough fire to burn you up from the inside? Age doesn’t matter, I can see that now. He’ll satisfy you well.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt blushes furiously, cursing his pale complexion, and Blaine jumps to his feet.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop that right there, Santana. You have no right to insult my guest just for the fun of it. He is young, yes. Now he’s also uncomfortable, thanks to you.” Blaine looks really angry, his eyebrows are furrowed, and his mouth is a straight line, just like last night when Sebastian walked over. “Why are you here now anyway?”</p><p> </p><p>“So I did interrupt something,” Santana concludes. Blaine’s glare has no effect on her, it seems.</p><p> </p><p>“You said you’d be back tomorrow, so I would have appreciated a little warning,” Blaine says, a little calmer now.</p><p> </p><p>“Oooh, you’re not even trying to deny it! Where has my prudish roomie gone to? I thought you weren’t even capable of dragging twinks home for a night.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine takes a deep breath, ignores Santana, and looks at Kurt instead. “I am so very sorry for my roommate’s behavior,” he says pointedly. “Don’t pay attention to a word she says. She has no manners and no class.” Then he turns back to Santana. “When will you grow up and learn to behave?”</p><p> </p><p>“But riling people up is just so much fun! That’s why you love me,” Santana sing-songs. “But that’s beside the point. Wasn’t he supposed to be here for a concert last night? So I’m a little baffled why there’s a stranger in <em>my home</em> without you telling me about it in advance. If you had informed me that you needed privacy to suck face with this kid, I could have stayed out longer.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and breathes out slowly. Kurt wonders why Blaine puts up with all these rude people in his life. Sebastian first, and now Santana. Of course, Sebastian is Blaine’s ex, but still. Kurt can’t believe how mean people can be, people that are or have been really close to Blaine. Blaine deserves better than cutting words and irritating remarks, Blaine deserves love and praise. Gentleness.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt is not a stranger. I’ve known him for a while now. We were watching a movie until you barged in and started spewing poison. Can you just… go to your room, or something?” Blaine gives Santana a look, this time tired and pleading.</p><p> </p><p>Santana takes a long moment to just look at Blaine with a critically raised eyebrow. It seems like a conversation of some kind takes place between them, but Kurt can’t follow it, because it’s silent. Blaine narrows his eyes. Finally Santana lifts her hands in fake-surrender.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Fine, fine, I’m going, and putting my noise-canceling headphones on.” She walks past Blaine into her room and closes the door behind her back.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine slumps on the couch and hides his face in his hands. There’s a lot of space between him and Kurt now, and Kurt feels it like a physical blow. Their moment is forever over. Blaine looks really tired, practically folded in half, leaning on his elbows. “I am so sorry. She was supposed to be gone until tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt shrugs, even though Blaine can’t see it. “Well, it is her home, like she said.”</p><p> </p><p>“She has no filter. No, actually, that’s not right. She decides to say the most annoying, insulting, or otherwise tasteless things that she can come up with. She’s not a bad person, not really. She just likes to hide her nice qualities under… that.” Blaine lifts his face, stares into the wall, empty look in his eyes. “I’m so sorry for everything she said and implied.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I’ve heard quite a lot of stuff in my time. Being called a kid is nothing,” Kurt says. He feels bad that Blaine has said he’s sorry for other people three times in two days. Blaine is not responsible for other people’s words or actions.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s exactly why she should not have said even that,” Blaine says. “You… you are an amazing person, Kurt. You’re ambitious, you’re fearless, and I hate that you’ve been through hate and violence. “</p><p> </p><p>Blaine’s words are almost painfully sincere, and even after all this, they warm Kurt to his core. “It’s fine. I know how to let it slide. Besides, your roommate didn’t really get personal, and I know I have the face of a toddler, so…”</p><p> </p><p>“No, you don’t,” Blaine reacts instantly. “You look young, yes. But… you have really nice features.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt tries not to blush. “I… thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>They fall into an uncomfortable silence, and the movie keeps singing in the background. Kurt glances at it, but it’s clear that they won’t finish it tonight. Blaine takes the remote, sighs, and stops the movie. The silence is even more deafening now. Kurt squirms in his seat. What now?</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry that tonight ended like this,” Blaine says quietly. “In general, you’ve met too many nasty people during this weekend, and I hate it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Stop apologizing for others, Blaine,” Kurt says. He just can’t keep it in anymore. “It is not your fault. And I’m fine. I’ve had a great time.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine smiles, but it’s bland, and doesn’t really reach his eyes. “What do you think, should we just call it a night?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt really doesn’t want the night to be over yet, but he has no idea how to continue from this. This is it, his weekend. He had a great time, but it isn’t enough. It’s not nearly enough – he wishes he had more time with Blaine. He really wants to know what would have happened if Santana hadn’t arrived right when she did. He nods, reluctant, and accepts his fate. “Yeah, that’s probably best.”</p><p> </p><p>They don’t talk much after that. Blaine goes to the bathroom first, and meanwhile Kurt sets up the couch. Then they change, with a quiet goodnight, and Blaine’s fleeting touch on Kurt’s shoulder. Kurt gives him a small smile before closing the bathroom door behind himself. He has no idea how to feel, what to think about tonight. He had fun, he was almost cuddling with Blaine, and then Blaine’s roommate just barged in to ruin it all. Kurt almost wants to cry out of frustration. It isn’t fair. Why did she have to come back right then?</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>In the morning, Kurt wakes up to Blaine puttering in the kitchen and humming to himself, much like the morning before. It’s not a bad way to wake up. Kurt swallows his disappointment that he has to get up and get going, because it’s Sunday and now his weekend is really over. He has to return to Lima, to school, to the boring existence that he had before this weekend.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt gets up and pads over to the kitchen. Blaine is flipping a pancake, already dressed for the day in dark jeans and a red button-up. His lovely curls have been slicked back from his face with gel. This Blaine looks like the one Kurt’s used to seeing at Rachel’s before – the polished big brother. This Blaine seems like a different person to the one Kurt went to the concert with. Kurt finds it interesting, and a little sad. Why does Blaine have so many faces?</p><p> </p><p>“Morning.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine turns and smiles, and it’s a real smile that reaches his eyes and seems to light up the whole room. “Good morning! Sit down, I’m almost done with these.”</p><p> </p><p>“You didn’t have to make breakfast two mornings in a row,” Kurt says as he takes a seat.</p><p> </p><p>“I wanted to,” Blaine says, simple as that, and already turning back to the stove. “Did you sleep well?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt shrugs. “I slept okay. Had a little trouble falling asleep, but it wasn’t too bad.” He won’t tell Blaine that he spent half the night staring at the ceiling, second-guessing himself and imagining what might have happened if Santana had stayed away like she was supposed to.</p><p> </p><p>“You should have come to talk to me if you couldn’t sleep,” Blaine says. “I wasn’t able to sleep right away, either.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I wouldn’t want to bother you like that,” Kurt says. He can’t think of any scenario where he would have been brave enough to go to Blaine’s room in the middle of the night. No way, he does not have enough guts to do something like that.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt. It would not have been a bother,” Blaine says, turning to look Kurt in the eye, serious and intoxicating. Kurt has to look away before the look gets too intense.</p><p> </p><p>“Is Santana still asleep?” he asks. He needs to steer the conversation into something light, something meaningless. He doesn’t want to think about how things might have proceeded if he had gone to Blaine last night.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. No pancakes for her, she can find her own breakfast,” Blaine quips, setting a plate in front of Kurt and getting one for himself.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt takes a deep breath. The pancakes smell amazing, and Blaine really has spoiled him all weekend long. Kurt wants to have some sort of closure, he has so many questions about Blaine and about last night. He needs to speak up before he leaves for home.</p><p> </p><p>“I like you,” he blurts out.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine, who had just lifted a forkful of pancake up to his mouth, freezes. He stares at Kurt and places the fork back on his plate, licks his bottom lip and swallows. “Kurt, I…” he blinks, looks away, and looks back to Kurt.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt feels like his insides have turned to ice, while his skin is uncomfortably hot, and his heart will give up any moment now. Why did he say it like that? He can’t think, his mind is blank.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt,” Blaine begins again. “You are amazing. It’s been so nice getting to know you over the weekend, and I truly, really enjoy spending time with you. I don’t want to lie to you and tell you that there’s nothing here, but there is no way I’m going to… start anything, either.” Blaine bites his lip, clearly nervous.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” Kurt breathes. He’s pretty sure he’s about to faint. The world seems a little blurry at the edges. He feels warm all over with Blaine’s admission – there’s something here – but at the same time he wants to cry a little, because the answer to the unasked question is still no. There are a million butterflies in Kurt’s belly, and his hands shake.</p><p> </p><p>He has just been rejected.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine leans on his hand and sighs. “I really liked having you here this weekend, Kurt. You are the most interesting person in all of Ohio.”</p><p> </p><p>“But,” Kurt says. “There’s a but. Just say it.”</p><p> </p><p>“But you are so much younger than me. You’re my little sister’s friend. You’re in high school, and your life is just beginning. I am finishing college. Our lives could not be in more different stages.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hear me out?” Kurt asks, timid. He can’t really look at Blaine, but he’s not giving up just like that, either.</p><p> </p><p>“Go ahead. It’s only fair.”</p><p> </p><p>“I just… I want us to try. You live here, I live in Lima, we could just text and talk on the phone, and meet every once in a while, take it slow and get to know each other better.” Kurt knows his case is weak. He just has to try.</p><p> </p><p>“I can be your friend, Kurt.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt shakes his head. “No, not like that.”</p><p> </p><p>“You are in high school.”</p><p> </p><p>“Does it matter?” Kurt tries to keep the whine out of his voice, but he’s not sure if he succeeds at all. He wants this, and apparently on some level, Blaine does too. Why do they have to deny themselves that? “Why can’t we just try? Take it slow?”</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt…”</p><p> </p><p>A terrible thought comes to Kurt’s mind, and suddenly Blaine’s reasons are clearer. “You don’t want me, because I want to take it slow. Because I’m so inexperienced.” Of course. Blaine has been in relationships before. Blaine has a whole world of experience that Kurt doesn’t even dare to think about. Why would he start a relationship that consists of phone calls and endearments instead of sex?</p><p> </p><p>Blaine looks at the ceiling and sighs. “No. Kurt, no. You couldn’t be more wrong. Just. Just listen to me, please?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt wants to keep arguing his point, but he keeps his mouth shut.</p><p> </p><p>“The problem is that I’m too old for you. Nothing else. It has nothing to do with experience. We are too far from each other geographically and in life. I can text you, I can call you, and we can meet up sometimes, we can be friends, but I can’t start a relationship with you.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods. He fights away the tears that threaten to fall and starts eating his pancakes, even though he has never felt less like eating. His stomach is rolling unpleasantly, and even the jam tastes like ash in his mouth. He can't look at Blaine, he can't really say anything. </p><p> </p><p>He can’t wait to get home now.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm sorry.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter was a nightmare to write. I revisited this several times, adding something here and a little bit there. I'm still not happy with it, but I guess it does its job...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“Hey, bud!” Kurt’s dad greets him as Kurt walks in the door.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, dad,” Kurt answers. He tries to sound as normal as possible – like he didn’t spend most of the drive crying silently. Like Blaine’s hug goodbye didn’t break something in him. He didn’t even listen to music on the way, caught up in his own thoughts and pain of not being good enough. Blaine does not want him, at least not enough.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you have fun?” His dad appears from the living room with a smile on his face.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt clears his throat. He hopes his face doesn’t look like a wreck. He did groom himself a little in the car before getting out, of course, but he knows his dad has some kind of an extra sense about these things. He summons what little enthusiasm he can. “Yes. It was the best weekend of my life. The concert was phenomenal, and I even got to meet Starchild.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s great! I thought you needed the more expensive ticket for that kind of thing, though.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you do. But Blaine,” even saying his name hurts a little, “Blaine’s former roommate works in Starchild’s stage crew, so.”</p><p> </p><p>“I hope Blaine did not get you into too much trouble?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt scoffs. “Have you met him? He’s like, the nicest person alive.” Kurt leaves out the part where Blaine rejected him. That’s not relevant right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, sit down and tell me everything.” His dad’s face is happy and open.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt doesn’t really want to sit down with his dad, not right now. He knows that fooling his dad isn’t easy, and it’s difficult to gush about the gig when the most pressing feeling is disappointment. He feels sick with rejection, still. “Actually, I’m really tired. Do you mind if I go nap for a moment, first?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt gets a long look at that. “Fine. You do look tired. But I still want to hear everything.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course.” Kurt gives his dad a smile before hurrying upstairs to his room.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt doesn’t nap. He lies in bed, eyes wide open, thinking. He’s not sure how he’s feeling about anything anymore. The weekend was amazing, Blaine was amazing, Starchild was amazing. But this morning is predominant in his mind, and he can’t really feel any happiness about the experiences he got. Blaine rejected him. He was so sure something was going on, Blaine was touching him constantly, and then last night they had sat so close to each other. Kurt was so close to getting a kiss he’s desperate for. And then Blaine turned him down.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt’s phone buzzes in his pocket. He fishes it out and stares blankly at the screen for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>B</p><p>
  <em>I hope you got home alright</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Blaine. Blaine is contacting him right away. At the same time it makes Kurt hurt and smile. Maybe they could really be friends. Having Blaine in any capacity is better than not having him at all.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>Yeah, I did. Not much traffic</p><p> </p><p>B</p><p>
  <em>How are you feeling? You left in such a hurry, I hope you’re okay</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>I’m ok. Don’t worry about it</p><p> </p><p>Kurt doesn’t dwell on it. Blaine is too nice for his own good, asking about him even after everything. It might be easier if Blaine didn’t text him. Kurt groans as the phone buzzes in his hand again, but this time it’s Tina.</p><p> </p><p>Tina</p><p>
  <em>Why haven’t we heard from you? U ok? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>Yes, I am!</p><p> </p><p>Tina</p><p>
  <em>How was it?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>Amazing. I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow</p><p> </p><p>Tina</p><p>
  <em>I’m calling u</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt sighs as his phone lights up with a picture of Tina’s smiling face. He wanted to be alone, gather himself and get over the fresh hurt Blaine caused. Apparently nobody is willing to give him that space – first his dad, then Blaine, and now Tina wants his time.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, Tina.”</p><p> </p><p>“Tell me everything! Mercedes texted me that you got in the front row, but after that we haven’t heard a thing from you! Or did you talk to her all day today?”</p><p> </p><p>“I haven’t talked to her yet at all,” Kurt confesses. “I’m just super tired. You got to me first.”</p><p> </p><p>“Grandpa’s birthday was so boring, so I need something to live vicariously now.” Tina sighs. “I still wish I could have come with you.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt leans against the headboard of his bed and picks at a pillow with his free hand. Maybe this distraction is good. Maybe it’s not worth it to mull over his hurt. “Only old relatives all weekend for you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh. Old, or really young. My cousin’s kids were screaming, like, 90% of the time. But enough about that, I need some gossip from you!”</p><p> </p><p>“I met Elliott Starchild,” Kurt whispers, and Tina’s enthusiastic yell almost takes hearing out of his left ear. Her reaction also finally gets him out of his slump, and he’s happily telling Tina everything that happened during and after the concert. He can get back to the excited mindset of getting to see the concert, of hugging Elliott Starchild, and almost forgets about how Blaine hurt him this morning. He spends the next hour talking to Tina.</p><p> </p><p>Then he calls Mercedes, before his best girl can find out that he talked to Tina first, and spends another hour recounting the events of the weekend. He lives the best parts again, leaves out the parts about Blaine that hurt too much, and gushes about Starchild while Mercedes moans with envy. His second time talking about it all is much easier, and his feelings about it are much more realistic. He gets his happiness back as Mercedes giggles to his ear, asking questions about everything, demanding more and more details about Starchild. And when Kurt finishes his call, he goes downstairs to tell it all – or well, maybe the most censored version – to his dad, who looks on his enthusiasm with a smile. Suddenly Kurt can’t get enough of telling people about his weekend.</p><p> </p><p>He will be okay.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Kurt is in the middle of his nightly moisturizing routine when his phone pings on the night stand. He reaches for it with his less lotioned hand and almost drops it when he sees who the message is from. It’s Blaine. Again. Kurt had been sure the message earlier in the day had been nothing but courtesy, but apparently Blaine is willing to talk more.</p><p> </p><p>B</p><p>
  <em>I don’t think I thanked you yet – I had a really nice weekend. It was great getting to befriend you. So here it is: thank you for a lovely weekend, and sleep well x </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The little x makes Kurt’s heart skip a beat. It’s so unfair that Blaine only wants to be friends and then he does this. This isn’t right. He has no energy to question it or bring it up. He only curses at the warmth spreading in his chest and answers.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>No, thank you! You made one of my dreams come true</p><p>Good night</p><p> </p><p>He can’t quite make himself add the x he wants to. Even though Blaine sent him one first, it feels like too much. He sets his phone on the night stand and finishes his skin care. It’s difficult to believe it’s only been one weekend. So much has happened since he left home on Friday.</p><p> </p><p>He flops on the bed and stares at his own, familiar ceiling. It’s white, just like at Blaine’s, but so much more familiar. He can’t believe he has been so occupied with Blaine that he almost forgot about meeting Starchild. He met his biggest idol and actually talked to him, told him his story and got a hug out of it. A perfect, warm hug, those strong arms around him. Never in a million years did Kurt think something like that might happen. It’s unreal, almost like a dream, now that he’s back in reality, in his own bed at home, and heading to school in the morning. Kurt is a dreamer, and sure, he has daydreamed about meeting Elliott Starchild a lot. He has thought about the time when he’ll have enough money to buy a meet and greet, what he would say, and how. He was prepared to wait for years to have a couple of minutes with his idol. Instead, he had hours with Starchild after his first ever concert.</p><p> </p><p>He had also prepared to wait until New York before ever getting close to a guy in a romantic sense. And yet, he had been so close to Blaine on that couch, Blaine’s arm around his shoulders, and they got so close to kissing… Closer than Kurt has been with anyone else, apart from Karofsky. They would have kissed if Santana hadn’t shown up. Kurt wants to go back to that moment and just close the gap right away, not wait until Blaine’s words. He could have been kissed by Blaine, his crush. He could have gotten his first real kiss while still in high school.</p><p> </p><p>It’s no use thinking about that now, though. Kurt turns over and shuts the light. Tomorrow is another day at school, another, normal, boring day after a weekend of wonders. He needs to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>School is the same as ever, though Kurt feels like a different person as he walks to his locker in the morning. Mercedes is there, since their lockers are almost next to each other’s. She’s digging out a book in a violet top and a knitted hat, a familiar sight in the mornings.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey there,” Kurt greets her as he passes her and opens his own locker to get his things.</p><p> </p><p>“Morning!” Mercedes turns to him with a smile. “You’ve come back!”</p><p> </p><p>“I was gone for a weekend,” Kurt protests with a smile, but accepts the hug she offers readily.</p><p> </p><p>“Tell me all about it again, will you? I am so envious. I should have been there, too! You wouldn’t believe how I sulked all weekend long just to show my parents.” Mercedes slams her locker closed and hugs her books to her chest, mischief in her eyes as she turns back to Kurt.</p><p> </p><p>“It was amazing, and I’m so sad you couldn’t be there, too,” Kurt says. He doesn’t mind reliving Friday night. Saturday he could forget, and he definitely does not want to go back to Sunday morning, but Friday night was the best night of his life, and he’ll tell Mercedes about it just as much as she wants. “Starchild gives the best hugs.”</p><p> </p><p>Mercedes lets out a jealous huff. “I cannot believe you got to meet him! And hug him. What I wouldn’t give to hug him…”</p><p> </p><p>“I still can’t believe it, either,” Kurt says. “It was all Blaine’s doing. He knows people from Starchild’s crew, and even Starchild himself.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m kind of mad Rachel never told us that,” Mercedes says as they head down the hall to their first class, dodging other students, everyone hurrying their own way.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think she knows,” Kurt reveals. “Blaine said that he hasn’t told her everything about his life.”</p><p> </p><p>“You got along with him fine, though?” Mercedes asks.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt prays to any deity he doesn’t believe in that the blush stays away. “Yeah. We have quite a lot in common.” And damn, there it is, he can feel the heat on his cheeks. There’s no escaping it now, and Mercedes can see it, too.</p><p> </p><p>“Ooh, really now? What’s with the blush, white boy?” Mercedes gives him a teasing grin, and Kurt wants to hide. “Blaine is hot, isn’t he?” she goes on.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt bites his lip. He can’t deny that, but he doesn’t feel like he can confirm it, either, without giving away it all. He doesn’t know what to say. Blaine is more than hot. Blaine is attractive in every possible sense.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you do think so,” Mercedes answers her own question. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell Rachel that you have a crush on her brother.”</p><p> </p><p>“Can I go back to gushing about Starchild again?” Kurt pleads, desperate to change the subject. He really doesn’t want to talk about Blaine. He knows his face will betray him, if Mercedes teases him any longer. The hurt is still fresh, and he doesn’t feel like telling her about his stupid blurt in the breakfast table.</p><p> </p><p>“Please do,” Mercedes says happily. “I’m sure you haven’t told me everything about Starchild yet.”</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>B</p><p>
  <em>So, how was school?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The message comes, surprising Kurt from his homework. Blaine is intent on keeping in touch, it seems, even though he brushed off Kurt’s feelings. Kurt isn’t sure how to feel about it, but there is no way he’d leave Blaine unanswered.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>Fine. It felt weird to go back after the weekend we had</p><p> </p><p>B</p><p>
  <em>I bet. Getting back to normal wasn’t easy for me, either. I’m still a little tired from being up so late</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>I slept it off already. Now I just wish I had something new to look forward to</p><p> </p><p>B</p><p>
  <em>You must have waited for the gig pretty anxiously</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>You don’t even know</p><p> </p><p>B</p><p>
  <em>But really, nothing new to look forward to? What about glee competitions? College? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>Thanks for reminding me of that stress</p><p> </p><p>B</p><p>
  <em>Oh no, no. I didn’t mean that</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>Relax, I know</p><p>I sent the application to NYADA already, and regionals is still a couple of weeks away</p><p> </p><p>B</p><p>
  <em>That’s good </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hope you’ll get your solo</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>I doubt it. We’re still fighting over songs, but I think Rachel’s taking the lead once again</p><p> </p><p>B</p><p>
  <em>I’m sorry about her. You deserve your spotlight</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>You don’t have to apologize for her. She is what she is</p><p> </p><p>B</p><p>
  <em>Yeah</em>
</p><p>
  <em>btw, I’m coming to Lima next week. You want to meet up? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>Absolutely!</p><p> </p><p>B</p><p>
  <em>Come over on that Saturday? Dads have tickets to an opera here in Columbus and I can make Rachel disappear</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>I’ll be there</p><p> </p><p>B</p><p>
  <em>Is it weird that we are friends? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>Why would it be? Because of Rachel? She doesn’t have to know if it bothers her</p><p> </p><p>B</p><p>
  <em>I think she’d be jealous</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>Why?</p><p> </p><p>B</p><p>
  <em>You were hers first, and she’s possessive</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>I guess you know her really well</p><p> </p><p>B</p><p>
  <em>Of course I do, we grew up in the same house</em>
</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly Kurt has something to look forward to. Blaine’s visit is almost two weeks away, but getting ready for Regionals has him busy and doesn’t leave too much time for obsessing. Every night he texts Blaine about his day, though. He bitches about Rachel getting the solos and a duet with Finn, while everyone else is forced to the background. This time Blaine doesn’t apologize, he just commiserates. It’s nice to have a friendly ear. They talk about music, a little about the kids Blaine tutors in the afternoons, and about anything that comes to mind.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine is incredibly kind and selfless. He tells Kurt how he helped one of the kids he tutors with his math homework, too. It’s endearing how Blaine calls them “his kids”, and Kurt smiles every time he reads the phrase. Blaine is also into Marvel movies, going off tangent about The Avengers set to come out in April. Kurt lets him obsess, not getting half of what Blaine is telling him. There are also hints about something darker, something Blaine shies away from – the really personal stuff. Blaine is happy to share about his piano kids or his favorite movies, his favorite place to eat or what he thinks of the theater scene in Columbus, but he doesn’t get into anything about his past. It makes Kurt wonder even more about what Blaine has been through.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt knows he’s getting more smitten by the day as he learns more about Blaine. Their talks leave him feeling warm and happy, complete in a new way. He feels less lonely. Sometimes Kurt could swear their banter is almost flirtatious. Blaine gives compliments freely, and Kurt can’t get enough of it. Every night their conversation ends with “good night x” and Kurt tries not to think about it too hard. They are friends. They can send x’s to each other.</p><p> </p><p>Saturday comes, and Kurt is positively giddy as he wakes up in the morning. He gets to see Blaine again, and so soon, too! He takes extra care in the shower just because it’s Saturday and he has time, and there is no other reason for it whatsoever. He might also take a long time choosing what to wear, ending up with a dark blue button-up and black skinny jeans. After staring at his vests for a while he decides on one, and pins his scissors brooch on. He checks himself out in the mirror. Even though he isn’t going to school today, it’s not a reason to dress down. He likes this, choosing clothes and putting ensembles together. This has nothing to do with meeting Blaine later. He just takes any opportunity to look great.</p><p> </p><p>As Kurt makes breakfast for himself, his dad comes downstairs and immediately sees the smile Kurt’s sporting.</p><p> </p><p>“You look happy,” he comments, grabbing the newspaper and sitting at the table.</p><p> </p><p>“I am,” Kurt says, and doesn’t elaborate.</p><p> </p><p>“Any reason?” Burt asks. “You got some special plans today?”</p><p> </p><p>“Not really. I promised I’d hang out with Mercedes later, though,” Kurt lies, and tries not to feel too bad about it. He doesn’t want to answer the questions his dad would no doubt ask, if he knew Kurt was going to see Blaine. There is nothing there, but Burt is sharp about his son. Kurt is pretty sure his crush on Blaine is obvious to his dad, but he pretends that if he doesn’t talk about it or Blaine, his dad will forget all about it.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As always, I'd be happy to hear what you think. </p><p>If you want, feel free to talk to me on tumblr also. I can be found at little-escapist.tumblr.com :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Blaine greets Kurt with a tight hug once Kurt gets inside the Berry house. Kurt returns the gesture happily, breathing in the subtle scent of Blaine. There’s just something about Blaine that excites and calms him at the same time. He never wants to let go. He can’t even be mad that Blaine rejected him outright – he can’t quite decide if it’s pathetic or mature to have moved on from that so fast. He just craves Blaine’s company enough to not let the hurt keep him away. There’s nothing that could keep him away from Blaine.</p><p> </p><p>So, maybe he’s just hopelessly gone over this guy.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll take the chance even though this might sound weird to say – I’ve missed you,” Blaine says as they separate from the hug.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt could drown in the warmth of his eyes. They look almost green today instead of brown, echoing the olive tone of Blaine’s shirt. “It’s not weird,” he says. “I missed you, too.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine smiles and it takes Kurt’s breath away.</p><p> </p><p>They get sodas from the fridge, and then Blaine is leading Kurt up the stairs into his old room. It still looks like Blaine’s room, though he hasn’t lived there full time for years. There are some old musical posters taped on the doors of the closet, and school trophies on a shelf. There are also some books on the shelf, a bed and a dresser, a desk and a night stand. The walls are a dark green, all furniture dark wood. Kurt likes it. It’s pretty dark but homey, almost like a nest of comfort and security.</p><p> </p><p>“They’ve kept the room for me, for whenever I visit,” Blaine says, and gestures Kurt to sit down the bed.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt hesitates a moment, but there are no other options for sitting here. He gingerly sits on the edge of the bed, and Blaine joins him. They’re not that close, but Kurt still feels Blaine’s presence there. It’s thrilling, it’s lovely and too much at the same time. They are in Blaine’s bed – only sitting, soda cans in hand, but still. Kurt never thought he’d get to a boy’s room while still in high school.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s nice that they’ve saved the room for you,” Kurt says, just to say something.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. I am beyond grateful for them. I’m 23, their work is over and done with, and has been for a long time,” Blaine says, kicks off his shoes and turns to lean his back against the headboard. The can in his hand hisses as he pops it open.</p><p> </p><p>“What does that mean?” Kurt asks. “They’re your parents, their work is never over.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine sighs and drinks before answering. “I’m adopted, remember? At first, I wasn’t even that – it was an emergency placement, they were kind enough to take me in fast. They did adopt me later, but all in all, I am my own person now and they have no obligations left. They’re just the right kind of people, and apparently they want me to come back. I couldn’t be more grateful for everything they have done for me.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt blinks. This is a lot to take in suddenly. Blaine hasn’t talked about his past before, and Kurt really, really wants to know more. Emergency placement sounds severe. He’s already opening his mouth to ask about it, when Blaine interrupts.</p><p> </p><p>“How’s the setlist for Regionals coming together?” </p><p> </p><p>It’s abrupt, it’s odd, and for a moment Kurt doesn’t have an answer. He’s still stuck on <em>emergency placement</em>. He shakes his head slightly before looking at Blaine. “It’s okay, I guess. We actually have some songs decided, which is a lot compared to the earlier years. Mr. Schuester seems to be into winging it at the last second instead of practicing for months and months like every other choir does.”</p><p> </p><p>“Rachel keeps complaining about the same thing.”</p><p> </p><p>It’s clear Blaine won’t talk about his past more, not now. Kurt tries not to be disappointed, and takes the little information he got, before launching into a rant about Mr. Schue and their tradition of last-minute rehearsals just before going on stage. Blaine keeps looking at him, a slight smile on his face.</p><p> </p><p>“You are so passionate about this,” Blaine says when Kurt takes a break to breath and sip on his soda.</p><p> </p><p>“I care,” Kurt says. “Winning this year would look good for NYADA. I need all the help I can get.”</p><p> </p><p>“New York is calling your name, Kurt.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt sighs. “Oh, I wish. I just want this year to be over and get my letter where it reads that I was accepted, and move on from Lima and McKinley High.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s only three months. You can do it,” Blaine says, his smile dropping a little. “New York isn’t going anywhere. These months are important – you won’t be seeing these friends after you move, not every day of the week, maybe not ever.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know,” Kurt says. “I just don’t want to think about it. Everything is going to change, and I’m looking forward to it, but there are things – mostly people – I don’t like to leave behind. I have no idea how dad will do all alone.”</p><p> </p><p>“So make the most of these months,” Blaine says. “Be with your friends, with your dad, and cherish what you have now. Future will come when you get there.”</p><p> </p><p>“You seem so wise,” Kurt snorts, poking fun at Blaine’s mentor tone. He has to, or else he will really start thinking about leaving his dad alone in Lima, and then he will probably cry.</p><p> </p><p>“I might have a selfish agenda in all this talk,” Blaine says, laughing a little and shaking his head.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt turns to face him fully. “What?”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine looks at him from under his lashes. “Once you go to New York, I won’t be able to see you, either.”</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly a door bangs downstairs. The fragile moment is broken. Kurt blinks and stares at the soda can in his hands. He wants to ask Blaine what he meant, but the moment is gone now. Something was about to happen, Blaine was about to say something more, Kurt is sure of it. Now Blaine just gets up from the bed and walks to the doorway of his room, peering down the stairs.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello?” he calls.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, hi Blaine,” Kurt can hear Rachel answer from downstairs.</p><p> </p><p>“Is everything alright?” Blaine asks.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yeah, I just forgot my money. I’ve got it now, I’ll be gone again!” The front door slams shut and the house falls into silence.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine turns to Kurt and lets out a huge breath. Kurt can’t be as relieved, though. “My car is in the driveway, there’s no way she didn’t notice!”</p><p> </p><p>“We are allowed to see each other,” Blaine says.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, but she doesn’t know that we’re this friendly. We decided not to tell her, Blaine, so we are essentially lying to her. And to my dad, because I told him I was going to hang out with Mercedes, not with you.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine seems torn. He stands by the door, not looking at Kurt, his mouth pursed in thought. “It doesn’t have to be a secret, I guess. Maybe it would be better to not do this, at all.”</p><p> </p><p>“No!” Kurt protests. He can’t do this again. He can’t face another rejection like this – it’s just not fair. “I want to see you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah?” That brings out a timid smile.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt bites his lip. That was maybe a little too honest. But Blaine already knows… In for a penny, in for a pound. Maybe he could press the issue. “Yes. You know how I feel.”</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt,” Blaine starts, but doesn’t seem to have the words to continue. He swallows, takes a breath and looks Kurt in the eye. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” he huffs, eyes huge and a little desperate. “I’m trying to do the right thing, but I still feel like it isn’t what I should be doing. I feel like I’m leading you on, letting this happen, but…” he shakes his head.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt gets up and walks closer to Blaine. “I don’t care that you’re older.” It weird, standing like this, because he’s slightly taller than Blaine. Blaine seems larger than life at times, taking focus, and it’s always a surprise how small he is physically. He’s such a radiant person.</p><p> </p><p>“But I care,” Blaine insists, eyes wide as he looks at Kurt. “I’m supposed to be the responsible one. I’m supposed to resist, because I know better than to do this.”</p><p> </p><p>“Blaine.” Kurt is getting frustrated. It’s not like he’s a child anymore. He is eighteen, he knows his own mind. He has been called mature, and his life has taught him a lesson or two. He can’t believe how hung up on age Blaine is. It’s very clear that Blaine is close to giving in, letting them have this, but he keeps stalling. Kurt wishes he knew why.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe this was a bad idea. I – I’ll give you space. It’s for the best. I think you should go.” Blaine looks away, and he looks young, too. Young and scared. He still keeps saying no when he clearly wants to say yes.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine,” Kurt says. This time he’s angry, he’s disappointed, and he’s frustrated. It feels a little like his heart might be breaking again. It’s not embarrassment or hurt over being told no, this time. Blaine is dangling the possibility of something right in front of Kurt’s nose, but he won’t go through with it. It’s beyond frustrating, and Kurt can’t take it anymore. “If that’s what you want, fine. I’m gone.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine says nothing as Kurt storms down the stairs and out of the door.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>B</p><p>
  <em>I’m so sorry, Kurt. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I want to make this right. I want to do what is right</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s just so hard. I want you in my life but I feel like I shouldn’t cause I want you too much</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s not fair to either of us</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wish I could just stay away from you but I can’t, no matter how I try to stop, I find myself thinking about you, texting you again, even though I know it’s not right</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m sorry. I’ll stop now. I won’t message you anymore, I promise.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>Meet me tomorrow. We have to talk about this</p><p> </p><p>It’s almost one am. Kurt can’t sleep, and he heard the buzz of incoming messages – there were so many that he got curious and had to check. Blaine’s words make his heart hurt a little bit more. It’s clear that Blaine’s torn over this. They really need to figure out what is between them, and clear the air. Kurt has no idea what to say to Blaine. Blaine has made his stance clear – nothing can happen, because Kurt is so much younger. Kurt just can’t help feeling like Blaine isn’t so sure about that anymore.</p><p> </p><p>B</p><p>
  <em>I didn’t think you’d be awake</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Where?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>My place. Dad said he has to go to the garage for some paperwork in the afternoon</p><p> </p><p>B</p><p>
  <em>When can I come?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>I’ll text you once he’s out</p><p> </p><p>B</p><p>
  <em>I’ll be there. I don’t have long cause I have to drive back to Columbus tomorrow but I’ll drop by</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>See you tomorrow. Try to get some sleep now</p><p> </p><p>B</p><p>
  <em>Yeah. See you, good night x</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The little x almost jumps out of the screen, it’s so loud. Blaine just keeps doing that! Kurt throws his phone on the night stand and turns on his belly to growl into his pillow. They really, really need to sort out this thing between them.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Blaine looks like a wreck. There are dark shadows under his eyes, otherwise he’s pale. His hair isn’t as meticulously put as it usually is, though he has clearly tried to rein in the curls. He looks super tired. Kurt lets him in and closes the door. His dad left about half an hour ago, and he texted Blaine that the coast was clear. Now Blaine is here, looking exhausted and sad, and Kurt’s not sure how to continue from here. He tried to think about what to say in advance, but seeing Blaine at the door makes all the words disappear.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you sleep at all?” Kurt asks finally.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe an hour or two,” Blaine shrugs. “It’s fine. This is not the first time.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, no need. It’s my own fault, my own mind. I am the one keeping me up.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, because you’re into me.” The words come out only half-thought, and Kurt freezes as soon as he’s said them.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Blaine admits quietly, and wow.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine Anderson is into Kurt. It makes Kurt more than a little flaily inside, his belly full of butterflies, and Kurt makes a ridiculous effort not to smile, pressing his lips together. He blinks rapidly, and he knows Blaine sees how excited he is, but he can’t help it. He could happily drown in the warmth of Blaine’s eyes as they meet his. Kurt can barely breathe. Blaine is into him. Blaine, older, attractive, beautiful Blaine.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine takes Kurt’s hand, and the soft touch sends shivers up Kurt’s whole arm. “Yeah,” Blaine repeats. “I don’t think it’s worth denying that anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt allows himself a smile, a shaky, beaming smile and Blaine returns it.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m so into you it’s ridiculous. I know I should keep away, but I can’t.”</p><p> </p><p>“What does that mean?” Kurt asks. His heart is thumping in his chest, and he can’t breathe. The tension in the air is so thick he could cut it with a knife. It’s electrifying, sending tingles all over his skin.</p><p> </p><p>“I know all the reasons why we shouldn’t, but you just draw me in. I kept thinking, after you left Columbus, how I made a mistake turning you down. There are so many complications here, Kurt – our age difference, my own problems, you leaving Ohio soon. But you… It’s like I’ve been looking for you forever. You fit into my life, and I don’t know how to be without you now that I’ve had a glimpse of what you’re like.” Blaine holds on tighter to Kurt’s fingers and leans in, eyes clearly on Kurt’s lips. “Is… this okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods breathlessly, frozen in place.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine keeps holding Kurt’s hand as he closes the gap between them, pressing his soft lips into Kurt’s. The touch is tender and sure, so different from anything Kurt has known before. He feels cherished, clumsily kissing back, and he never wants this moment to end. Heat flashes through him, his hands are shaking. Blaine is kissing him, and it’s real. It’s not a dream or a fantasy – this is happening.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine pulls away, meeting Kurt’s gaze, and his eyes are heated and dark. His eyelashes are impossible. Kurt has to look away, suddenly shy. His heart is beating in his ears. He can’t believe it’s real. He just got his first real kiss, and it was with Blaine of all the people in the world. His mind is whirling. He feels hot and cold at the same time. Blaine just kissed him.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re really doing this,” Kurt whispers.</p><p> </p><p>“We are,” Blaine agrees. “If it’s alright with you.”</p><p> </p><p>“More than,” Kurt breathes, and Blaine lifts a hand to touch his cheek. It’s such a sweet touch, barely there, and Kurt leans into it. It all feels so unreal, yet at the same time it’s the most vivid moment of his life. Suddenly it dawns on him that they’re still standing by the front door, pair of his dad’s work shoes at their feet. Of all places, Kurt got his first real kiss here.</p><p> </p><p>“We… could go up to my room?” Kurt suggests.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine sighs. “I wish, Kurt, you have no idea, but I have to drive back to Columbus. We have nothing in the fridge, and I promised Santana I’d get the groceries because she’s working all weekend.” Blaine’s eyes keep mapping Kurt’s face. “I don’t want to go. I hate to leave you like this, so soon.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt tries to hide how disappointed he feels. He just got Blaine, and now Blaine is leaving already? Kurt wants nothing more than just spend hours and hours together, just be close and kiss some more. The idea of Blaine leaving is torture, because they won’t see each other for a while. Blaine squeezes the hand he’s still holding on to and looks sad.</p><p> </p><p>“I know it won’t help, but I don’t want to go, either.”</p><p> </p><p>“You could… just half an hour?” Kurt knows he won’t get that, but he has to try.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine groans. “Please, Kurt – don’t. You know I would if I could. Columbus is still quite the drive away, and this is how it’s going to be. I’ll call you, I’ll text you, I’ll come to Lima for any and all excuses, but eventually I have to go back. This is one of the reasons why…”</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Kurt interrupts him. “No, you don’t get to give me your reasons. It’s not fair.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine nods, sheepish. “It isn’t, you’re right.”</p><p> </p><p>“You made up your mind, and you won’t be getting rid of me now,” Kurt says, projecting more self-confidence than he actually feels. He’s actually quite afraid inside.</p><p> </p><p>“I never want to get rid of you.” It’s by far the sappiest thing anyone has ever said to Kurt. Kurt loves it.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to kiss you again,” Blaine says then and dives in. It’s different, this time. There’s more heat behind it. Blaine latches on Kurt’s lower lip and sucks it into his mouth. Kurt has never felt anything like it. He lets out a tiny noise, rubbing his upper lip against Blaine’s. It’s hot, it makes Kurt dizzy, he grabs onto Blaine’s arm for support. He wants more, he wants closer, it’s too much and nearly not enough at the same time. Blaine wants him.</p><p> </p><p>“I have to go,” Blaine murmurs against Kurt’s lips before returning to the kiss.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt whines, putting his arm around Blaine’s shoulders in a wordless protest. He wants Blaine to stay. He never wants this to end, having Blaine so solid and real under his hands, his lips intoxicating. Blaine pulls away, caressing Kurt’s cheek under his hand. His lips are red and he’s a little breathless. Kurt did that. He feels like he’s floating a couple of inches off the ground.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll call you tonight,” Blaine whispers.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” Kurt agrees. He might agree to anything Blaine says right now.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine gives him a small, smacking kiss. “I really have to go. Santana will kill me if there’s no breakfast cereal tomorrow morning.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, you’re not allowed to be killed, I just got you,” Kurt says.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine laughs. “That means I have to go. I’ll call you.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods, and Blaine steps away. Kurt’s hand and cheek feel cold without his touch.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going,” Blaine tells him, but doesn’t move. Then he sighs. “I really don’t want to.”</p><p> </p><p>It warms Kurt to his core that leaving is this difficult for Blaine. He kind of wants to kidnap Blaine and keep him in his room.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, I really need to,” Blaine says then, defeated. He takes a step closer to the door, turns, and kisses Kurt again, short and sweet. “Now I’m going.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt giggles. He can’t help it. He is so overly happy about this turn of events, and at the same time, he’s sad to see Blaine go. In the end he has to open the door for Blaine, and Blaine walks down the stairs to his car. He turns to wave Kurt before getting into his car, and Kurt stays there by the door until he drives away, taillights disappearing into the gray afternoon.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt closes the door and leans against it, letting the giddy smile overtake his face. That just happened. It’s real. He just got kissed by Blaine, and it was amazing, the best thing he has ever felt. All the daydreaming did not prepare him enough. His lips are still tingling a little, and he can feel the imprint of Blaine’s palm on his cheek. Kurt giggles into the empty house. This is his life now. Blaine Anderson kissed him. He wants to shout, he’s so happy. He wants to call Mercedes and tell her everything.</p><p> </p><p>He can’t.</p><p> </p><p>No one can know about him and Blaine. Rachel would throw a fit, and Kurt does not need that kind of drama in his life. His dad would ask questions and make everything awkward, though it only means he cares – Kurt still doesn’t want it. They have to keep quiet. No one would understand.</p><p> </p><p>In a way it’s thrilling. Kurt gets Blaine all to himself, and he doesn’t have to share at all. They are having a secret affair. Kurt can’t help the little excited sound that steals out of him at that.</p><p> </p><p>This is his actual life.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am so excited about this chapter, you have no idea! Please tell me what you think about it.</p><p>You can also find me on little-escapist.tumblr.com.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Kurt feels like he’s floating on clouds. His dad looks at him oddly as they sit in front of the tv that night, but he doesn’t say anything, and Kurt doesn’t, either. He wants to tell everyone, he wants to shout and jump – Blaine kissed him, they are <em>something</em> now. Kurt keeps himself in check. He stares at the tv without seeing anything, instead playing the afternoon in his mind again and again, reliving the kisses he got. The so many kisses he got. And when Blaine calls him that night, they stay on the phone until late, talking softly about nothing and everything all at once.</p><p> </p><p>The feeling stays with him next day in school. He can’t even hear the whispers that accompany him every day in the hallways, and he shakes off the one locker shove he gets after first class. Nothing can hurt him now. He isn’t alone anymore. He has proven all these people wrong just by being wanted by someone. It’s a heady feeling. His friends look at him curiously, and Mercedes and Tina start making up theories why he’s smiling so much, but he just shrugs, and keeps on smiling. Rachel luckily doesn’t mention noticing his car on the Berrys’ driveway on Saturday. Everything is bliss. Kurt is beyond happy. The week passes in the same fashion. He is walking on clouds, smiling at nothing, and texting Blaine. They talk every night on the phone.</p><p> </p><p>Thursday afternoon he heads to the choir room for glee. Most of his friends are already there, Rachel in mid-rant as Kurt walks in and sits down next to Mercedes, who rolls her eyes at Rachel and gives Kurt a long-suffering look. Tina looks like she’s trying not to laugh as Rachel starts waving her hands all around.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s going on?” Kurt asks, when Rachel stops to draw a breath.</p><p> </p><p>“Blaine has a boyfriend, and he won’t tell me anything!” Rachel complains. “I need details, I’m his sister!”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt flushes hot at the words, his heart racing. He blinks and tells himself to play it cool – this is not the moment to blush or stutter or smile like a loon. He can’t give it away like this, not this soon. “Oh, really?”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re friendly with him, has he said anything to you?” Rachel demands.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt shakes his head. “We talk sometimes, but we’re not <em>that</em> friendly.” The lie burns on his tongue, but this is necessary. It also makes him happy in some inexplicable, twisted way. He has a secret. He has a huge, juicy secret and he’s keeping it all to himself. And Rachel would probably brake her brain if she knew the truth.</p><p> </p><p>“Why does this upset you so much, anyway, Rachel?” Mercedes asks. “I don’t talk about relationships with my brother, like, ever.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s different! Blaine is gay, we’ve talked about boys before. We talk about everything!”</p><p> </p><p>Mercedes and Tina both roll their eyes at that.</p><p> </p><p>“Really?” Mercedes asks.</p><p> </p><p>“Last night I was on Skype with him. Our dad’s birthday is coming up and we were supposed to talk about his gift. Blaine did not listen to me! He kept staring at his phone and smiling all dumb, and forgetting I was there at all. Needless to say, we still have no present idea for dad.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt bites the inside of his cheek to prevent smiling dumb himself. Yes, he had been texting Blaine last night. They talked about movies, playfully arguing about movie versions of different musicals. Blaine stood by West Side Story, while Kurt was more partial to Hairspray.</p><p> </p><p>“I asked him about it,” Rachel continues, blissfully oblivious to how Kurt is squirming with happiness. “It took me forever to get his attention in the first place, and then he refused to tell me who he was texting. He’s either crushing hard on someone or he has a secret boyfriend. I know his roommate left, maybe he likes the new one? But then he wouldn’t be texting, would he, they live together.”</p><p> </p><p>“Blaine lives with a woman now, Rach,” Kurt says, unable to keep the laugh from bubbling out. The whole situation is so unreal – he is Blaine’s secret, and Rachel thought for a while that Blaine is crushing on Santana, and that’s just, no. Kurt giggles and giggles, and Mercedes catches it, and soon they both are cackling so that there are tears streaming from Kurt’s eyes. Quinn and Finn are looking at them funny, turning away from their own conversation. Rachel just stares at them, completely pissed off now.</p><p> </p><p>“Um, you talk about <em>everything</em> with your brother?” Tina asks, remembering Rachel’s earlier words and pointing out how false they are.</p><p> </p><p>Rachel blushes and frowns. “I thought so, but apparently that isn’t the case.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry,” Kurt says, calming down from his giggle fit. “He’ll tell you when he wants to.”</p><p> </p><p>“But he should know he can trust me! Why would he keep it a secret anyway?”</p><p> </p><p>Luckily that’s when Mr. Schuester walks in. Mercedes shakes her head and gives Kurt a look that says a thousand words. Mercedes is so done with Rachel’s antics today. Kurt is mostly just amused by her outburst. He can’t wait to tell Blaine about this later.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>That night Kurt lies in bed, phone in hand, talking to Blaine. He is snuggly under his covers, a nightlight on, and he has never been more content in his life. Blaine is telling him about a concert he’s going to on Saturday, but Kurt mostly just listens to his voice. He wants every night to be like this, or better yet, he wants to be in the same bed with Blaine, listening to him talk about anything. Share about their days before falling asleep, trading kisses, holding each other.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” Kurt starts when Blaine winds down his tale. “Rachel thinks you have a boyfriend.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I do, don’t I?”</p><p> </p><p>For a moment Kurt can’t breathe. They did talk about “doing this” when Blaine came to see him on Sunday, but the word boyfriend was not mentioned. Kurt didn’t want to assume anything, though he had hoped. And here Blaine is, saying it out loud, so casually – Kurt and Blaine are boyfriends. “Yeah?” Kurt says, shaky and happy.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, you dummy. At least that’s what I think this is? Are you my boyfriend, Kurt?” There’s a teasing, warm note in Blaine’s voice, and it makes Kurt so happy he might burst.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I am! We just never said that before,” Kurt says, wiggling happily in his back. He can’t believe it. He never thought he would be this happy while still in Lima, still in high school. He has a boyfriend before graduating high school.</p><p> </p><p>“Now we have,” Blaine says, soft, close, and intimate, and Kurt would give anything to get to hug him right now. “I know I haven’t even taken you out properly yet – and I will – but I think we can still say it already.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt smiles at his ceiling. “Boyfriend. I never thought I’d have one of those while I still live in Lima.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yet here we are. Ugh, this is so dumb, I should have waited until I see you. Now you’re there and I’m here and all I want is to hold you.” Blaine sighs, the sound turning into static in Kurt’s phone.</p><p> </p><p>“When can we meet?” Kurt asks.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t drive over tomorrow because there’s the gig,” Blaine says. “Now I almost feel like not going, but the ticket is bought and paid for, and I promised a friend I’d be there. But I think I can come up with some kind of an excuse to come to Lima next week. And week after that is dad’s birthday, so I’ll be there two weekends in a row. I get to see you on two weekends in a row!”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt is pretty sure he will float off from the bed any moment now, that’s how happy he is. His cheeks hurt from smiling so much, and he feels warm down to his core. “I can’t wait.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine laughs. “Me neither. Do you think we could manage some time alone, even though you live with your dad and I’m staying with my parents? I mean, I’ll take you to dinner on Saturday – you deserve a proper date finally – but I need… I need to get some time with just you, and no prying eyes.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt feels like somebody cranked his thermostat up by ten degrees. He’s not sure what Blaine is planning, and he’s not sure if he’s ready for it. “Um, dad closes up shop late on Friday, because one of his employees will be on vacation, so you could come over?” His dad had cancelled their typical Friday night dinner for next week already because of that, and now Kurt is glad. He had planned to go to Mercedes’ or Rachel’s to hang out instead of staying home alone, but now he has Blaine.</p><p> </p><p>“Absolutely,” Blaine says. “Friday next week. I’ll come straight to yours once I get out of the last lecture.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” Kurt breathes. Apparently, once Blaine is in, he’s all in.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Blaine says. “I miss you. I need to see you as soon as possible. Seriously, I’m so close to canceling the gig plans, to sell my ticket to somebody, and just come over there tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, wow. Blaine, don’t. You were looking forward to that – are looking forward to that,” Kurt says, overwhelmed with everything. “I want to see you, too, and I do miss you, but I think I can manage for a week.”</p><p> </p><p>“Not sure if I can,” Blaine laughs, clearly not as serious anymore. “I can’t wait to get you alone.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt swallows. Suddenly he doesn’t know what to do with himself. Blaine’s voice, low and almost dangerous, makes him hot and eager, but also a little uncomfortable. He doesn’t know anything about getting physical with someone. He tried watching porn once or twice, but it was awful. His mind wouldn’t shut down enough, instead he was thinking too much, and everything was just weird and gross. He knows the basic mechanics, he has experimented a little with his body, but the truth is, he has no idea what he likes or if he’s ready for anything right now – if he’s ready in a week when Blaine is coming over.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt? Did I freak you out?” Blaine asks when Kurt doesn’t say anything, too caught up in his mind. “What did I say?”</p><p> </p><p>“I…” Kurt doesn’t know why his mind went there and ruined everything. They were having such a nice talk. He sits up on the bed and bites on his fingernail.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt, please, talk to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“I, I, you – you want to get me alone,” Kurt stutters. “I was just, just wondering. What does that mean, exactly?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Kurt, I’m sorry – I didn’t mean to make it sound like that.” Kurt can almost see how Blaine is closing his eyes and running a hand through his hair when he says that. “I just want you all to myself for a moment, without prying eyes, or relatives to hide from. We don’t have to do anything, this is so new, we just got together. You need to be comfortable, so I can be comfortable.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt bites his lip, considers. Stares at his own fingers. How did this conversation turn into this? “But I don’t want to make you wait forever, either.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, Kurt, listen to me. I want to make this clear right now.” Blaine is dead serious now. “I can deal. They invented masturbation for a reason. I’m not one of those idiots claiming they’ll die if they don’t get sex. You take your time. I am not going to rush you, I don’t want to pressure you – we are going at your pace, whatever feels good to you. I’m more than fine just sitting on a couch watching movies with my arm over your shoulders, if that’s what you want. I’m in this, because I think you’re interesting. Of course, you’re hot, too, Kurt, but… this is about getting to know you. Not about jumping into bed at first possible chance.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt feels so young all of a sudden, so different from Blaine, who stays calm and reasonable even though the words he says would make Kurt a little uncomfortable to utter out loud. Kurt doesn’t know when it became his time to have this conversation. His friends have been having relations for a while now – Quinn got pregnant, for goodness’ sake – but Kurt never really thought about the reality of it. He had been resigned to wait until college. Now the reality of getting hot and sweaty with someone is so close, and he’s not sure how he feels about that. He is actually having a talk about sex with his boyfriend. What has his life become?</p><p> </p><p>“I want you to talk to me, tell me what is okay, and especially tell me what isn’t. I’m not a mind reader, Kurt. You hear me?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yes,” Kurt manages. He feels a little like crying now. He wants to be good for Blaine, he wants this relationship, he wants to do stuff. It’s just that he’s apprehensive. The sweet words he can take, he craves the “I miss you” they’ve been saying to each other. This, though, this is a lot to think about. He knows he wants Blaine. He jerked off because he saw Blaine’s tattooed back – and that was a first, too – but the reality of touching and being touched by someone else is hitting Kurt in the face hard.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable,” Blaine offers, voice quiet in a different way now.</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Kurt says. “I think… I think this conversation was necessary. Can we just… forget it for a while so I can get over my embarrassment?”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course. Just remember, I want you to tell me what is okay, and what isn’t.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I will,” Kurt promises. He doesn’t know how to put things into words yet, but he’ll learn. It’s not rocket science.</p><p> </p><p>“I think that’s enough for tonight, huh, boyfriend?” Blaine says.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt doesn’t want to end the call, but Blaine is right. Besides, it’s getting quite late. “I think so, too.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes,” Kurt insists. “I just have a lot to think about. But I’m fine.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good.” Kurt can hear Blaine smiling again. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Try to get some sleep, you’ve got school tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>“Blaine – you don’t need to coddle me,” Kurt says. He loves that Blaine worries, but there’s a line.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine, fine. It’s just… I wish I could see your face.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m okay. Sleep well.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sweet dreams, Kurt. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>They hang up, and Kurt falls back on his back with a sigh. That was unexpected. His mind is whirling, and it takes him a long time to fall asleep, phone still in hand.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“Earth to Kurt,” Mercedes calls at lunch on Friday. “Where are you?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt blinks and sees the whole glee club staring at him, every eyebrow raised. He has no idea what they are talking about. He got maybe four hours of sleep, and he’s beyond tired. The conversation he had with Blaine is at the forefront of his mind, has been all day, and he has been having trouble concentrating on anything. “What?”</p><p> </p><p>“I asked you what you think about the color scheme for our Regionals costumes,” Tina says. She looks half angry, half concerned.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you alright?” Mercedes asks him. “You were practically asleep in History earlier.”</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t sleep very well,” Kurt says, and it’s not even a lie.</p><p> </p><p>“You should focus on getting better,” Rachel says, and today of all days Kurt wishes he didn’t have to listen to her. “Regionals is important, we need to win to get to Nationals, this is our last chance.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt rolls his eyes at her. “I know it’s important, and I agree. I just didn’t sleep well, so I’m really tired today. Tina, can you show me the colors again?”</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>As they leave for their next class, Mercedes takes Kurt’s arm and looks at him with warm concern on her face. “Hey, boo.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you okay?” she asks and shakes his arm under hers.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods. “Yes, I am.” He doesn’t want to elaborate, not really, though he’s itching to tell somebody.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s something on your mind, I can tell,” Mercedes says as they reach their lockers and stop to get their books.</p><p> </p><p>There is a lot on Kurt’s mind, but none of it can be shared at the school hallway. Sex isn’t a topic Kurt feels comfortable picking up anywhere, but least of all here, with all these curious, mostly malicious ears around him. He can’t tell Mercedes about Blaine no matter how much he wants to. It’s a slippery slope. If the only decides to tell one person, soon he would notice his secret being not a secret any longer. It’s all so new and different, and Rachel can never find out about this. All hell would break loose if she knew what Kurt and Blaine are up to together. Kurt has enough on his plate without the extra drama Rachel brings everywhere with her.</p><p> </p><p>“You can talk to me, Kurt,” Mercedes says, closing her locker and leaning against it. “I know something is bothering you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Not here,” Kurt relents. He has no idea what he will tell her and when, but at least he gets off the hook for a while.</p><p> </p><p>“Come over tomorrow? Let’s order pizza and sing along to Lion King.”</p><p> </p><p>“Just you and me?” Kurt makes sure. Rachel is present at their sleepovers more often than not, and sometimes Tina comes, too.</p><p> </p><p>“Just you and me,” Mercedes repeats and lifts her pinky up for a promise. Kurt hooks his own finger around hers and smiles. Maybe she’ll ease his mind a little about all that’s going on.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>It’s Saturday night. Kurt and Mercedes are sitting on her bed, Lion King playing on the tv and a half-eaten pizza between them. The room’s door is firmly closed, and it’s as safe as any place could be for talking. They’re as alone as they are going to get, Mercedes’ parents doing whatever they do on Saturday nights downstairs. Mercedes turns to look at Kurt, and Kurt knows that now it’s time to spill the beans. He still hasn’t decided how much he’s going to tell her, but he needs to get some of it off his chest.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay. Now you should tell me what’s bothering you,” Mercedes begins. She’s hugging a pink pillow to her chest, her eyes curious and concerned.</p><p> </p><p>“Sex,” Kurt blurts out without thinking it any further, and blushes.</p><p> </p><p>Mercedes drops the pillow. “What?” She scoots closer to him, eyes huge. “Have you… Kurt Hummel, have you met someone?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt sighs. He can’t. He can’t possibly hold it in. “Yes.” He can’t even try to fight the smile that blooms on his face at the word.</p><p> </p><p>“Why didn’t you say anything?” Mercedes grabs his arm and shakes him, smiling too. “Who is he?”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t tell you much,” Kurt warns before she gets too excited. He levels a serious look into her eyes. “You have to promise me that you won’t speak a word to anyone about this.”</p><p> </p><p>“Now you’re making me worry.” Mercedes stops smiling and lets go of his arm.</p><p> </p><p>“No, don’t, he’s… he’s sweet, and kind, and he’s not involved in anything bad or whatever your crazy brain is currently trying to come up with,” Kurt says.</p><p> </p><p>“Secrets usually mean there’s something to hide, Kurt,” Mercedes says, still serious. “And you’re thinking about sex with this guy? Is he pressuring you?”</p><p> </p><p>“No!” Kurt insists. “We just had a talk about it, and it got me thinking, that’s all. He says he’s fine taking it slow, and this is really new, too, so. There’s no pressure from him.” No pressure from Blaine doesn’t mean that Kurt isn’t silently pressuring himself. He wants, he’s just not sure if he wants it now, or even soon.</p><p> </p><p>“Oookay, I’ll take your word for it,” Mercedes drawls. “But what’s so fishy about him that you can’t share anything?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt takes a deep breath, considers his options for a moment, playing time. “Well. He’s… older.”</p><p> </p><p>Mercedes cocks her head to the side. “How much older, exactly?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt stands up and starts pacing. “Jeez, ‘Cedes!”</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt, how much? Is he like 30? Do not tell me that he’s 40.” Mercedes follows Kurt’s steps with her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“No! No, no, no. He’s turning 24 soon, so it’s not like he’s old-old. He’s just… slightly older.” Kurt turns to face his friend. “Dad still would not like it, and I don’t need any unnecessary drama in my life about this. I’m happy, ‘Cedes. I am so happy with him in my life.”</p><p> </p><p>Mercedes nods thoughtfully. “I did notice you smiling a lot last week.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes,” Kurt says and sits back down, taking her hands. “I am so happy to have him – he’s interesting, so easy to talk to, and… I’m just so happy.”</p><p> </p><p>Mercedes gives him a toothy smile. “I’m happy you’re happy.”</p><p> </p><p>“I never thought I’d get a chance for something like this before college,” Kurt confesses. She knows this already, but he has to say it anyway. He still has trouble believing it’s real.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m so totally jealous, by the way,” Mercedes says. “I want a boyfriend, too.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll find him, Mercedes, you will. You’ll knock someone off his feet with how fabulous you are.” Kurt squeezes her hands and gives her a smile. He believes someone will be head over heels for her, as soon as they get out of Lima and there’s a chance to meet the right person.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you at least tell me where you found yours?” Mercedes asks then. “I need <em>some </em>details. Please.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt looks into her dark eyes, pondering what to answer. He found Blaine from Rachel’s door on freshman year of high school, but he can’t possibly tell Mercedes that. “At Starchild’s concert,” he ends up saying.</p><p> </p><p>Mercedes lets out a woop. “It was a month ago! And you said nothing?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt looks away. “We only made it official this week. He was reluctant because of the age difference. And I will not be telling you anything more!”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, keep your secrets then,” Mercedes laughs.</p><p> </p><p>They finish the movie, and then play some Starchild and dance like maniacs around Mercedes’ room. When they need to breathe for a while, they settle on the bed again to gossip about school and glee. Mercedes has seen Quinn and Puck together at the mall, and they end up speculating that for a long while. Kurt is sure those two will end up together, but Mercedes remains doubtful.</p><p> </p><p>It’s almost midnight when Kurt’s phone suddenly rings on the bedside table where Kurt left it earlier. Mercedes is closer, and gets to it first. She makes a scandalized face at Kurt as she lifts up the device.</p><p> </p><p>“Ooh, it’s ‘B’ calling!” she sing-songs, trying to keep the phone out of Kurt’s reach.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt’s heart is beating double time, just like that. He’s very glad Blaine is on his phone as B only. “Give it!” He jumps towards her, and she relents, cackling with laughter.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt takes the phone and walks to the other side of the room before answering. “Hey, you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt! I wasn’t sure if you’d be awake,” Blaine says, his words slurring together a little. Still, warmth fills Kurt, and he can’t help smiling.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m at a friend’s place – she asked me to stay over,” he tells Blaine, painfully aware of Mercedes behind his back of the bed. She isn’t one to snoop, but it’s impossible not to hear what he’s saying, because they’re in the same room.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry to take you away from her,” Blaine says, almost sounding like he’s going to hang up.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay,” Kurt rushes to say. “What’s up? I thought you’d be at the concert now.”</p><p> </p><p>“It just ended. ‘T was nice. Not as nice as Starchild’s ‘cause I had you with me there.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt laughs into the phone. The words make him unbearably happy. Blaine… Blaine misses him, for real.</p><p> </p><p>“I miss you,” Blaine says, like echoing Kurt’s thoughts. “I want you, Kurt… I just want to hold you and you are so, so far away.”</p><p> </p><p>“We are seeing each other soon, dummy,” Kurt says, pressing a hand on his chest, trying to calm down. He has also noticed how slurred Blaine’s words are. “How drunk are you?”</p><p> </p><p>“A little. Santana made me. She is evil.”</p><p> </p><p>“You do call her Satan,” Kurt notes, entirely tickled by this whole conversation. Blaine drunk dialed him.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah I do, with good reason. I’m so sad she barged in on us when you were here. I wanted to kiss you so bad. So bad, Kurt, all that day.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know,” Kurt says, breathless. He didn’t know, but now he does, and… wow. All day? All day, while they were walking and shopping and eating together? He really wasn’t imagining things that day. There was something between them already then.</p><p> </p><p>“Oops. Santana is back from the bathroom. I have to go.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay. I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. Yes, talk tomorrow. My lovely Kurt. Good night.” And just like that, Blaine is gone. He left Kurt’s heart stuttering and breath thin. Kurt turns to Mercedes with a huge smile that he doesn’t have to hide from her. She coos at him loudly.</p><p> </p><p>“He just called me lovely,” Kurt informs her, and she squeals together with him.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know there is very little Blaine in this chapter, but he will be there in the next one!</p><p>Come find me on tumblr: little-escapist.tumblr.com</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Time seems to drag for Kurt. He feels like the week will never be over. They are gearing up for Regionals and rehearsals run long, never ending, and Kurt often goes to bed with aching feet. Rachel is stressed out and snapping at everyone, and she has an argument with Puck about his dedication to glee. Homework is piling up, and Kurt doesn’t have the patience to really care, he does it half-heartedly, focus completely on staring at the clock, waiting for a good moment to call or text Blaine.</p><p> </p><p>Those are the only occasions when time flies – when he’s on the phone with Blaine. They Skype a couple of times, too, and it’s surprisingly nice to get to see Blaine as they speak. Kurt stays up too late, and doesn’t care, because every second on the phone is a second more with Blaine, and there are never enough of those. He wants to spend time with his boyfriend! It’s a luxury, even though he wakes up tired in the mornings after only four or five hours of sleep.</p><p> </p><p>Then, finally, it’s Friday. Kurt gets weird looks from his friends all day, because he’s practically vibrating, checking the time again and again. He knows he has some manic energy in him, but he can’t control it at all. He will see Blaine again today. He will get to kiss Blaine today. At lunch he totally zones out on his friends, staring into nothing with a smile on his face, and Rachel has to yell before he can snap out of it. At the end of the day he stops himself from running to his car, because Blaine won’t come any sooner no matter how quickly Kurt moves. Also, speeding home won’t do anyone any good, but it’s hard to stay calm, when Blaine will arrive in a matter of an hour.</p><p> </p><p>At home Kurt can’t focus on anything, either. He won’t even think about doing homework, because he can’t sit still for five minutes without checking the time or daydreaming. He sits on the couch and tries to fiddle with his phone, but that doesn’t work. He gets up and goes to the kitchen to get himself a glass of water. He paces back to living room, sipping on his water and staring out the window that faces the street. He takes the empty glass to the dishwasher, leans on a counter, and stares at the clock on the wall for two whole minutes, counting away every second that takes him closer to the moment Blaine arrives. He goes back to the living room, takes away a stray sweater left there, straightens a pile of magazines, stares at the photo frames on the shelf and tries to decide if they should stay or not. He goes back to the kitchen, and then back to living room. It’s impossible to stay still, and Kurt is more than glad he’s home alone and no one witnesses this frantic mess he’s turned into.</p><p> </p><p>His heart jumps in his chest when he finally hears a car on the driveway, and he rushes to open the door. Blaine is here. He waits on the porch, impatient, as Blaine exits his car and locks the doors. He’s wearing a gray peacoat and black leather gloves. He looks so sophisticated, his hair pulled back from his face but still slightly wavy. He is Kurt’s <em>boyfriend</em>. Blaine smiles as he spots Kurt, and hurries his steps. He is beaming, and Kurt is sure no one has ever been this happy to see him. It’s impossible – Blaine is rushing to him with the widest smile on his face, and Kurt’s knees feel weak. This man is all his.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on in,” Kurt rushes and almost cringes at how high his voice got in his excitement. He wants to kiss Blaine now, but the neighbors might see them on the porch, and that’s not okay. Blaine has to get inside the house first. Blaine brushes past him and Kurt all but slams the door shut.</p><p> </p><p>“Finally you’re here,” Kurt breathes before jumping Blaine right then and there. He smashes his mouth into Blaine’s, and Blaine welcomes him, wrapping his arms around Kurt, pacing Kurt’s enthusiasm before someone hurts a tooth. Blaine smells amazing, slightly spicy and warm, and he’s here, Kurt can actually touch him, run his fingers down the thick wool of his coat.</p><p> </p><p>“I missed you so much,” Blaine pants as they separate. “That welcome is worth the wait, though.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt giggles, all out of breath and so, so incredibly happy. Blaine’s eyes are warm on his, so deep and mesmerizing, and they are together. At last they are together in the same space.</p><p> </p><p>“Let me take your coat,” Kurt offers. “Let’s go upstairs, I baked some cookies so we can take those with us, and is soda fine?”</p><p> </p><p>“Aren’t you in a rush,” Blaine laughs, shrugging out of his coat and revealing a black cardigan. “Yes, soda is fine.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt gets the cookies and sodas from the kitchen, and then they head up the stairs. Blaine compliments the house, and Kurt smiles. Blaine is here, Blaine is in his home. His boyfriend is visiting. Kurt can’t get enough of the thought, and it keeps coming back, almost unbelievable.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt has cleaned his room twice that week, just in anticipation of this. Blaine looks around with a smile on his face, takes in the Broadway and Starchild posters on the closet doors, the bed covered in pillows, and the shelf with tasteful decorations on it. He takes a seat by Kurt’s desk as Kurt sets the cookie plate down. Now that they’re here, Kurt isn’t sure what to say or do. He’s been so focused on just Blaine visiting that he didn’t even think about what to do with him once he got there. Now he’s sitting in Kurt’s chair, making himself comfortable.</p><p> </p><p>“You have no idea how I’ve missed you. I can hardly believe it myself,” Blaine starts, his soda hissing as he opens the bottle. “I kept going back to the concert weekend in my mind.”</p><p> </p><p>“Still the best weekend of my life,” Kurt says and sits down on the bed, on his shaky hands. He’s too excited to start his own drink.</p><p> </p><p>“It might be hard to top that,” Blaine admits and drinks, “but I’ll do my best to give you at least as good, if not better weekends in the future.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, please,” Kurt smiles, giddy.</p><p> </p><p>“I really wanted to make that weekend perfect, though. I wanted you to enjoy every moment, to spoil you like you deserve. I… I might have been more than a little smitten already then, to tell you the truth,” Blaine says, staring at the soda bottle in his hands. “I was just so scared. You… you hold such a power over me, did already then, and I barely even knew you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wow,” Kurt breathes. His heart is beating so loudly that Blaine must hear it, too. It’s almost impossible to comprehend those words. “I… you have no idea what that means to me.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine looks back up.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve been crushing on you ever since I first met you,” Kurt confesses, feeling hot under the collar, the heat quickly rising to his face. “I was sure you thought I was just a kid, Rachel’s friend.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine shakes his head. “No, Kurt, you… of course, you were way too young when we first met. But then, after you appeared to the door all teary-eyed and lost and hurting, and it just… it made me so mad at the world, because you are such an extraordinary person, and you shouldn’t suffer. I think you took a piece of my heart that day.”</p><p> </p><p>“It was an awful day,” Kurt says quietly, remembering. He had dry heaved in the toilet forever after Karofsky’s kiss, he had been so lost and confused and violated. He had sought Rachel’s help, but had found Blaine opening the door instead. “You made everything so much better, just by listening. You held me that afternoon.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course! You needed it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I was mortified that you had to see me like that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nonsense!” Blaine shakes his head again, a little more violent, and puts his soda down on Kurt’s desk before walking over and sitting next to Kurt. He takes Kurt’s hand, rubbing his thumb on Kurt’s knuckles. “I was so glad that I was there, that I could help you somehow.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt smiles. “You did help.”</p><p> </p><p>They fall into silence, just taking in what they talked about, and it’s not awkward. Kurt marvels at how easy this is, after all, just sitting here with Blaine, holding hands, existing in the same space. They fit, no matter how many years there are between them, no matter that Kurt is only in high school.</p><p> </p><p>“This doesn’t feel real,” Kurt whispers into the air between them.</p><p> </p><p>Something changes in Blaine’s eyes, and his smile turns a little wicked as he holds eye contact with Kurt. “Yeah? I better do something about that.” Then he’s leaning over, nuzzling his nose against Kurt’s cheek, teasing, his mouth just millimeters away from Kurt’s. Kurt closes his eyes, blindly searching for Blaine’s lips, never quite finding them even though they are right there. Blaine kisses the corner of his mouth, his cheek, the edge of his jaw, his lips traveling down to Kurt’s neck and placing small kisses there. It’s nowhere near enough and absolutely exhilarating at the same time. Kurt feels dizzy with it, the sheer affection Blaine is pouring into his skin, the closeness, the warmth. Blaine’s hand finds its way to the back of Kurt’s neck, holding him in place, and the other falling on Kurt’s knee. Then, at last, Blaine presses his lips to Kurt’s, and Kurt lifts a hand to hold on to him.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine turns the kiss deep, deeper than any other kiss Kurt has ever experienced. Blaine coaxes Kurt’s mouth open and welcomes his tongue in, sucking on it, makes Kurt shiver. Next he invades Kurt’s mouth, tickling the backs of his teeth, and Kurt hangs on to him for dear life, more turned on than ever, his tight jeans turning into almost torture.</p><p> </p><p>They separate shortly to breathe before attacking each other again. Kurt’s not sure how he ends up on his back, Blaine straddling his lap, but it happens and it’s glorious. Blaine surrounds him, his smell and touch everywhere. They kiss and kiss, Kurt is breathless and he wants more, his hand gets sticky with Blaine’s hair gel but he couldn’t care less. His skin is too sensitive, all clothes too restricting, and he’s so hot he might combust.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, honey,” Blaine whispers, pulling back. “You’re trembling.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt can only nod. He has forgotten all of the English language, and French, and what little he knows of Spanish, too.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine smiles, caresses a hand down Kurt’s face. “Let’s just breathe a little, okay?” He pulls away, flops to lie down next to Kurt. The air feels cold suddenly, with the space above Kurt no longer occupied by Blaine.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow,” Kurt breathes. He has never been this turned on.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine laughs. His lips are swollen, his hair sticks up a little, and his eyes are shining. Kurt did that. Blaine Anderson is all hot and bothered because of Kurt. And Kurt is still throbbing in his pants.</p><p> </p><p>“Does it feel real now?” Blaine asks.</p><p> </p><p>It takes a moment for Kurt to catch on. “Cheeky.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine nudges him with an elbow. “Does it?” he teases.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, actually,” Kurt says, trying to put on airs, but failing completely. They share a look and laugh. Kurt keeps the eye contact. It feels good, intimate, to lie like this, side by side. He wants more of this.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m so glad I gave in and let this happen,” Blaine says softly.</p><p> </p><p>“Me, too,” Kurt sighs.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Eventually Blaine has to leave – they don’t want to be caught by Burt. Kurt kisses him again at the door, unable to let go. He wishes Blaine could stay longer, but if they want to keep their relationship a secret, they have to be cautious. Besides, Kurt will see him again tomorrow. Blaine promised him a date.</p><p> </p><p>“I wish I could pick you up properly,” Blaine says as he’s putting on his coat. “But I guess it is better not to.”</p><p> </p><p>“Absolutely. Dad would ask questions. Where do we meet?”</p><p> </p><p>“Come to the school by seven, I’ll pick you up there.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods. “That’ll do.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine leans over to place a short kiss on Kurt’s lips. It seems he can’t get enough, either. “I’ll wine you and dine you like you deserve.” His voice is soft and warm, filling Kurt’s soul with happiness.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m looking forward to that,” Kurt flirts from under his lashes. “But you have to go, dad could come home any minute.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going, I’m going,” Blaine says, and so he does. Kurt stays at the open door, watches as Blaine gets into his car, gives him a wave and drives away just like he did when he left last time. There’s a whole bunch of butterflies in Kurt’s belly as he thinks about their date. He hates to see Blaine go, but it’s only about twenty-four hours before they can be together again. It’s not <em>that</em> long a time. They just were apart for two weeks. Still, Kurt wishes he had Blaine always. Stealing moments to be alone is not ideal, but it’s the best they can get right now.</p><p> </p><p>It’s a sobering thought. Kurt walks over to the kitchen and sits down. Is this all they will ever have? Evenings sneaking behind other people’s backs, waiting for moments when no one is home. And on top of that, Kurt is leaving. Kurt is going to New York in the summer, and their limited time becomes even more limited. He wants Blaine in his life for more than a couple of months. This feels like it could be more than just a fling, even though Kurt realizes this is his first relationship. He wants this to last.</p><p> </p><p>But they’ve only just begun. There is still time, and they can figure out what happens once it’s official that Kurt has a spot in NYADA. They will make it work.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As always, please tell me what you think :) </p><p>Visit me on little-escapist.tumblr.com!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WARNING for a short retelling of violent events and mentions/discussion of death. Nothing graphic or very detailed, though, as I haven't warned for graphic violence in the tags. The dark past from the tags refers to this chapter (and some later ones). Just a heads up, and if you have questions, feel free to send me a message on little-escapist.tumblr.com before reading. I don't want to spoil things for everyone.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Kurt sits in his car at the school parking lot. It’s empty at this time of the evening on a Saturday. It’s windy, Kurt can feel the gushes even in his car. He’s a little early, but he couldn’t stand waiting any longer. His dad had given him odd looks all day long, and asked why Kurt was so keyed up, but Kurt just mumbled something in return and escaped to his room to pick out clothes. It’s difficult to hide how he is feeling. He is going on the first real date of his life. Of course, the day in Columbus after Starchild’s concert was kind of like a date, but they weren’t together then. Today, they are a new couple, and there will be hand holding and kisses for sure. Kurt can’t wait.</p><p> </p><p>Headlights of a car turn to the parking lot, and Kurt waits until Blaine parks two spots over before getting out of his car and walking over. Blaine motions him to come in, so Kurt opens the passenger side door and gets in the car. The scent inside reminds him of Blaine, something sweet and spicy at the same time. Soft rock is playing from the car radio, but it’s quiet, barely there, just a background noise.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi,” Blaine says, all smiles and warm, dark eyes, and Kurt’s breath catches again at the sight of him. This man is his. Blaine’s hair is slicked down, a little wave by his forehead remaining. His dark coat hides what he’s wearing underneath.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi,” Kurt answers, a little shy now, in the small space with Blaine, all dressed up. All their meetings have been so informal, at home, and this is something new and exciting, but also a little nerve-wracking. There’s an odd intimacy to being together in a car.</p><p> </p><p>“I hope you didn’t wait for too long,” Blaine says.</p><p> </p><p>“No, not too long.” Kurt doesn’t know what to say. Usually they just talk about anything and everything, but now Kurt has no idea where to start a conversation.</p><p> </p><p>“I reserved us a table. The place is on the other side of town – I thought going to Breadstix would be too close to playing with fire,” Blaine chatters as he reverses out of the spot.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, too many familiar people there,” Kurt agrees. “Our secret would be out right away.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a little too soon to go public, isn’t it?” Blaine says, and the words settle warm and comfortable in Kurt. They ease his mind about how long this might last. If Blaine plans on telling people at some point in the future, it must mean there is a future for them together. Kurt wants that more than anything.</p><p> </p><p>The restaurant isn’t too far away, but then again, Lima isn’t that big. The restaurant has that small town restaurant feel to it as they walk in, a little like the place is trying too much. It is a little fancier than Breadstix, and Kurt can’t remember ever being there before. The walls are light wood and lime green, white tables and booths fill the floor, and some classical music is playing in the background. The place seems more adult than Breadstix. Breadstix is a family restaurant, and everyone in Lima from toddlers to grandparents goes there. This place is something else. Blaine asks for a table under his name, and they are led to a window table for two. They take their seats and the waiter hands them menus.</p><p> </p><p>“You look really nice tonight,” Blaine says, letting his eyes rest on Kurt’s form.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt preens under his eyes. He did take care in choosing his outfit tonight – gray, skin tight jeans and a green shirt. “Thank you. So do you.” Blaine is again in a button-up shirt, this time a red that works really well with his skin tone.</p><p> </p><p>They smile to each other before turning to their menus. Kurt looks at the dishes offered and bites his lip. The place is expensive. More expensive than Breadstix, or the one Chinese restaurant Lima has. Kurt stares at the prices next to the food items, and his mouth dries. He’s not sure if his budget can take a dinner this expensive – he has some money saved, but he can’t use that. That’s for New York.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m paying,” Blaine says, and Kurt meets his eyes over the menu. There’s a warm amusement in Blaine’s eyes. He probably saw Kurt’s inner debate plainly on Kurt’s face. “You can choose whatever you want.”</p><p> </p><p>“But you’re just a college student,” Kurt blurts out and wants to take it back right away. That was rude.</p><p> </p><p>“I have some money. Kurt, you deserve this, so don’t worry about it.”</p><p> </p><p>As the waiter returns with their drinks, Kurt orders the chicken. Blaine looks at him with surprise, and asks for the same. They share a smile over the table, and Kurt really, really wants to take Blaine’s hand, but he isn’t sure if that’s okay. They are still in Lima, and even though all the other patrons seem to be in their own worlds, not looking at the two young men by the window, Kurt is apprehensive.</p><p> </p><p>“So, are you tutoring the cream of Columbus with a huge salary, then?” Kurt teases. “I might have to look into that.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine laughs. “They hardly pay me anything for piano lessons. Actually, I inherited, and have been saving up.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt blinks. “Oh?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Blaine says, face turning serious, and looks away. “My mother.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Kurt says, and a familiar sorrow awakens in his soul. “My mom died, too. I was eight.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine looks back at him, eyes filled with empathy. He reaches over the table, and just like that they’re holding hands. Blaine’s thumb traces over Kurt’s gently. “That’s awful. I’m so sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt shrugs. He’s not sure how to talk about this, even after all these years. He did talk about it back then, before he turned ten, because his dad drove him to see some kind of a doctor. Mostly his grief has turned into grudging acceptance, and he can just say the words without choking, but it’s not something he likes to bring up. The pain might be muted, but it’s never gone. “You know it better than most.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine shakes his head. “Not really. Or well, yes, but I was already with the Berrys when she passed. My life had already been turned upside down. You, on the other hand… how did you cope? Alone with your dad?”</p><p> </p><p>“We had our difficulties, but we made it work. The first year was awful. I barely talked, I never smiled. Somehow we managed, held each other up, made each other live again. It made us close, and I’m so grateful for my dad,” Kurt says, pushing away his own feelings, beyond curious about Blaine. “But you…” Kurt isn’t sure if he’s allowed to ask. He just stares at Blaine, eyes wide. “What happened?”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine lets out a laugh that’s not even close to happy. It’s more of a huff. “Are you sure you want to ruin tonight with my sob story?”</p><p> </p><p>Their food arrives then, and Kurt pulls his hand away as the waiter approaches. They sit in odd silence that’s not exactly awkward, but still strained, until the waiter leaves.</p><p> </p><p>“I wouldn’t call it ruining tonight,” Kurt says softly. “We have talked about a lot of the superficial stuff already, so I don’t think there’s much left there. And I do want to know more about you, if you’d like to share.” It’s true. He knows that Blaine’s favorite color is dark green and that he loves Marvel. He knows Blaine is truly gifted in music and plays multiple instruments. He knows Blaine is caring and has a good heart. He knows about Blaine’s tattoos and wild hair. Maybe it is time for the darker stuff that makes them what they are.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine swallows, staring at the chicken breast and potatoes on his plate. “As you can imagine, it’s not a happy story.” He seems reluctant, but still Kurt can’t help feeling like maybe Blaine wants to tell him about it at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s your story. That’s what matters,” Kurt says. He really wants to know.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine takes a deep breath and looks at Kurt. “Okay then. I was nine when I was placed with the Berrys. My dad’s parents were dead and he had no siblings; my mother’s family is in the Philippines, and no one there could take me in.”</p><p> </p><p>“Your mother is from the Philippines?” Kurt asks. This is all new to him, and he wants to know it all, stow it away to a safe place to complete the puzzle that is Blaine Anderson.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine takes a moment to start with his meal, just nodding at Kurt’s question. He eats, swallows, takes a sip of water and looks back to Kurt. “Yeah, she was. She came here to look for a new, better life, and succeeded. She was able to support herself and send money to her relatives. Then she ended up married to an abusive idiot. As we speak, my father is in prison for assault and murder.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” It’s Kurt’s turn to reach over, pry the fork and knife form Blaine’s fingers and trap them between his own. “I had no idea!”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I never talk about this. Not to anyone,” Blaine says. “But you… you should know, I guess. For some reason, I feel like I should tell you.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods. “I’m here, and I’m listening. You can say as much or as little you want, but you’ve really made me curious.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine closes his eyes. “The people my father assaulted were me and my mom.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt blinks, holding on to Blaine’s hands even tighter. His heart is breaking for the boy Blaine used to be – how scared he must have been, how lost, all alone in the world.</p><p> </p><p>“I… I came home from school that day. I told mom and father that I wanted to marry my best friend, Tommy. Of course, it meant nothing. I was a kid, I can’t even remember where the idea came from – he was my best friend and I really loved spending time with him, you know? Kids say dumb stuff like that all the time, and they don’t mean anything by it. But father got mad. He got really mad. He had a temper. We had to tiptoe around the house sometimes when he was in his moods. We had to be careful with what we said to him to avoid explosion. And apparently my stupid words were too much for him that day. He… he beat me up, and mom got in between. I ended up with a broken clavicle and arm, but she… she was unconscious. She never woke up again. The neighbors heard the noise and called it in. I… honestly, I don’t remember much of it.” Blaine shakes his head, and there are tears in his eyes, but they don’t fall. “The Berrys were looking into adopting a second child since Rachel was already three, and the social service person somehow connected me to them. I don’t know all the details, I was too young. Only that they took me in immediately. And that about a month later, mom was gone.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Blaine,” Kurt sighs. He feels terrible. “I’m so, so sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine gives him a sad smile. “Well, now you know. Also, this is why I have money. Dad was sentenced, mom got everything they had, and when she passed, it came to me. And… I feel better that you know this now.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m so glad you decided to tell me,” Kurt says, and he has never in his life been as sincere as he is now. He is glad he knows this about Blaine, this huge thing about his past, something that must have a big impact on who Blaine is today. To know that this kind, selfless person has been through hell makes Kurt marvel Blaine even more.</p><p> </p><p>“We… we should eat,” Blaine says then, removing his hands gently from Kurt’s hold. In front of Kurt’s eyes he transforms, the sadness and hurt are pulled back, his eyes clear from the tears that had been so close to falling. Blaine sniffs once, takes a deep breath, and concentrates on cutting his chicken.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt has seen underneath the armor Blaine wears, and he can’t wait to find out more.</p><p> </p><p>They finish their meal, decidedly talking about light, easy things: Kurt’s upcoming Regional competition, one of the kids Blaine tutors, the everyday things of their lives. Kurt enjoys it. He always thought he was after extravagant and dramatic, but this, the simplicity of shared time, is probably more up to his speed. Blaine’s smile comes back as Kurt talks, he gives Kurt these looks that shine, and Kurt feels like he’s heard. He’s heard, he’s seen, he’s real; Blaine wants to hear, he asks for details, he comments and remembers what Kurt has said before. It’s amazing.</p><p> </p><p>They decide to skip dessert, even though Kurt isn’t ready for their date to be over. He can see that Blaine is tired. His earlier tale about his childhood has clearly taken a toll on him. Blaine pays for the meal, they thank the waiter, and head out into the night. The sun has set already, and some of the brightest stars can be seen from between the clouds. When they reach the car, Blaine takes Kurt’s hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, can we, just…” he pulls Kurt into an embrace, pressing his face into Kurt’s neck. The tip of his nose is cold where it hits Kurt’s skin above his scarf. Kurt lifts his arms around Blaine’s shoulders, holding on tightly, knowing why Blaine needs this. He draws little circles into Blaine’s coat with his fingers, pressing into it to make sure Blaine can feel it. There are really no words to say, nothing that could make it better or erase the past, but Kurt can hold on to Blaine and show him he cares.</p><p> </p><p>“This isn’t how I pictured or planned this to go,” Blaine says softly, right into Kurt’s skin, raising goosebumps.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m glad you told me, Blaine, and I don’t want this any other way,” Kurt reassures him. He has no idea where this certainty comes from, but it’s as sure as the earth beneath his feet. He wants to be there for Blaine, he wants Blaine to trust him, to open up to him. And he will be there, no judgment. He will hold Blaine together when the memories pain him.</p><p> </p><p>“We were supposed to have a fun night out, together, a good first date,” Blaine murmurs, still not lifting his face.</p><p> </p><p>“This was a good night together, even if fun might not be the word for it,” Kurt retorts. “Don’t you dare say that you’re sorry. There’s no reason to.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re amazing, Kurt – you know that, right?” Blaine pulls away enough to look Kurt in the eye. His eyes are dark, framed by long lashes, and they stare right into Kurt’s soul, sincere and thankful.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt smiles. “So are you.”</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Burt is watching tv when Kurt gets home. He shouts a hello as Kurt closes the door behind him, and Kurt joins him in the living room. He just wants to be with his dad now. Some generic cop show is on, but his dad turns away from it once Kurt sits down.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you have a good night?” Burt asks, focus completely on Kurt. Kurt knows his dad wants some answers to Kurt’s behavior earlier in the day. Kurt isn’t sure what to say even now, but it’s better to say something and get some of the heat off his back.</p><p> </p><p>“I had a really good night. What about you? Did you just watch tv while I was gone?”</p><p> </p><p>“Mostly. So, what’s with the dressing up and restless feet today? Did you do something special?”</p><p> </p><p>“We went to movies with Mercedes and Tina, and hung out a while after,” Kurt lies. He hates how easily the words come out of his mouth. He is an actor, but this is his dad, and lying to his dad feels like a betrayal. He can’t tell his dad about Blaine yet, though. It should be a decision they make together – whether to tell anyone, and when. “Every outing is an opportunity for fashion.”</p><p> </p><p>“If you say so,” his dad says and shakes his head. Then someone shoots a gun on the tv screen, and their attention shifts.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt stays with his dad. He’s been really preoccupied with Blaine lately, and it feels like he hasn’t spent that much time downstairs, preferring to climb to his room to text or call Blaine. After what Blaine told him today he feels even more grateful for his dad. His dad is there for him, no matter what. Kurt knows it’s special, and he loves his dad a whole lot, but sometimes the love he has had while growing up is more pronounced. Not everyone is as lucky as he is, though they should be. Everyone deserves good parents. When they finally head to bed and Kurt just needs to hug his dad good night, Burt looks surprised, but happy. He doesn’t ask, he just pats Kurt on the back and smiles.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This got a little heavy. Take care of yourselves, and feel free to talk to me either in the comments or on tumblr. </p><p>Also I don't know ANYTHING about the American system for taking kids into custody, foster care, or what happens to things people own when they go to prison. I just hope I made this believable enough, and hopefully no one got so weirded out by wild inaccuracies that it ruined the story. Let me know if that happened, though, and maybe I'll be more motivated to research in the future.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>B</p><p>
  <em>Rachel is not home and dads just went out with their friends. Come over? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt stares at the text he just received in the middle of doing his Math homework. He bites his lip around the smile that Blaine’s question brings out. He has Math in the afternoon tomorrow, so he can finish his homework during lunch. Besides, Blaine is not always there, just a few minutes away. He has to go, there is no other option.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>On my way</p><p> </p><p>He abandons his books on the table, not even closing his notebook, and hurries down the stairs. He gives himself a once-over in the hallway mirror. Okay, he could look a little more refined, but his tight jeans and purple knitted sweater will do more than fine. He wants to go to Blaine now, not in half an hour.</p><p> </p><p>“Bye! I’m going to Rachel’s,” he yells into the house to inform his dad, pulls on a coat and leaves.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>“Whoa, you were fast,” Blaine says as he opens the door just ten minutes later. His hair is curling wildly at his temples, no gel in sight. Kurt likes him like this a little more than the polished and held-together version, though any version of Blaine is amazing to him.</p><p> </p><p>“I couldn’t wait to see you,” Kurt says, and it earns him a blinding smile. Blaine pulls him close and shuts the door, presses a kiss on his lips.</p><p> </p><p>“I was worried I might interrupt something, but apparently not,” Blaine smiles and takes Kurt’s coat.</p><p> </p><p>“Nah, it was just some homework,” Kurt says. “I have time to finish it later.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good, because we’ll have to go for almost a week before we see each other again, and I just need you for myself right now.” There’s a fire in Blaine’s eyes, and Kurt feels hot with it.</p><p> </p><p>“Definitely better than homework,” Kurt sighs happily.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s go up to my room?” Blaine offers. “I can get us some sparkling water, you go on ahead.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt gives him a short kiss on the lips, because he can and it’s still a novelty, before he goes up the stairs and past Rachel’s room. It hits him suddenly, that he is in Rachel’s home – in his friend’s home – without telling her about it, or without her there. It feels a little wrong, but at the same time it sends a secret thrill through him. He is at Rachel’s house with Rachel’s big brother.</p><p> </p><p>With Blaine.</p><p> </p><p>He opens the door to Blaine’s room and sits down on the edge of the bed. This is where Blaine slept last night. The bed is neatly made, a dark blue cover over it. Kurt runs a hand over it. He feels hot, just being in this room alone, with the knowledge that last night when he sent the last text to Blaine, Blaine was lying right here. Kurt can see his phone charger on the night stand. Blaine had warned him at one point, that he had to go get it before his phone died mid-text. There’s something intimate in it, sitting alone in Blaine’s space. Kurt is allowed there, he was told to go there. There’s nowhere else he’d rather be right now.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine comes in, two bottles of sparkling water in hand, and closes the door. There’s a smile on his face, like seeing Kurt makes him happy, and Kurt smiles back. Blaine is in a black t-shirt, the sleeves emphasizing his arms. His dark-wash jeans aren’t as tight as Kurt’s, but they look good on him. Kurt can’t help it, he has to stare a little. His boyfriend is so attractive.</p><p> </p><p>“Like what you see?” Blaine teases gently.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Kurt admits through his blush, and doesn’t avert his eyes even though a part of him wants to. Blaine walks over, stops right in front of him, and leans down to kiss him deeply. Kurt takes him in helplessly, all but melting into the kiss, Blaine’s hand on the back of his head anchoring him to place. It’s hot, and a little wet, and Kurt can’t get enough. As Blaine pulls away, his eyes are almost black.</p><p> </p><p>“You are…” Blaine shakes his head a little. “I don’t even know. Everything that’s good in this world.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt smiles up at him, pulling Blaine to stand between his legs, arms around Blaine’s tiny waist. “What brought this on? Not that I’m complaining.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine cards a hand over Kurt’s hair. “I don’t know. I was thinking. About you, about yesterday, how you just listened to me. You let me be who I am, and I don’t have to fear your judgment. And then I just needed to see you, have you close, because it’s possible.”</p><p> </p><p>“I like it,” Kurt confesses. “I like to have you close.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah?” Blaine husks, smile a little crooked, heat in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Mm-hmm.”</p><p> </p><p>“Now that’s what I like to hear,” Blaine murmurs, and leans down again. Kurt stays sitting on the bed and  lifts his chin as high as possible to reach better, to press into Blaine’s mouth. He feels like he’s got the hang of kissing, it hasn’t been as intimidating as it was at first. He stops thinking, and lets his body lead. He licks into Blaine’s mouth, and then welcomes Blaine’s tongue into his. Blaine kisses him thoroughly, and if Kurt wasn’t sitting down, he’d probably collapse on the floor. Little shivers keep running down his spine, and his sweater feels like too much, and yet he’s shaking. His jeans are definitely too tight on him now, his cock filling and pressing against his zipper. It’s new, it’s exhilarating, it’s a little scary. He pushes a little more into Blaine, and freezes.</p><p> </p><p>His arms are still around Blaine, pulling him close, against Kurt’s belly, and – that’s not something that’s in Blaine’s pocket that Kurt can feel.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine notices Kurt’s sudden panic and pulls away, sheepish expression on his face. He drops down to sit next to Kurt, hand on Kurt’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt shakes his head. “No, I mean, me too, but… it was just. So sudden.” He knows he’s blushing like crazy, and he’s panting a little, and now that the surprise is gone, he really wants Blaine back close to him. He reaches out an arm, pressing a hand into Blaine’s back, trying to get him closer, but Blaine won’t budge.</p><p> </p><p>“We need to talk about this.” Blaine’s face is slightly red, too, and his mouth looks swollen. “We need boundaries, Kurt – we need to be able to talk about these things. I don’t want to scare you away by moving too fast. I need you to tell me when something is too much.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt looks away. Blaine’s dark eyes are too intent. He can’t possibly look at Blaine right now. He’s embarrassed by his own reaction, and he wishes he could go back to a minute ago, and just… be cooler about it, just let things happen. He wants more, he does. He was just surprised. And well. If he has to be totally honest with himself, now that he’s not as kiss-crazy, maybe it was good to stop. He still wishes the ground would open up and swallow him.</p><p> </p><p>“This was clearly too much,” Blaine states calmly.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Kurt says, still not looking at him.</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Blaine says, voice firm and clear. “No sorries. It’s perfectly okay to be nervous, or intimidated, or whatever you are feeling. I wish you would tell me what it is.”</p><p> </p><p>“I… I was surprised,” Kurt says. “I don’t know… I didn’t think, really. I should have…”</p><p> </p><p>“No, not that, either,” Blaine says gently but firmly. “There is nothing you should have done. It can be a lot, doing this kind of stuff for the first time. Hell, it can be a lot with a new person even when you’ve done it before.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods. He doesn’t know what to say. He’s still hot all over, and still embarrassed. And a little turned on, despite everything.</p><p> </p><p>“I want you to be comfortable, so that I can be comfortable,” Blaine says, rubbing his hand down Kurt’s arm. “We are not in a race, not in any rush.”</p><p> </p><p>“I like kissing,” Kurt says abruptly, and surprises himself, a little. Blaine certainly seems surprised by this turn in their conversation, because he says nothing and his hand stills on Kurt’s arm. Kurt takes a breath and continues. “It was really nice, everything right now. But… I don’t think I’m ready to go… below the belt. Or take off my clothes, yet.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s very reasonable,” Blaine says. “Thank you for telling me.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt just nods. He still can’t look at Blaine. He plays with his fingers, staring at them. Did they really just have that conversation? A cold bottle bumps into his hands, and Kurt finally turns to look at Blaine.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s drink a little water and breathe for a moment, okay?” Blaine says, and he’s still smiling. He looks like nothing embarrassing or mortifying happened at all. He looks calm, and okay, a little kissed still, but mostly just collected and adult. It makes Kurt feel even younger, but he accepts the water and takes a sip.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll put some music on,” Blaine says and gets up, walking over to his laptop on the desk. Kurt doesn’t say anything, just drinks his water slowly, trying not to die of embarrassment. A familiar song starts from the slightly tinny speakers of the laptop, and Elliott Starchild’s enviable voice fills the room. It’s not too loud, they can still talk over it comfortably, but it’s still kind of a distraction. Kurt closes his eyes and focuses on the familiar words, words he knows by heart, words he has sung over and over again. When he opens his eyes, he sees Blaine dancing to the deep beat of the song, eyes on Kurt.</p><p> </p><p>“Dance with me?” Blaine asks, and how could Kurt ever deny him? He closes the water bottle and leaves it on the floor by the bed before getting up and stepping to Blaine. Blaine takes his hand and twirls him around, silly and not really fitting to the song, but it makes Kurt giggle.</p><p> </p><p>They goof off for the first three songs, Kurt letting his embarrassment leave him. It’s just dancing, shaking his hips and colliding into Blaine in the small space they have of the floor. It’s plain, simple fun, existing in each other’s space, moving together to the same tune. The room is warm around them, the cramped space a blessing, because there’s a reason to dance really close. Every once in a while Blaine takes Kurt’s hands and leads him into some move before letting go again, both doing their own thing.</p><p> </p><p>The fourth track of the album is slightly slower. As it begins, Blaine pulls him in and gathers him close, arms around his back, chin on Kurt’s shoulder. Never Close Our Eyes has a beat to it, like most Starchild’s songs, but it’s not as fast as the previous ones. They dance close together, and when the chorus comes, Blaine sings too.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You know I wish that this night would never be over<br/>There's plenty of time to sleep when we die<br/>So let's just stay awake until we grow older<br/>If I had my way we'd never close our eyes, our eyes, never</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt realizes then that he’s never actually heard Blaine sing. He has heard that Blaine is a good singer, that he’s sung in a choir and Rachel likes to sing duets with him, but this in new. Blaine’s voice is warm and sure, soft, and it feels like warm syrup down Kurt’s back. Kurt lets the voice wrap around him like a physical touch, he closes his eyes and smiles.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Ooh, yeah</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The long note makes Kurt shiver, it makes him lean against Blaine, and those two voices go together so well, twining into each other, Starchild from the speakers and Blaine right there in his ear, close and hot and intimate. Oh, what Kurt would give to hear them actually singing together. He’s pretty sure he’s never heard anything like this. Blaine voice <em>does</em> something to him.</p><p> </p><p>The song turns into another, and Kurt pulls away from Blaine, still holding on to his arms. “Wow.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine smiles, looking at him through his lashes and tries to get him to dance again. This beat is more demanding. Kurt’s feet are almost moving on their own, but Kurt digs in his heels. “Wait, wait!”</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“You sound amazing!” Kurt can’t keep in his wonder. “That was… that was so good!”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you.” Blaine’s eyes are dark again, and his smile has that crooked edge. He looks a little warm from the dancing, and Kurt can’t resist him. He steps closer and kisses Blaine, all earlier mortification completely gone. He needs to get close to Blaine, right now. Blaine lets him in, still smiling into the kiss as Kurt tangles his fingers in Blaine’s curls.</p><p> </p><p>The song changes again, making Blaine laugh and pull away to skip it. “I think that one might be a little much after our talk just now.” The song is called Naked Love and it has lyrics to match. Lyrics that have Kurt’s mind reeling every once in a while, when he actually thinks about them.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt laughs, too. He isn’t sure how he would feel about making out to that song, because he most certainly wants Blaine to keep kissing him. “Okay, but come back already.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine just looks at him for a beat. “Okay.” And he takes the three steps between them, crashing into Kurt, kissing him. For a moment they just kiss each other, and Kurt can feel the now familiar heat returning between his legs. Blaine’s lips travel from Kurt’s lips to his cheek, and Kurt just holds on to Blaine’s shoulders. The next kiss is placed on his jaw with a smacking sound, and then Blaine’s lips are right under his ear on his neck. A tiny noise escapes from Kurt’s mouth, but he can’t even feel dumb about it, because the spot Blaine just hit is something amazing, new and so, so good. It’s unlike anything Kurt has felt before.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah?” Blaine asks, his voice low and husky, lips still on Kurt’s skin. His breath sends goosebumps on down Kurt’s neck.</p><p> </p><p>“Please let’s sit down before I collapse,” Kurt breathes, and Blaine complies, leading him to the bed, where they sit down heavily. Without missing a moment, Blaine is back to kissing that exact spot, right under Kurt’s left ear, and Kurt never thought he’d be this noisy because of a kiss, but here he is, whining into the air, holding on to Blaine. His cock is straining in his pants, and Kurt has never been this turned on this fast. Blaine found some kind of a turn-Kurt-to-boiling button.</p><p> </p><p>“Leave me a mark,” he whispers, unsteady hands gripping on Blaine’s arms, solid under his fingertips, skin smooth.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine lifts his head, and the wonderful sensation of his soft lips is gone. Kurt wants more of it. “Are you sure? Kurt, that’s… so hot.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, yes, Blaine, just… leave me something to remember.” Kurt is all but pressing Blaine’s face back on that spot. Blaine goes with a huff of laughter that sparks along Kurt’s neck, and then makes Kurt sees stars. There’s a hot, insistent, wet pressure on his neck, right on that spot that makes him crazy. Kurt is about to come in his pants, he’s whining into the air, eyes closed against the assault of pleasure that radiates from his neck all over his body. He pushes closer to Blaine without one rational thought. There’s a hint of teeth, more suction, and then Blaine is leaning away to take a look at what he did, brushing a thumb over the spot.</p><p> </p><p>“Holy shit, Kurt – I am not sorry, but I feel like I should be,” Blaine says, his eyes wide and so, so dark as he stares at Kurt’s neck.</p><p> </p><p>“No, no, no, that was amazing,” Kurt says. He can still feel the heat from Blaine’s mouth on his skin, it’s pulsing along with his heart, a little painful but so, so good.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine presses a wet kiss on his lips. “I can’t believe how I’m going to live without seeing you until next weekend. So hot, Kurt.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt groans. “Don’t remind me. Do you have to go?”</p><p> </p><p>“I do have some classes still, and some kids who really need to learn to play piano,” Blaine says, his hand smoothing down Kurt’s arm.</p><p> </p><p>“Can’t you just cancel those and stay in Lima?” Kurt knows Blaine can’t, but he has to say it. He needs Blaine. It’s devastating to think that they have to separate, and soon, since the sun is already on its way down behind Blaine’s window.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine shakes his head. “Sadly, no matter how much I want to, I can’t. I have a meeting with my professor about my thesis on Tuesday.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt sighs. “Is all this talk because you’re trying to throw me out?”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine looks away. “Soon, yeah. I still have to drive today. I hate to leave you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know. Me, too,” Kurt says.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The songs mentioned in this chapter (and in the whole fic, yikes, I've forgotten to put a note to the other chapters) are Adam Lambert's songs by the names you can see in the text.</p><p>Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think! You can also find me on little-escapist.tumblr.com.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I guess this chapter could be titled They Get Horny, part 1.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Kurt stares at himself in the bathroom mirror. He has just showered, and he should be brushing his teeth, but he gets constantly distracted by the huge hickey high on his neck. His eyes are like glued on the reflection, and he thinks he can still feel the spot, too. It’s dark, black and purple, like a neon sign under his ear. All he can do is stare at it. Just seeing the mark on his skin makes him almost as hot as he was when Blaine’s lips were attached on his skin. He was hard all the way through their goodbye kisses and the drive home, and he had to hurry to his room right after to get himself some relief from the painful arousal. Now he’s getting turned on all over again, because Blaine’s mark is on him – he is Blaine’s, and wow, <em>okay</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt can just see his erection in the bathroom mirror over the counter, poking through the opening in his robe. He takes a deep breath and ignores it. He gets his toothbrush at last, after minutes of just standing there in front of the mirror.</p><p> </p><p>After brushing his teeth he rushes back to his room. He puts out the overhead light, shrugs off his robe, and decides to leave his pajamas off tonight before he goes to bed. For a second he thinks about just trying to go to sleep, but as the sheets slide against his skin he abandons that crazy idea. He lies on his back under the covers and wraps one hand around himself, lifting the other to his neck to press on the bruise. He is so turned on that it’s ridiculous considering that he got off only about three hours ago, when he got home. Usually he is not like this, ever. He doesn’t even get off that often, compared to what he has heard from other boys, and he has never jerked off two times in one day.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt’s phone vibrates on the bedside table and interrupts his touching. There’s only one possible person calling him this late. It has to be Blaine, who has probably just gotten home, calling him goodnight. Kurt stops, his hands still on his skin, his phone buzzing away on the night stand next to his ear. He removes the hand from his neck to pick up the phone and check. Yes, it’s Blaine.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt is torn – he really wants to answer, he wants to say goodnight, but then again, it would probably be the most awkward phone call of his life because he is so turned on. The phone keeps buzzing in his hand insistently. Kurt sighs, rolls over on his belly, and groans at the friction of the sheets against his heated skin. This is going to be awfully embarrassing, he can tell.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi there,” he says into the phone. His voice is so low he barely recognizes it himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Um… Kurt?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt clears his throat and tries again. “Yeah.” He sounds almost like himself this time around.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you… are you okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Never better. Did you get home okay?” Kurt tries, he really tries, but hearing Blaine’s voice isn’t helping his situation at all. He can’t help pressing his hips into the mattress. He can’t really decide if going to bed naked was the best or the worst possible idea.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I just got in, actually. There were deer on the road. The car in front of me almost hit one. You’re breathing kind of heavy, are you sure you’re okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt holds his breath. That doesn’t work for long, though, because he has to answer Blaine. “I…” he hesitates. Is he really going to do this? “Your hickey kind of got me into a situation.” His face is burning, he is not sure what possessed him to actually say that out loud. He wanted to tell Blaine, though. He wants this, he wants Blaine, and he’s tired of tiptoeing.</p><p> </p><p>“Like…?” Blaine sounds genuinely puzzled.</p><p> </p><p>“Like I’m in my bed naked and hard,” Kurt grunts, and he’s pretty sure it’s the dirtiest thing he has ever uttered out loud in his life. His face feels like it’s on fire, and he dives into his pillow for a moment. Is he actually doing this?</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god, Kurt,” Blaine moans, and Kurt can’t even try to resist humping his bed anymore. “That’s a conversation starter, for sure.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt can’t say anything. He’s too embarrassed and turned on at the same time, the sheet whispering against his skin and nearly driving him mad. Blaine knows, now, and Kurt’s skin tingles.</p><p> </p><p>“Seriously, Kurt, you drive me crazy, saying that,” Blaine says, breathing heavy into the phone. “I almost feel dizzy, honey.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m… sorry?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, no, this is, wow. I just… Hold that thought, Kurt, I just need to get to my room…” Kurt can hear shuffling on the background, and then clearly a sound of a door closing. “Do you… want help with your situation? Or should we hang up? It’s your call, sweetie – whatever you’re comfortable with.”</p><p> </p><p>Right now Kurt just <em>wants</em>. He wants to hear Blaine, he wants this. They haven’t talked about anything like this, but it’s exciting and his hard-on isn’t going anywhere. Blaine can’t see him, and Kurt doesn’t need to worry about touching him wrong, or what his own body looks like. This is perfect. “I… please, stay there and talk to me. I want you there, with me. I wouldn’t have told you if I didn’t want this.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine lets out a frustrated sound, and there are more quiet sounds in the background. Kurt can’t really tell what Blaine is doing, it’s too quiet. “The things you do to me, Kurt.”</p><p> </p><p>“I could say the same about you,” Kurt says, unable to stop rolling his hips into the mattress. It’s a tease, not enough, but he can’t stay still. “Never done this before.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know, sweetie, I know. And damn me to hell, but that is so fucking hot.” Blaine is panting on the other end, now, and something about the pet name and the litany of curses make Kurt ten times hotter. His proper, gentle Blaine is reduced to this, just because of Kurt’s words.</p><p> </p><p>“I kept staring at the hickey on the mirror,” Kurt confesses. “I couldn’t take my eyes off it.”</p><p> </p><p>“It turned out so huge. I am so sorry if you get any shit about it, but Kurt, I couldn’t help it. You’re just, so responsive, so hot, you have no idea of your own appeal and it’s all driving me crazy.” Blaine breathes for a moment. “Are you touching yourself?”</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Kurt says, swallows and tries to not be embarrassed anymore, because Blaine likes this. “I’m… I’m on my belly. Kind of, just, rubbing against the bed.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh lord, Kurt.” No one has ever said Kurt’s name like that, and to hear it from Blaine is a heady feeling that makes Kurt’s cock twitch. Kurt can also hear faint sounds, like…</p><p> </p><p>“Are <em>you</em> touching yourself?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Blaine says, like it’s nothing, but it’s a lot. “Impossible not to, after what you said to me, after you gave me permission. Kind of, at least. Is, is this okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Of course, Kurt is aware of the effect he has on Blaine. He has seen it in Blaine’s eyes, felt it just earlier that day, and Blaine has said it out loud himself, but hearing this, hearing how gone Blaine already is, this is on another level entirely. Kurt kicks at his cover, feeling too hot for it. “Of course it’s okay.”</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt… fuck your mattress for me? Please?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt does just that, puts his back into it, and moans into the phone at the feeling. He’s so close, just like this, and Blaine’s voice in his ear. The soft sheet is perfection and torture at the same time – too much, and not nearly enough, delicious tease against him.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh yes, come on, my sweet, touch yourself, I want to hear you.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt wraps his free hand around himself, and the touch combined with Blaine’s words tips Kurt over. He comes all over his sheet, and ends up gasping for breath around the pleasure shooting through his system. It’s deep, delicious, and even a little painful in its intensity, and he’s never felt anything like it alone with his hand. “Oh wow, Blaine,” he breathes into the phone once he’s able to form words.</p><p> </p><p>“You, oh Kurt, that must be the hottest thing I’ve ever heard.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt can hear Blaine’s hand speeding up, a moist sound, and he’s pretty sure that’s the hottest thing <em>he’s</em> ever heard. “Yeah? I’m glad.”</p><p> </p><p>“Please, keep on talking, oh shit,” Blaine groans again, and Kurt’s spent cock almost wakes up again at the sound. Blaine’s voice is low and dangerous in his ear, and it sends little thrills through him.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re so good to me,” Kurt says softly now, trying to move away from the wet spot he created, feeling fuzzy and sated but also a little weird, now, not sure what he’s supposed to say to help Blaine get off.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s easy, with you,” Blaine answers, close and intimate, voice breathy. “I want to be good for you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Your mark on me got me going more than anything ever before,” Kurt tells him, and he has no idea if it’s a good thing to say or not. He’s out of his depth, now, the good, fuzzy feeling slowly turning into awkwardness. How is he supposed to just talk his boyfriend to finish? He’s never done anything like this. “I made such a mess, too. I think I have to shower again.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, my, that image, Kurt,” Blaine ends up half shouting Kurt’s name into the phone, and Kurt can hear him pant and strain as he comes, and wow. Just, wow. Apparently it didn’t take that much of talking to get Blaine there. Kurt feels strangely proud of himself.</p><p> </p><p>For a long moment they’re silent, just breathing together, coming down. Kurt’s mind is blank, his body spent. He’s floating, and tired, and happy.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow, Kurt, that was something else,” Blaine says finally. “Really unexpected, but, you’re amazing. I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt giggles. Suddenly he’s really, really tired, and his mind isn’t working properly for him to think of an answer.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you okay? It wasn’t too much too soon?”</p><p> </p><p>“It was a lot, Blaine, but not too much. I have no complaints whatsoever,” Kurt tells him. He’s happy that Blaine asked, though. And he has never been this tired before, tired down to his bones, and it would be so nice to just close his eyes and drift off to sleep - into soft, warm sleep, satisfaction radiating everywhere in his body.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s good to hear. Because it was amazing.”</p><p> </p><p>“Was,” Kurt agrees sleepily. “’m tired now.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine laughs. “Wore yourself out, did you? That’s okay. I’ll let you sleep now. Good night, my sweet.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt mumbles something in reply, and falls asleep.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>A loud beeping sound straight into Kurt’s ear wakes him up. He reaches for his night stand, but the phone isn’t there, it’s glued on to his cheek. He slept on top of his phone. He stares at the device dumbfounded for a moment until he wakes up a little more, and the night before comes back to him. That happened. He’s sticky and messy and he slept on his phone because he had phone sex with Blaine. Just like that. He fell asleep right after it, so now he is extra gross, his sheet is gross, and he has to get up and take the sheets to the laundry and he can’t be late for school. That thought gets him moving, rushing off to shower, then he hurries his sheets to the laundry basket, and all that’s left is trying to find sensible clothes.</p><p> </p><p>Sensible clothes that cover up the world’s largest hickey that he glimpsed in the bathroom mirror and refused to look at any longer, or he would have been late. Luckily the weather is still cool enough for him to wear a turtleneck, and finish off the ensemble with a scarf. He makes sure in his vanity mirror that nothing is visible at least three times before heading downstairs for breakfast. He has to check it again several times before he can get out of the door and to his car. The mark is hidden, and he wants to keep it that way.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt feels different, somehow, and yet not at all. He feels loose and happy, light in a new way. He has about ten minutes to think things over while he drives to school, and he’s grateful for the small break. It’s kind of unbelievable. He had phone sex last night, for real, with Blaine. They got off together for the first time. He isn’t a complete virgin anymore, is he? Kurt got off with someone else for the first time ever, and it was amazing. It makes Kurt grin to himself. It was also surprisingly easy, much less scary than he’d thought, but it might have been because of the phone. There was no seeing or touching anything. He couldn’t see Blaine, he didn’t have time to be self-conscious and he didn’t have to worry over how he looks naked. Things are going to be very different when it happens in person…</p><p> </p><p>When. Not if. Kurt drums his fingers on the steering wheel happily. Sex isn’t just a foreign idea anymore, something that will happen sometime after he gets to college. It’s his life, now, his reality, that he will get physical with Blaine sooner rather than later. It’s inevitable, and the thought both terrifies and thrills him. He’ll get to be with Blaine, of all people, and he doesn’t have to dream about a nameless, faceless someone in New York. He gets to lose his virginity to Blaine, gorgeous, older Blaine who sings and dances and teaches kids music and genuinely cares about Kurt. Kurt gets to be with someone who understands him like no one else. It makes him happier than he could ever imagine being.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt runs into Rachel at the doors, as she’s arriving to school at the same time. She waves to him with a smile on her face.</p><p> </p><p>“Morning, Kurt! It’s Regionals week!” Rachel chirps, too upbeat that early in the morning, but Kurt knows she’s been up for hours already. She always wakes up early.</p><p> </p><p>And today Kurt is upbeat, too. “Yes it is!” he agrees, though he had almost forgotten all about Regionals because of Blaine. The competition is on Thursday.</p><p> </p><p>Rachel gives him a long look as they walk down the hallway. “You aren’t usually this happy going to school.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, it’s a good day,” Kurt smiles. <em>I had phone sex with your brother last night</em>, he thinks, and almost chokes on his tongue trying to not laugh at the thought of her face if he actually said it out loud.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The good mood stays with him all day long. Mercedes gives him looks in Math that he ignores happily. She is going to ask him questions, but he decides not to worry about it right then. Mercedes will want details, and Kurt knows she knows something is up. He isn’t sure how much he can actually say without giving it all away, though.</p><p> </p><p>And he is right in assuming she wants to interrogate him, because she takes his arm as they leave the classroom.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright then, tell me,” she says. “You look like the cat that got the canary.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt bites his lip around his smile and shrugs.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, I know something is going on,” Mercedes wheedles. “It’s a big secret and all, but I am in on it. So spill!”</p><p> </p><p>“Shh, ‘Cedes!” Kurt turns to look at her. “I don’t want all the world to hear…”</p><p> </p><p>The slushy comes too quickly for them to see. It hits Kurt in the left side of his face, cold and all-consuming. It’s a pure shock to the system every time, a numbing pain that spreads all over and stops all movement, all thought. It’s jarring, it’s a freezing cold that burns as it slides down his face and shirt. He blinks one eye open and sees Mercedes covered in blue ice. Someone laughs walking past them.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh no!” Rachel hurries over from somewhere. “I saw what happened, let’s get you cleaned up.”</p><p> </p><p>Rachel steers them to the closest girls’ bathroom, holding each by an arm. Kurt shakes his head a little, green chunks of ice dropping on the floor. There aren’t that many people around, since it’s the end of the day. Most people are either headed home or to some extracurricular. The bathroom is empty, too. Kurt goes to the sinks and looks at himself in the mirror, checking the damage. There’s still ice in his hair, all over his face and some dripping down into his scarf and collar. His skin has turned to an angry red at the cold.</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh, I hate that,” Mercedes complains by his side, wiping at her eyes and throwing a handful of slushy into the sink.</p><p> </p><p>“We have to hurry, we can’t be late for glee,” Rachel panics and offers them a towel from her backpack. What a sad world it is that they have to carry towels at school.</p><p> </p><p>Rachel is right, though, they still have to practice for Regionals and they need to hurry to get to glee in time. Kurt takes off his scarf, looking at it sadly. The red of it is now stained into some kind of an ugly purplish brown. He really hopes it washes off. He reaches over to give the scarf to Rachel for safe-keeping while he washes himself, but he stops as Rachel gasps loudly.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt, what is that?” she sounds scandalized, her tiny hand already pulling at Kurt’s collar to see better. Kurt remembers why he wore the scarf in the first place – the hickey is still there, proud and loud. And now Rachel and Mercedes have seen it.</p><p> </p><p>“None of your business,” Kurt says and pushes Rachel’s hand away.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s a hickey! What haven’t you told me?” Rachel demands, her voice getting shrill.</p><p> </p><p>“So that’s why you’ve been so happy today,” Mercedes says. Her eyes are wide and her mouth is hanging open a little.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t deal with this,” Kurt sighs. He has no idea how to handle the situation, what to tell Rachel.</p><p> </p><p>“When did that happen?” Rachel asks. “Who have you been with?!”</p><p> </p><p>“Does either of you have a scarf I could borrow?” Kurt asks, decidedly not answering Rachel or even looking at Mercedes. He can’t.</p><p> </p><p>“I have one in my locker,” Mercedes says quietly.</p><p> </p><p>“But, but, but. What is going on, why doesn’t anybody tell me anything?” Rachel asks, eyes huge, jumping from Kurt to Mercedes and back to Kurt.</p><p> </p><p>Rachel is the last person Kurt wanted in on this, but he can’t do anything about it now, except refuse to say anything. He has no explanation, and he doesn’t feel like inventing one for Rachel’s sake. He has a hickey, and he can’t deny it. Let Rachel wonder about it, he’s not obligated to tell her.</p><p> </p><p>“I am not talking about this,” Kurt says, leaning over the sink to wash his face. His skin tingles with the warm water, feeling returning after the shock of cold.</p><p> </p><p>“He hasn’t told me anything, either,” Mercedes says to Rachel.</p><p> </p><p>“And I’m not going to. I’m not saying a word,” Kurt says, making clear that this topic is done with now.</p><p> </p><p>The girls don’t ask, but as they walk out of the bathroom and head towards the choir room, Kurt can see them exchanging looks. He knows Rachel is curious, but he won’t say anything to her. It’s too dangerous already with them knowing this much. No one can figure it out, no one, but especially not Rachel.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Again, let me know what you think! </p><p>You can also find me on tumblr as little-escapist.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>We've reached the halfway point. I almost can't believe it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>It’s the day of the Show Choir Regional Championships. Since New Directions is the last year’s Regional Champion, they are hosting the event. Kurt prefers it that way. They don’t have to travel anywhere, and the stage is familiar to them. His dad can come to watch and cheer easily.</p><p> </p><p>They’ve all gathered to the choir room as people are filling in the auditorium. Kurt really likes these moments just before a performance. The nervous and excited energy in the room engulfs him, and he lets it happen. Everyone is finishing their make-up (Kurt made sure that the quickly healing hickey is under several layers of foundation), some are still going through the most difficult parts of choreography together, recapping their performance so that everyone certainly remembers their cues. During these moments they really turn into a unit, into an entity bigger than the sum of its parts. They come together for a common goal, as a group, as a family. All drama and selfishness take the backseat before a performance. That hasn’t always been the case, but right now everything is fine. Rachel hasn’t bugged Kurt once today about the hickey she saw on Monday.</p><p> </p><p>It’s competition time. Kurt lets the excited nerves tingle – this is one of the reasons he enjoys performing so much.</p><p> </p><p>They warm up their voices through short exercises, and then they head to the auditorium to see what they are up against. The auditorium is almost full. Kurt thinks that the two other schools must have brought parents along, because people in Lima are not that interested in show choirs. He sits down between Mercedes and Rachel on the row that’s reserved for them. Kurt tries to look around discreetly if he could spot his dad, but there are too many people, and it’s too dark. He has to be content in the knowledge that Burt is there somewhere.</p><p> </p><p>The announcer starts off the night. First up is Aural Intensity, a familiar opponent. They’re good, very skilled and disciplined. Their numbers are almost too clean, in Kurt’s opinion: they are too good, and there’s no emotion there. They are impressive with their dance moves, but something, the last wow factor, is missing. Kurt is sure the New Directions are better performers in that regard. They will get the audience to their feet.</p><p> </p><p>After a short breathing break and some really awkward jokes from the guy hosting the competition it’s time for the second show choir to perform. They’re called Dalton Academy Warblers, a group from a privileged boys-only school in Westerville. Kurt knows about the school and its open-mindedness, the no tolerance policy for bullying. He once dreamed of transferring there, but it would have meant leaving behind all his friends. Besides, Warblers aren’t that amazing. They’re charming in the boyband way, all in uniforms and singing perfect a cappella harmonies, but they are a little boring. The lead singer is nowhere near as phenomenal as Rachel. Kurt doesn’t want to get ahead of himself, but he’s pretty sure they will win this.</p><p> </p><p>Once the Warblers finish their set, New Directions hurry backstage before their turn. They swarm together, too many people in a small space, show circle, and then it’s time to find their places, who comes in from stage left, who from the right. Kurt stands behind Puck on the stage right, his hands shaking slightly. There’s a nervous thrill in the bottom of his belly. This is it, it’s time to perform. Walking to the stage is amazing, the rush filling him. This is why he’s here, they’re good and they know it.</p><p> </p><p>As always, the actual performance goes by in a blur. Rachel sings lead, then there’s a duet with Finn and Rachel, and a group number where Kurt has three lines, too. It’s always over so fast, considering that they’ve spent so much effort making sure everything goes perfectly. Kurt hardly remembers anything from the performance as they run off stage, audience’s cheers loud in their ears. Backstage they hug and congratulate each other. The competition is not over yet, but they all feel good about their performance. Rachel stresses over some missed steps in her solo number, but everyone is quick to assure her that the audience probably didn’t notice her tiny slip-up.</p><p> </p><p>Very soon they are all on stage again, between the two other choirs. Third place is announced, Kurt squeezes Mercedes’ fingers in his own sweaty hand. The Warblers take the third place, so it’s only seconds away – did they get to Nationals?</p><p> </p><p>They win. The whole group explodes in happiness, as Mr. Schuester walks over to accept the trophy. They made it. They are going to Chicago for the National Show Choir Championships. They have a shot at winning what they lost last year. Rachel hugs Kurt and giggles loudly into his ear, Tina and Mercedes are jumping up and down.</p><p> </p><p>In a mess of happiness they jump and skip their way back to the choir room to celebrate. The air is nothing short of festive. Mr. Schuester is laughing as his students keep hugging each other over and over again.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re going to Nationals!” Rachel keeps shouting, jumping from one person to another until Finn takes a hold of her and keeps her still.</p><p> </p><p>Soon there are also parents in the room. Quinn’s mom is there, and so is Finn’s. Mercedes’ both parents come to greet and congratulate their daughter, and Sugar’s super rich dad presses a kiss into her daughter’s hair. Kurt hugs his dad who came in together with Finn’s mom.</p><p> </p><p>“Well done, bud!” Burt says, smiling wide and obviously proud of his son and the whole club.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, dad!” Kurt is happy as can be, and then Blaine walks in.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt’s first instinct is to go to him, wrap his arms around his shoulders and kiss him senseless. Blaine is here, he saw them win! Blaine looks nice, his hair is slicked back and he’s wearing a blue button-up with black jeans, and a black bow tie. Kurt manages to stop himself and pull back after taking one step towards Blaine. It’s torture to be so close, and not allowed to touch, when touching is all he wants. He’s not sure if he can even talk to Blaine with all these people watching, especially with his dad and Rachel there. Kurt turns back to his dad, trying to keep the happy smile on his face.</p><p> </p><p>“What did you think of our performance?” he asks, but half of his attention is on Blaine, and no one can escape Rachel’s enthusiastic yell that quiets all conversation for a few seconds.</p><p> </p><p>“Blaine! You made it!” She jumps into her brother’s arms, bubbling and overjoyed.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course,” Blaine says, setting his sister down. Kurt tries not to be jealous that Rachel got to hug Blaine like that. He wants to go to Blaine, he wants that affection. It also hurts a little that Blaine didn’t tell him he was coming.</p><p> </p><p>“They should have let you sing more. You were great though, all of you,” Burt says, and it takes Kurt a moment to remember why he’s saying it. It was an answer to Kurt’s own question.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, Mercedes! You were amazing,” Kurt can hear Blaine say, now closer. Of course Blaine can say hi to Mercedes, all of them have spent enough time at the Berry house. Kurt bristles. He doesn’t know why it irks him so much that Blaine is here so suddenly, without a warning, without a moment to just say hi and be together.</p><p> </p><p>Then there’s a warm hand on his shoulder. “Kurt, there you are!”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt turns around to face Blaine, who is smiling that familiar, wide smile. Kurt keeps looking for a signal, for a little gesture that they are more than just acquaintances. There’s nothing though, and Blaine’s hand isn’t even on his shoulder anymore. Kurt wants touch, he wants contact, he wants <em>something</em>. Blaine is here, Blaine just saw him perform, and they can’t kiss or touch or do anything that Kurt most longs for.</p><p> </p><p>“That was a real good performance up there,” Blaine continues.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks. I didn’t know you were coming.” Kurt feels like he’s not good enough of an actor for this. It’s like everything he feels is written on his face for everyone to see, though hardly anyone is paying any attention to him.</p><p> </p><p>“It was a last minute thing, I wasn’t sure if I could make it,” Blaine says, his smile dimming a little. “I’m glad I did get here in time to see you perform.” There it is, slight warmth in his voice, more familiar than just a friend’s brother.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s nice,” Kurt says. He’s not sure what he could say that isn’t too much.</p><p> </p><p>“Blaine, right?” Burt pipes in then over Kurt’s shoulder, and oops, Kurt forgot about his dad.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, that’s me,” Blaine says, ever the gentleman, offering his hand to Kurt’s dad with a smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Burt Hummel.” They shake hands and Kurt feels awkward, standing there almost between them. His dad is shaking his secret boyfriend’s hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks for taking Kurt to that concert last month. The boy has never been as happy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, it was my pleasure,” Blaine laughs. Kurt has to wonder why he isn’t more taken aback, how he can be so natural. “You have an amazing son. It was really nice to have Kurt over.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt can’t take it anymore. “I need some air, there are too many people here,” he says, a little too loud, and walks away. If he stays, he is going to blurt something stupid, and anyway, watching his dad and his boyfriend interact is a little too much for him.</p><p> </p><p>He says hi to Mercedes’ parents and Artie’s mom in his way outside. He tells Mercedes that he needs some air, and leaves the noise and heat of the room. The empty hallway feels too large, his footsteps echoing from the walls.</p><p> </p><p>He is kind of mad at Blaine. Of course it’s nice to see him a day earlier than expected, but Kurt would have liked a little heads up before. It would have been easier to deal with seeing him in a crowded room if Kurt would have known to wait for him. Now he just froze. After their conversation on Sunday night the need to be close to Blaine has been nearly unbearable. All he wants right now is to walk back to the choir room and kiss Blaine. He wants to hold him close and be held, he wants to celebrate the victory together. It’s so unfair that they have to hide, but it’s for the best. Rachel would throw a fit, and his dad would probably start monitoring his comings and goings and phone calls, and he isn’t ready for that. He just hopes that Blaine wasn’t in a room full of people they both know. He wants the reunion he has been looking forward to ever since saying bye on Sunday.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt’s feet carry him outside the main entrance. He stands there, staring over the parking lot, where the other choirs are packing their stuff into their buses, getting ready to head home. Sky is overcast, turning the world into a dull gray. The cool air feels cold against his overheated skin, but it also sobers him. The rush of performing, of winning, fades a little, world comes back to focus. Maybe he overreacted a little.</p><p> </p><p>The doors open behind him.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt?” It’s Blaine. Of course it is. “Is everything okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt wraps his arms around his middle and shakes his head, pulling into himself. Blaine steps closer, right next to him, but doesn’t offer touch. Kurt isn’t sure if he wanted it right now, anyway. They are still at the school, still in plain sight, and no one can tell when someone they know might walk out of the building.</p><p> </p><p>“What is it?” Blaine asks.</p><p> </p><p>“You could have told me you were coming today,” Kurt says without looking at Blaine.</p><p> </p><p>“I… I thought I’d surprise you.”</p><p> </p><p>“You did.” Kurt stares at the Dalton bus leaving the parking lot. “It’s just so hard with all those people there. Rachel. My dad. You just walk in, unexpected, and all I want is to run into your arms but I can’t, because of the people there. It’s been difficult enough to avoid Rachel’s questions about the hickey – she saw it on Monday and she’s been bugging me all week. So. It would have been nice to prepare for seeing you with all of them in the same room.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, Kurt. I didn’t think about it like that.” Kurt can feel a hand brush his back, and then it’s gone again. “But it was very last minute, just like I told you in there. I wasn’t sure if I could make it. I would have hated it, if I had told you I was coming, and then cancelled right before your performance.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt finally looks at him. Blaine looks so apologetic with his big puppy eyes that it almost hurts to look at him. “It’s alright, don’t worry.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll call you tonight? I guess I have to collect Rachel soon.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt offers him a thin smile. “Of course.”</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>“I’m still very sorry, Kurt,” Blaine starts the phone call.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt is in bed, exhausted after the competition and the celebration. The day has been really, really long. Still, there’s nothing better than laying there, talking to Blaine before falling asleep. This is the foundation of their relationship, their own time, their nightly ritual.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s alright, Blaine, really. I was just… surprised. I didn’t know how to react or cover my reaction in front of my dad. You caught me off guard.”</p><p> </p><p>“Bad planning on my part. Seriously bad.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, well. Things happen.”</p><p> </p><p>“I want to see you. Alone, so that we can be ourselves and not worry about others.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt sighs into the phone. He wants that, too. “We can’t be alone before Saturday. It feels like I have to wait forever.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I heard about Rachel’s party tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods even though Blaine can’t see him. Rachel invited the glee club over to her house to celebrate their second consecutive regional championship. Normally Kurt would like the idea. They don’t have that long anymore until half of the club graduates, so it’s nice to find reasons to be together. Now he has Blaine, though, and he only has Blaine for tiny moments in time. One night off of that feels like a huge loss.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s such a player, you should have seen it,” Blaine says. “I saw her little show for dads today, right when we got home. She kept going on about dad’s birthday on Sunday, and how the two of them need some private time to celebrate it. She practically told them to get a hotel room for the night, and somehow it worked. She pulled me into it, telling them that now, because I’m home, they can be sure she won’t do anything stupid.”</p><p> </p><p>“I bet that was a sight,” Kurt comments. He can almost see the face Rachel made, serious and coaxing, eyes big and innocent.</p><p> </p><p>“I have no idea how they bought the idea, but they will be gone tomorrow night,” Blaine continues.</p><p> </p><p>“And Rachel gets her party. She is going to drink, you know,” Kurt tells Blaine.</p><p> </p><p>“I know, oh I know. I remember that one weekend about a year ago. I called her, and she was really hung over, because she had thrown a party when dads were gone.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t approve,” Kurt notices.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t like that she went behind dads’ backs. She did empty their liquor cabinet, and that’s not cheap stuff that they like to keep there. But I get it, too – I’m not that old. So, I blackmailed her into letting me to your party tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt laughs out loud before muffling himself. He doesn’t want his dad to hear. Then he realizes. “You’re going to be there, with us?” He’s not sure if he will survive all night in the same room with Blaine, having to hide how he feels.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. I’m supervising. I plan on keeping my eye on one certain boy in particular,” Blaine teases, and Kurt flushes hot.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you think they’ll notice something is up?”</p><p> </p><p>“I doubt it,” Blaine says. “They will be busy getting drunk and, knowing Rachel, singing. They don’t know to look for anything.”</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s try to keep it down, then,” Kurt says, and an idea comes to him. “Do you… do you think that we could sneak off at some point during the night? To be alone?” He’s going to be at Rachel’s all night, he already talked about it with his dad. He only now realizes that he will be in the same house with Blaine all night, too. It makes him all kinds of excited.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll see,” Blaine says softly. “We need to be discreet, but I think we can manage. And I bet my bed is more comfortable that the inflatable mattresses that Rachel is going to lug downstairs.”</p><p> </p><p>“I need to see you properly,” Kurt whines, and he doesn’t even care if he sounds juvenile. He could sleep in Blaine’s bed tomorrow night if he plays his cards right. “We have to find a way to sneak out together.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine laughs. “Don’t worry, Kurt. We’ll figure something out.”</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Rachel opens the door in a dress no one else would ever wear to a party. Kurt refuses to even look at the pale green monstrosity.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi Kurt, go on downstairs, the others are already starting the party,” Rachel says. Her smile is really excited and Kurt isn’t sure if it’s a good thing. He dreads tonight. His friends can create drama and be embarrassing, and Blaine will be there, too.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you just going to stand at the door until everyone is here?” Kurt asks.</p><p> </p><p>“We can’t hear the doorbell in the basement, the music’s too loud,” Rachel explains and all but pushes Kurt towards the basement door. Kurt lifts his arms up in surrender, wondering where Blaine is. He can’t really escape upstairs, not with Rachel guarding the door like an enthusiastic dog. Kurt had kind of hoped to steal a moment with Blaine before meeting the others and having to spend the night in the same room with all of them. Maybe Blaine is already downstairs? Kurt is impatient to see him again. He spares a look towards the stairs leading up instead of down, but Rachel is right there, so he has to go down.</p><p> </p><p>“I figured out your so-called hickey, by the way,” Rachel says, and Kurt freezes. He turns around but doesn’t say a word. He isn’t sure what Rachel is up to, what she thinks she has figured out.</p><p> </p><p>“You did it to yourself, didn’t you?” Rachel says, and Kurt holds in a breath of relief. “You just wanted to make me and Mercedes wonder about it.”</p><p> </p><p>So Mercedes hasn’t ratted him out to Rachel. Kurt is very thankful. “Oh, really?” he says, just to keep up pretenses.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, there are no gay boys our age in Lima, and if there are, they are deep in the closet. I don’t think you’d date in the closet. You’re too proud of who you are to do that. So, either you’re going against your principles or you made that hickey yourself with a vacuum cleaner or something, to throw me and Mercedes off.” Rachel looks all too happy with her entirely wrong deduction, and Kurt lets her be that way. He’s off the hook now. She has no idea where the hickey actually came from. That is how it should be.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt shrugs. “I’m still not talking about it, no matter what you say.”</p><p> </p><p>“I have you figured out, Kurt Hummel!” Rachel gloats.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt just turns away and goes to the stairs leading down.</p><p> </p><p>Artie, Tina and Sugar are already present, and Blaine clearly isn’t in the basement with them. Tina and Artie are focused on picking more music for their playlist, but Sugar skips over to hug Kurt hello. Then people start arriving. Quinn comes down the stairs before Sugar releases Kurt from her hold, and soon Mercedes shouts her hellos as well. Rory arrives, slightly shy look on his face. Finn and Puck arrive last, together, Puck carrying an ominously jingling plastic bag.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s get this party started!” Puck yells over the music.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt rolls his eyes. He just wishes Blaine would join them soon. He accepts the bottle of hard cider Puck hands him – he plans on nursing it the whole night to keep others off his back about drinking more. Alcohol makes him wary, and he doesn’t want to over-indulge. He’s never really understood the appeal of getting sloppy, clumsy and stupid. Puck probably thinks he’s super boring for it. Everyone else starts drinking happily. Puck is in the corner, working on a punch of some kind, and Rachel comes downstairs with a wine cooler in hand, her cheeks already reddening.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt sits down on the couch with Tina and Mercedes, who start talking about Regionals and their opponents in particular. Kurt listens to their conversation, but his attention is mostly on the stairs. Blaine said he would be there, so where is he? Everyone else is present, chatting together or dancing a little to the music playing from the speakers. Kurt tries to tune in, Tina is speculating something about the Warblers, but he is absolutely lost and can’t catch up.</p><p> </p><p>“You look bored, Kurt,” Tina says after a while, taking a large gulp of her drink. “None of the Warbler boys got your attention, then?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I’m not bored,” Kurt protests. “I was just… thinking.”</p><p> </p><p>Mercedes rolls her eyes at his words. “It’s a party, Kurt. Stop sulking.”</p><p> </p><p>“Even though everyone else here seems to be in a rush to get their brains offline, I’m not,” Kurt says.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt, come on, live a little,” Mercedes says and nudges his arm. “This is a party, we’re not supposed to be serious… wait. What is <em>he</em> doing here?”</p><p> </p><p>Of course Blaine has arrived just when Kurt’s attention was elsewhere. He looks very dapper, his hair is again slicked down, and he’s wearing red pants and a little more casual black t-shirt. He has also added the leather bracelets he had on in the concert. As they watch, Rachel rushes to her brother.</p><p> </p><p>“Blaine, you don’t have to be here-here. You can stay upstairs.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, Rachel, I think I do need to be in the basement with you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Really?” Rachel pleads. “I didn’t think you meant it. Can’t you find something to entertain yourself with and leave us be?”</p><p> </p><p>“And miss out on all this fun? No way,” Blaine says, shaking his head and smiling at Rachel’s apprehension.</p><p> </p><p>“You think this is fun? Watching while we get drunk?”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine shrugs. “You can always explain to dads why you invited people over and drank yourself stupid.”</p><p> </p><p>“Low blow!” Rachel cries, but turns away and stops arguing with her brother. She hurries to the stage instead, tapping on the microphone there before turning it on. “Hey all – my brother decided it would be interesting to hang out, so please just ignore him.”</p><p> </p><p>That earns some suspicious looks from all over the room, and the chatter dies down a little. Finn glances over at Blaine, then at Rachel, and Kurt is sure the boy isn’t happy that his girlfriend’s older brother will be watching over the party. Artie and Rory look like they don’t know how to handle this situation, suddenly being in presence of someone adult. Mercedes and Tina share a look and a shrug before turning back to their conversation. They’ve both spent enough time at Rachel’s that Blaine is somewhat familiar.</p><p> </p><p>Puck decides to take control of the situation and walks over to Blaine, offering him a solo cup of his punch. Blaine accepts it with a smile, and that seems to ease everyone up enough for the party to go on again. People turn to their friends, and chatter builds beside the music.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt wonders how weird it would be to just go over to Blaine and talk to him. The music is rather loud now, Rachel turning it up even more, so maybe people wouldn’t overhear everything. They would see, though, but would that be so suspicious? Kurt spent a weekend at Blaine’s, and most people here know it already. Kurt sips on his drink. He can’t really look away from Blaine. Those leather bracelets teasingly remind Kurt of the rocker Blaine likes to hide beneath his preppy clothes and hair gel. Blaine looks amazing, and Kurt longs to go to him. As Kurt watches, Sugar goes to introduce herself to Blaine, and Blaine looks at the girl with a smile on his face. Damnit, Kurt wants to be there with him.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you think, Kurt?” Mercedes asks pointedly, and Kurt has no idea what she is talking about. He has zoned out of the conversation Mercedes and Tina were having, and has heard nothing they’ve been saying, too busy staring at his boyfriend.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, I wasn’t listening,” he admits after searching for a possible topic for a moment, and coming up with nothing.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you might want to turn down the pining a little,” Mercedes says, a frown on her face.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt swears his heart stops for several moments. “What? What are you talking about?”</p><p> </p><p>“You were staring at Blaine,” Tina says in mock whisper, leaning over Mercedes to get closer. She’s already more than a little drunk.</p><p> </p><p>“I was not!” Kurt protests. That’s his only option here. He must deny, deny, deny. No one can know.</p><p> </p><p>“As if,” Tina huffs and looks into her cup. “I’m getting a refill.”</p><p> </p><p>As soon as Tina gets up, Mercedes puts a hand on Kurt’s knee and looks at him with concern. Her dark eyes are filled with worry, and Kurt does not like this. He didn’t even talk to Blaine, has he already screwed up? Tonight is going to be terrible.</p><p> </p><p>“I thought you had a boyfriend,” Mercedes says, barely audible over the music around them.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I do,” Kurt answers quietly, looking around. Mercedes is the only one close enough to hear his words, but he’s still paranoid. Maybe being in the same room with New Directions and Blaine at the same time wasn’t such a good idea after all.</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you staring at Blaine like that, then?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt shrugs and shakes his head. He has no idea what to tell her, not one white lie to save himself. He hopes that Mercedes is already buzzed enough to not put the pieces together. “No reason.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wait – Kurt, <em>no</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Too late. Mercedes did solve the puzzle, looking and sounding scandalized. Kurt can’t look her in the eye, opting to stare at her hands instead.</p><p> </p><p>“Seriously?” Mercedes jostles him, clearly in shock. “Oh my god, it all makes sense now – the secrecy, the B in your phone, but seriously?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Kurt says and bites his lip.</p><p> </p><p>“I feel so dumb,” Mercedes says. “The concert, an older guy, the damn hickey – he was in town last weekend, I talked with Rachel about him coming over suddenly with no reason. Seems like he had a reason, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>“Please, don’t tell anyone,” Kurt pleads. He doesn’t know what else to say, how to answer.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I won’t,” Mercedes says, and looks like she’s going to continue, but luckily Tina returns then, complaining about Artie and Rory being “such boys”. Kurt is off the hook for now, but the damage is still done. It was inevitable that someone found out, but this is too soon, and from too little. Mercedes put it all together way too easily, after one too long look. It’s a disaster. On the other hand, Mercedes is the only one who knows anything about Kurt’s boyfriend. Maybe the others won’t be able to figure it out so easily.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt excuses himself and gets up from the couch, bee-lining for Rachel’s laptop with the playlist. Maybe he can pretend to choose some songs for it, and get a moment just for himself. He needs to get away from Mercedes. Before Kurt makes it over, Rachel jumps on the stage and the music cuts off.</p><p> </p><p>“Spin the bottle!” she screams into the microphone.</p><p> </p><p>Oh no.</p><p> </p><p>The others don’t seem to think it’s a bad idea. They’re well on their way to drunk now, and stupid middle school kissing game excites them. People gather on the floor, the music resumes. Someone pushes the couch over to make space for their circle.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, Kurt!” Rachel calls, a drunken lilt to her voice.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not participating,” Kurt says loudly.</p><p> </p><p>“Boo!” Tina shouts, already eagerly sitting down on the floor.</p><p> </p><p>“Why not?” Blaine asks, and Kurt really, really doesn’t like the challenging look in his boyfriend’s eyes. This is such a bad idea. And then Blaine is sitting down, taking a spot on the circle, earning a round of whoops from Sugar, Tina and Mercedes. Rachel gives her brother a dirty eye, and for once, Kurt agrees with her completely.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, it’s just a game,” Mercedes says to Kurt, and Kurt hates his friends and his boyfriend a lot in that moment. He does not appreciate this.</p><p> </p><p>Grudgingly he walks over to sit down between Finn and Sugar, away from Mercedes and Blaine both. He can feel Blaine’s gaze from the other side of the circle, but he refuses to look back. He can feel in his bones how bad idea this is, and he’s not entirely sure why he gave in to peer pressure. It’s Blaine, mostly. It’s the tiny, little chance that he might spin the bottle to land on Blaine, or the other way around.</p><p> </p><p>“I go first!” Rachel announces, leaning into the circle to spin the empty bottle placed in the middle.</p><p> </p><p>It lands on Puck. Kurt can feel Finn shifting next to him as Rachel leans even further to get closer to Puck. They kiss, it’s just a short peck. As Rachel sits back down, Finn pulls her possessively close. Kurt refrains from snorting. Why do these people want to do this? It’s such a fire hazard, too much history between them all, they are a tangled web and they know it. Someone might get angry or hurt – is a stupid game really worth it?</p><p> </p><p>The game goes on. Tina’s spin lands on Quinn, and they press their lips together quickly, Puck cheering them on loudly and earning a glare from Quinn. Artie and Sugar get a little too into it, getting some whoops and hollers from the others. The air gets really tense in the room when Finn spins next, landing on Quinn. They manage, and they keep it chaste, but when Finn sits back down, Rachel practically parks herself into his lap.</p><p> </p><p>It’s Kurt’s turn, next. He gives the bottle a half-hearted spin that doesn’t last for long before landing on Rory. Kurt looks at the boy on the other side of the circle. His cheeks are red with alcohol, eyes slightly glassy.</p><p> </p><p>“We don’t have to – you don’t have to,” Kurt says. He knows that the exchange student has had some hard time at McKinley, and he doesn’t want to add to that load. He’ll let this slide, and maybe the others will, too.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t mind,” Rory says, his accent even thicker now that he’s drunk. He gets up from his spot towards Kurt.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt shrugs. Okay, they’re doing this. He closes the gap between them, just to get it all over with, and places his closed lips against Rory’s for a fraction of a second. Someone lets out a whoop, Kurt’s not sure, who, and then it’s over. As Kurt sits back down, he makes the mistake of looking at Blaine. There’s a fire in Blaine’s eyes, his mouth a thin line. Kurt quickly passes the bottle on to Sugar, who wastes no time spinning, her spin stopping on Puck.</p><p> </p><p>The game continues, and Kurt can feel Blaine’s eyes on him every now and then. Mercedes lands on Tina, and they both giggle like crazy for a second before puckering up and making a joke about it. Puck spins, lands on Quinn, and those two are definitely not shy in their kiss.</p><p> </p><p>Then it’s Blaine’s turn, and everyone quiets down as he spins. Kurt guesses people are still wary of him, since he is older and not actually a part of their group. Tina is looking kind of excited, though, and Kurt wants to sneer at her glowing face. Kurt’s stomach is in knots as he stares at the spinning bottle. He isn’t sure what he hopes for. Maybe the best outcome would be Rachel, because that’s a no-no, and they’d get away with a peck on the cheek or something.</p><p> </p><p>A loud shout rises from the group as the bottle finally stops. Kurt stares at it, unable to breathe.</p><p> </p><p>The mouth of the bottle is pointing at him.</p><p> </p><p>He can feel everyone’s stares, and he is suddenly hot all over. He knows every single person in the room is looking at him, waiting for a reaction. He ignores them all as he lifts his eyes from the bottle. This is nothing new, at least – he has kissed Blaine before, so it’s not a big deal. Blaine’s dark eyes are intent on him. Kurt tries to communicate with him without moving a muscle, <em>are we really doing this</em>, but he doesn’t succeed, because Blaine is crooking a finger at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on then.” There’s a challenge in his eyes, he’s daring Kurt to do it. Kurt is powerless to resist or deny him. Screw everyone else. This might be his only chance to kiss Blaine tonight, no matter how risky it is. He also knows before even touching Blaine that there’s no way this is going to be a short, innocent peck like most of the other kisses they’ve been forced to witness because of this dumb game.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt goes, shifting his weight on his hands to get closer, and the move earns him a scandalized noise from Rachel – maybe she didn’t think they’d go through with it? Kurt can see from the corner of his eye that her mouth is hanging open, eyes horrified. He doesn’t care anymore, though, because Blaine is leaning over to him, closing the gap between them.</p><p> </p><p>The kiss is sweet and chaste, they don’t need to go overboard while everyone is watching, but they kiss far longer than any other couple. It’s not shy or hurried in any way, and as Kurt reluctantly pulls away from the kiss, he feels an odd sense of satisfaction at the silence around them. Everyone seems a little shocked.</p><p> </p><p>“What was that?” Rachel shrieks finally.</p><p> </p><p>“That was a kiss, Rach,” Blaine answers calmly. He seems put-together and cool, but his ears are red. Kurt knows his own face must shine bright red a mile away, but he doesn’t care anymore. He got to kiss Blaine. He refuses to spare even a glance towards Merccedes – he doesn’t want to know what her reaction to all this might be.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s Quinn’s turn,” Kurt says to get the attention to shift. It works, the game goes on, and Kurt tries to not look at Blaine too often. Way to keep people off them, he thinks as Rachel kisses Artie. Way to keep everyone unaware. He doubts anyone other than Mercedes would have even thought they were a possibility, but now they went and shoved it in everyone’s faces.</p><p> </p><p>The game dies down after a while, everyone getting bored with it. Puck gets up and wanders off to get more to drink, Sugar ends up in Artie’s lap, and Rachel wants to sing, pulling Tina on the stage for a duet. That starts the endless rounds of karaoke, as if they don’t hear each other sing enough in glee club.</p><p> </p><p>Mercedes corners Kurt. “What was that? Are you really trying to get everyone in on your little secret?”</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Kurt says, keeping it short. Anyone might hear, and he does not want to have this talk right now, if ever.</p><p> </p><p>“That was hot,” Mercedes tells him.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt just shakes his head. “’Cedes, please. Anything else now, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>When Rachel demands Mercedes to sing with her next, Kurt seizes his opportunity. He walks over to Blaine, who is leaning on the bar, looking at the happenings on the stage with a punch cup in his hand.</p><p> </p><p>“In what world was that a smart move?” Kurt asks him, standing in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine looks at him, then back at the stage. “It wasn’t. I just needed that after seeing you with that Irish kid.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt flares hot at that. Is Blaine jealous? “Oh, really?”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine shrugs, not saying anything, and looks genuinely upset.</p><p> </p><p>“That wasn’t even a real kiss,” Kurt says, laughing a little. As if Blaine has anything to fear – especially from someone in McKinley High. It’s ridiculous.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, well. I just didn’t like it.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt is torn between disbelief, amusement and anger as Blaine’s face remains annoyed. At first it was kind of funny that Blaine felt like that, but now Kurt doesn’t know how to feel about it. Blaine is too serious, this isn’t a joke.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m with you,” Kurt says, every word dropping heavily from his mouth. “I am not interested in anyone else.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine swallows and finally meets Kurt’s eyes properly. There’s a lot of emotion in that look, desperate and painful, mixed with a tiny spark of hope. Kurt just looks at him a long while. Something is wrong. Something is really wrong.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s go,” Kurt says, sparing a cursory glance towards the stage where Rachel and Mercedes are mid-song. He starts towards the stairs, not waiting for Blaine to follow. He heads up the stairs, leaving the noise of the music behind. He doesn’t stop but continues up, all the way to Blaine’s room. When Blaine is inside, he closes the door behind them. It’s almost overwhelmingly quiet after all the noise downstairs, and almost cold, since it’s not crowded anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt waits. They stand in the quiet room, air growing thick between them. Blaine doesn’t seem inclined to talk. He just stands there, staring at his feet.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, spill,” Kurt starts when it becomes obvious Blaine won’t do it himself. “What’s wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>“This is a bad idea,” Blaine sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“Talk to me,” Kurt says, not budging. He will get to the bottom of this, since right now he has no idea what’s going on.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” is what Blaine leads with. “I… I have issues. A whole lot of them. You shouldn’t be burdened with my problems, I’m dealing. It’s fine. Don’t worry.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I worry, I care about you!” Kurt says. “Blaine, please, tell me what’s going on.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know this is dumb,” Blaine says, flopping down to sit on his bed. “It’s stupid and scary to get this upset over an innocent game. I hate that quality in myself. It’s just… I’ve been hurt before, Kurt. Hurt so bad I still don’t know how I got over it. I almost didn’t.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt steps over to him, sitting down right next to him. When Blaine doesn’t protest or move away, Kurt puts an arm around him, and Blaine leans into him. He’s warm and Kurt revels in the contact.</p><p> </p><p>“Sebastian cheated on me. And not just once. He cheated with multiple people behind my trusting back. I didn’t use to be a jealous person, Kurt. Just now… Kurt. It made me crazy, watching you kiss that boy, even though the sensible side of me knows it’s just a stupid game that <em>I</em> coaxed you into.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Blaine,” Kurt sighs and pulls Blaine closer, presses a kiss on his temple. Blaine leans into him without concern, seeking comfort Kurt happily provides. Blaine hides his face in the crook of Kurt’s neck, taking in a shaky breath.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry I overreacted,” Blaine mumbles. “I just… people tend to forget me.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine, Blaine. I get it now. But you have no reason to fear that I’d betray you. I’m kind of crazy about you,” Kurt confesses, his heart breaking for Blaine, for his compulsive need to apologize.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah?” Blaine asks and kisses Kurt’s neck.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes,” Kurt says, tilting his head to give Blaine’s lips better access.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine kisses him again, his mouth slowly traveling up, over Kurt’s jaw and the faint remains of the hickey, ending up on his mouth. The kiss turns deep, so different from the one during the game. It’s reassurance, it’s comfort, it’s want. Kurt pours all of himself into the kiss.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine pulls away to stare into Kurt’ eyes. He looks thankful, and he has calmed down considerably. Kurt offers him a smile and caresses a hand down Blaine’s back. He is here, he is with Blaine, and he wants Blaine to know that.</p><p> </p><p>“You should go back downstairs,” Blaine says softly.</p><p> </p><p>“But...” Kurt starts to protest, but Blaine stops him.</p><p> </p><p>“Go be with your friends, okay? I’ll follow you soon, I just need a moment. We can come back up here later to sleep.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, okay,” Kurt agrees, reluctantly removing his arms from around Blaine. His breath quickens at the thought of sleeping in Blaine’s bed tonight.</p><p> </p><p>“See you soon,” Blaine offers, somehow looking really small. He smiles, and it’s tiny, but it reaches his eyes and makes Kurt relax.</p><p> </p><p>“See you,” Kurt says and closes the door.</p><p> </p><p>Apparently there’s a lot to uncover in Blaine. Kurt is certain they’ve barely scratched the surface of everything Blaine is. Kurt might be the one dressed in layers – even now he has on an undershirt, a shirt and a vest – but Blaine’s layers are hidden within the amazing guy Kurt is definitely falling for.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think! </p><p>You can also find me on little-escapist.tumblr.com.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The Party, part 2 - also They Get Horny, part 2.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>The party is still in full swing as Kurt returns to the basement. It’s apparently Quinn’s turn to sing for a change. Mercedes and Tina are giggling their faces off by the punch bowl while Artie, Rory, Puck and Sugar have started a game of cards. Rachel has clearly taken advantage of Blaine leaving the room, since she’s enthusiastically making out with Finn on the couch. Kurt turns away from the sight, bee-lining towards Mercedes and Tina, who are dancing together now.</p><p> </p><p>Quinn finishes her song and people cheer as she steps down from the microphone. Someone goes to hit play on Rachel’s laptop, since the playlist from earlier starts playing from the speakers. No one is hurrying to take the stage. Kurt stops next to Tina, who is swaying dangerously on her feet, and puts an arm around her to steady her. Quinn joins them, too, seemingly one of the more sober ones.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! Where did you disappear to?” Mercedes asks and winks. She’s had a little too much to drink, clearly.</p><p> </p><p>“I needed some air,” Kurt says, remaining calm and not letting her fish any information she’s not-so-subtly seeking. “It’s super stuffy in here.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, air!” Tina sighs loudly and pulls away from Kurt. “I need air, too!”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll come with,” Quinn volunteers, and the girls head up the stairs together, Tina more wobbly than Quinn.</p><p> </p><p>As they leave, Blaine comes back. Kurt notices the exact moment Blaine sees Rachel and Finn practically on top of each other on the couch. First his brow furrows, and then a smirk appears on his lips.</p><p> </p><p>“Watch,” Kurt says and nudges Mercedes to pay attention.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine walks over to the couch, standing right next to it, not saying a word at first. Rachel and Finn remain oblivious, not noticing him. Then Blaine clears his throat loudly, enough to be heard over the music. Rachel turns in Finn’s lap, Finn still chasing after her, his eyes closed. When Rachel realizes her brother is watching them, she squeaks and promptly falls on the floor, face beet red and eyes closed.</p><p> </p><p>“Blaine!” she wails. “Don’t do that!”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, it’s my brotherly duty to make sure your virtue is safe.”</p><p> </p><p>“I hate you!” Rachel shouts from the floor. Finn looks mortified, but he’s still trying to help her up, back to the couch. Apparently she has decided that floor is just fine, though, because she keeps sulking right where she landed.</p><p> </p><p>Mercedes cackles, leaning right into Kurt, and Kurt giggles a little, too. It’s always fun to see Rachel’s feathers ruffled.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, Rach,” Blaine says. “I’m just here to keep you on your toes. Sing with me?”</p><p> </p><p>Even though Rachel is clearly still mad, she can’t refuse the offer. She lets Blaine pull her up to her feet. “Broadway Baby?”</p><p> </p><p>“What else?” Blaine asks with a slight smile.</p><p> </p><p>Rachel picks the music while Blaine gets on the stage. Kurt can’t look away from him, couldn’t even if he wanted to. Blaine looks perfectly composed and happy, nothing like he was just a while ago in his room. It’s like nothing ever happened, and Kurt wonders just how good Blaine is at hiding his true feelings. It’s like he’s another person from the one upstairs.</p><p> </p><p>The music starts, Rachel hurries on the stage, and begins the song. Then Blaine joins in, and it’s magical. Blaine’s voice is soft and rich, Kurt could drape himself in it and just enjoy the warmth of it. They’ll have to sing together some time. Over all, the song is phenomenal. Rachel’s voice is familiar to Kurt after their years in glee and as friends, but how her voice melts together with Blaine’s is new and really, really enjoyable. They sound good together, their voices complementing one another’s. They also have a whole dance to go with the number, and though Rachel has drunk, she keeps up well with her brother, only stumbling once or twice. Kurt wonders how long they’ve rehearsed it, how long did it take to put together the steps.</p><p> </p><p>His boyfriend is super talented. Blaine has a voice that wouldn’t be out of place in a musical. It’s a shame he’s not into performing more, Kurt thinks as he watches. Blaine loves teaching, he speaks about the kids he tutors with such fondness and passion, but he would shine on a stage. The number draws to a close, and Kurt claps his hands together loudly as Blaine and Rachel bow to their audience.</p><p> </p><p>The party starts dying down slowly but surely after that. Not everyone has planned to stay the night. Puck leaves to crash some other party, then Sugar goes, then Artie. Rory bids them all good night with pomp that Kurt’s never seen on him before. Rory is a lot less quiet when he’s drunk. Mercedes stays a little longer, but then she has to leave, too, but not before kissing Kurt’s cheek and whispering that she wants details later. Kurt doesn’t give her an answer, but he’s pretty sure there’s a phone call in not so distant future.</p><p> </p><p>Tina is staying over, and to Kurt’s slight surprise, so is Quinn. Finn lingers, sitting on the couch and chatting with them, but relents after Blaine has glared at him for a while – Blaine won’t let Finn stay with his sister. Kurt finds it a little unfair and hypocritical, since <em>he</em> is staying over and as soon as possible, he will find his way to Blaine’s bed. On the other hand he feels twistedly happy. For once he gets something that Rachel doesn’t, and that’s a night with his boyfriend. Even though Rachel doesn’t know, it feels good to beat her at something.</p><p> </p><p>They set down the inflatable mattresses to sleep on the floor in the basement. As soon as everything is set, Blaine tells them good night and disappears up the stairs. Kurt hopes it won’t take too long until he can follow as they take turns in the bathroom. Kurt demands loudly that he wants the spot closest to the stairs, and none of the girls argue. They seem tired already, especially Tina, who has drunk more than the others. They settle down. Tina falls asleep right away, but Rachel and Quinn are whispering something. Kurt lies on his back, waiting for them to quiet down.</p><p> </p><p>Tina snores. Soon Kurt can’t hear Quinn and Rachel talking anymore, but he waits, just to make sure. Rachel sighs, clearly well on her way to sleep. Kurt starts counting in his head. He wants to go, since now everything has quieted down, but he must keep his cool and wait until he’s absolutely sure the others are sleeping. If none of them make a sound before he reaches one hundred, he probably dares to get up and disappear to find Blaine.</p><p> </p><p>When Kurt reaches 60, Quinn turns over. She also mumbles something that makes no sense, so Kurt’s pretty sure she’s not awake. After that it’s calm and quiet, just sleepy breathing filling the room. As Kurt reaches his self-set goal of one hundred, he turns over and gets to his knees. His heart is beating steadily in his chest as he stares at his sleeping friends in the darkness. There’s no movement, no sound. Kurt grabs his phone from the floor and stands up, making sure to move as silently as possible. It’s still quiet, no one reacts. Kurt sneaks up the stairs as fast and quiet as he can, holding his breath for fear of getting caught.</p><p> </p><p>He makes it up the stairs and through the basement door without a hitch. He takes a deep breath. The hardest part is done. He got away without anyone noticing him, he didn’t wake anyone up. He heads upstairs to Blaine’s room and knocks gently on the closed door before opening it and stepping in.</p><p> </p><p>“You were fast,” Blaine comments from where he’s sitting on the bed, laptop in his lap, just a soft nightlight on. Blaine’s hair is free of product, curling around his temples. He has changed into a t-shirt and pajama pants, similar to Kurt’s. He looks deliciously homey and soft so dressed down. Kurt can’t wait to cuddle him.</p><p> </p><p>“They fell asleep almost right away – no nighttime gossip that I was afraid of,” Kurt says and sets his phone down on the dresser.</p><p> </p><p>“Better for us.”</p><p> </p><p>“So much better,” Kurt agrees and sits on the edge of the bed. What now? He’s not that tired, not really, and a moment like this is rare. No one is going to interrupt, it’s just them, and they have all night.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine leans over to set his laptop down to the floor next to the bed. He lies on his side, looking up at Kurt with dark eyes and fluttering eyelashes. “It’s not that late yet. What do you want to do?”</p><p> </p><p>“Kiss you,” is the only possible answer when Blaine is looking at him like that. Kurt leans in to place a kiss on Blaine’s lips. Blaine welcomes him, deepening the kiss and reaching up to pull Kurt closer by the back of his neck. Kurt sighs into it. He’s missed this since Blaine was away. He missed Blaine. Even with Regionals to prepare to, the week felt like an eternity.</p><p> </p><p>“Lie down?” Blaine whispers against Kurt’s lips. Who is Kurt to refuse that?</p><p> </p><p>With little maneuvering they get down on the bed on the covers, faces close together, staring into each other’s eyes. Blaine smells intoxicatingly good. It’s intimate, like this, so close, breathing the same air, no need for words. Kurt is content right here, basking in Blaine’s gaze, in his closeness. Blaine nuzzles his nose into Kurt’s, making Kurt smile. Kurt wants this every night, forever. He draws little circles into Blaine’s arm with his fingertips, the skin soft and warm under his touch.</p><p> </p><p>“Can I see your tattoos again?” Kurt whispers into the air between them, eyes never leaving Blaine’s. He’s thought about them every now and then, curious and excited, knowing what Blaine is hiding under his shirt.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine smiles a toothy smile. “Of course you can.” He sits up a little to get rid of his shirt, revealing smooth skin on toned body, and Kurt couldn’t look away if he was paid to. He’s so close to Blaine’s bare skin, it’s intoxicating and a little crazy. Blaine drops the shirt on the floor and turns to lie on his stomach, presenting his inked back to Kurt without any shyness or hesitation.</p><p> </p><p>It’s breathtaking. The art covers all of Blaine’s back, canvas of skin filled with pictures and words that all fit together. The first eye-catcher is the biggest tattoo – the tree on the left side of Blaine’s back. It disappears into Blaine’s pants at his waist, growing up from there, bark more detailed than Kurt can believe, and covering space all the way to Blaine’s shoulder. The branches reach over the top of Blaine’s back, there leaves as far as on his right shoulder. A large bird flies beneath the leaves on the shoulder blade, wings spread so wide they tickle Blaine’s right side and touch the tree branch at the top of Blaine’s spine. Right next to the wing there are seven stars, right in the middle. Across Blaine’s lower back is a piece of music, notes running along the waistband of his pants. There’s a rose, and another bird, much smaller in size, by Blaine’s right hip above the notes. There’s a clef right next to the tree. Down Blaine’s spine run words, <em>After a hurricane comes a rainbow.</em> There are so many details that Kurt could just look forever and always find something new.</p><p> </p><p>“I, can I touch?” Kurt asks, fingers already hovering close, but a little shy to actually lay his fingers on all the skin in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine laughs, resettles on the bed, his back moving, the pictures coming alive. “Of course you can touch, Kurt, please, do.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt presses a careful fingertip on the biggest branch of the tree, on the edge of the ink and clear skin. The line is seamless, he can’t feel the picture at all, the skin smooth and flawless to touch. “So you can’t feel a tattoo,” he muses out loud.</p><p> </p><p>“Not if it’s done well,” Blaine answers. “Sometimes, if the artist isn’t as practiced, or if there’s a lot of ink, the skin rises a little. You can feel the word courage on my right side, can’t you?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt lets his fingers travel over, never removing them from Blaine’s skin, enjoying the goosebumps that rise in the wake of his touch. There is a cursive word on Blaine’s right side, and as Kurt runs his fingers along the length of the letters, he can feel them rising slightly from the skin. “Yeah, I can feel it. Why this word exactly?”</p><p> </p><p>“Why did I choose that word to be on my skin forever?” Blaine asks, and Kurt hums his agreement, still marveling at the ink.</p><p> </p><p>“I need the reminder, I guess. I need the courage to face this world, face different situations. It’s there to remind me that I have had courage, that I’ve been brave before – but also that I can have courage in the future, too.”</p><p> </p><p>“I feel like I could spend hours just exploring these pictures,” Kurt says, still following along the lettering, forever inked on his boyfriend’s skin. His touch is making Blaine twitch a little.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine turns over, flopping on his back and hiding the art from Kurt’s view. “It would be my pleasure to let you do just that,” he says, eyes dark and hooded. “Some day, when we have endless hours of time, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt really can’t say no to those eyes. They’re like honey or melted caramel, such a lovely, rich golden brown that he hasn’t seen in anyone’s eyes before. Blaine is so soft and inviting, just laying there, relaxed, open and all Kurt’s. He’s unreal. Kurt lifts the hand that fell on the bed as Blaine turned and trails his fingers from Blaine’s Adam’s apple down the middle of his chest, the short, coarse hair there, and Kurt is mesmerized. He has never done anything like this. There’s a man, a dream of a man, just lying there half-naked and staring at him, letting Kurt touch as much as he likes.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re gorgeous,” Kurt breathes, his voice thin.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, right back at you,” Blaine says, humor in his words, a smile on his face. Then he reaches for Kurt, pulls him in, and Kurt has to plant a hand on Blaine’s chest to not topple over him. Blaine is so warm under his touch, and as their lips meet, Kurt can’t stop a tiny moan. Blaine drinks the sound up, inviting Kurt in, rubbing Kurt’s tongue with his own and caressing the back of Kurt’s neck with his fingers. There was a low buzz of arousal in Kurt from touching Blaine’s tattoos, and now it bursts into flame between his legs as Blaine sucks on his tongue. Kurt breaks the kiss but stays close, just to breathe. Blaine cards gentle fingers through his hair, soothing.</p><p> </p><p>“Everything okay? Not too much?” Blaine husks in the air between them, clearly affected by the kissing, too.</p><p> </p><p>“Not enough,” Kurt corrects, deciding to not think, just letting his want take over. “Really not enough.” Apparently <em>this</em> is what it takes for his voice to drop.</p><p> </p><p>“In that case,” Blaine comments and pulls Kurt close again, hands roaming down Kurt’s back on top of his t-shirt, giving Kurt no other option than just fall half atop Blaine, chest to chest, just one thin t-shirt between them. It makes Kurt almost light-headed to have Blaine so close, right underneath him, and his arousal rises, his cock thickening in his pajama pants. He tries to keep his hips away from Blaine, but that doesn’t prevent kissing him senseless. Kurt takes Blaine’s face between his hands. He needs more, angling Blaine as he wants to slot their mouths better together. Blaine is pliant, following his lead and Kurt can’t even think anymore. He tries to keep himself in check, but there are too many things to concentrate on, and it all just feels so nice. He finds himself rubbing his hard-on into Blaine hip, freezes, and shies away, sitting up.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine blinks up at him. He looks thoroughly kissed: his hair is sticking up all over the place, his lips are dark red and swollen, his eyes a little glazed over. He’s panting lightly, and there’s no denying the tent in his pajama pants. There’s even a light sheen of sweat on his neck. Kurt’s boyfriend is beautiful.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt?” Blaine asks. “Are you alright? We can stop anytime, you know. Just say the word.”</p><p> </p><p>“I think I want to touch you,” Kurt blurts out. He can’t take his eyes off Blaine’s tented crotch. He caused that. He tries to look Blaine in the eye, but the lure of staring at other man’s hard-on that’s his own doing is too much.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, feel free, I have nothing against that,” Blaine groans, gesturing down his body. “You can touch anywhere as much as you like, Kurt. As much as you’re comfortable with, and whatever you do, I’ll be more than happy.”</p><p> </p><p>Explicit permission given, Kurt returns closer, pressing both his hands on Blaine’s skin, on top of his collar bones. There’s a small scar by the left one, and Kurt refuses to think about where it came from, sliding his hands down, down, until they rest on Blaine’s hips. In a moment of boldness he lifts his leg over so he’s straddling Blaine’s thighs. Blaine is breathing hard, looking at him with dark eyes and a disbelieving smile. Kurt wants to touch Blaine <em>there</em>, he was given permission to touch anywhere, and he wants to make the most of this night, no matter how pressing his own arousal is right now. He kind of wants to find all of Blaine’s spots, like Blaine found the one on his neck. Kurt tickles at a nipple, touch shy and curious, making Blaine laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“I won’t break, go for it.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt glances at Blaine’s face, at his eyes, and sees Blaine looking back. The connection is almost overwhelming. Kurt has to look away, concentrating on the nipple that he rubs now between his fingers, squeezing just a little, and getting an immediate reaction as Blaine presses into the touch with a moan.</p><p> </p><p>“Yess, that’s nice.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt does it again, marveling, and then takes hold of both of Blaine’s nipples and rubs them – he has two hands, why not use them? Blaine throws his head back against the pillow and swears, his back bows. It seems Kurt found one spot.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt, please – this is torture,” Blaine pants.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt is nowhere near done with him, though. He likes this, Blaine just offering himself to be touched, to be pleasured, just waiting for Kurt’s hands. It’s a heady power to have over someone, a power that’s been willingly given to him. Kurt isn’t scared anymore, lust clouding his mind. He leans into Blaine, pressing a kiss into the hollow of his throat, licking at the skin there. This way he doesn’t have to look at his hands as he trails them back down again, and into Blaine’s pants.</p><p> </p><p>The skin there is so hot. Kurt presses his face into the crook of Blaine neck, balances on his left hand, and focuses fully on what’s under his right hand. Coarse hair covers Blaine’s skin there, and Blaine whines a little at Kurt’s touch. For a moment Kurt thinks about the picture they must make, him, still clothed, straddling Blaine with a hand down his pants, and Blaine underneath him, hot and messy, pulling at Kurt’s hair a little.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt doesn’t tease any longer. He takes Blaine’s hard-on in his hand, feels the weight and size of it. This is real. This is happening to him – he is touching Blaine’s cock. He didn’t think it would be tonight, but he really likes this feeling, Blaine pliant under him, red-faced and smiling. He earns a groan right into his ear as he pumps his fingers along the shaft, and pretty soon Blaine is panting, hard breaths puffing into Kurt’s temple.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, Kurt, just a little tighter, oh shit you’re doing so well,” Blaine blabbers between breaths, his voice already ragged.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt does as he’s told, and finds precome by Blaine’s slit. He takes advantage of the slickness helping his movement. He really likes pleasuring his boyfriend.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine swears and lifts a hand to hold on to Kurt’s back. “I can’t believe you got me this close already.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt speeds up his pace, refusing to open his eyes, focusing on feeling it all – it’s hot, it’s overwhelming, and he loves it. He loves Blaine like this. Close, hot, a little desperate under him, all Kurt’s. The combination of how Blaine looks, feels and sounds, on top of the slight power trip of reducing Blaine to this, feeds into Kurt’s own arousal. He twists his wrist as he strokes, and then Blaine is done.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt, Kurt, yes,” Blaine moans into Kurt’s skin, covering Kurt’s hand in come, and Kurt is absurdly proud of himself, and more turned on than he’s ever been. He might come without a single touch. He finally leans back a little to take a look at Blaine, removing his hand from Blaine’s pants.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine looks wrecked. Some of his curls are glued to his temples, and Kurt never thought how sweaty his boyfriend can get before. His skin is flushed and shining, his face lax and happy, eyes filled with the lingering pleasure, and he’s still heaving for breath. Blaine meets Kurt’s eyes and smiles, and Kurt’s arousal twitches – it’s going to be over for him <em>so soon</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“You are really something,” Blaine tells him, shaking his head slightly. “Now, let me help with yours.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt swallows, sitting on Blaine, and words escape him momentarily.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine reaches over, his fingers hovering by Kurt’s waistband, looking at Kurt, waiting for permission. “Can I?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yes, do it,” Kurt breathes, and nods too for good measure.</p><p> </p><p>After getting Kurt’s okay Blaine hesitates no more. He puts his hand down Kurt’s pants, wraps his fingers around Kurt, and Kurt moans. It’s so different from his own hand. Blaine pumps just once, and it’s over, Kurt is coming so hard he sees stars. The pleasure fills him, he feels overheated and so, so good. He nearly collapses on Blaine, muscles twitching, overwhelmed.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re so, so amazing, Kurt,” Blaine tells him, pulling him down to lie on his chest, between his legs. Kurt is dizzy, and pretty sure he can’t feel his feet, his skin is buzzing and the pajamas are way too hot on him. Blaine presses a firm kiss into his hair, real and there.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt is pretty sure he just lost his virginity. In some way, at least. He got Blaine off, and Blaine returned the favor. Wow. He never thought this would happen tonight. He’s floating, and lying on top of Blaine, and he never wants to move, it’s so nice. They lie there, breathing together, enjoying the closeness.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt, my sweet, we should really clean up before you fall asleep right here,” Blaine says softly after a while has passed. “You’ll feel terrible in the morning, if you sleep with that mess on you. Besides, you’re a little heavy for a longer period of time.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oops,” is all Kurt can come up with as the rolls off from Blaine. He does feel sticky, his pajama pants sticking to his skin, his hand covered in Blaine’s come. Blaine is right, they should clean up. It’s just that sex is exhausting.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt, go. You know where the bathroom is, right?” Blaine won’t let him close his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” Kurt doesn’t move.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, up.” Blaine pushes him a little, sitting up, and continues poking at Kurt until Kurt sits, too. Blaine takes his hand and practically pulls him into the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>The harsh light feels like too much, too real after the gentle light from Blaine’s night light. Kurt just stands there, still trying to come back to himself, as Blaine washes his hands and wets a towel for Kurt.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll go get you a pair of pajamas to borrow, you won’t want to sleep in those,” Blaine says. “Clean up meanwhile, okay?” Another kiss is placed on Kurt’s cheek, and Kurt leans into the touch.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt sees himself in the mirror. His face is still red, his eyelids drooping, and his lips swollen from all the kissing. It feels unreal to see himself like that, so satisfied his every pore screams it. Somehow Kurt manages to wash himself, even though his limbs feel heavy, and when Blaine returns with the pajamas, he changes into them right there without care of Blaine seeing him. Blaine kisses him again and takes the soiled towel.</p><p> </p><p>“Go to bed. I’ll be with you in a moment.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” Kurt says with a sleepy smile. He stumbles a little in the dark hallway on his way back to Blaine room. Once he’s there, he flops down on the bed. He feels so, so good. That’s the only thought Kurt has time for before sleep claims him.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading, let me know what you think! I am not the most confident smut writer, so I really hope it wasn't completely terrible.</p><p>I'm also on little-escapist.tumblr.com.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Kurt feels warm. He opens his eyes and the first thing he sees is Blaine’s sleeping face just inches from his own. Kurt smiles at the sight. Blaine looks so calm and somehow much younger, sleeping on his side, hands tucked together. His features are soft and relaxed in the morning light, errant curls falling on his forehead. His eyelashes are long on his cheeks, his mouth is slightly open, and Kurt feels his chest swell with emotion. He has an overwhelming urge to touch Blaine, to be as close as possible, burrow into Blaine’s skin and stay there forever. He can’t break the peace on Blaine’s face, though, and he doesn’t want to interrupt his sleep. He wants to protect Blaine, keep him close, he wants every day to begin like this. The feeling overwhelms him completely, he almost can’t breathe through it.</p><p> </p><p>Is this what it feels like to love? It consumes him, it fills him, it’s warmth and security and anxiety all rolled into one. It’s like home, and happiness, and a sudden, overriding protectiveness. Kurt can feel it in his bones, down his belly almost like a soft arousal, and it’s in his throat as well, constricting his breathing. This beautiful creature right next to him is his to know, his to hold, and his to love, and it feels incredible, unreal. It feels like too much, like he can’t deserve this. Yet here he is, in bed with that man.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt presses a kiss on Blaine’s forehead, and when he pulls back, Blaine is blinking his eyes open. When he sees Kurt, the softest smile Kurt’s ever seen blooms on his face. Kurt aches with it.</p><p> </p><p>“Morning.”</p><p> </p><p>“Morning,” Kurt answers. He’s so overcome with emotion that he has to swallow down tears. He offers Blaine a smile before looking up at the ceiling. “I should probably go downstairs before the girls wake up. I just really don’t want to.” <em>I love you</em>, he doesn’t say.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine sighs. “And I just want to keep you right here, with me. But you’re right. For now we have to keep this hidden. One day we won’t have to hide anymore, and then we can stay in bed as long as we like.”</p><p> </p><p>The mere thought makes Kurt warm all over again. One day. That means future. That means they’ll be together long enough to tell everyone. Maybe once Kurt is a little older they can be open, once the age difference won’t seem so large. Blaine sees a future in them, and nothing could make Kurt happier. Kurt wants a future with Blaine. He knows it’s too soon, but he feels it in his bones.</p><p> </p><p>“I really have to go,” Kurt says, regretful. Right now they can’t have anyone finding out – and oh, he still has to break the news about Mercedes knowing to Blaine.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll come down in a moment, I’ll put some clothes on,” Blaine says, sitting up on the bed and pulling a hand through his hair. Kurt loves his morning curls. He loves Blaine.</p><p> </p><p>They share a wordless smile as Kurt collects his phone and leaves the room. He heads down the stairs towards the kitchen. He will not hazard going to the basement and waking up the girls – he can start on breakfast and they’ll just be thankful when they come up. It’s only half past nine, so Kurt doesn’t think they’ve woken up yet. They went to sleep pretty late, after all. He can feel the late night, his head is a little heavy with lack of sleep, but at the same time he’s more content than ever. He guesses sex with Blaine has to do with that. It’s still a little unreal to think about. It actually happened, he got off with Blaine and it was lovely and good. He actually found someone in Lima.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt can’t help the little surprised sound that escapes his lips as he sees Quinn in the kitchen with a large glass of water in hand. She looks at him with tired eyes, and he can’t move.</p><p> </p><p>“Morning,” Quinn says.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi,” Kurt says. He has no idea what to tell her. “I didn’t think anyone was up yet.”</p><p> </p><p>“It is pretty early,” Quinn agrees. “You weren’t in the basement.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt licks his lips. “Yeah, I wasn’t. I couldn’t sleep on the floor, so I went to Rachel’s room.” It’s a flimsy lie, but it’s the only one he can come up with.</p><p> </p><p>Quinn eyes the pajama pants Kurt’s wearing and lifts a skeptical eyebrow. “And you felt the need to change pants in the middle of the night just for the fun of it? I’m pretty sure those were blue last night.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt swallows, biding time. He did wear blue pajama pants to sleep, and the ones Blaine gave him are red plaid. Of course someone was bound to notice – and he did walk down the stairs after clearly not sleeping in the basement.</p><p> </p><p>Quinn has been through a lot, and her experiences have hardened her. She has always had this cutthroat attitude, she’s ambitious and she won’t let anything stand in her way when she wants something. That includes other people’s feelings and secrets. If she has something to gain by sharing a little tidbit of knowledge, she’ll take the opportunity. She’s ruthless, and sometimes downright scary. Kurt isn’t sure if he can trust her to keep this to herself. She might, but she might as well not.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t have to tell me,” Quinn says and levels a look at him. “I’ll just draw my own conclusions about this.”</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s leave it at that, okay?” Kurt says. If he says nothing, nothing is certain or a fact, and he can’t be made responsible. “But please, don’t share those conclusions with anyone.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve got something going on with Rachel’s brother. If you’re trying to hide it, you shouldn’t go around kissing him in public, or sneaking out in the night to go to his room,” Quinn says. Her tone is calm and dry, and Kurt has no idea what to say to that.</p><p> </p><p>“No one can know, Quinn. Rachel would throw a fit, and my dad…” Kurt pleads. “Give us the chance to see where this goes, let us tell people at our own pace.”</p><p> </p><p>Quinn looks away for a moment. “Me and Puck. We’re… giving it another go. Nobody knows.”</p><p> </p><p>That surprises Kurt. “Why… why are you telling me this?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve got dirt on you, you’ve got dirt on me,” Quinn says. “We’re even, and we keep each others’ secrets.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods. “I can live with that.”</p><p> </p><p>He still doesn’t like it. That’s two. Two people, besides him and Blaine, know the truth and could ruin everything.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Breakfast is ready when Rachel and Tina finally appear from the basement. Blaine did follow Kurt downstairs, finding him with Quinn there, and together they made some pancakes, bacon and scrambled eggs. Kurt had no chance to tell Blaine what happened with Quinn, but by the looks Blaine gave Quinn and Kurt, he probably knows. Kurt gave him a desperate sorry face, and Blaine answered with a smile, so Kurt thinks they’re fine.</p><p> </p><p>“Ooh, I love you all,” Rachel sighs happily as she sits down to the table. She looks a little hungover, but she’s not gagging or complaining.</p><p> </p><p>Tina, on the other hand, looks really awful. Her skin is pale and clammy, and she doesn’t talk or eat much, sitting quietly in her place and holding her head in her hands. Kurt tries to offer her eggs, but she turns slightly green around the edges and lifts a hand as a no.</p><p> </p><p>They eat in amicable silence. Blaine keeps shooting small smiles at Kurt over the table when the others don’t notice. Kurt smiles back, keeping an eye on the girls, but Quinn looks decidedly away, Rachel is immersed in her breakfast, and Tina sits there with her eyes closed against what must be a hell of a headache. Kurt and Blaine are probably safe.</p><p> </p><p>Then Rachel starts talking. “What was that kiss all about, Blaine?”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine turns to his sister, face a mask of calm and collected. Kurt has no idea how he does it. “It was a game of spin the bottle. Am I supposed to ask you about every kiss you participated in last night? There were quite a few more for you than for me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Come on!” Rachel complains. Quinn looks at Kurt, and Kurt bites his lip, trying to keep his cool. Even Tina opens her eyes to follow the conversation.</p><p> </p><p>“I was drunk and those were my friends. You just crashed our party without knowing anyone there and kissed my best friend,” Rachel continues.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine shrugs. “I don’t get what the problem is.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s Kurt! You know Kurt is gay, and do you think there are many gay boys in Lima?” Rachel asks, and Kurt can’t even protest, he’s that stunned. “Kurt hasn’t been kissed before!”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine’s mouth opens, but no words come out. He stares at Rachel, blinking. Rachel looks both victorious with her argument and a little angry at her brother.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt isn’t sure how he feels. Why is this the moment Rachel begins to care about him? Did she forget about Rory during the game? “I’m right here,” Kurt says weakly. She did talk about him like he wasn’t there at all.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine turns to look at Kurt, eyes big and wild, and Kurt swears there’s a smile tugging on his lips behind the shock of being confronted like this. “I am so sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt fights against the impossible need to laugh, because the situation is insane, and faces Blaine dead on. “No need. I’m not complaining.” Oh, he really isn’t. What would Rachel say if she knew how much more than kissing they did last night? Kurt feels smug with his secret.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, that’s good.” Blaine acts relief, but Kurt sees that his downturned face hides his smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Besides, Rachel, I did kiss Rory right before,” Kurt reminds his friend.</p><p> </p><p>Rachel goes serious. “But. But that wasn’t, you hardly even touched. But then this one,” she gestures to Blaine, “really goes to town with it!”</p><p> </p><p>“Rachel, stop it. You don’t have to fight my battles for me,” Kurt says firmly, and that ends it.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt, hold up!”</p><p> </p><p>Just as Kurt is getting to his car, ready to head home, Blaine rushes out of the Berry house. Kurt smiles – they didn’t get another moment alone after the others woke up, and it bummed him out a little. He just wants Blaine, to be close, to talk and cuddle. Maybe something more. Now that he’s had a taste, he can’t wait to get more.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine stops right next to Kurt’s car. Kurt turns towards him, leaning a hand on the top of the open car door. He wants to kiss Blaine, he really does, but Rachel might see them from a window, and that’s just too risky.</p><p> </p><p>“I told them you left your phone behind,” Blaine explains, “but really I just wanted to say bye properly.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good thinking,” Kurt says.</p><p> </p><p>“And I know I can’t see you today, and I’m not sure how much time I have tomorrow,” Blaine says, his smile dimming, falling away. “Since we have dad’s birthday party in the afternoon, it’ll probably be late before I have a chance to leave, so… I’ll try to drop by before I leave for Columbus, but I can’t make any promises.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Kurt’s heart falls. He had hoped to get at least an hour or two with Blaine tomorrow.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine bites his lip. “Yeah. I’ll do my best to see you, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt has no choice. He just nods, trying to not show how disappointed he is. He knew all along that Hiram’s birthday is this weekend, so of course Blaine needs to be at the party.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt – I also wanted to ask – is everything good? After last night, I mean, we both had something to drink, and didn’t really talk about things, it all just happened. I wanted to make sure I didn’t cross any lines.” Now Blaine looks concerned as he shields his eyes from the sunlight filtering through the clouds.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s all good, Blaine,” Kurt says, a little touched, and more than a little annoyed. It’s not like he was actually drunk from one small bottle of hard cider. He reaches over to tap Blaine’s hand with his fingers, needing the touch, and that’s the most he can do if someone happens to watch them. “I wanted it. It was amazing, and I wouldn’t trade last night for anything.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine smiles again, this time wide and happy. “Good. That’s good.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t wait to have you all to myself again,” Kurt says. “It’s a bummer we can’t really see each other tomorrow.” He’s fishing, he knows he is, but he just wants more time with Blaine. Just an hour or two alone somewhere, so they can kiss and hold each other. He needs it.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine swallows. “I know. I feel the same way. I’m sorry it’s going to be so long – I meant to tell you earlier, I can’t make it to Lima for the next few weeks.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt feels like the ground under him just disappeared. He holds on to the car door like his life depends on it. Blaine can’t mean it. It can’t be. It’s like a knife to the heart, a stabbing pain, after all this Blaine is just going to go and not come back for weeks? He can’t say anything, just stare and try to breathe.</p><p> </p><p>“Weeks?” Kurt manages weakly.</p><p> </p><p>“This is the worst possible timing,” Blaine sighs, looking sad and dejected.</p><p> </p><p>“You... why can’t you just take a weekend?” Kurt asks, still in disbelief.</p><p> </p><p>“I had a meeting with my professor about my thesis and what I still have to do if I want to graduate this spring. It was a lot more than I thought, and I’ve fallen behind with the thesis lately. I need all the time I can get to have things done in time.”</p><p> </p><p>“But… I have to be weeks without you?” Kurt keeps repeating the same thing, the thing that’s going on a loop in his mind. He feels like he’s about to cry any moment.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt… If I could do something about this, I would, you must know that,” Blaine says, pleading look in his eyes, but Kurt can’t see it. Suddenly he’s angry.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine.” It hurts to be let down like this, after what they just shared the night before. Blaine knew yesterday that he wouldn’t be back to Lima in ages after this weekend. Why did he go through with it, make Kurt yearn for more and then just leave him like this, alone?</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt…”</p><p> </p><p>“Call me when you have some time again,” Kurt says, fighting back the tears he can feel burning under his eyelids. It isn’t fair. He sits down on the driver’s seat, ready to close the door and drive away to cry his eyes out, but Blaine takes hold of the door.</p><p> </p><p>“Please,” Blaine begs. “I meant to tell you, I did. I wanted to warn you about this. But then things got out of control last night, and…”</p><p> </p><p>“Out of control?” Kurt spits. “I thought you wanted me to come up. I thought you wanted <em>me</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“I did, and I do! Kurt, I don’t want to fight. I wish things were different, but I live in Columbus, and it’s still quite far away.”</p><p> </p><p>“It is,” Kurt says. “Apparently too far.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine stares at him. “Is it? Shit, this is one of the reasons why this is so damn difficult. This is one of the reasons why I did not want to start anything.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then why did you?” Kurt shouts, angry, hurt, and scared. What does this mean for them? “Go away. Go clean up with Rachel and leave me alone.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine gives up. His shoulders hunch, he lifts his hands up in mock-surrender and releases the car door as he does so. His eyes are both angry and sad at the same time, his mouth twisted in a frown. It’s not a good look on him. Kurt slams the door closed and reverses out of the Berrys’ driveway. This can’t be happening. Just two hours ago he was happy and so in love, and now he has no idea which way is up and if Blaine even wants him anymore, or if all these secrets and the distance are too much. Just a couple of hours ago he was in bed with Blaine and Blaine talked about how one day they could have all the time in the world, and now they are here.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt isn’t even sure if he’ll ever see Blaine again.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know many of you thought Rachel would find out now. Sorry - feel free to yell at me in comments or on tumblr (I'm little-escapist over there). </p><p>Also, I might be busy on Friday, depending on several different factors that are not up to me, so I might post the next chapter already on Thursday. We'll see once we get there.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“Hey, bud! Did you have fun at Rachel’s?” Burt asks as Kurt gets in and sheds his jacket.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, it was nice,” Kurt says, hoping beyond hope that the tears he cried as he stopped by the park are no longer visible on his face. He had to stop there, just to let it all out in peace, sit a while in his car in the parking lot. He is calmer now, but he still feels sad and tired to the bone.</p><p> </p><p>“If you’re trying to lie to your old man, at least make it convincing,” Burt says and walks over to look at his son with concerned eyes that Kurt absolutely cannot take right now. “Something’s wrong.”</p><p> </p><p>“Just a stupid fight this morning,” Kurt mumbles, not willing to go into it. He can’t.</p><p> </p><p>“You want to talk about it?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, thanks.” He is not going to talk to his dad about this, no matter what. There’s no way he’s telling him that he had sex last night and got his heart broken this morning. “I’ll just go to my room, I have homework.”</p><p> </p><p>“As you wish. I’ll be here,” his dad says, letting it go, and Kurt loves him for it.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt goes upstairs and closes his door. He does have homework, but it can wait until tomorrow. He is not going to touch his books. He will sulk and grieve in his own peace. His mind is overflowing with hurt. It constricts his chest and settles somewhere behind his sternum. All he wants is Blaine, but at the same time Blaine is the last person he’d talk to right now. Kurt feels so young and inadequate after the confrontation. What if he wasn’t good enough for Blaine in bed, and this is just a fitting excuse for Blaine to let him go? Why didn’t Blaine say anything earlier? He could have told Kurt everything before they hopped into bed. He could have warned that this might happen, that he can’t come to Lima every weekend. Blaine had to have known how Kurt would hurt.</p><p> </p><p>Did Blaine know? Does he know how much it hurts, and how much Kurt still wants him?</p><p> </p><p>Kurt walks over to his computer and turns it on. He needs music. He needs a soundtrack for his thoughts. He finds Starchild’s second album, choosing Broken English and clicking play. It seems fitting, telling a story about missed signals, about not understanding the other. Because Kurt really does not understand what went so wrong so fast. He leans on his desk and closes his eyes with a sigh. One night with Blaine is not nearly enough. Kurt wants a lifetime. He wants a future, and Blaine fits. Blaine fits into who Kurt is, and Kurt thought they understood each other well.</p><p> </p><p>Doubt begins to raise its head. Did Kurt get too angry too soon? They have been on the same page about everything this far. Kurt knows that he would have gone to Blaine even if he had known about their coming separation. The opportunity was too good to pass: a night together, close and real, touching and learning each other in a new way before they are forced apart.</p><p> </p><p>Oh no. Kurt might have just made a huge mistake, getting mad at Blaine like that.</p><p> </p><p>He fumbles his phone out of his pocket. It had buzzed a few times, but he ignored it in favor of feeling awful all alone. He has two missed calls and a few messages, all from Blaine.</p><p> </p><p>B</p><p>
  <em>What can I do, Kurt? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe I could make it to Lima sooner. I just want everything to be ok</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We have to talk about this</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I will come to Lima sooner, ok? I will, I’ll make time. I don’t know how or where, but I will</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Just don’t be mad at me, I can’t handle that, I hate fighting</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kurt please answer me</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt doesn’t even hesitate. He puts the volume of the music down and calls Blaine. It rings and rings, Kurt taps his fingers on the desk, impatient and worried. Finally, after way too long, Blaine picks up.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey.” He sounds wary, and his normally smooth voice is scratchy.</p><p> </p><p>“Work on your thesis, okay? I’ll wait. I’m sorry, Blaine, I overreacted, but I just miss you so much already and it’s so hard.” Kurt bursts into tears again, not able to hold them in. “I just want to be with you always, but you live in Columbus, and every time you leave it hurts, and when you’re here we have to hide.”</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt, my sweet, don’t cry, it’s okay,” Blaine reassures. His voice is familiar and gentle in Kurt’s ear, and Kurt cries even harder. He just wants Blaine to hold him.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not okay and I hate it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Kurt, just… Do you have any water there? Drink a little. Take a few deep breaths for me. We’ll talk this out, we’ll be fine. Don’t worry, sweetie, we’ll be fine. We can do this.” Blaine’s breath hitches after the words.</p><p> </p><p>Only Blaine saying that they’ll be fine calms Kurt down a little. He does have a water bottle in his bag, so he fishes it out and drinks like Blaine asked him to. He sets the bottle on the desk and wipes at his eyes with his hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, I drank some water.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good, well done. Let’s talk it out, shall we? What do you want to do?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt doesn’t know what to say. “Starting with the tough questions,” he mutters, playing with the bottle.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, let’s cut it down more, then,” Blaine says, calm and sweet and easily in charge, and Kurt doesn’t mind his guidance at all. “Do you want to keep seeing me, despite the distance?”</p><p> </p><p>“More than anything,” Kurt says without a beat. “That one was easy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Me, too. I want to see you more than anything,” Blaine says, and Kurt can hear him smiling.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m glad,” Kurt says.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s nothing better in my life right now than knowing you, Kurt,” Blaine says, and Kurt’s pretty sure no one has ever been this sincere in anything before. It makes him smile through his drying tears.</p><p> </p><p>“But I hope you understand something. I have to put some time and effort into my studies,” Blaine continues. “I really want to graduate. And it takes me precious hours to drive to Lima and back; hours that I need for finishing my thesis and the essays I have to write, and studying for my last exams. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to see you, or that the drive isn’t worth it. It is, I really like spending time with you. It’s just that I have other things to do, as well.”</p><p> </p><p>“I get that,” Kurt says quietly. “I just got so overwhelmed. Like maybe I… I wasn’t enough for you, and this was your easy way out.”</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt, no, never. You are wonderful. Our night together was amazing, and I mean it. Having you over me like that, I just need to have that again – don’t sell yourself short,” Blaine says, quick to set Kurt right. “Besides, I’d never just dump someone like that, or over something so stupid. I want you in my life. My life just happens to be mostly in Columbus. Also, I know that I could have delivered the news to you in a better manner. I should have told you earlier, but I was nervous, so I kept putting it off until the last minute.”</p><p> </p><p>“So we’re okay?” Kurt asks, he has to make sure.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, Kurt, we are, on my part, at least.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mine, too. I’m sorry, Blaine. I know you’re busy with your studies.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry, my sweet. It’s okay.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s such a long time, though,” Kurt sighs. That’s the thing that bothers him the most. They’ve only been really together for two weeks, and now he has to go without Blaine for who knows how long. “I can’t imagine not seeing you next weekend.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know the feeling,” Blaine says. “I wish I could be here, with you, but right now I just can’t.”</p><p> </p><p>An idea occurs to Kurt. Maybe Blaine doesn’t have to come to him if he could go to Blaine. “Could you spare some hours on one day and night, and not work on your studies?”</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p> </p><p>“I could drive over?” Kurt suggests. “You wouldn’t have to waste time traveling. I could come there on Saturday, we could have dinner and spend the night, and then I could leave on Sunday so you can go on with your things.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s actually a really good idea, but how will you do that? Won’t your dad want to know where you’re going?” Blaine asks, and he’s correct.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt shrugs though Blaine can’t see it. “I’ll tell him I’m staying with a friend?”</p><p> </p><p>“I hate to make you into a liar, but I am so excited about the thought of having you over,” Blaine groans. “You’d do that for me?”</p><p> </p><p>“Absolutely. I can’t be without you. Just make sure Santana stays gone this time.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine laughs. It sounds relieved, and Kurt feels lighter, too. “Yeah, I can do that. Oh, I’ll get you all to myself for a while.”</p><p> </p><p>A thrill runs through Kurt at that. He will spend the night at Blaine’s. Actually spend the night, and not on a pull-out couch but in Blaine’s bed. “Next weekend, then?”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine hesitates. “Actually, can we do the one after? I want to get as much done as I can, so then I’d have more time with you without stressing too much.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s two weeks from now,” Kurt says. It’s a slight disappointment, but it would be better than waiting even longer.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, it is. But just like before, we’ll call every night, and text, and then I’ll have you for a whole night.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt considers it. Two weeks feels like too long, but it’s a compromise he’ll happily make, and he will get to spend a lot of uninterrupted time with Blaine if he endures it. “You got yourself a deal. But can I still see you tomorrow before you go?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll do my best,” Blaine promises. “I’ll text you.”</p><p> </p><p>That’ll do, for now.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Kurt rushes out of the house in the guise of going for a walk. His dad is home, so Blaine can’t really come in, not without a lot of questions. They agreed to meet by a park just a five minute walk away from Kurt’s. Kurt glances over his shoulder at the house, a little paranoid in his lie. It’s necessary, he tells himself, and power walks down the street.</p><p> </p><p>It’s actually really nice out. It’s the beginning of April, and spring is certainly here. Winter coats have been put away and spring wear is back. Kurt is wearing only light jacket since it’s been really warm for the past couple of days. Now it’s slightly windy, the sky overcast. There’s a tender, new green all around, in the lawns, in the trees in people’s yards.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt hurries his steps, eager to see Blaine, though at the same time it means the inevitable – not seeing each other for two whole weeks. Kurt turns a corner, getting to the park, and there’s Blaine’s familiar car, parked by the sidewalk. Kurt practically runs over and peeks in from the passenger side window. Blaine notices him and motions him to come in with a small smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey. Great timing, I just got here,” Blaine says as Kurt opens the door and sits on the passenger seat.</p><p> </p><p>“How was your dad’s birthday party?” Kurt asks, leaning over to give Blaine a short kiss.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine. There were some friends and dad’s relatives, you know how those go. I would have rather been with you than there answering questions about my studies and future plans and relationship status.”</p><p> </p><p>“What did you say about your relationship status?” Kurt asks, suddenly curious.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine sighs. He looks tired. “I couldn’t say much with dads and Rachel right there. I tried to deflect as best as I could. I just… Kurt, I wish I could tell the world that you’re mine.”</p><p> </p><p>“I wish that, too,” Kurt says quietly.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s just too much right now,” Blaine says, staring out of the windshield. The street goes on, only a couple of houses here, before the train tracks and Lima Heights on the other side. It’s a quiet spot, most of the houses are down the street to their back.</p><p> </p><p>“I know.”</p><p> </p><p>“I need to graduate. You need to graduate. Rachel needs to learn to chill, and our parents… I have no idea how to break the news to them. This isn’t easy, Kurt. The hiding is one thing, and then there’s all this distance, too – I wish I could just kidnap you and drive away.”</p><p> </p><p>“No need for kidnapping,” Kurt says. “I would come willingly.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I know you would, but I’m sure your dad wouldn’t approve,” Blaine says. He’s clearly trying to joke, but his tone is too serious, his face agitated.</p><p> </p><p>“He would send out a search party,” Kurt says, trying to lighten the mood as well, but it falls flat. He’s scared of the conversation they’re having and where it might lead. Just yesterday they decided they want to be together, though, so this can’t be the end. There’s something off about Blaine, and Kurt can’t put his finger on it.</p><p> </p><p>“I hate this so much,” Blaine huffs and hits the heel of his hand on the steering wheel. “I feel like a fool, I miss you so much already, knowing that we can’t see each other for a while. The time will pass quickly, and I have so much to do that this is necessary, but still… I just want to stay here with you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m right here, now,” Kurt says. He doesn’t want to think about the two weeks ahead of them. He wants to talk about something else, because now they are here, together. He can feel Blaine pulling away though, like he’s removing himself, putting up walls to hide behind, though Kurt is still right there. It’s evident in how Blaine doesn’t touch him. Usually Blaine is constantly reaching out physically. Something isn’t right, but Kurt can’t tell what this is about.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll call every night. And text. We can Skype,” Kurt says quietly, repeats Blaine’s words from their phone call. He needs to make Blaine smile again somehow.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you know that we’ve only been together for little over two weeks? And it already feels like you’ve been in my life forever. Kurt, you have no idea what kind of a hold you have over me,” Blaine says, finally turning to face Kurt, and his caramel eyes stare right into Kurt’s soul. The gaze settles somewhere deep, and Kurt knows a part of him belongs to Blaine, right now, and forever. He doesn’t dare say it. They haven’t been together long enough yet, but Kurt aches with it, he burns with it. He has no experience, but this feels too big, too deep already.</p><p> </p><p>“We can do this,” Kurt says, holding Blaine’s gaze and trying to transfer assurance. He takes Blaine’s hand from the steering wheel and lifts it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss into the knuckles. “I am crazy about you, and we will make it. In thirteen days I’ll be there, knocking on your door.” Oh, how the tables turn, since now it’s Kurt reassuring Blaine. The complete opposite of yesterday on the phone. It isn’t lost on Kurt how equal this give and take suddenly seems to be.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine looks at him with the softest, most heartbreaking smile Kurt has ever seen. “Okay.”</p><p> </p><p>“You better believe me,” Kurt quips, relieved at Blaine’s smile.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine pulls him over by the hand Kurt’s still holding in his own. “Make me believe?” Blaine’s voice drops, his eyes focusing on Kurt’s lips.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt kisses him boldly in the evening light, in a car where any passer-by might see in. He holds on to Blaine’s hand between them, presses his nose into Blaine’s cheek, sucking on his top lip and hoping they could stay there forever. Blaine answers to the kiss with a desperation Kurt didn’t expect, licking into his mouth and lifting his free hand to hold on to Kurt’s shoulder. Kurt wishes they could get closer, but the gear stick is in the way.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine lets him go with a harsh breath. They stay close, foreheads touching, eyes closed, and Kurt’s mind is reeling. The kiss was a lot, and he feels like bursting with everything he’s feeling right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Blaine, are you okay?” Kurt asks into the air between them.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want to go,” Blaine answers, his words as desperate as his kiss. “I don’t want to leave you, knowing how long it will be before I can touch you again.” He clutches on to Kurt’s shoulder, his tight grip almost painful, but Kurt wouldn’t shy away for anything, not in this moment.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ve been apart before. Blaine, we can do this.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine sighs heavily, and Kurt feels the air against his lips. “There’s a lot a person can do, when there are no options.” He pulls away, taking his hands to himself, leaving Kurt feel strangely cold. “But I know what you mean,” Blaine continues.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s just two weeks,” Kurt says.</p><p> </p><p>“Just two weeks,” Blaine echoes, staring at his hands.</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly,” Kurt affirms. He has a feeling Blaine is trying to convince himself of the fact, and he does his best to help.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m a little all over the place today, huh?” Blaine asks then.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, but I get it,” Kurt says, though he’s not sure he does. Blaine has to go, not for the first time, and still he is this broken about it. This feels like more than just their separation that’s plaguing Blaine’s mind. Kurt can’t really guess what he is thinking. Maybe something came up at his dad’s party? Blaine is not okay.</p><p> </p><p>“I think you should just go,” Kurt says then, before the silence draws on for too long. “Like a band-aid, you know? Just, go. And call me when you’re home.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Blaine looks at him again, eyes wide.</p><p> </p><p>“Go. It’s getting late. We gain nothing by delaying the inevitable.”</p><p> </p><p>“One more kiss?” Blaine asks, looking like a lost puppy.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course.” Kurt kisses Blaine, a short, soft touch of lips on lips. He doesn’t let it linger, won’t let Blaine deepen it. Blaine can’t stop this, so Kurt must. He pulls away, opens the door and steps out before he has a chance to change his mind, before he just buckles his seat belt and tells Blaine to drive. He leans down, holding on to the open door.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt…” Blaine looks so sad, his eyes huge and a little wet. Kurt swallows, not sure if he can do this after all.</p><p> </p><p>“Drive safe, okay, and call me.”</p><p> </p><p>“I will,” Blaine promises.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods once and closes the door, steps further away from the car and starts walking. If he stays in place like he wants to, Blaine will never leave. He can hear the engine purr to life behind his back, but he doesn’t turn until he hears the tires on the asphalt. He stops his steps there and watches as Blaine drives away, breathing deeply to stay calm. A part of his heart is in that car, and it hurts.</p><p> </p><p>They can do this. He will make sure of it.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please, keep telling me what you think. Your comments are the bright spot in my days! </p><p>You can also find me at little-escapist.tumblr.com.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>On Monday at school Mercedes corners Kurt before their first class by their lockers. Kurt knows by the look on her face that she’s looking for more information about Blaine, and he’s right. He closes his locker and turns to her with a small sigh.</p><p> </p><p>Mercedes smirks. “You dropped quite the bomb on Friday.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re getting predictable,” Kurt teases, not answering her accusation. “I knew you would make me talk about this.”</p><p> </p><p>“Duh, of course! You know me too well,” Mercedes says. “No more stalling, tell me everything.”</p><p> </p><p>“We should walk, I don’t want to be late,” Kurt says, doing just as she told him not to – stalling. He’s itching to share with her, but at the same time everything feels a little too personal.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s fine. You can talk and walk at the same time,” Mercedes smiles and takes his arm.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you want me to say?” Kurt asks as they start down the hallway, dodging fellow students on their way.</p><p> </p><p>“Just, anything. Let me live vicariously, ‘cause I don’t get to kiss anyone, much less my friends’ hot older brothers.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fine. He’s nice.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s not even close to enough!” Mercedes laughs. “I knew that already, I have met him. He’s, like, the nicest person alive. I can’t believe he and Rachel grew up in the same house.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know! And I really, really like him, and it seems that he likes me, too,” Kurt tells her, kind of glad that he can say this to at least one person. He tries to keep an eye on Rachel, or anyone else that shouldn’t hear this, but he’s pretty sure they are safe in the general noise and commotion going on around them.</p><p> </p><p>“I can tell. You should have seen your face after that kiss in spin the bottle,” Mercedes says. “Did Rachel comment on that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, actually. She tried to defend my honor and accused Blaine of stealing my first kiss. It was mortifying,” Kurt says, closing his eyes and shaking his head a little.</p><p> </p><p>Mercedes laughs again. “Seriously?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. Blaine didn’t know what to say to that.”</p><p> </p><p>“But really, Kurt, way to hide, kissing in front of everyone. Did Rachel let it go?”</p><p> </p><p>“Luckily she did. She can’t find out.” Kurt can’t even imagine how Rachel might react if she knew.</p><p> </p><p>“This hiding thing won’t work for long,” Mercedes says, suddenly much more subdued. “Are you sure that hooking up with Blaine is a good idea?”</p><p> </p><p>“We’re not telling anyone right now, because it would be too much,” Kurt defends. “But we will come clean later. He is Rachel’s brother, and there’s the age thing to think about, so we just want to keep this to ourselves for a little longer. We need to figure out when and how is the best to tell everyone.”</p><p> </p><p>Mercedes is quiet for a moment. They are nearly at the classroom, and Kurt doesn’t know what to make of this silence. He’s just about to ask her what she’s thinking as she speaks again.</p><p> </p><p>“You two are pretty serious, then? Not just hooking up for fun?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, we are serious,” Kurt says, and there is no doubt on the matter. It never was just something fun. It never was meant to be a fling, they wouldn’t have started anything just for the kicks. The risk of making people mad is too great for anything else but real. He and Blaine are real, and they are in it for the long haul. Of course, it’s been just a couple of weeks, but Kurt can feel it in his bones. He wants this to go on forever.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow, Kurt,” Mercedes says.</p><p> </p><p>“I plan on sleeping with him. Like, all the way,” Kurt blurts out and blushes. Oh, why did he think it was a good thing to say out loud at school?</p><p> </p><p>Mercedes looks at him, barely holding in her surprised laugh. “Okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“I need you to cover for me. I’m going over to his place Saturday next week, and I’m staying over,” Kurt pushes on. Now that he’s here, he might as well cover his back.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I’ll cover for you,” Mercedes says easily.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks.” Kurt gives her a smile. This might actually work. He has a real relationship with Blaine, and it’s possible to keep going as a unit despite all the obstacles in their way. “I’m kind of crazy about him.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can tell. You’ve been really happy the past month or so.”</p><p> </p><p>It’s true. Ever since Kurt started to talk to Blaine more, he has been more than happy. He is doing fine in school, his bullies have calmed down some, he has amazing friends, and he has Blaine.</p><p> </p><p>Things are pretty well right now.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Things stop being well quickly. The days seem to drag endlessly, and even though Kurt knows that he’s been apart from Blaine before, this time everything feels more acute. Kurt thinks it’s all about Friday night, getting off together and sleeping in the same bed. All he wants is to touch Blaine. He’s hornier than he has ever been, and it’s annoying, since he has school and glee and homework and friends, so he can’t just shut himself in his room every time he feels like it. Also, the conversation in Blaine’s car left Kurt feeling weird, like Blaine isn’t really okay, and there’s nothing he can do about it. Kurt wants to talk, to really talk, and get Blaine to smile for real.</p><p> </p><p>They text a lot. Good mornings, random thoughts during the day, and they call every night. Blaine is interested and asks Kurt about his school and glee, but somehow he feels distant, a little distracted. He easily keeps the conversation on Kurt, or some mundane topic, not really talking about himself. It must be because Blaine is buried in his studies, and Kurt tries not to feel too bad about it. He kind of hoped for something a little more on the phone, at least once, but it doesn’t happen. He ends up talking about this and that well into the night, because every moment with Blaine is important, cherished. By the time Friday comes around, he has slept so little he’s about ready to keel over when he leaves school.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt gets the mail when he gets home, and when he sees the big white envelope with NYADA’s logo on the corner, he’s suddenly very awake. His heart starts beating loudly, and it’s like he can’t even see anything else than that logo on the envelope. It takes him several tries to get the door unlocked, and then he’s in, dropping his bag right there on the floor along with the other mail. He stares the letter in his hands and takes a deep breath. This is it. Whatever is in the letter will determine a lot of his future. With shaking hands he rips it open.</p><p> </p><p>He gets an audition.</p><p> </p><p>He reads the formal words over and over again, trying to understand, his knees feeling weak – it’s happening. He is actually one step closer to the school of his dreams. He got through the first part of the process, and now he’ll get to sing to a NYADA representative. Kurt jumps on the spot a little, unable to contain himself. He got an audition for NYADA.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt fumbles his phone out of his pocket, almost dropping it twice before it stays in his hand the right way up. He calls, presses the device against his ear, still staring at the words in the letter as he waits for an answer. His heart is rushing in his ears, he can barely breathe.</p><p> </p><p>“Hummel Tires and Lube,” his dad says.</p><p> </p><p>“Dad! I got the letter,” Kurt shrieks and jumps some more.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait – what does that mean?”</p><p> </p><p>“I got an audition for NYADA!” Kurt exclaims, and reads the words out loud for his dad. It seems his hands won’t stop shaking anytime soon. He’s just so happy.</p><p> </p><p>“Whoa, buddy, congrats! My boy is going places,” Burt says, proud and happy, and Kurt could cry.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t believe it,” Kurt breathes into the phone. “I’m auditioning for NYADA. Oh no. This is real. It’s next month – dad, what am I going to sing?”</p><p> </p><p>Burt laughs. “You have time to prepare, Kurt. I know you’ll come up with the perfect song. Just enjoy the news today, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, okay. I have to call…” Blaine. “Rachel. I need to ask if she got her letter yet.”</p><p> </p><p>“You do that, bud. I’ll buy something nice for dinner today, we can celebrate a little.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sure. Dad… this is happening.” The first happy shock is leaving him, and now he’s feeling slightly numb, the situation sinking in. He’s so close to New York. It’s not a pipe dream, or <em>someday</em> anymore. It’s actually happening right now.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m proud of you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I love you,” Kurt says.</p><p> </p><p>“Love you too, bud. I’ll be home in a little over an hour.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods into the phone. “Yeah, yes. See you. Bye.”  He ends the call and leans on the wall behind him, just breathing in the silence of the house, still clutching the letter in his hand. He has an audition. The dream of going to New York is getting real, and while it’s amazing and exhilarating, it’s a little scary, too. He is going to graduate soon, and then everything he’s known will change for good. It isn’t a distant someday, it’s soon, in few short months.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt looks at his phone again, checking the time. Blaine’s not in class anymore. He presses call and bites his lip as he waits for an answer.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Kurt,” Blaine greets after three rings, sounding distracted. Kurt can hear a mouse clicking on the background.</p><p> </p><p>“I got a letter from NYADA. They want me to audition,” Kurt blurts out.</p><p> </p><p>There’s a silence for a second before Blaine speaks. “Wow, Kurt! That’s great!”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah?” Kurt giggles a little. “I might have a real chance, Blaine.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course you do.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m shaking,” Kurt confesses. “It feels so unreal.”</p><p> </p><p>“I believe you,” Blaine says, and Kurt can hear his smile. “You’ve been thinking about this forever, and now it’s here. You’ll amaze them all, Kurt – you’re spectacular, and this is just the beginning.”</p><p> </p><p>“You really think so?” Kurt asks, warmed by Blaine’s sincerity. He loves Blaine so much, and Blaine’s unwavering support means everything.</p><p> </p><p>“Absolutely. They would be fools to not see how talented you are,” Blaine tells him, calm and sure. He manages to calm Kurt’s shaking hands by just being himself. Kurt wishes they were together, he wishes he could hug Blaine.</p><p> </p><p>“Have you heard from Rachel yet, did she get her letter?” Kurt asks.</p><p> </p><p>“Not yet, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she hasn’t gotten it. She’d probably call you first, long before letting me know anything,” Blaine says.</p><p> </p><p>That’s what Kurt was afraid of. “Do you think she’ll get mad if I tell her I got mine, and she hasn’t gotten hers?”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine laughs. “Do you know her at all? She’ll either throw a fit, or she turns really quiet and mopes. You should tell her anyway. She’ll have to learn about the real world at some point, how things don’t actually revolve around her.”</p><p> </p><p>“You couldn’t be more right,” Kurt huffs. “I just don’t want to upset her.”</p><p> </p><p>“If your news upset her, it’s not your fault,” Blaine points out. “She can be petty, but you’re not the type to gloat about things like this. She’ll get over herself. Call her, and tell me how it went tonight?”</p><p> </p><p>“I will.”</p><p> </p><p>“I have to finish this paper, but I’ll call you later, if that’s okay.”</p><p> </p><p>“More than, Blaine, you know it. I always look forward to hearing from you,” Kurt says. He really wants Blaine. He wants to hold him, and be held by him, and it’s such a shame he can’t just drive over and drown Blaine in kisses. He wants to celebrate this achievement with his boyfriend, but all he can get is a phone date.</p><p> </p><p>“Later, then,” Blaine says softly and ends the call.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt finally takes off his jacket and retrieves the mail he dropped on the floor. He goes to the kitchen, sets the mail down on the table, and goes to get himself a glass of water. He really should call Rachel. He doesn’t think she got her letter yet, because she would have called him in hysterics. Kurt sits down and sips his water, staring at the phone. He should. Rachel is his friend, he should be happy to share his news with her. It just makes him apprehensive. There is no way she’s going to take it well that he got the audition invitation before her. She’s going to be upset and sad and defeated, and no one can take that. Even though Rachel is annoying and Kurt hates losing to her over and over again in glee, he still doesn’t want to make her sad. He isn’t the kind of person to shove his victory in her face, when he knows how she’ll react.</p><p> </p><p>If their roles were reversed, Rachel would call him, ecstatic and happy and a little gloating about her letter. She wouldn’t even think how he might feel about things. She’d be only thinking of her own triumph.</p><p> </p><p>That pushes Kurt over. He takes his phone to his ear for the third time. Rachel answers almost immediately.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, what’s up?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hi,” Kurt starts, unsure. “I got a letter from NYADA today.”</p><p> </p><p>Rachel shrieks. “What? What was in it – Kurt!”</p><p> </p><p>“I got an audition,” Kurt reveals, and it makes him smile, because, wow. He got an audition to NYADA. He is closer to his dream than ever.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god, Kurt, that’s amazing, let me go see today’s mail, mine must be there. I wonder why dad didn’t say anything when he got the mail, I need to be informed about stuff like this!” It’s almost ridiculous how predictable she can be.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe he just didn’t realize,” Kurt says just to appease her. His own enthusiasm dims. Rachel really did not get her letter today. Both Hiram and Leroy Berry would have been dancing and singing after seeing the NYADA logo among their mail. Kurt can hear Rachel asking his dad about the mail, and then papers shuffling, and then a stunned silence. Kurt closes his eyes and prepares himself.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s no letter,” Rachel whispers.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe it’s still on its way. You’ll get it on Monday,” Kurt says.</p><p> </p><p>“I hope so,” Rachel says, still abnormally quiet. When she gets quiet, things are really bad. If she’s shouting, she’ll get over it sooner or later, but silence means she’s hurt, lost, hopeless.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course it’ll come. Just wait until Monday. I don’t want to be going to New York alone, you know,” Kurt says, and it’s true, but it still stings that he can’t be happy about his own success because of Rachel.</p><p> </p><p>“It will be here in Monday’s mail,” Rachel says.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, it will,” Kurt agrees, and hopes beyond hope that it will be the case. Rachel needs her letter as soon as possible, because otherwise everyone suffers from her sulking. He feels bad for her, and hates her a little at the same time. His happiness is dulled because she didn’t get her letter, and he deserves to be happy about this. He has been fighting his way through life for so long – he has earned this chance at his dreams.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Again, let me know what you think! This is a little weird in-between chapter, but it's still necessary. </p><p>I got sick yesterday (just a sore throat and a fuzzy head for now). I'll try not to let it stop me from posting, but just a heads up - if this gets worse, there might be a delay in posting. I'll let you know if I'm unable to edit &amp; post, though!</p><p>You can also come find me on tumblr, I go there by little-escapist. I'll post about fic updates there, too.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Um, tissue warning? It gets a little heavy.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>To everyone’s relief, Rachel’s NYADA letter does arrive on Monday. They only had to put up with her woe-is-me face for one miserable day. Kurt almost collapses from relief when she calls him right after school in happy tears that she has an audition, too. It’s a lot easier to be enthusiastic for his own audition now that Rachel’s over-pouring happiness accompanies him.</p><p> </p><p>They start talking about possible songs, about rehearsing together, about clothes to wear to the audition. Rachel talks, and talks, and talks, and gets a little ahead of herself with picturing their New York life, but Kurt is right there with her. Their future is bright and open, just waiting for them behind the next corner. No more waning away in a small town with small minds – they are going to New York and fulfill all their dreams. They can actually live their lives, act and study and learn and sing. They won’t be constrained anymore, they’ll have much more than a small glee club with mediocre success. Kurt is close to bursting with happiness as Rachel ends the call right before dinnertime. His dad laughs at him when he can’t stop gushing about it all while they eat.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt looks forward to calling Blaine that night even more than usual. He’s full of ideas for the future, he has half-formed plans in his head, and he wants to share. He does his nightly skin routine, smile on his face, and gets to bed phone in hand, like he’s been doing every night. He anxiously waits for Blaine to answer, ready to tell him about everything he has talked about with Rachel, about possible audition pieces and what Blaine thinks about them.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, Kurt.” All the happy thoughts disappear as Kurt hears Blaine’ voice. It’s unhappy, hollow, and tired. Blaine’s hello has never been like this before.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey. Is everything okay?” Kurt asks, immediately concerned.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. Basically nothing’s wrong,” Blaine answers and sighs. “Just one of those days when nothing goes like you want it to. How are you?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, you don’t get to turn this around,” Kurt says. Blaine often deflects, and Kurt usually lets him, thinking that whatever it is, it’s something Blaine doesn’t want to share. But this time Blaine is miserable, he’s been weird ever since their talk in the car, and Kurt needs answers. “What is it?”</p><p> </p><p>“Just one of those days, when I woke up feeling like shit, and things got worse as the day went on. It happens sometimes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Have you been thinking too much?” Kurt asks. He kind of knows those kinds of days, but usually there’s something behind it. Something his mind has cooked up, turning the reality into something worse than it is.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s nothing, Kurt, let it go. Don’t worry. I’ve been through this before.”</p><p> </p><p>“It is something, because it’s upsetting you this much, and of course I worry, silly. Talk to me, let me help you,” Kurt insists, not backing down.</p><p> </p><p>“There is nothing you can do,” Blaine says. “I just need to endure, and I’ll be better at some point again.”</p><p> </p><p>“But you’re not alone, Blaine, I’m right here for you. Maybe talking about it might help?” Kurt won’t let this go. He will make Blaine talk, no matter what it takes. “Please, Blaine, just tell me what you’ve been thinking.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine sighs, giving in. “Ever since the fight, I’ve been thinking about us. About myself in relation to you.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt can’t breathe. Blaine has been distant, he has been making Kurt talk and just commented very shortly on his own things. Does this mean Blaine is having second thoughts about them? “What, what about us?”</p><p> </p><p>“I hear Rachel got her audition,” Blaine says, completely unrelated, and it makes Kurt’s head spin.</p><p> </p><p>“Blaine – “</p><p> </p><p>“No, just, let me talk, that’s what you wanted.” Blaine’s tone is almost biting.</p><p> </p><p>It’s not a fair comment at all, but Kurt lets it slide. He just makes an affirming noise to let Blaine know he’s listening.</p><p> </p><p>“So, I’ve had a bad week. I was having a bad day already. I didn’t get much done today, couldn’t focus. Then Rachel calls me about her audition letter. She’s all hyped up, she told me about the things you two had dreamed up. And… you know how she is. She gets her eyes on the prize, and nothing else matters. She doesn’t think how her words or actions affect others.”</p><p> </p><p>“She said something to you,” Kurt says as Blaine pauses.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine huffs, blowing static into Kurt’s ear. “She said quite a lot. Though it is mostly my own fault for raining on her parade.”</p><p> </p><p>“What did she say?” Kurt demands.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine is quiet for a while, then he takes a deep breath. Kurt wishes he could see Blaine’s face right now. He aches with the need to comfort Blaine with touch. All they have is the phone, though, and Kurt has to do his best this way.</p><p> </p><p>“She told me how life in New York would be spectacular, and I dared to open my mouth with a reality check. That she’d live in a shoebox apartment with a huge rent, that she’d have to work on top of her studies and possible auditions, and that it isn’t really as glamorous as it is in her head. As you can imagine, she got mad. She told me that not everyone is born into mediocre life. She told me that not everyone is a loser returning home tail between their legs after the first misfortune. She told me that I am a killjoy, projecting my own fears onto her, and I guess that’s not wrong. She told me that she was going to have a fabulous new life in NYC with you, and you two would be more at home in the city than in Ohio. She told me to keep my small town opinions to myself, and go be happy with my bland life, since clearly I am not meant for great things.”</p><p> </p><p>“Blaine, you know none of that is true,” Kurt says. “Your life is not bland, and you can do anything you put your mind to.” He is going to murder Rachel. He will tell her a piece of his mind, and damn all consequences. This is not okay. She has no right to say stuff like that to anyone, least of all to her own brother.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, but there’s the catch: it <em>is</em> all true, what she said. It’s nothing I haven’t thought of before.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, seriously, you can’t think that,” Kurt protests, not knowing what to say to make it better.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt, there are things you don’t know about me. I am a loser who came home, tail between his legs. I know I worry about her because of my own experiences. I was not meant for New York. Not like she seems to be. Not like<em> you</em> seem to be.”</p><p> </p><p>“New York is just a city,” Kurt says. Of course, New York has represented a dream for almost as long as Kurt can remember, but in the end it is just a city.</p><p> </p><p>“Is it really?” Blaine sounds frustrated and sad. “It’s a city, yes, but in that city there are stages like nowhere else. In that city there’s fashion and grandeur and people and freedom and chances of something more. It’s the beating heart, it’s the dream. I can’t believe you of all people are saying it’s just a city. It’s your dream future!”</p><p> </p><p>“Blaine, why do you think you’re a loser?” Kurt asks, deciding to not get into a debate about New York and what it represents.</p><p> </p><p>“Long story,” Blaine sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“I have time. Tell me.”  Kurt wants to know. He needs to know. This is the chance he’s been waiting for, the chance to get under Blaine’s shell, to understand more of who Blaine is.</p><p> </p><p>“So.” Kurt can feel Blaine settling into a new position, he’s also clearly in bed, the sheets noisy as he moves. “I came to college here in Columbus after finishing high school. I was 18, young and eager to learn, eager to sing, eager to live. Sebastian was in my music theory class. He was really into me. He was the first boy to really pay that kind of attention to me. He flirted, he joked, and he asked me for coffee. He made it clear that he wanted me, and the attention was intoxicating. I was a little intimidated, but mostly just flattered. Long story very shot, we got together. Fast forward about six months, and we dropped out of college, went to New York, ready fulfill our musical dreams. We lived in a tiny apartment without proper facilities, in each other’s pockets, in a big strange city, all alone. It was nice for a while. We met Elliott and Dani – they were putting together a band, and Sebastian tried out for them. They got along like a house on fire. They didn’t need another singer, but Sebastian stayed as a friend, doing some stuff behind the scenes.</p><p> </p><p>“He got really close with Elliott. It seemed that they were always together doing music, and I was alone at home or working my ass off at this restaurant, just to get the rent money since I didn’t want to use all my savings to everyday expenses. One time I got mad and marched to Elliott’s to clear the air, to confront him about Sebastian. I was as angry as can be, but Elliott told me they weren’t together, never had been and never would be. They were just really good friends.</p><p> </p><p>“Turns out, Elliott was pretty much the only guy in their circle Sebastian hadn’t slept with. I came home from work one night to find him with a guy I’d seen around with them once or twice. I felt like a fool. It broke me. We fought, then it was Sebastian who dumped me and not the other way around. I ended up living with this guy named Joe for about a month. Then I gave up. I left New York, lived home for a while until dads helped me sort things out. I applied back to OSU, got this apartment, and here I am, just a little bit late from the original plan and schedule of studying music and teaching.”</p><p> </p><p>“That sounds terrible,” Kurt whispers, still taking it all in. “Sebastian was awful to you!”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, he was,” Blaine agrees. “But you met him at the after party, so… that was a pretty good summary of what he is. He mostly just thinks about sex, and who to have it with.”</p><p> </p><p>“To me it doesn’t sound like it was New York’s fault things went like they went, though,” Kurt ventures to say. “It was just your idiot ex that got you down.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, Kurt… It was just as much the city,” Blaine says. He’s sounded almost too calm all the way until this point, but now his voice breaks. “I wanted to make it there, but… I guess I left some important stuff out of my tale, still.”</p><p> </p><p>“Please, tell me,” Kurt says, his heart aching. He just wants to hold Blaine.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not very pretty,” Blaine says. Now he sounds like he’s close to tears.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want pretty,” Kurt says. “I want you. I want your story, I want what makes you into the man you are. It doesn’t have to be pretty. Blaine, please – let me know you.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine swallows audibly. “I guess I can do that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, you can,” Kurt encourages.</p><p> </p><p>“I haven’t talked about this in so long… When I said that Sebastian’s cheating broke me, I mean it. Literally. I broke down. I couldn’t work anymore, I couldn’t focus. I… I started eating a lot. Just, sitting on Joe’s couch that was also my bed, and eating, because food was the only comfort. I gained some weight. I hated myself a lot, I isolated myself, and it was pretty easy, because everyone I knew was Sebastian’s friend more than mine. I felt like I don’t deserve anyone or anything. I was certain that it was my fault Sebastian cheated. Maybe I didn’t give him enough. Maybe I was at work too much. In my heart I knew it wasn’t true, I had given him all I had and a little bit more. I hated the city that was noisy and full of people, the constant movement and rush to be somewhere, be something, when I was quiet and nothing. The energy of the city sucked out mine. I slept poorly, I couldn’t even think about music, and music has always been a sanctuary, it’s always made me who I am. I lost music, I lost myself. There… There was some self-harm. There was some slight substance abuse. One day Joe got home and told me that no one forced me to be miserable. That if I felt better somewhere else, I should show mercy to myself and go. I did. I never said goodbye to Elliott, I never saw Sebastian again. I got a ticket to a train, packed what little I still had since most of my stuff stayed with Sebastian, and I left. I came home. I was in Lima until September, until school started up. Dads helped me find an apartment, helped me re-enroll to college, they got me to therapy. Kurt – I don’t think I’ve ever said this to anyone other than my therapist – but that last month alone in New York almost killed me. I wasn’t taking care of myself. I… cut myself. I self-destructed by not caring about myself, by letting dear people go completely. I told myself time and time again that they are better off without me, that I was a burden, a nuisance, a nothing.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt can hear Blaine crying through the words, and it hurts that he can’t pull Blaine close, kiss his tears away. If it wasn’t close to midnight, and if he didn’t have school tomorrow, he might already be in his car. Still, he is tempted to just go to him. He burns with the need to help Blaine and make him feel better. “Blaine… all of that does not make you a loser.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, well. You’ve always thought higher of me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Blaine. Really. It takes courage to admit that things aren’t fine. Remember that day, when I came to your house crying, because my worst bully kissed me? That was the first time I could say how bad things were. I hid it, I suffered in silence, and now I think I should have said something earlier. I will never stop admiring you,” Kurt says, putting all he has into that last sentence. He needs Blaine to believe him. “Blaine, you’re talented, like, really talented. You’re strong for getting yourself back together after the hell Sebastian put you through. You’re handsome, charming, and genuinely kind. I’ve never met anyone else even close to as nice as you are.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine laughs and sniffs. “Kurt, my sweet, there’s reassurance and then there’s over reassurance. I’m pretty sure what you just said belongs in the latter category. You don’t need to force compliments on me.”</p><p> </p><p>“No! Listen,” Kurt says, refraining from snapping at Blaine, because that’s the last thing he needs. “I mean every word. It kind of hurts that you don’t believe me.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not nearly as great as you paint me to be, Kurt. I’ve been thinking about this pretty much the moment we fought, and now I just, I don’t know what to do. I’m not worthy of you. I don’t know where we are going. I miss you so much,” Blaine says, choking on the last word.</p><p> </p><p>“I miss you, too,” Kurt says, his heart breaking for Blaine, for how sad he is, for everything he has had to endure. “And there’s no being worthy of me, you don’t have to be anything but yourself. I want you, okay? I get to decide that. And I’ll be there on Saturday. It’s only five days until we see each other again.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t wait to see you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Me neither. All I want is to hug you right now,” Kurt sighs. Then an idea occurs to him. “Is Santana home?”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine hesitates and sniffles. “Umm, why? But yeah, she’s home.”</p><p> </p><p>“Go to her, and give her the phone,” Kurt orders. Despite Santana’s sharp tongue, Blaine is good friends with her, and this is the only option right now, since Kurt is in Lima and Blaine in Columbus. If Kurt can’t hug Blaine, someone will. Blaine needs it right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, okay. What is this, Kurt?” Kurt can hear Blaine getting up from bed.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll see. Just go.”</p><p> </p><p>“Going, going,” Blaine mutters, and there’s a door opening in the background. Then there’s a knock, and a muffled voice.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt wants to say something to you,” Blaine tells Santana, and Kurt waits patiently. He can hear another door opening.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you know what time it is?” Santana sounds irritated.</p><p> </p><p>“Just take the phone, Tana.”</p><p> </p><p>There’s a shuffling sound, and then Santana’s voice. “Hello, Elfling. What do you want with me in the middle of the night? I need my beauty sleep.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hi. I’m sorry to bother you, but Blaine needs a hug right now,” Kurt says, refusing to be intimidated. “I’m not there to give it to him, so you have to.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, he does look a little rough. You got yourself a deal.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” Kurt says from the bottom of his heart. He hears faint sounds on the other end, Blaine’s quiet “oh”, and then silence for a few beats before Blaine and Santana exchange good nights. Kurt closes his eyes and bites his lip. He just wants to be there. He doesn’t want to be here, here in Lima, too far away. He wants to see how rough exactly Blaine looks like, and he wants to make him look happier. He wants to pet Blaine’s hair and tell him he’s beautiful, and important, and loved.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you just order Santana to hug me?” Blaine asks him, sounding incredulous, but a lot lighter than earlier.</p><p> </p><p>“Yep.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re a brave man, Kurt,” Blaine says. The slight humor in his words is a huge relief. He’s fine, he will be fine, and maybe Kurt can sleep well after this.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re welcome,” Kurt smiles. “Now you have to drink some water, take a few deep breaths, and go to bed. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Bossy,” Blaine teases, and Kurt flushes a little. It’s clear that Blaine is feeling better now, and Kurt did that. He managed to help, even if it’s just a little, and it feels good. They are good for each other, and Kurt doesn’t mind that he didn’t get to ask Blaine’s opinion about his audition songs. He’ll have time for that tomorrow.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll go get that water. Good night, my sweet,” Blaine tells him, soft and intimate.</p><p> </p><p>“Good night, sleep tight,” Kurt says.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>“Rachel!” Kurt hurries after her friend the next day at school. He’s been trying to catch Rachel all day, but so far she’s been elusive. It’s already lunchtime, and not seeing her before this has only given Kurt more wind to his sails. He will confront her about Blaine, and now he needs her to listen before they go to the cafeteria, since he doesn’t really want Mercedes or Quinn to listen in.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt, hi!” Rachel turns around with a smile. She’s wearing a pink sweater, but this time there’s no animals, thank god. She looks almost normal today. “Do you want to go over song choices at lunch?”</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Kurt says, keeping it short. Rachel’s smile freezes as she notices Kurt’s glare. “You really hurt Blaine yesterday.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, what?” Rachel looks confused. “You talked to Blaine?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve been talking to him ever since the concert!” Kurt throws his hands up in exasperation. “The things you said yesterday were way out of line. You should think about other people every once in a while, too, before you say anything.”</p><p> </p><p>Rachel rolls her eyes. “What are you doing?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m defending,” my boyfriend, “Blaine. I’ve never heard him as upset as he was yesterday. You certainly know to poke where it hurts.”</p><p> </p><p>“Siblings fight, Kurt. You’re an only child, so I don’t expect you to understand.” Rachel lifts her nose at Kurt, and Kurt sees red.</p><p> </p><p>“You are such a brat sometimes. I’m so glad I am not your brother, because you’re nothing but mean and thoughtless.” Kurt has had enough. He turns away from Rachel and starts striding towards the cafeteria, fuming. Rachel has no right. Doesn’t she have any idea what her words did to Blaine? She remains insensitive and rash and Kurt can’t stand it right now. He can’t get Blaine’s breaking voice from his head. How is he supposed to <em>live</em> with Rachel come autumn?</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt, hold up!” Rachel runs after him, shoes clacking on the floor. “Why do you care?”</p><p> </p><p>“Because I am a decent human being!” Kurt shouts, turning around so fast that he almost hits a cheerleader with his messenger bag. “I care, because Blaine has been through hell, and you keep piling shit on him when he doesn’t deserve it!”</p><p> </p><p>“What are you even talking about? That’s crazy, Kurt, it’s not like I want to harm my own brother!” Rachel looks appalled, and well, it’s not like Kurt to swear so much.</p><p> </p><p>“When Blaine got home from New York, he was <em>broken</em>. And you put that against him, calling him a loser? You don’t do that, Rachel, that’s not okay,” Kurt tells her, wondering how little common sense she has.</p><p> </p><p>“It was ages ago, I’m sure he’s over it.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt stares. Sometimes he just can’t understand how dense she is. “Really? Are you over the worst nightmare you’ve ever had to live through? Give me a break, Rachel, you can’t be this dumb about it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Blaine’s okay!”</p><p> </p><p>“No, last night he wasn’t,” Kurt tells her. “He was crying, and hurting, because the things you told him reminded him of everything he had to go through.”</p><p> </p><p>That stops Rachel from arguing. She stops completely, staring at Kurt with wide eyes and open mouth. “You really have been talking to Blaine.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods. He is allowed to be friends with Blaine, right? “Yes, I have. He has told me quite a lot. Maybe you should try letting him talk to you every once in a while, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Rachel just nods, speechless for once. They head to the cafeteria together, not speaking anymore. Kurt knows he has given Rachel a lot to think about, and he really doesn’t feel like talking to her anymore, either. He does feel better now, after defending Blaine and getting Rachel to think about her actions. She seems thoughtful all the way to the table where their friends are sitting, debating what they should wear to Nationals.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, there's some more of the puzzle that is Blaine. Please let me know what you think! </p><p>You can also find me at little-escapist.tumblr.com.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>They Get Horny, again.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>The moment Blaine sees Kurt, he jumps him. The apartment door isn’t even closed yet, and there Blaine is, pushing into Kurt’s space and kissing him silly. Kurt kisses right back, happy to finally be here, to be able to touch Blaine. The last two weeks have been taxing on them both. Blaine pulls him into the apartment and shoves the door closed, wasting no time in pressing Kurt against it. Their lips never separate. Blaine crowds in, presses himself against Kurt, chest to knees. He licks into Kurt’s mouth, Kurt surrendering to it with a tiny moan. Blaine’s hands are everywhere, in Kurt’s hair, around his neck, down his chest, on his ass. Kurt holds on to Blaine’s sides, the fabric of his black shirt soft under touch. If Kurt wasn’t held up by Blaine, he’d be a puddle on the floor. He’s never been as thoroughly kissed. Blaine separates from his lips only to kiss his cheek, his jaw, and then the favorite place under his left ear that leaves Kurt a mess, his toes curling and his cock twitching as Blaine sucks his skin roughly. Kurt’s eyes open and he freezes. Santana is standing by the kitchen doorway, arms crossed, staring at them.</p><p> </p><p>“Wanky,” she comments as she sees Kurt noticing her.</p><p> </p><p>The comment has no effect on Blaine, who keeps on sucking and biting Kurt’s skin. He only lifts one, steady hand off Kurt and gives Santana the finger over his shoulder. Kurt holds on to Blaine’s waist, about ready to combust, turned on beyond belief now. Blaine trails his lips back on Kurt’s, and after a final, smacking kiss he pulls off to look Kurt in the eye as if Santana didn’t exist at all.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry about her. I told her to leave, but she kept on stalling. I missed you so much,” Blaine tells him before kissing him again. Kurt smiles into the kiss, wrapping his arms all the way around Blaine, holding him close like he wanted to all those times during their separation.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, I could leave if you’d stop blocking the door,” Santana says drily. “Quit sucking face for a second and let me out, I have no interest in watching you guys fuck.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt blushes bright red at that, now embarrassed on top of being uncomfortably aroused in Santana’s presence. He pushes Blaine a little. “She’s right, we have to let her out,” he mumbles against Blaine’s lips.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine lets go with a sigh. “Fine, fine.” He kisses Kurt on the nose and removes himself from Kurt’s space, turning to look at Santana.</p><p> </p><p>“Finally,” Santana says and rolls her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s your own fault you didn’t leave earlier,” Blaine tells him, and doesn’t seem embarrassed in the slightest. Kurt has no idea how he does that.</p><p> </p><p>“You know, I never thought I’d see the day,” Santana says, walking over and grabbing her bag from the floor, “Preppy, prudish hobbit Blaine is throwing me out of our apartment to have sex.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, you’ve thrown me out more times than I can count, so scram and stop yapping,” Blaine says, gesturing to the door. Kurt is still leaning against it, and he hurries off, staying behind Blaine’s back. He can’t look at Santana. He has hard time believing that Blaine didn’t even flinch at Santana’s open words about them going to have sex. Whoa. He is actually going to have sex tonight, and though he has been meaning to all along, it just got a lot more real.</p><p> </p><p>“Have fun, kids,” Santana says, and then the door is closing behind her, and Kurt and Blaine are alone.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine looks at Kurt, a little sheepish, and running a hand through his ungelled curls. He looks stunning like this, casual and cuddly. He’s wearing gray sweatpants and a black t-shirt that emphasizes his arms and shoulders, and Kurt just drinks him in now that he can look without interruption. They are alone at last, truly alone.</p><p> </p><p>“I… I’m sorry about Santana. She’s crass, and has no manners. You know that we don’t actually have to… do anything,” Blaine says, staring at Kurt’s feet.</p><p> </p><p>“No, it’s alright,” Kurt says, still slightly breathless. “That was quite the welcome.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine laughs, meeting his eyes. “I just couldn’t resist. I’ve missed you so much, and to have you here… You’re going to have to cover your neck again, I’m afraid.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a good thing I love scarves,” Kurt quips, smiling.</p><p> </p><p>They just stand there for a while, smiling at each other. It’s so nice to be together again, though right now it’s a little awkward. They survived the two weeks apart, though it was difficult at times. Kurt feels dumb and happy – he is with Blaine again. They are completely alone for the night, for the first time since the concert, and this time Kurt is not sleeping on the pull-out couch. He’s going into Blaine’s bed. For some reason, that’s the thought in the forefront of his mind.</p><p> </p><p>“Umm, we should probably just calm down for a while,” Blaine says then. “Are you hungry? We could order pizza?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods. It’s for the best, just to be together first, before they rush into anything. He is eager to see Blaine’s skin again, to touch him again, but he’s also a little intimidated now that he’s actually here. “That sounds good.”</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s take your bag to my room, and then decide what we want,” Blaine says. He grabs Kurt’s bag from the floor where it fell, and offers his other hand to Kurt. Kurt takes it happily and follows Blaine through the living room to Blaine’s room. Kurt realizes he’s never been there before. When he was at Blaine’s for the concert, he slept in the living room and changed in Santana’s room or the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine’s room is small. There’s barely enough room for the bed and a dresser, but Blaine has also jammed an electronic keyboard between the wall and the bed. The walls are off-white, and the comforter on the bed is dark blue. Curtains of the same shade hide a small window.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s not much to see, here,” Blaine says. “I usually spend my time in the living room, and only come here to sleep, really.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s cozy,” Kurt offers.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s tiny,” Blaine retorts. “But thank you. I gave the bigger room to Santana because she insisted on it. It has worked fine so far.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re too nice for your own good,” Kurt tells Blaine and pulls him in for a small kiss. They’re still holding hands, and Kurt’s pretty sure he never wants to let go. </p><p> </p><p>“I guess so,” Blaine sighs as they separate. “Let’s order the pizza now.”</p><p> </p><p>They sit down in the kitchen and Blaine orders them a large pepperoni pizza while Kurt plays with the fingers of his free hand. Now that they’re finally together again, there’s an overwhelming need to touch constantly. It’s just the two of them, no curious or judging eyes, no fear of someone barging in, and Kurt can’t get enough of Blaine. Blaine smiles when he finishes the call, and Kurt just has to kiss him. Blaine keeps it short and sweet, pulling back and asking Kurt about his week.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt tells him about his classes and how in glee they are slowly but surely putting together numbers for Nationals. Blaine in turn recounts about his progress with his thesis, and he seems to be in a much better mood than on Monday. He has made a lot of progress in his studies since, and he doesn’t seem to worry about spending time with Kurt now, not even glancing at his laptop left on the couch.</p><p> </p><p>The pizza arrives, and they settle to eat. Kurt could have this always. They are so comfortable together, sharing stories of their lives, eating in peace. He wants to share a life with Blaine, come home to him and tell him about his day. It’s so natural, easy and good, Blaine smiling at him over his slice of pizza. They fit despite their differences or the age gap. Kurt is happy with Blaine, in awe of him and of them together. He cherishes this moment, and says as much to Blaine, who reaches over to squeeze his fingers with a soft gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m just so happy to be here,” Kurt says, getting lost in Blaine’s eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“And I’m happy to have you here,” Blaine returns, rubbing his fingers against Kurt’s knuckles. “I missed you a lot.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you… feeling better than earlier in the week?” Kurt asks, though he doesn’t want to ruin the easy air around them. He just has to know. Hearing Blaine so desperate and down was terrible, especially while Kurt was so far away and unable to do much.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I am. Thank you for making me talk on Monday. It was necessary to talk about that stuff again, and I feel lighter that you know about it now,” Blaine says. “It… It is a part of me, that darkness. I’m not one hundred percent okay, and sometimes there are really bad days. Just, heads up. I’m used to it, and it usually passes after a few days. I’m working on getting better, but it takes time. Meanwhile, I hope you can bear with me. I sometimes get lost in my own head, and there’s so much to think about – us, the graduation, the rest of my life – but I’m better today. Also, I’m going to be sappy now, everything is brighter and better when you’re with me. On the phone, or like this, face to face. You’re good influence, Kurt Hummel.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I am,” Kurt says, scrunching his nose a little. He appreciates Blaine’s words and the complete surrender in them, the vulnerability of letting Kurt know about this stuff. Still, Kurt has to lighten the mood and joke a little.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course you are,” Blaine echoes and leans over to place a kiss on Kurt’s cheek.</p><p> </p><p>Once they finish their meal and Blaine has cleared out the pizza box and their napkins, Kurt starts feeling a nervous buzz under his skin. This is it. He is going to lose his virginity for real, and soon. He wants it, he wants Blaine, but at the same time he’s really nervous. He follows Blaine with his eyes as Blaine moves around the kitchen, smooth and easy, so comfortable in his skin. Kurt feels lost, unsure, and he just wants to get over this starting stuff into the real action. How to start this all?</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want to watch a movie or something on tv?” Blaine asks, turning towards Kurt.</p><p> </p><p>“I just want you,” Kurt says before he can chicken out. He tells himself to be brave, and meets Blaine’s eyes head on.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, aren’t we eager,” Blaine smiles. “But we have all night, Kurt, and I think we should talk about stuff before we actually do anything. It’s better to relax first. We just ate.”</p><p> </p><p>“I guess,” Kurt says, suddenly embarrassed, heat flooding his skin. He was stupid to be that forward, wasn’t he?</p><p> </p><p>“Hey.” Blaine walks over and places a hand on Kurt’s shoulder. “I love that you’re eager. I get it – I want this too. But let’s just sit down for a while, and talk about what it is exactly that we want. You’re so tense, Kurt, and that’s not the idea. I’ll be glad to just cuddle you all night, if you’d prefer. We don’t have to do anything more.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know,” Kurt says, and refuses to look away from Blaine’s honey brown eyes. “But I want to.”</p><p> </p><p>“You want to what?” Blaine’s eyes are level, expectant, and apparently he is making Kurt talk despite knowing how shy Kurt feels.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt knows that his face can’t really get redder than this, but a new wave of heat flashes within him. “I want to sleep with you.” He has to close his eyes against it.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine chuckles. “Oh, we’ll sleep eventually.” Cheeky.</p><p> </p><p>“As in I want to have sex with you,” Kurt forces out. It’s clear that Blaine wants to hear him say it.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m on board with that,” Blaine says. His voice is warm and low, and Kurt feels it on his skin like a touch. Blaine leans closer and presses another kiss on Kurt’s cheek. “I am so on board, Kurt,” he whispers against Kurt’s skin, and Kurt shudders, because he knows what Blaine is doing. It’s lovely and frightening at the same time how easily Blaine plays him. Kurt turns his face, seeking Blaine’s lips for a kiss, but Blaine pulls away.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s go sit, and talk about that.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt opens his eyes and whines under his breath. “Do we have to?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. I need to know what you want, and what you’re okay with.” Blaine offers Kurt a hand, and Kurt takes it, letting Blaine pull him to the living room and on the couch.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt isn’t sure how he feels about this conversation. He’s not good at talking about sex, he’s shy and inexperienced, so out of his comfort zone. He did try to watch porn again to understand more, but it just made him really uncomfortable. He has no words for things, and he’s not sure what he might like, and Blaine is <em>experienced</em>. Blaine turns on the tv, to some weird game show that he ignores as he turns to look at Kurt, lifting one leg up on the couch to face him better. Kurt stares at his own knees and bites his lip. He didn’t quite imagine this – he imagined them just getting to it, overthrown with passion and things clicking together without too much thought. Now he only feels embarrassment.</p><p>                                                                                                                                            </p><p>Blaine caresses a hand down Kurt’s cheek. “I’m so glad you’re here, Kurt. You’re the bright spot in my every day. Being apart from you so long wasn’t easy.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt can’t help preening a little. He loves how easily Blaine gives compliments.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s that smile. I really, really like your smile.”</p><p> </p><p>“Your smile is better,” Kurt tells him, shyly meeting Blaine’s golden eyes. The look in them is intense, fond and full of heat at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>“Has anyone ever told you that you’re beautiful?” Blaine asks instead of answering, the backs of his fingers still resting on Kurt’s cheek.</p><p> </p><p>“They call me lady all the time,” Kurt answers and looks away. He’s not sure why Blaine’s question brought up the bitterness in him. He’s just tired of being called a girl. He’s not. He knows he’s somewhat effeminate, but he is a man, thank you very much.</p><p> </p><p>“Not like that, Kurt,” Blaine says quickly, cupping Kurt’s cheek and forcing him to meet his eyes again. “Not beautiful like a girl. Your shoulders are already wide, but I have a feeling you’ll be able to fill them out even more, if you want to. Your jawline is sharp and masculine, and don’t get me started on those long legs of yours. You’re fairly tall, too.”</p><p> </p><p>“Everyone is tall compared to you,” Kurt teases. He can’t take any more compliments or he’ll combust with them.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine laughs. “Kurt!”</p><p> </p><p>“Am I wrong?” Kurt asks playfully, turning just enough to kiss Blaine’s palm.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. Rachel is shorter than me.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt hits Blaine on the arm without too much force. “Really? That’s what you’re going with? You bring up Rachel to this conversation?”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine makes a face. “You’re right. I probably shouldn’t have. But my earlier point stands, I think you’re all man, and a beautiful man at that.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt smiles, letting Blaine’s words settle into his soul. “Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>“So, what does my man want to do with me?” Blaine asks, lowering his eyes, giving Kurt a smoldering look under his lashes. It takes Kurt’s breath away – the mere words <em>my man</em> would have done the trick, but combined with those eyes it’s nearly lethal.</p><p> </p><p>“I want to make you feel good,” Kurt ventures to say. “I really liked, back in Lima after the party… just, touching you.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine nods. “That’s a given. I like you touching me. How do you want to touch me?”</p><p> </p><p>“I… Anywhere?” Kurt hesitates. How to say it out loud? He’s not good at this. “I want more than just hands this time.”</p><p> </p><p>“We agreed once that no touching under the belt, but that’s already done, so I won’t press you about it anymore. We also talked about not getting clothes off yet – how do you feel about that today?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt loves how reasonable Blaine sounds even though he hates that they have to have this talk. “Yeah, I think I’m ready to… to not have clothes on with you.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine smiles. “That’s nice. I can’t wait to see all that skin, and have you touching me. You said you want more than hands, so. Mouths?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt squirms, staring at the wall above the tv. The thought does make him hot, and he loves kissing Blaine. It’s a little scary to think about him down there, though, and Kurt feels like he would be too far away. There would be too much space for his own thoughts and insecurities without Blaine closer to his face. He did wash very thoroughly that morning, but still the thought makes him a little uncomfortable. And if he were to put his mouth on Blaine, he wouldn’t have any idea what to do, how to make it pleasurable for Blaine. The thought is pretty intimidating.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, we can save that for later consideration. What else is more than hands? Are you talking about actual penetration?” Blaine asks softly, and Kurt can’t believe he says it all so easily.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt shrugs. That might have been what he was thinking last night in bed, wondering what might happen once he gets here. He has no idea how to say that to Blaine, though.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt, please, talk to me. I want to know what you want.”</p><p> </p><p>“I… yeah. That’s what I was thinking,” Kurt confesses, still unable to look Blaine in the eye. He has thought quite a lot, actually, late at night, almost scared of his own thoughts. Almost frightened by how much he wants.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright. Thank you for telling me,” Blaine says.</p><p> </p><p>“I…” Kurt hesitates, not sure how to word his thoughts. He takes a deep breath and tries again. They say that if you can’t say it, you’re not ready to do it, and he really, really wants to actually do it. “I just want you, close to me, us pressed together.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, we can do that,” Blaine agrees easily. “That doesn’t require penetration, though.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know. I just… I want.” Kurt lets out a frustrated sound, wishing Blaine would just read his thoughts. He loved Blaine underneath him, at his mercy after the party two weeks ago, and he hasn’t been able to shake that image. And Blaine’s ass is gorgeous, plump and perfect, and just the thought of getting in there is making him hot all over. It just feels mortifying to suggest something like that, and after all he has no idea what Blaine’s preference is, if he even has one – he has understood that not all do.</p><p> </p><p>“You can say it, Kurt. I have a feeling I’ll like whatever you say,” Blaine tells him, so patient and gentle that Kurt can’t take it.</p><p> </p><p>“I want you. Under me.” Kurt swallows and hazards a look in Blaine’s direction. Blaine is staring at him, mouth slightly open, eyes glazed over.</p><p> </p><p>“Holy shit, Kurt, yes. You want inside of me?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt is both embarrassed and turned on after hearing Blaine say that. It’s uncomfortable, and he’s not sure what to do with himself. He just nods weakly, squeezing his eyes shut.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, Kurt, absolutely yes, that is certainly on the table for us,” Blaine says, and he sounds almost stunned. Kurt dares another peek at Blaine, and Blaine is still staring at him, his golden eyes now almost black. His ears are red, and the conversation has clearly affected him a lot. Blaine isn’t embarrassed in the slightest, he is on his way to very turned on, and Kurt thinks, huh. He actually can tell that Blaine’s all hot just by looking at him.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to kiss you now,” Blaine tells him and leans over, pressing his lips on Kurt’s. Kurt reaches for him, seeking comfort in touch, holding on to Blaine’s shoulders as Blaine slips his tongue into his mouth. Blaine smoothes a hand down Kurt’s side, stopping at his hip, and the touch leaves a hot trail in its wake, making Kurt tremble. He sighs against Blaine’s lips. Kissing has been fine and amazing, at times it’s been enough, but today it’s anything but. Kurt wants more. He presses his palm against Blaine’s crotch in a move that almost shocks himself, and Blaine groans into the kiss, grinding into Kurt’s hand, and that’s… insanely hot. Kurt’s cock twitches in his jeans, getting harder now that the conversation is over and things are actually happening. They are alone all night, and this is real.</p><p> </p><p>“Bedroom?” Blaine mumbles against Kurt’s lips.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt pulls away enough to look Blaine in the eye. “Yes. Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, then,” Blaine says, taking both of Kurt’s hands into his, and pulling him up from the couch.</p><p> </p><p>They rush to Blaine’s room, stumbling onto the bed, and Kurt finds himself straddling Blaine’s thighs, leaning over him. The air between them is electric, hot, and Kurt can’t get enough of this, enough of Blaine. Determinedly he shoves his nerves down. He wants this, and he is not going to over think things now that he has Blaine right there, under his body.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine smiles and reaches for the hem of Kurt’s shirt. “Can I take this off?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt bites his lip and nods. He’s never been shirtless in front of Blaine before. His skin is hot and tight, and the shirt feels constricting, so it’s better to remove it. Blaine grabs at the shirt, pulling it free from Kurt’s pants, revealing skin. Kurt sits up and Blaine follows, pulling the shirt over Kurt’s head and freeing his arms. The shirt falls on the floor, and Blaine’s hands travel along the newly revealed flesh, soft but sure. His touch is warm and feels all kinds of nice without the fabric in between, but Kurt still feels nervous. He knows he’s pudgy and paler than pale, and what if Blaine finds him lacking? Kurt leans in to kiss Blaine, to distract himself from those thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>“Beautiful,” Blaine murmurs against Kurt’s lips before welcoming the kiss, sucking on Kurt’s top lip, and for a while, they get lost in it, Kurt sitting on Blaine’s lap, Blaine’s arms around him.</p><p> </p><p>“You want to take off mine?” Blaine pants between kisses, gesturing his shirt that’s already riding up, showing his belly button and a tantalizing strip of hair. Kurt nods, rolling his forehead against Blaine’s. It’s as if as long as their faces stay close, he can stay out of his nervousness, like Blaine’s kisses keep him brave and in the heat of the moment. He presses a hand on Blaine’s belly, dragging it up and bringing the shirt along. Blaine lifts his arms to help Kurt pull the shirt off, and then the piece of clothing joins Kurt’s on the floor. Kurt pulls Blaine in, wanting to feel skin on skin, something new and exciting. He has seen Blaine without his shirt, he has touched Blaine without his shirt, but not like this, not naked chest on naked chest. The hair on Blaine feels both soft and a little rough on Kurt’s smooth skin. Kurt’s cock is now throbbing in his pants, and he definitely can’t think anymore, completely lost on it all, the feel and smell of Blaine. This might be over way too soon. Blaine kisses his chin, his jaw, and then finds that one perfect spot under Kurt’s ear, sucking on the hickey he put there earlier when Kurt arrived. It hurts so good, and Kurt lets out a moan that makes him bite his lip after, stunned with how loud the noise was. Blaine laughs as Kurt freezes.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s no one here, my sweet, no one but us, so you can make all the noise that wants to come out,” Blaine says into Kurt’s skin, his words wet and hot and making Kurt shiver.</p><p> </p><p>Then Blaine’s hands are moving lower, mapping Kurt’s sides, the touch pressing like a brand into Kurt’s skin. The fingers stop at the button of Kurt’s jeans, but before Blaine can ask, Kurt is mumbling his consent, telling Blaine to just take them off already. Blaine pops open the button and pulls down the zipper, pushing Kurt’s jeans down to his thighs, and Kurt’s cock is straining in his briefs as they’re revealed. It takes a little maneuvering then, Kurt needs to stand up to get completely rid of his pants, and Blaine stares at him, heat in his eyes, so hot that Kurt has no room for self-consciousness in his mind. He leans down to take his socks off, too. As he stands up, Blaine looks wild, curls all over the place, mouth red from kissing, chest rising with each breath. He takes in Kurt’s skin, eyes moving up and down. Then he’s up from the bed, pulling off his sweats, and damn, there’s nothing underneath. Kurt can’t help staring. Blaine is standing naked in front of him, real, hot, and there. The trail of dark hair from his belly button turns into a tidy patch around his cock that’s standing proudly at attention, red and somehow beautiful. On his right thigh there’s a tattoo of an uneven ladder. Blaine is gorgeous from head to toe. Kurt is transfixed. This is Blaine, all of Blaine, beautiful, gorgeous Blaine – his skin darker than Kurt’s, muscles on display in his arms and thighs, slight round softness in his belly that’s endearing. Blaine is real, not perfectly cut and sculpted like the people in movies and magazines, and he’s all the better for it.</p><p> </p><p>“Like what you see?” Blaine jokes, looking at Kurt from under his lashes.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods. He’s about to combust. Any moment now, and he’ll blow up. Blaine sits down on the bed, scoots to the middle of it, and spreads his legs. He looks comfortable like this, sitting completely naked and on display for Kurt, teasing look in his eyes, and Kurt feels hotter than ever. This is going to be over too fast.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, my sweet,” Blaine says. “Yours, too? And then get over here.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt bites his lip as he gets rid of his underwear. This is it. He is naked in front of a guy for the first time ever. There are no fancy clothes to protect him from the world, nothing to pull focus away from what he actually is. He drops his briefs on the floor and stands up, meeting Blaine’s eyes. He stays in place, waiting for judgment, shivering. This is the moment his nerves come back full force. He resists the urge to wrap his arms around himself and hide from Blaine’s gaze. Blaine seems to notice his hesitation, because he gets up from the bed and steps to Kurt, taking his hands.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re beautiful, Kurt. Young, slight, and so, so beautiful. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, not one thing. I am so insanely drawn to you right now.” Blaine leans in to kiss him, and it’s almost chaste, hunger in the backburner for now. Kurt closes his eyes and focuses on the kiss. Blaine’s arm snakes around his waist, and Kurt doesn’t mind. He takes a tiny step closer, pressing skin on skin, and maybe he just might be able to do this. It feels good. Blaine is warm and solid against him, and still clearly interested. Their cocks press against each other, and Kurt can’t help a small roll of his hips – it feels good. It feels <em>so</em> good, skin on skin, Blaine sucking on his tongue, pushing against Kurt with his whole being. Kurt presses back, suddenly ravenous for Blaine, and they stumble onto the bed, Kurt landing directly on top of Blaine. Blaine doesn’t seem to mind, he only parts his legs and wraps his arms around Kurt, and Kurt feels surrounded. His hips are moving on their own accord now, there’s no way to stop. So much skin right underneath him, Blaine is panting lightly, his fingers pressing into Kurt’s back, his lips by Kurt’s ear again, and it’s just too much good at once.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt comes, almost without realizing, suddenly just enveloped by how amazing it feels, and he spills on Blaine’s skin, heaving for breath. Right behind the feeling of overwhelmed pleasure is embarrassment. Kurt turns his face away from Blaine’s kisses, pushes away from Blaine, not able to say how terrible he feels all of a sudden. He sits, his back to Blaine, and hides his face in his hands. This is not how he wanted things to go.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, hey, Kurt, it’s okay,” Blaine says, and there’s a steady hand on Kurt’s shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt just shakes his head. He’s mortified.</p><p> </p><p>“It happens, and that was so hot, Kurt, you have no need to be ashamed.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, no, that – that was way too quick, you didn’t even get to…” Kurt can’t face Blaine. He just can’t.</p><p> </p><p>“It was hot,” Blaine repeats, his voice leaving no space for argument. “Besides, we have all night, and now you’ve got the urgency out of your system. Come here.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt goes, a little reluctant, letting Blaine pull him into an embrace. He wants to believe in Blaine’s words. They do have all night.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Let me know what you think! </p><p>You can also come talk to me on tumblr, little-escapist.tumblr.com.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Their night continues.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Blaine manages to dissuade Kurt’s embarrassment about coming way too soon – before they did anything – by holding him close, stroking his skin and kissing him silly. They stay naked in bed, just kissing, after Blaine gets a wet wipe from his nightstand and cleans them up a little. It seems like Blaine isn’t in a hurry to get off right away. Kurt is grateful for the unrushed feeling, and the silent exploration of skin. He feels like words might be too much right now, anyway. They just lie there, together, trading slow, deep kisses that get Kurt stirring again in no time. Kurt stays there, along for the ride, letting Blaine set the pace and steer him. They touch each other without any rush. Kurt is feeling more and more comfortable in his skin the more Blaine touches him. It’s nice to have slow, lazy fingers trailing along his body, and touch Blaine in return. There’s a little mole on his hip, and another on his arm, and Kurt loves these little discoveries. He draws a line with his finger down the small, pale scar on Blaine’s collar bone and kisses Blaine deep. He wants to do right by Blaine. Blaine has been through so much, and Kurt wants to remain the bright spot in Blaine’s day. He wants to be there for everything.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine pulls Kurt back on top of him, turning the kiss deeper, and Kurt is definitely turned on again. How couldn’t he be? He has a hot boyfriend right under his fingers. All that skin is his to touch. This time the lust isn’t as loud, isn’t as hot, but more of a steady burn between his legs. Blaine’s hand trails down his side and his fingers wrap around Kurt’s hard-on.</p><p> </p><p>“Ready for round two?” Blaine husks, pressing his nose into Kurt’s cheek.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yes, I think so,” Kurt tells him, pushing into Blaine’s touch.</p><p> </p><p>“You want inside me?” Blaine asks, low, hot, right on Kurt’s skin, and Kurt shivers on top of him.</p><p> </p><p>“More than anything.” Kurt’s heart is beating loud and steady in his ears.</p><p> </p><p>“Let me get the stuff,” Blaine says, rolling them over and moving away.</p><p> </p><p>The air feels cold on Kurt’s skin after a long time pressed against Blaine, but Blaine returns fast with a container of lube and a condom. Kurt swallows as he sees the items. This is happening. He meets Blaine’s eyes, nervous but sure at the same time. Blaine’s pupils are blown, his mouth thoroughly kissed, his cheeks ruddy. He looks beautiful.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, if this is too much at any point, tell me. I mean it, Kurt, if anything makes you uncomfortable, we can stop,” Blaine tells him, his eyes still lust-blown nut his voice serious.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll let you know,” Kurt assures him, though he’s pretty sure it won’t come to that. He wants Blaine, he wants to make Blaine feel good, and there’s a certainty rushing in his veins now, drowning his fears.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine smiles. “Thank you. I’ll get the condom on you now.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods frantically, unable to answer that in words. Blaine rips open the wrapper and rolls the condom on Kurt, his touch maddening, not nearly enough. It’s not supposed to be, but Kurt can’t help bucking into the touch, his body yearning for more. He’s not too close yet, thanks to the too early orgasm before. Blaine chuckles and presses a kiss on Kurt’s cheek before settling down on his back next to Kurt and lifting his knees up, feet far apart on the bed. Blaine gives Kurt a look, eyes filled with heat.</p><p> </p><p>“Come over here.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt crawls between Blaine’s legs, leaning over him, his breath coming in short puffs, his cock twitching at the mere idea of what’s going to happen. Blaine stares up at him, a smile on his face, eyes black.</p><p> </p><p>“Lube yourself up, and get some on me, some in me. More is better than less. Then just one slow push in, okay? That’s how I like it,” Blaine tells him, simple as that, just letting him know what to do and how, and Kurt feels it everywhere, shuddering with the image.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you… sure that’s all?” he asks.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine nods. “Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt gets the lube Blaine left on the bed next to them, and his hands are shaking slightly as he slicks himself up. That part is easy, of course, he has touched himself before. But to touch Blaine, touch him down there, that’s all new, exciting and a little nerve-wracking. He gets more lube on his hand and takes a deep breath before placing his fingers below Blaine’s balls, rubbing a little at the skin there and earning a sigh before venturing lower, over his hole. Blaine whines at the touch, pressing into his fingers, and Kurt has never seen anything so hot in his life. Kurt slicks up Blaine’s hole curiously, feeling the muscle under his fingertips, and he can’t resist pressing gently, pushing one finger into the tight heat. Blaine moans out loud at that, throwing his head back against the pillow, and Kurt lets out an answering, disbelieving sound. How is he ever going to fit? He touches Blaine, he is in Blaine, and it’s a lot.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yeah, just – I want your cock now, Kurt, come on, no teasing,” Blaine babbles, his eyes closed.  </p><p> </p><p>Kurt swallows, removes his finger from Blaine and meets Blaine’s eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yeah. One, slow push in until you’re all the way there, okay?” Blaine tells him, panting between the words.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt obeys blindly. He leans over Blaine, his weight on his left elbow, holding himself with his right hand to guide himself in. The muscle doesn’t want to yield at first, but Blaine keeps mumbling encouragement, and Kurt keeps going, and then he’s in – impossible heat and tightness around the head of his cock, and he groans. The heat fills him down to his toes, up to his forehead. This is better than anything he’s ever felt, almost impossible to understand. He pushes through, does as Blaine told him, keeps pushing in, making space for himself. Blaine lifts his left leg to wrap it around Kurt, making more room. Kurt bites his lip, trembling all over, sweaty and overheated, pushing against the resistance, muscles giving around him, opening up to accept him. He bottoms out and stays there, looking in Blaine’s face. Blaine’s eyes are screwed shut, his mouth open, his head thrown back. Kurt is panting, sweat gathering on his skin, and the feel of Blaine all around him is exquisite. He wants to move, but he waits for more guidance. The muscles around him contract a little, and Blaine moans.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, so good, just, you can move.”</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t need to tell Kurt twice. Kurt pulls back just to push back in, and after a little hesitation and experimenting he finds the perfect rhythm that Blaine answers to, lifting his hips up to meet Kurt’s and letting out little, helpless sounds every time Kurt hits home. It feels amazing, Blaine right under him, so close, so hot, writhing, grasping at the sheets and at Kurt’s skin. Kurt leans a little closer to him, pressing a kiss on Blaine’s neck, and the angle changes, making Blaine buck into him helplessly. Kurt feels overwhelmed with it all, pleasure building between his legs, radiating everywhere, and he has to close his eyes against it.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine’s arms wrap around his shoulders, Kurt leans on his elbows and seeks out Blaine’s mouth, and they’re kissing, open-mouthed and hungry, hips slapping together with an obscene sound. It’s hot, they’re both sweaty, and somehow this is the most real Kurt has ever felt. He’s never been so aware of every inch of his body than now, exertion already burning in his thighs and arms and abs, he is hot all over and Blaine is surrounding him, his fingers pressing into his back, his kisses on Kurt’s face, his legs bracketing Kurt’s hips. Kurt kisses back, pushing down with his whole body, grinding slightly on his next thrust in, and Blaine mewls into his mouth before throwing his head back, practically presenting his throat to Kurt.</p><p> </p><p>“Ooh, yes – Kurt – please do that again, right there,” Blaine pants.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt complies happily and leans down to suck on Blaine’s neck, rewarded with a loud moan.</p><p> </p><p>“Just, Kurt, touch me, I’m so close,” Blaine babbles.</p><p> </p><p>Reaching a hand down between them Kurt shifts his weight on his left arm again. He wraps his fingers around Blaine’s weeping hard-on and jerks him in tandem with his thrusts. Blaine wails, pushing against Kurt. His fingers press on Kurt’s back with bruising force, and then he comes over Kurt’s fingers. His muscles constrict almost violently around Kurt, sending Kurt over the edge, too. The pleasure is louder and brighter than it’s ever been, almost too much, nearly painful in how good it is, fire crackling down all Kurt’s senses. He’s lost to the sensation for a small eternity, Blaine murmuring praise into his skin.</p><p> </p><p>He has enough brain power to collapse next to Blaine instead of right on top of him. He’s panting, hot, messy, and he has never felt better. Blaine seeks contact, grabbing onto his hand, threading their fingers together as their breathing starts to slow, basking in the afterglow.</p><p> </p><p>“Whoa,” Blaine breathes after a while, turning on his side, pressing his forehead on Kurt’s shoulder, pressing a kiss there, not minding the sweat drying on Kurt’s skin.</p><p> </p><p>“You can say that again,” Kurt says. His limbs feel about three times more heavy than normal, but at the same time he’s light, almost floating. It’s amazing.</p><p> </p><p>“That was… so good, Kurt. I needed that,” Blaine mumbles, his face pressed into Kurt’s arm.</p><p> </p><p>“It was, Blaine, I… I have no words,” Kurt says. He doesn’t know what to say, how to put into words how it felt, having Blaine so close that he wasn’t sure where one ended and other began.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine lifts his head slowly, scooting closer and nestling on Kurt’s chest, his curly head a lovely weight right over Kurt’s heart. Kurt lifts his left hand – the cleaner one – and cards his fingers through the dark locks. The closeness feels amazing, satisfying in a completely different way than sex was. It’s a simple comfort, just to exist together like this, warm glow within them, and he has never felt this close to another human being.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Kurt, you’re amazing,” Blaine murmurs, kissing Kurt’s skin.</p><p> </p><p>“So are you,” Kurt says, smiling at the ceiling, hand still tangled in Blaine’s hair.</p><p> </p><p>They stay there for a while, before their mess turns into something unbearable, and Blaine gets up with a groan. Kurt gets rid of the condom, trying not to make a face at how nasty it is, out of the moment.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt makes Blaine shower first, and once Blaine is done, he goes. He isn’t ready to be naked with Blaine in the brightly lit bathroom quite yet, and he needs a moment. He just lost his virginity, he feels amazing, and he loves Blaine. He thought he would get some time to get to terms with it all while he showers, but mostly he just ends up marveling that this is his life now.</p><p> </p><p>Once Kurt emerges from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist Blaine gets them bottles of water from the fridge, and they head back to Blaine’s room. Neither of them feels like doing anything, really. They change the sheets and then lie down tangled together, kissing and just existing in each other’s space, naked.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt gets to explore Blaine’s tattoos again, running his fingers over the words and pictures inked into Blaine’s skin.</p><p> </p><p>“How did you get into tattoos in the first place?” Kurt asks quietly, trailing a finger over the flying bird on Blaine’s shoulder blade.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine hums. “I was in New York, I got inspired, and then I got hooked. I just had to get another, and another, and the ideas kept on coming. Most of these were done here in Columbus, though.”</p><p> </p><p>“Tell me about them,” Kurt says.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine does, and as he names a picture, Kurt’s fingers find it, too. The big tree is about growth and roots, on top of being a beautiful picture. Kurt has seen it disappear into Blaine’s pants before, but now he sees the roots, too, spanning the top of Blaine’s ass, one venturing down a cheek. He follows it down, making Blaine squirm.</p><p> </p><p>The bird on Blaine’s shoulder symbolizes freedom, wanting to fly free and without any restraints the society and other people like to force upon Blaine. Kurt admires that. The picture is stunning, feathers detailed, and there’s a hint of blue within the black. Kurt presses a kiss on the skin there. Then Blaine tells him that the words running down his spine, <em>After a hurricane comes a rainbow</em>, are actually Katy Perry lyrics, and Kurt bursts out laughing.</p><p> </p><p>“What happened to my rocker?” he asks in between his giggles, and Blaine pretends to pout.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, I’m versatile.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt kisses the back of his neck, laugh still on his lips. He loves Blaine so much, his silly, adorable boyfriend. He wants to say the words, but at the same time it’s scary, it’s so big. So he settles for nuzzling close until Blaine turns to face him, and he gets to kiss Blaine’s mouth.</p><p> </p><p>It envelopes him again as they drift to sleep, Blaine’s breath evening out. His mouth stays slightly open, his lashes long on his cheeks. Kurt reaches over to turn off the night light on the nightstand before curling right into Blaine’s side, placing his head on Blaine’s chest. He can hear Blaine’s heart beat, calm and steady. His head rises a little with each breath. It’s a wonder – this man right here, alive, real, in this skin, in these bones and flesh right under Kurt’s fingers. And Kurt gets to touch him, to know him, to love him. It’s overwhelming, it’s beautiful, and Kurt feels overcome with it. It feels sacred, to be trusted, to be given something like this. He presses a small kiss into Blaine’s skin, and Blaine sleeps on.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Kurt wakes up to a gentle hand in his hair. It’s a pleasant feeling that makes him smile before he can open his eyes. Blaine’s chest is warm under his cheek. Kurt turns his chin up without lifting his head to meet Blaine’s eyes. Blaine is smiling, too, his features soft in the morning light, slight stubble on his jaw, his eyes pure, golden shade of caramel. Dark curls frame that beloved face and still sleep-ruddy cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>“Morning,” Kurt says quietly, as if too loud a word would shatter the perfection of this moment. He has never been happier than right here, waking up, his skin sticking to Blaine’s slightly, early sunlight filtering through the blue curtains, making the room oddly colored.</p><p> </p><p>“Morning, my sweet,” Blaine answers, still petting Kurt’s hair.</p><p> </p><p>“Can we just stay like this?” Kurt asks, nuzzling into Blaine’s skin, into the short hair on his chest. He has never been so comfortable in his life.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. We’re in no rush,” Blaine says.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt doesn’t want to think about that. They don’t have all the time in the world anymore, not really. He has to leave early to be home in time, before his dad starts to wonder what is taking him so long. He said he would be at Mercedes’ place this weekend. Kurt wants to stay right here, right next to Blaine, skin on skin, forever. He doesn’t want to face the cold reality of driving home after what they have shared. He doesn’t want to face the next weeks without Blaine, without his touch, without his kisses. He holds on to Blaine tighter, pressing down his arm that’s thrown over Blaine’s stomach. Blaine smells good, like sleep, like the slightly spicy shower gel, and like himself, something pleasant and earthy that Kurt can’t really identify.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m happy, Blaine,” Kurt says into Blaine’s skin.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s good,” Blaine says, scratching at Kurt’s scalp gently, and if Kurt was a cat, he’d purr.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt lifts his head, presses his chin on Blaine’s chest to look him in the eye properly. “Are you happy?”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine nods with a smile. “Yes, I think I am, for the first time in years.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt wiggles up to kiss Blaine, morning breath be damned. Blaine doesn’t seem to mind, either, because he wraps his arms around Kurt’s shoulders to hold him close. The kiss is tender and soft, it’s just lips on lips, but it makes Kurt really aware of the morning wood he’s sporting under the covers against Blaine’s hip. Blaine pulls on Kurt’s shoulders a little, urges him to move so that he’s lying between Blaine’s legs, and oh, Blaine is hard, too. Kurt grinds into Blaine, their cocks sliding together, and Blaine holds him tighter, stares into his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>They get off just like that, under the covers, rutting together, never looking away from each other’s eyes. Kurt can see every emotion in Blaine, close and intimate, the heat, the care, dare he think it – the love. It’s again different from last night’s times, unhurried, unbearably sweet, just slightly too rough friction, but it does the trick, and they come, Kurt a little before Blaine, gasping into the air between them, eye contact never breaking.</p><p> </p><p>It’s perfect.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>After a quick shower and collecting Kurt’s clothes from the floor they settle in the kitchen for breakfast. Blaine makes them toast, and Kurt wants to help, but Blaine waves him to sit down. Apparently Blaine wants to treat him, and Kurt has nothing against that. He wants to stay is this moment, staring at Blaine’s tattooed back as he pours orange juice for them by the counter. The clock is ticking, though, and every second is a second closer to their separation.</p><p> </p><p>As they start to eat, Kurt decides to breach a topic he should have started on earlier, but didn’t find a good moment. “So, um. I need to tell you something.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine stops, his jam-covered toast halfway to his mouth. “Okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s nothing bad. I don’t think, at least. But um, our – our relationship is no longer a complete secret.” Kurt bites his lip, peering at Blaine from under his lashes, gauging his reaction.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine takes a bite and sets his toast on the plate. “Oh?”</p><p> </p><p>“Mercedes figured it out at Rachel’s party. I meant to tell you earlier, but…” Kurt shrugs.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I guess it was inevitable,” Blaine says, and he doesn’t look too mad. “I wasn’t exactly subtle, kissing you like that during the game. Rachel gave me more hell about it after you left.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt shakes his head. “No, it wasn’t the kiss, it was me. I was staring at you when you got down to the basement, and Mercedes pieced it together. I… I told her before that I’m seeing someone, and she figured it out from one look. I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine smiles. “Hey, no need. How did she take it?”</p><p> </p><p>“She was a little scandalized, but mostly supportive,” Kurt says. “She won’t tell Rachel. I made her promise not to say a word to anyone.”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright. She knows, then. I’m not sure how I feel about a friend of Rachel’s being aware of what going on here, but I guess it’s only a matter of time, anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt swallows, staring at the toast on his plate. Does that mean what he thinks it means? “Do you… do you think we should tell people, soon?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know,” Blaine admits. “I don’t know what I’m doing, or if hiding is smart or even the best choice. I mean, Santana knows, too, and now Mercedes does…”</p><p> </p><p>“And Quinn,” Kurt says and winces.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine does a double take. “What?”</p><p> </p><p>“She was up that morning, when I came down from your room. She was in the kitchen, getting water.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, yeah, I remember her there. So, clearly this hiding thing isn’t going too well,” Blaine huffs. “We’ll think about it, okay, telling everyone?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods. “Yeah, that would be good.”</p><p> </p><p>They finish the meal, all too aware that Kurt needs to leave soon. They put away the plates, and Kurt collects his bag. They stand by the door, wordless, just looking at each other. Blaine’s curls are still free, and he put on a blue short-sleeved polo with dark jeans. It’s an odd mix of the rocker and the preppy, and Kurt quite likes it. He pulls Blaine in for a lazy kiss. He can do that. They are together. Sometimes it still hits him like out of the blue, that Blaine really wants him, that they can touch when they want. Kurt has a boyfriend, for real. He knows what it’s like to be kissed, he has had sex. If someone had told him that in the New Year’s party, he would have laughed out loud, yet here he is. Here he is, and he doesn’t want to leave.</p><p> </p><p>“When will you be in Lima next?” Kurt asks, placing a hand on Blaine’s chest.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine sighs, covering Kurt’s hand with his own. “Not until your audition. That’s first of May, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods. Another two weeks without Blaine. He’s not sure how he’ll make it. All he wants is to get close to Blaine, burrow into him, hold him and kiss him. He wants to be inside Blaine again, hear the lovely little sounds Blaine breathed out with every push. He can’t imagine how he’ll manage for two weeks without touching his boyfriend. “I’ll miss you,” Kurt whispers before kissing Blaine again.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine kisses back, and they forget the world, drowning in soft touch of their lips. Then Blaine pulls away. “You have to go, Kurt – just… standing here won’t make it any easier.” Blaine’s eyes are big and so, so emotional. He looks like he’s holding back tears.</p><p> </p><p>“I know,” Kurt says. He just can’t make his feet move.</p><p> </p><p>“You have to go before your dad worries. Call me tonight?”</p><p> </p><p>“I call you every night,” Kurt says. He’s a little choked up. He doesn’t want to say goodbye, not ever.</p><p> </p><p>“Not on the nights I call you,” Blaine says with a small smile. He’s trying to lighten the situation, but it’s clear that Kurt leaving is affecting Blaine, too. “Now, go. Drive safe.”</p><p> </p><p>“I will.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine opens the door, and Kurt goes to the elevator with one last look and a wave. It feels like a part of his heart is left behind with Blaine. It hurts, knowing that they can’t see each other for the next two weeks. Kurt presses the button to call the elevator and swallows down tears that threaten to fall. He wants to turn around and go back, he wants to go back to Blaine’s bed and hide under the covers forever. They will call, they will text, but it’s nowhere near the same as being face to face, skin to skin.</p><p> </p><p>The elevator arrives, and Kurt steps in. He looks sad in the mirror, his eyes glassy and mouth downturned. Unbidden, a question appears in his mind, a question he really would have liked to live without. But once he thinks about it, it’s there, it’s real, and it’s breaking his heart a little.</p><p> </p><p>If leaving Blaine is this hard now, how will Kurt make it once he leaves for New York?</p><p> </p><p>He pushes the thought away. He has to focus on the now, not on what might happen months down the line.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>How silly is it to almost cry to your own story, during writing AND during editing? </p><p>And yes, the words in Blaine's tattoo are from Katy Perry's Firework.</p><p>Please tell me what you think about the chapter! </p><p>As always, you can also find me on tumblr, little-escapist.tumblr.com</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“No, Kurt, I don’t think you can audition with Don’t Cry For Me Argentina,” Rachel says. “I think you’d be better with something sung originally by a man.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt refrains from rolling his eyes. It’s Tuesday afternoon after school, and they’re at the Berry house brainstorming NYADA audition pieces. It’s mostly for Kurt, since Rachel has known her audition song for as long as she’s known she got an audition: she’s going to sing her go-to anthem, her own theme song, Don’t Rain On My Parade. It’s her piece, she’s been singing it forever, and Kurt is kind of envious, because he doesn’t have a go-to song. He likes an array of songs, and sings this and that, whatever fits his mood. Kurt tried to open Rachel’s horizons a little, get her to try something else, but he should have known better. When her mind is made up, there’s no changing it. So, they are trying to find the perfect song for Kurt.</p><p> </p><p>Rachel is sitting on her bed with a pile of sheet music and some CDs. Kurt lies on his back next to her, almost giving up already. He’s at his best singing girl songs, and Rachel thinks that’s a bad idea for his audition.</p><p> </p><p>“I think you should do something classic with your own twist, maybe?” Rachel says, flipping through another pile of CDs. She has so many musical theatre soundtracks that it’s crazy.</p><p> </p><p>“Does anything classic fit my voice?” Kurt complains, covering his face with his hands. It’s not okay. He needs the perfect song, he can’t just settle on something and hope he does well enough with it. They’ve been at this for a while today, and Rachel has been offering him suggestions for a week now, ever since she heard about her own audition. She wasn’t that eager to help during the weekend when Kurt was the only one invited to audition, Kurt thinks bitterly. She only helps because the thought of going to New York alone is scary, and she wants her friend there with her. He can’t exactly blame her on that, though. He wants her there, someone familiar, no matter how annoying she can be.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course! We just haven’t found it yet,” Rachel says.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt isn’t as confident. He just can’t pick a song randomly. He wants a song that showcases his voice, but also a song that he can connect with. He needs to be able to feel the song to perform it perfectly. This audition is the chance of a lifetime, and he has to nail it. There is no other way – he needs to succeed. That’s why he needs the perfect song.</p><p> </p><p>“You might need some adjustments to an original piece, but we can do that,” Rachel chatters on. “How do you feel about Phantom?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt sighs. “I’d probably be better Christine.”</p><p> </p><p>“Try Music of the Night, okay? That’s, like, iconic. If you can make it memorable, you’ll be a shoo-in.” Rachel drops the sheet music on Kurt’s chest.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine,” Kurt sighs, takes the papers and looks at the song. It’s nowhere near his favorite musical piece, but he knows it well. Of course he does, it’s a classic. It just isn’t his song. He can’t identify with it, he has no emotional attachment to the piece. He kind of wants his audition song to mean something for him. He wants to get into the song and give it his all that way. Music of the Night is still the best idea they’ve come up with so far.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a solid piece,” Rachel tells him.</p><p> </p><p>“I just wish it was something more <em>me</em>,” Kurt complains. “I’ll start rehearsing this, but I’m not done looking for the perfect song.”</p><p> </p><p>Rachel smiles. “That’s a good plan! I’ll help you rehearse. Kurt, we are so close!” Her eyes are shining as she nudges Kurt’s side. She looks at the pinboard on the wall by her bed. Kurt follows her gaze, taking in the five big letters spanning the top of the board. NYADA.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t wait to be in New York. Kurt, our life is about to begin!” Rachel’s voice is turning dreamy.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Kurt agrees, though that sentiment doesn’t quite feel the same as it did, say, in January. Now he has Blaine, and he is very much living the best possible life he can imagine, despite the occasional slushy or locker slam at school.</p><p> </p><p>“I just wish it was summer already,” Rachel says.</p><p> </p><p>“Imagine, in a couple of months we could be there,” Kurt tells her.</p><p> </p><p>“Could be?” Rachel sounds almost affronted. “There is no could, Kurt. We will be there, there’s no other option.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt smiles at her determination, but doesn’t really share her wish about time going faster. He almost wants time to stop, since this is good, right here.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>That night Kurt calls Blaine, as usual. He settles in his bed, under his covers, and holds the phone to his ear. He can’t help but panic about the audition song situation as soon as Blaine answers. He sang Music of the Night twice at Rachel’s today, just to try it out, and it didn’t feel right. There’s something missing, and Kurt tells that to Blaine, too.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure you’ll manage to make it your own, Kurt,” Blaine says, always so reassuring. “And you can keep looking for your perfect song.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt sighs. “I’m running out of time! I need to find the song, arrange it because it probably isn’t in my key, and then I have to rehearse and make a choreography for it and…”</p><p> </p><p>“Sweetie, take a breath,” Blaine says, humor in his voice. “I know this is a huge deal, but you need to calm down a little. You’ll do great, I’m sure of it. I have so much faith in you.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt wishes he had any faith in <em>himself</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be there for your audition, to cheer you on. Be it Music of the Night or something else, I am certain you’ll blow my mind,” Blaine continues.</p><p> </p><p>“I wish you could be here beforehand,” Kurt tells him. “Just to calm my nerves. Listen to my song and tell your opinion on it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I know the feeling. I really want to see you for real,” Blaine sighs into the phone, static in Kurt’s ear. “Unfortunately, Santana insists on throwing me a birthday party this weekend.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt sits up. “Birthday?” Why hadn’t Blaine said anything before?</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, Wednesday next week, but since I’ll be spending the weekend after in Lima, she insisted on this one. I can’t see why, there aren’t even that many people to invite. She just would not budge.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course you need a party!” Kurt exclaims. “Too bad I can’t be there. I’ll have to figure something out once you get here.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine laughs. “Kurt, no. Don’t. You have enough going on with the audition. All I need is to see you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sappy. Always so sappy.” Kurt shakes his head, smiling. Blaine is lovely. And no matter what Blaine says, he will get a present for his boyfriend. His mind if whirring already, trying to think of something perfect.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s the truth, Kurt. I can’t wait to see you again, to kiss you again. I’m looking forward to your breathtaking audition piece, and just that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yay, even more stress about my audition,” Kurt quips drily.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, now,” Blaine admonishes immediately. “Not like that, okay? Forget I said that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Prepare to be astonished,” Kurt just says. He needs to make that audition into a performance of a lifetime. That won’t happen if he’s doing Music of the Night, though. He wants something better, something more him, something that will blow Blaine away and impress the NYADA representative that’s coming to their school to see him and Rachel. Now he just needs to find the perfect song to make it happen.</p><p> </p><p>And the perfect birthday gift on top.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Luckily it’s easy to talk Mercedes into a mall trip the next day. They head there straight from school. It’s nice, a breath of normalcy between still trying to find the audition piece and panicking about the future that looms ahead, inevitable, big, and full of change. Going to the mall is something familiar and fun, even though Kurt has an agenda. He needs a present for Blaine, and he’s planning on going to the music store, too, just in case he finds something new, something he hasn’t yet considered. He hasn’t told Mercedes what he’s looking for today, he just said he wanted a break. Mercedes is catching on to him, though, after he has spent at least fifteen minutes staring at bowties without making any decision and walking out of the clothing store empty-handed. After three different clothing stores Mercedes sighs and drags Kurt into a tiny jewelry shop. She walks over to the display of earrings, and leaves Kurt standing there on his own, unsure.</p><p> </p><p>The shop is very small, but it’s full of stuff. There are earrings on one wall to the right, where Mercedes is standing, next to bracelets and brooches. There are also pendants and necklaces. Kurt feels overwhelmed, but maybe he might find something for Blaine here? He turns left, staring at the pendants on display. There are butterflies, cats, and owls, there are round pendants with bright colors. None of them really work, they’re too feminine. Kurt lets his gaze flit over the display, and then he sees it.</p><p> </p><p>A simple silver pendant hanging on the hook next to other, similar ones – it’s a clef, about half an inch long, round at the edges, hanging in a leather string. It’s perfect. Kurt reaches over for it, picks it up. It’s light, it’s simple, and it’s music. It fits Blaine perfectly. This is his perfect birthday present.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt takes it over to the blonde at the register, smiling happily and requesting for a gift box as well. Mercedes gives him a look that he ignores. He focuses on paying for his purchase.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s for Blaine, right?” Mercedes asks.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt purses his lips. “Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>“Something special coming up?”</p><p> </p><p>“His birthday is in a week,” Kurt tells her. “I wanted to find him something nice.”</p><p> </p><p>“I knew it,” Mercedes celebrates. “Why couldn’t you tell me straight away? I know about you two.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt shrugs and thanks the cashier, and they leave the shop. Mercedes keeps her inquisitive eyes on Kurt, but Kurt’s not sure what to say.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Kurt, come on,” Mercedes says, taking his arm. “It’s just me.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know. I just… I don’t want to talk about him too much, at least not at school, where anyone might overhear. It’s better not to talk about a secret.” He really doesn’t want anyone else to find out, not yet, not until they are both ready to share their relationship with the world.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, I get it,” Mercedes says.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s go to the music store next? I still need an audition piece.”</p><p> </p><p>“But… weren’t you rehearsing during lunch with Rachel?” Mercedes looks puzzled.</p><p> </p><p>“I have to practice, but it’s still not the song I want to sing,” Kurt tells her.</p><p> </p><p>“Shouldn’t you put your efforts into finding a song instead of singing a song you don’t want to sing?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt sighs. “I guess. I’m just running out of time. The audition is next week, Mercedes, and my whole future depends on it.”</p><p> </p><p>Mercedes taps his arm with her fingers and smiles. “Tell me what you’re looking for, let’s see if I can help.”</p><p> </p><p>“I need a musical number that isn’t too overdone. Something with elements I can work in my favor, and preferably with a story I can identify with. Something that’s like me, you know?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ooh, that’s quite a lot,” Mercedes says, cringing.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt laughs. “Don’t I know it! That’s why this is so hard. I just want it to be perfect.”</p><p> </p><p>They get to the music store and separate between shelves for their search. Kurt picks up titles just to put them back down. He still not even sure what he’s looking for, or if this is sensible anymore. Maybe he should just go with boring, uninteresting Music of the Night. He has been practicing it, and it’s probably insanity to try and find a new number this close to his audition. Besides, he has no idea what he’s looking for. He’s randomly picking up songs with the tiny possibility of something clicking in his head. They would probably be better off grabbing some dinner and calling it quits. At least Kurt has now a present for Blaine, so the trip to the mall isn’t completely a bust.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt rounds the shelf to get to Mercedes, to let her know that they should just give up. He’ll do Music of the Night. Mercedes is standing there, a piece of sheet music in her hands, an excited smile on her face.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, hey, Kurt, come here,” she says as she notices him. “I think I found something for you.”</p><p> </p><p>“What, really?” Kurt can’t believe it. He hurries the last few steps to see what she’s holding in her hands.</p><p> </p><p>“Here,” Mercedes says and hands over the papers. On the top of the page reads Not the Boy Next Door.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt looks from the page to Mercedes and back again. She’s right. Kurt has seen Hugh Jackman singing that song on YouTube, and he knows the basic idea of the musical the song is from. It’s a biopic of an Australian man, Peter Allen. Australian bi man. And the song… the song tells a story about returning home after a time away, and returning as a different person, as someone more true to himself. Kurt loves it. It fits him. This song is exactly what he’s been looking for. He’ll have to adjust the song in places to better showcase what he can do, because he needs to get his high register out there.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re right,” Kurt breathes, looking at Mercedes with a slowly widening smile. “It’s perfect. Thank you, thank you, thank you!” He pulls her into a hug. She just saved his audition.</p><p> </p><p>He is going to miss her so much once he leaves.</p><p> </p><p>“Just remember me when you make it big, white boy,” Mercedes says.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll remember you, as I’ll hear you singing in the radio all the time,” Kurt tells her.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The next week is spent rehearsing. Mr. Schuester agrees to let Kurt and Rachel use the auditorium during glee instead of being in the glee club meetings. Rachel of course knows her song backwards, so Kurt isn’t sure why she needs the rehearsing time. Still, he gets more than enough time on the stage himself, and the number is coming together nicely. He has decided to copy the performance Hugh Jackman did in the Tonys in 2004, down to the golden pants. He found a fitting pair online while on Skype with Blaine, and placed his order with a secret smile. Blaine asked him about it, but Kurt wouldn’t budge. He wants it to be a surprise. He wants Blaine to see the performance without any knowledge of how it’s going to go. He hasn’t even revealed Blaine the song, he only told him that it’s no longer Music of the Night.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine is going to like those pants on Kurt, and Kurt’s pretty sure he’s going to get lucky, come Friday.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>“I got your present in the mail,” Blaine tells Kurt in the phone on the morning of his birthday. Kurt called him to say good morning and wish him a happy birthday, sitting in his car on the school parking lot. Blaine seems to be really pleased, even though he tries to downplay it.</p><p> </p><p>“How have you had mail this early in the morning?” Kurt wonders.</p><p> </p><p>“I have no idea how you’ve managed to conspire with Santana, because you don’t have her number, do you? She stole it before I even knew you had sent something, and then just popped it out this morning while I was eating breakfast.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt laughs and sends a quiet thanks to Blaine’s roommate. “No, I don’t have her number. She did this all on her own.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, wow. You two read each other’s minds now, then? I should probably be scared.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you open your present?” Kurt asks, impatient. He really wants to know what Blaine thinks about the pendant, and on top of that, he has to hurry if he wants to be in class in time.</p><p> </p><p>“I did. I’m wearing it right now. Kurt, it’s so beautiful. Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt smiles. “I’m glad you like it.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine laughs. “Of course I do – I kind of love it. Even though I told you no present necessary.”</p><p> </p><p>“You deserve presents, Blaine. I hope you have a good birthday.” Kurt wants to kiss Blaine. Why is he so far away? It’s not fair.</p><p> </p><p>“Go to class, my sweet. I’ll call tonight, alright? And I’ll see you Friday.”</p><p> </p><p>“Bye.” They hang up, and Kurt hurries out of the car and runs across the parking lot. He’s out of breath once he reaches the right classroom, but at least he made it just in time.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Again, please let me know what you think! </p><p>Feel free to come talk to me on tumblr, too; little-escapist.tumblr.com.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Chapter 25</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>All of a sudden it’s Friday, the day of the audition.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt is a nervous bundle of nerves. He can’t focus in class, because he keeps running the choreography in his head, over and over and over. He manages through his classes in a haze, just trying to copy whatever the teacher writes on the board. He can’t really think or learn anything, because today is the day. This afternoon can make or break him. Today he will sing for his future.</p><p> </p><p>And he will sing Not the Boy Next Door. Rachel has been trying to get him to go back to Music of the Night ever since Kurt told her he was abandoning that song. Rachel thinks Not the Boy Next Door is too controversial, too much of a risk. But Kurt is not one to play it safe. He thinks this is the exact right moment to take a risk, go out there and show what he can do, who he is. This is his song. He feels it down to his bones. Music of the Night is boring. It’s been done so many times, and Kurt isn’t one to go with the masses. He walks his own path. He thinks it means more points to him if he sings something more rarely done, something different. He won’t back out of his choice. His head is swimming as classes are over and he heads to the auditorium.</p><p> </p><p>He tells himself he’s ready for this. He has danced his feet off the past week and a half. He has dreamed about the audition, about the song, about the choreography almost every night. He knows the song, he knows the steps. Mercedes and Tina sing backup, he has a whole performance, and he is going to <em>shine</em>. He’s going to rise, this is his moment. The number is good, Kurt knows it, and he just has to succeed. He has one chance, and damned if he won’t blow the NYADA representative’s mind with it.</p><p> </p><p>He gets ready with Rachel backstage. Rachel sits by the mirror, staring at herself, probably giving herself a silent pep talk much like Kurt’s been doing all day long. Kurt is walking in a circle, going through the choreography, warming up his legs, jumping in place, doing some squats. He and Rachel did their vocal warm ups together, and now they’re just waiting for their names to be called. Kurt wants to pinch himself. This is real, this is happening, and he has never been this nervous about a performance before. Then again, never has a performance held this much meaning to his future.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Rachel,” Finn says, appearing out of nowhere with flowers. Kurt gives the couple a glance and turns away. He doesn’t want to see them kiss. He’s seen that far too many times in his life. Seeing Finn makes him wonder if Blaine is there, in the audience already, waiting. Kurt feels torn. He kind of wants to see Blaine before the performance, he wants a kiss good luck, but Rachel is right there. That means, if Blaine were to come backstage, they’d have to just nod at each other from a distance, and that’s the last thing Kurt wants.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt shakes his head. He can’t think about Blaine right now. He has to focus on his audition and only on his audition.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt!” Rachel comes to his side, as Finn has disappeared again.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah?” Kurt adjusts the pants that rip off from the back. He knows it’s a risky choice, one of the more risky ones in this performance. What if they get stuck and he loses his timing, and everything goes to hell? Why did he decide on that, anyway? He could have just walked over in his golden pants from the beginning.</p><p> </p><p>“Finn just told me – the representative NYADA has sent is Carmen Tibideaux.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt blanches, staring at Rachel in fear. Carmen Tibideaux is the dean. She has an admirable career, and she has taught some of the biggest stars. She’s known to be strict. She has even schooled her audience, or so the story goes. Kurt has no idea if anyone can impress her. His nerves are multiplied tenfold. “Are you for real?”</p><p> </p><p>Rachel nods. “Yeah, afraid so.”</p><p> </p><p>Then there’s a low female voice calling Kurt’s name. It’s time. Rachel gives him a nervous thumbs-up, and Kurt walks on the stage, into the bright lights.</p><p> </p><p>His shoes click, the only sound audible in the vast space of the auditorium. Kurt stops center stage, lifting his gaze up and seeing, indeed, Carmen Tibideaux sitting there, by the microphone of the director’s desk. Higher up in the seat there are Mr. Schuester and Finn, and behind them, Blaine. Seeing him makes Kurt’s racing heart miss a beat.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi,” Kurt begins, his voice shaking, but still projecting well. “My name is Kurt Hummel, and I’m going to sing Not the Boy Next Door, from the Peter Allen biomusical The Boy from Oz.”</p><p> </p><p>Carmen Tibideaux nods, and makes a note into her papers. Kurt takes a breath and waves Tina and Mercedes over. They take their places next to the band that’s already there. This is the moment. Kurt can feel his blood rushing in his veins and his hands shaking.</p><p> </p><p>When the music starts, his nerves disappear. All that he knows are the words he’s singing. He holds his head high and sings, strutting to the side of the stage, and ripping off his suit to reveal the skin-tight golden pants and a black shirt with a slight sheen to it. He smiles, he sings, he owns the song, turns it into something that’s his. He sings for whom he is, and whom he thinks he could be, given the chance. Adrenaline is running through him, and he feels like he’s one with the music, climbing over the piano, kicking his legs in the air. The thrill of the performance fills him. In that exact moment he is in his element. He jumps higher than ever in rehearsal, he hits every note he sings.</p><p> </p><p>All too soon he’s belting out the final, long note, a lot higher than the original to showcase his range better. He knows it’s flexing, but he has the ability to do that, so he’s damn well going to show them what he’s capable of. He finishes, the music dies away, and he stands there, trembling, out of breath and proud of himself, a little apprehensive before Mme Tibideaux.</p><p> </p><p>“You know Hugh Jackman won a Tony Award for playing Peter Allen?”  Mme Tibideaux says. Her tone doesn’t betray anything.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods. He can’t stop nodding. He’s too nervous again, just waiting to hear what Mme Tibideaux has to say, afraid of being told he’s good for nothing at all.</p><p> </p><p>“He trained with me the summer I was in residence at the Sydney Opera House, and I’m certain that he would have been just as impressed as I am with what you did with that song. A bold choice, young man. I congratulate you for taking such a risk today.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt can’t believe what he just heard. Mme Tibideaux is smiling at him, and she said she is impressed. Kurt did that. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he stutters, dizzy and shaky, side-stepping off the stage, covering his face with his hands once he’s behind the side curtains.</p><p> </p><p>Carmen Tibideaux is impressed with him. He bites into his finger, staring at nothing at all, heart beating like crazy. He can’t quite wrap his mind around it. He felt good performing, he knew it went well, but that feedback is out of this world. Mme Tibideaux, strict, hard and stone-faced, smiled at him and told him she is impressed by what he did with the song. Kurt’s legs aren’t holding him up anymore. He stumbles into the chair by the mirrors, hands still shaking.</p><p> </p><p>Mercedes and Tina appear next to him, all smiles and congratulations. They look proud, and Kurt smiles, beams, as he returns their hugs.</p><p> </p><p>“I did good.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you did,” Mercedes says. “They’d be fools to not let you in after that.”</p><p> </p><p>“That was great, Kurt,” Tina tells him, jumping in place. “Your best performance ever!”</p><p> </p><p>“It felt good, too,” Kurt says. “It really did.” It was the best performance of his life.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you guys want to go see Rachel’s audition?” Tina asks.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, let’s go,” Kurt says, wiping sweat from his face. It’s only now hitting him, the effort of dancing and singing for three minutes, and he’s sweaty all over, his shirt sticking to his skin on his back.</p><p> </p><p>They rush to the auditorium, to where the others are sitting. Mercedes pushes Kurt on the same row with Blaine, tugging Tina with her to go sit next to Finn. Kurt goes happily, taking the seat next to Blaine, giving him a beaming smile as hello. Blaine smiles back, eyes shining, face slightly red. His hair is slicked back again, and he has a red bowtie on. Kurt aches to touch him.</p><p> </p><p>“You are the most amazing performer I’ve ever seen on stage,” Blaine tells Kurt quietly, right into his ear. “Also, by far the hottest. How did you get into those pants?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt just smiles, cheeks glowing at the praise and the lust he can hear in Blaine’s voice. He reaches for Blaine’s hand, safe behind his friends and teacher, in the relative darkness of the seats. Blaine twines their fingers together as Rachel is called on the stage. Kurt can’t stop smiling. He just nailed his audition, and now he gets to sit with his boyfriend, hold his hand. He couldn’t be happier.</p><p> </p><p>Rachel introduces herself and her song. Blaine changes hands, taking Kurt’s hand into his left instead of right, and places his right hand on Kurt’s thigh, caressing up, up, up. Suddenly Rachel’s audition is the furthest thing from Kurt’s mind. He turns to look at Blaine with wide eyes. Really, here? Right next to Kurt’s friends and his <em>teacher</em>? Blaine smirks, spares a glance at his sister belting her heart out, and then leans into Kurt. He presses a discreet kiss behind Kurt’s ear, lingering there.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you take me backstage after?” Blaine whispers, he air tickling at Kurt’s ear. His fingers are dangerously close to Kurt’s inseam, and this isn’t good, because getting a boner in these pants is… well. No one can mistake it for anything else but that, if they were to see.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods as an answer to Blaine, keeping his eyes on the stage but seeing nothing. Blood is rushing south alarmingly fast. He doesn’t even have anything to cover himself with, all his things are backstage. Rachel keeps singing, and Kurt is distantly aware of it. He has seen her sing this song a million times, and he isn’t probably missing much performance-wise, but it still feels a little dishonest to be there – for his friend – and getting felt up by his boyfriend, her brother. Blaine’s fingers are constantly moving, and Kurt is hot all over, and he wants. The lust in Blaine’ voice and gestures is contagious, and Kurt just wants Blaine. So much.</p><p> </p><p>Finally Rachel finishes her song. The music cuts off, and Kurt tries to shake himself out of the lust-induced fuzziness that’s clouding his mind. He actually wants to hear what Mme Tibideaux has to say to Rachel. There’s a long silence, like everyone’s holding their breaths a little. Rachel fidgets on the stage, staring at Mme Tibideaux with wide eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Then Mme Tibideaux says: “Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>Rachel keeps staring at her, waiting for more. When it’s clear there is nothing more, she looks angry. “Thank you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. Thank you for your audition. We’ll be in touch with the both of you at the end of the month.” It’s clear that Mme Tibideaux has no more comments to Rachel, since she’s starting to gather her notes.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt feels positively giddy. It’s like this time he actually won. Carmen Tibideaux was impressed with him, with Kurt Hummel and his performance. All Rachel Berry, the self-titled leader of New Directions and the star in making, got, was a thank you. This moment is sweet. Of course Kurt wants Rachel to get to NYADA, he wants a friendly face in New York, but he gloats. This is his moment. After years of being the sidekick, the background voice, the friendly support for Rachel, he is the one that got positive feedback from Carmen Tibideaux, he is the one she was impressed with. <em>Impressed</em>. Kurt is stuck on that word, and he probably will be for a while. He laughs a little, seeing how Rachel looks angry and like she’s about to protest on the stage.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt is allowed this moment of smugness. He is. He has put up with Rachel for years, and he has let her win. This time was his, though. This moment is his, and he is the one with the accolades. Mme Tibideaux leaves, Mr. Schue rushing to accompany her out. Mercedes, Tina and Finn head down the stairs to Rachel. Kurt adjusts himself in his pants. His erection has died down a little, not as huge as it got there for a moment. Then he gets up to follow his friends. It’s a shame to let go of Blaine, but they have to keep up appearances.</p><p> </p><p>“That was a great performance!” Finn is telling Rachel as Kurt reaches the stage, Blaine on his heels.</p><p> </p><p>“But, but, she – she should have had something to say, right?” Rachel looks pissed off. “She said something to Kurt, why didn’t she say anything to me, at all?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure she liked you,” Finn tries.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re good, Rachel,” Tina says. “You know you are, and I’m sure she knows it, too. You have nothing to worry about.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt wants to roll his eyes and sigh. He exchanges a frustrated look with Mercedes. It’s ridiculous that they have to always be there to pump up Rachel’s ego. He does know that it’s easier for everyone like this, though. It’s much easier to deal with a happy Rachel than an annoyed or angry one. “You did great, Rachel. It was a good audition,” he says, just to fill his friendly duty.</p><p> </p><p>“Rachel, Mme Tibideaux is a busy woman,” Blaine pipes in, calm reason in his voice. “Also, I don’t think she has any obligation to give feedback.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Blaine, you made it!” Rachel only now notices her brother. “What do you think?”</p><p> </p><p>“I think you sang beautifully, as always,” Blaine tells her, ever so patient. Kurt knows for a fact that Blaine was not following her performance, but Blaine’s words don’t give that away.</p><p> </p><p>“I think so too! Why didn’t Carmen Tibideaux say anything about it?”</p><p> </p><p>“Calm down,” Blaine says. “You auditioned, she saw you, now you both just have to wait for your letters to see.”</p><p> </p><p>Since there’s no sympathy coming from her brother, Rachel turns to Finn, looking for a hug, complaining all the while. Kurt decides he’s had enough of Rachel show for now. He gives Blaine a look and walks over the stage to the side curtains to get his stuff. And maybe Blaine will follow him in a moment, for a little something-something. Rachel makes Kurt mad, though. Rachel didn’t say a thing about his performance! She didn’t congratulate him, nothing. She’s too wrapped in her own disappointment, because Kurt got praise and she didn’t. Sometimes he hates her, a little.</p><p> </p><p>Backstage is dark after the stage lights. Kurt sits down on the chair in front of the mirrors. It’s over. The auditions are over, and now he just has to wait to hear the results. The letters are due at the end of the month. He is proud of his audition, and he knows he did well. He thinks he has a shot. He just doesn’t know what he is up against, how good performers there are all over the country. He decides to be hopeful, though.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine appears to his side with a smile on his face. He looks good in his red pants and white shirt, bowtie in place and hair slicked down. Kurt does prefer the ungelled, dangerous and free version of Blaine, but this isn’t an eyesore in any way, either. Blaine always looks good. Kurt reaches a hand to him, seeking contact, and Blaine comes easily to him, standing right in front of him. Blaine is taking his appearance in again, eyes stuck on the golden pants, lashes on his cheeks, and Kurt is suddenly hot all over again.</p><p> </p><p>“Finally I get you alone,” Blaine says, voice low. “I am so, so proud of what you did out there.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt smiles at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt – you – you have no idea what you do to me. Your legs, your ass, your everything – the way you move – I was about to come all performance long, so close, just looking at you prancing around in those pants. Do you own them? Please tell me you do, because you have to wear them every time I see you from now on.” Blaine’s eyes are huge, and black, and Kurt wants him. The high from the audition is still there, the adrenaline present, and it all adds up to this moment. Kurt is quickly getting turned on again, from Blaine’s proximity and words alone. He loves this kind of attention. He is a performer, after all.</p><p> </p><p>“On top of the way you look and move, Kurt, <em>your voice</em>. It’s phenomenal. It’s so rare to have a gift like that, to be able to do what you do. I love hearing you sing, it’s the most beautiful sound in the world. I can’t believe someone this special and talented is mine. You are spectacular.” Blaine pulls Kurt up by the hands he’s holding, and they stand there, almost chest to chest.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt leans in for a kiss, and Blaine lifts one hand to his hair, holding him close, practically attacking his mouth. Kurt opens up under Blaine’s mouth willingly, taking him in, sucking on his tongue, holding on to his shoulders for dear life. Blaine’s hands are traveling around, down Kurt’s back, over his ass and squeezing him roughly. Kurt moans into the kiss, and Blaine swallows the sound eagerly. It’s dangerous, anyone could walk in on them. Somehow that makes Kurt even more turned on.</p><p> </p><p>“You are just delicious,” Blaine growls into his mouth, massaging Kurt’s buttocks through the pants. “Just, god, good enough to eat.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt whines at the back of his throat. His friends are still out there, right on the stage, and this really isn’t safe. Still, he’s really, really turned on right now, the glorious feeling of a successful performance and Blaine’s praise egging him on like crazy. He’s hard in his tight pants, the fabric chafing against his skin, since there’s no way he could fit anything between his skin and the golden pants. It’s almost painful, but somehow that’s just one more sensation, building up the heat within.</p><p> </p><p>“I know you… you were unsure about it, but Kurt, please, let me blow you?” Blaine pants against Kurt’s jaw, almost begging. “I need to peel these pants off you, right now, and taste your skin.”</p><p> </p><p>The idea doesn’t seem as scary as it was two weeks ago. Kurt nods. He wants it. He really, really wants to know what it’s like to have Blaine’s mouth on him. “Do it.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine pulls back just enough to look him in the eye, and wow, he looks seriously turned on. “For real?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, yes, do it,” Kurt tells him.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine kneels, hands trailing down Kurt’s legs, never breaking eye contact, and Kurt could just faint at the sight. His cock twitches in his pants, the bulge defined and looking so huge in its tight confines. Kurt bites his lip to keep quiet as Blaine undoes the pants and pulls them down, just enough to free Kurt. Kurt knows he won’t last long, not like this, but it’s for the best, since they are practically in public. Oh shit, Kurt is in public, his dick out, Blaine on his knees right in front of him. It makes Kurt run even hotter. There is no explaining this away if someone walks in on them.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Kurt,” Blaine sighs, nuzzling at the hair on the base of Kurt’s cock. His voice is full of awe, and Kurt shudders with it.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine takes a deep breath and sinks his mouth on Kurt, Kurt’s cock hitting the soft part on the back of his palate, and then he’s sucking, cheeks hollowing around Kurt, and it’s exquisite, unlike anything Kurt has felt before, so wet and warm, the pressure around him incredible. Kurt’s eyes cross, he clutches on to Blaine’s shoulders, pressing his fingers in just to hold on to something. Blaine starts to bop his head, and somehow Kurt is even deeper in his mouth every thrust in.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt has to close his eyes against the pleasure. He can’t help the tiny motions of his hips, even though he’s trying to hold back. He doesn’t want to hurt Blaine. Blaine is so good at this, alternating pressure, Kurt sees stars. It’s too good, and he is not going to last any longer. It’s all too much after the thrill of performing and Blaine teasing him in the audience.</p><p> </p><p>“Blaine, Blaine, Blaine, close,” Kurt warns, but Blaine doesn’t let go, instead he sucks harder at the tip and Kurt is gone. His orgasm hits him hard, his knees buckling as it explodes between his legs and spreads all over his body, Blaine swallowing his come around him until it’s too much.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt heaves in large breaths, looking down at Blaine still on his knees, gently tucking Kurt back into the pants. “Oh god, Blaine.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine just smirks up at him. His eyes are almost black, and there’s something wicked on his face.</p><p> </p><p>“That was… the best,” Kurt sighs, trailing a careful hand down Blaine’s cheek.</p><p> </p><p>“Only the best fits my phenomenal boyfriend,” Blaine says, and his voice is wonderfully scratchy. He gets up from the floor still smiling. His face is red and his mouth is slightly swollen, but otherwise his put-together look hasn’t suffered too much. There’s some wrinkling on the shoulders of his shirt from Kurt’s hands, but it isn’t too noticeable.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be there in a sec, Finn, just let me get my bag,” Rachel calls and appears from the curtains. She stops as she notices Kurt and Blaine there, and Kurt holds his breath. If she had walked in thirty seconds earlier…</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, hey, you’re here,” Rachel says, turning to find her bag. “I did wonder where you disappeared to. Blaine, can you tell dads that I won’t be home for dinner tonight? I’m going out with Finn.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine clears his throat. “Yeah, I will. See you later, then.”</p><p> </p><p>“See you,” Rachel says without a backward glance and disappears again, bag in tow. Apparently she didn’t notice anything odd.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt sits back into the chair and covers his face with his hands. He can’t believe how close that was. He can’t believe today at all, really. “Oh wow.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine laughs. It’s one of those deep laughs that don’t stop, instead it turns hysterical, and Kurt can’t help but join him after a while. They laugh their heads off, Blaine clutches at his belly and bends in half, Kurt sits in his chair, one hand still on his face. They can’t look at each other.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t believe that just happened,” Kurt pants in between bouts of laughter. He has to wipe his eyes, he laughed so hard he cried.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh shit,” Blaine swears, and sets off again, gasping for breath. It’s contagious, and Kurt joins in his laughter again.</p><p> </p><p>“But seriously,” Kurt tries again after a few minutes as they are calming down, “that was stupid. I keep imagining her face if she had walked in just a little bit earlier.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, no, no, Kurt – she’s my little sister!” Blaine protests and takes a deep breath. “But yes, you’re right, that was incredibly stupid. I just couldn’t help myself.”</p><p> </p><p>“I noticed,” Kurt says. “I kind of liked it.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine lifts up his hands, as if in surrender. “I promise, I’m not usually like that. It was just… so good to see you again, and those pants are deadly. I tell you, deadly. Please, don’t keep them, or I’ll never be able to win any argument, ever.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good to know, I’ll keep that in mind,” Kurt jokes. Then he realizes Blaine didn’t get off at all. “Do you, um. Should I…?”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine looks at him, confused. “Should you? Oh. No, I think Rachel barging in killed my mood, I’m good.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure?” Kurt asks, though he’s not really sure if he’d be able to do anything for Blaine after that close call, either.</p><p> </p><p>“Absolutely.”</p><p> </p><p>“Um… Can you come over tomorrow?” Kurt asks then. “Dad is going out, he told me he has something to do in the afternoon.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine smiles. “As if you had to ask.”</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The audition scene is written according to Kurt's NYADA audition in Glee. Carmen Tibideaux's lines are straight from the episode, and not written by me. The performance and the scene can be seen for example here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33ZKxx1YSks</p><p>In case someone wonders, Mme is short for Madame, like Mr. is for mister. </p><p>As always, I'd love to hear what you think!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Chapter 26</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Kurt pretty much pulls Blaine in as soon as he rings the doorbell on Saturday. They haven’t had any time truly alone since Kurt left Blaine’s apartment two weeks ago, and Kurt feels ravenous for Blaine. The short heated moment yesterday was great, but nowhere near enough. He just wants to touch and hold and be held, kiss and be kissed. He doesn’t think they have an opportunity to anything more, since his dad might come home and find them. Still, for now, they are alone. This type of greeting is quickly becoming a custom for them – whoever opens the door jumps the other right away. Kurt isn’t complaining. They don’t see each other enough. It feels like a pipe dream that he’d have his fill of Blaine. The clock is always ticking right beside them, the fear that someone might walk in on them, the moment when Blaine has to leave for Columbus yet again.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt pushes Blaine into the door he just closed and kisses him, trapping him there, and Blaine groans into his mouth. His hair is slicked down, and Kurt can’t wait to mess that up. He digs his fingers into Blaine’s hair and pulls, just because.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello to you, too,” Blaine laughs breathlessly.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, I missed you, and you’re wearing the pendant I gave you,” Kurt says, because indeed, he can see the leather string from Blaine’s shirt collar.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I am. I haven’t taken it off since I got it, actually,” Blaine admits, staring at Kurt’s mouth with half-lidded eyes, and Kurt wants him. He kisses Blaine deep, because he can.</p><p> </p><p>“How was your birthday?” Kurt asks between kisses.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine, it was fine,” Blaine mumbles, but it’s hard to talk and kiss at the same time. He pushes Kurt slightly away, and Kurt whines. He just wants to kiss his boyfriend.</p><p> </p><p>“Shouldn’t we, like, go to your room or something?” Blaine asks, gesturing around them..</p><p> </p><p>Kurt steps away from him reluctantly, taking his hand in the process. “Yeah, you’re probably right. It’s nicer there than here.”</p><p> </p><p>They head up the stairs. Kurt is impatient. These long strips of time when they don’t see each other are eating away at him. He refuses to think what it means for their future, because separation is inevitable when Kurt goes to New York. He pushes the thought away, almost angry at himself for thinking it in the first place. They will be fine. He’s not letting the distance come between them. Besides, they are together now, and that is too precious to ruin with such thoughts. This moment is theirs to have and keep.</p><p> </p><p>In Kurt’s room they settle to sit on the bed, door closed, house silent around them. Blaine’s bag is set on the floor by the bed and their shoes are kicked off. They are alone. Kurt realizes that they haven’t been alone in his house since the very beginning. This is only the second time Blaine is in his room. They sit down on the bed, close together, and wow, Blaine is in Kurt’s bed.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine is wearing a green shirt that does wonders for his eyes, and black, tight jeans. The first two buttons of his shirt are undone, and Kurt thinks the little flash of skin might drive him crazy. He goes in for another kiss, and Blaine wraps his arms around his waist. This is good. This is where Kurt wants to be.</p><p> </p><p>“I missed you so much,” Kurt tells Blaine as he breaks the kiss.</p><p> </p><p>“I missed you, too. It was so thoughtful of you to send me the present. I was almost tearing up when Santana gave it to me. And then she, of course, laughed at my sensitive ass.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why do you put up with her?” Kurt asks, because he has wondered.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine shrugs. “She’s actually a good person. She has had a hard life, and even though the hard words aren’t really necessary anymore, she can’t change.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fine. But if I ever hear she’s being too mean to you, I’ll come give her a speech about respecting her friends,” Kurt says. His tone is half-joking, but he means it.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine laughs. “Oh, Kurt – only you.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt shakes his head a little. He just feels so protective over Blaine. Blaine has had a hard life, too, and he deserves friends who appreciate him. But then again… Kurt can appreciate him enough for three people, at least. “You really were that moved by my present?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.” Blaine pulls the pendant from under his shirt, and it shines in the light streaming in from the window. “It’s just… it’s perfect. And, like I said, so thoughtful. I told you no presents, but I really liked you going against that. I like having something you gave me.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt smiles, feeling impossibly pleased with himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Which is why I brought you something – something you might wear sometimes.” Blaine leans over the side of the bed to get to his bag, and comes back up with something wrapped in brown paper. Kurt takes it with wide eyes, not sure what to say. It’s a rectangular box, slightly smaller than his palm.</p><p> </p><p>“But, Blaine, it’s not even my birthday, or Christmas, or anything. You can’t just bring me gifts!”</p><p> </p><p>“Take it,” Blaine says simply. “It’s to celebrate your audition.”</p><p> </p><p>“You didn’t know beforehand if I was going to succeed or not,” Kurt grumbles, but starts taking apart the tape to open the wrapping.</p><p> </p><p>“I wanted to give it to you anyway. You’re amazing, so special, and I just… I wanted you to have it when I saw it,” Blaine says, eyes intent on Kurt as the wrapping paper gets thrown to the floor.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt opens the box and gasps a little as he sees what’s inside. It’s a brooch, a brass butterfly with blue and green glass in its wings. “It’s beautiful,” he breathes and lifts his eyes from his gift to his boyfriend. “Thank you!”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re very welcome,” Blaine smiles.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt can’t resist him anymore. He sets the box down on the bed and takes Blaine’s face in his hands, pressing a kiss on his lips, on his both cheeks and then on his lips again. He’s so happy. Blaine is here, Blaine is his, and Blaine gave him a beautiful brooch just because he wanted to. Blaine’s hand drops on Kurt’s thigh, the other on Kurt’s waist, and suddenly sitting side by side is not close enough at all. Kurt turns, lifting a leg over Blaine’s, sitting down on his boyfriend’s lap and kissing him deep. Blaine’s arms wrap around Kurt, strong and safe. It’s perfect, they fit together so nicely, and heat is building within Kurt instantly. He reaches behind Blaine, untucking his shirt to get his hands underneath, running them along smooth skin, above the pictures he knows are there. He finds the word <em>courage</em> by feel alone, and rubs his finger against it. Blaine makes a noise into his mouth, and his right hand trails down Kurt’s back, his fingers trying to fit between pants and skin. Kurt feels so hot with it all, panting and grinding into Blaine, just a little. The friction feels nice, even with all the layers between them.</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt! Are you here? Whose car is that on the driveway?” Kurt’s dad calls from downstairs, and soon heavy footsteps on the stairs follow the question.</p><p> </p><p>“No, no, no,” Kurt stammers, jumping up and apart from Blaine, freaking out. This was not supposed to happen. He was supposed to have more time with Blaine, who is quickly tucking his shirt back into his pants, eyes alarmed and wide on Kurt. His hair is all over the place, since the gel is broken. Some stray strands stand straight up on the back of his head. Kurt gestures with a panicky hand, and Blaine tries to get it down.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, dad,” Kurt calls out, wiping his lips with the back of his hand. He can only hope he doesn’t look as hopelessly turned on as he feels, though hearing his dad’s voice is like a bucket of ice water poured over him. His heart is racing, and his face feels hot.</p><p> </p><p>Burt pushes open the door, taking in the two boys there, Blaine sitting on the bed, Kurt standing right in front of him. “Oh, hi, Blaine. I guess that was your car, then.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt can tell his dad is drawing conclusions. There’s nothing he can do about that now, though.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, that’s my car,” Blaine says with a smile, and how is he so composed outward? “Nice to see you again, Mr.  Hummel.”</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t know you would be dropping by,” Burt says, eyeing Blaine, then Kurt, and then Blaine again. Kurt wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, it was a surprise visit. I’m in Lima for the weekend, and didn’t have anything to do, so I thought I’d come say hi to Kurt. Congratulate him on his audition,” Blaine tells Burt, totally cool, even though his ears are still red, a part of his hair is still messy, and his shirt isn’t quite as well tucked in as it should be. Kurt can’t believe how smooth Blaine seems, how easily the lie comes out of his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, that’s nice,” Burt says, his voice giving out nothing. Kurt knows that his dad is mad, though. There will be a talk later, there’s no doubt about it. “Are you staying for dinner?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, thank you, but no. I should be heading back home soon,” Blaine declines, all smiles and charm.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, suit yourself. Kurt, I’ll go get the dinner started, do you mind joining me?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt nods, squeezing his hands into fists to not fidget. “I’ll be right there, I’ll just see Blaine out, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright. Don’t take too long,” Burt says, and leaves the room. The door stays pointedly open in his wake.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt covers his mouth with his hand. He has no idea what to do now. Blaine chuckles and gets up from the bed, wiping his hands down his thighs.</p><p> </p><p>“I feel like I’m 16 again,” Blaine says. “It’s… weird.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Kurt sighs. “I thought he would be out later.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, it’s okay. This is what it’s like as long as you live with your parents,” Blaine says easily. “I guess I should get going.”</p><p> </p><p>“He will want to talk about this,” Kurt whines. “I don’t want to. What should I say?”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine shrugs. “I see no point in lying. Do you want me to stay?”</p><p> </p><p>“No.” Kurt shakes his head. “I’ll deal with this. He is going to want to see you properly sometime, though, so… There might be a dinner invitation, when you come to Lima the next time.”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, I’ll keep that in mind.”</p><p> </p><p>They head down the stairs and Kurt sees Blaine to the door. He really, really wants to kiss him, but his dad is in the kitchen and he would know. Blaine gives him a wink and a smile, and then he’s out, their time together cut way too short. Kurt closes the door and sighs. He has to face his dad, no matter how much he wants to go hide in his room.</p><p> </p><p>Burt is washing his hands in the kitchen sink as Kurt walks over and leans on the counter. He waits. He has no idea how to start this conversation, so he just stays there, silent until his dad talks. It takes a moment before Burt turns and levels a look at him. Kurt swallows. He has never lied to his dad about much. He has never hidden anything this huge from him. He has no idea what kind of repercussions this lie by omission will bring him, and he’s not looking forward to it.</p><p> </p><p>“So, how long have you been fooling your old man?” Burt asks. There’s no way to read him, or what he’s thinking.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt shrugs.</p><p> </p><p>“How long has this been going on, Kurt? Have you been sneaking behind my back for months? Damn, I had my suspicions when that young man called, wanting to take you to that concert. I waited, because I wanted you to come to me and tell me yourself. But here we are.”</p><p> </p><p>At least that is easy to address. “No, dad, it hasn’t been that long. We got together in March.”</p><p> </p><p>Burt shakes his head, rubbing a hand on his bald head. He looks tired. “That’s still two months, Kurt. Two months you’ve been running behind my back.”</p><p> </p><p>“A month and a half,” Kurt blurts out. “And I’ve only outright lied to you a little during that time. I mean, every time I said I was going to Rachel’s, I was there. Only sometimes I was with Blaine.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is that supposed to make this better? That you found a loophole?” Burt looks incredulous.</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Kurt cringes. That really, really wasn’t the right thing to say. He stares at the floor by his feet. “We were going to tell everyone eventually.”</p><p> </p><p>“Son. That man, who just was in your room looking all kinds of disheveled, is finishing college. You are in high school. What am I supposed to think about that, huh? That this grown man has somehow lured my usually pretty reasonable son into something untoward?”</p><p> </p><p>“It isn’t like that,” Kurt insists. “I love him.” It’s the first time he’s said it out loud, and that’s probably wrong. His dad should not be the first to know about that, but it’s too late now.</p><p> </p><p>Burt takes a deep breath and stays silent for a moment, just looking at his son. “I don’t doubt that, Kurt. You have been happier lately, I did notice it. The problem is, are you sure you’re on the same page about things? Is he pressuring you, taking advantage of your feelings? You may love him, but does he love you?”</p><p> </p><p>“I think so,” Kurt says. Blaine hasn’t said it in words. Still, he looks at Kurt with such softness, touches him reverently, and always keeps asking if Kurt is okay. Kurt is pretty sure that the feeling is mutual.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t let yourself be fooled like this,” Burt says. “He’s older, he’s more experienced than you. There is no way for you to tell he isn’t just using you. You’re infatuated with him, and I worry about you. I don’t want you to get hurt.”</p><p> </p><p>“He isn’t like that,” Kurt says, protectiveness rising. “He’s the kindest person I know. You’ve met him – he’s polite and charming and just, so nice.”</p><p> </p><p>“Even kind and charming people can have secrets, Kurt. I’m only looking after you,” Burt crumbles. “I don’t like this one bit. But it’s too late for me to do anything, isn’t it? You are technically an adult, even though you’re still living under my roof.”</p><p> </p><p>“Dad, Blaine is amazing. He’s not using me! He keeps making sure that I’m fine, he didn’t want to start this in the first place, but I insisted until he caved.”</p><p> </p><p>“But he did start it. His kindness and conscience didn’t stop him. Kurt, you are still <em>so young</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t have to worry about him!” Kurt exclaims, getting frustrated. “There is an age difference, but we just fit. We’re good together.”</p><p> </p><p>Burt looks like he has his doubts. He looks out of the window and sighs. “It feels like yesterday when you were learning to ride your bike. Now you’re out there in the world, in a relationship with a man, doing god knows what. I hope everything goes fine.”</p><p> </p><p>“It will, dad. Blaine wouldn’t hurt me.”</p><p> </p><p>“What happens when you go to New York? Maybe this is just a couple of months of fun for him, your leaving is too convenient. I don’t want to see you hurt, Kurt. Not by something like this.”</p><p> </p><p>“We… never talked about New York and us, really,” Kurt says, suddenly scared. He knows Blaine isn’t in this just for a couple of months of fun, he feels it down to his bones, but they haven’t really discussed what to do once Kurt moves out of the state. They have barely talked about revealing their relationship to their families and friends. All of a sudden the future is way scarier than just half an hour ago.</p><p> </p><p>“You should talk, Kurt, if you want him in your life.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, probably,” Kurt mumbles.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” Burt says and takes a deep breath. “Um, now that we’re on the topic, there’s something I need to tell you about.”</p><p> </p><p>On the topic? On what topic? New York? Kurt stares at his dad. “What?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve been seeing someone this spring, too.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.” Kurt doesn’t know how to react to that. His mind is still reeling about his dad knowing about Blaine and what about New York and future, and he feels blindsided now, all this stuff bombarding him.</p><p> </p><p>It’s a little weird that his dad has been dating. It will be ten years since Kurt’s mother passed this summer, and it’s a long time to be alone. Kurt has been alone with his dad for so long that he hardly remembers what it was like when mom was still there. It’s going to take some adjusting, the thought of a new woman in his dad’s life. “Do I, um, know her?”</p><p> </p><p>Burt nods. “Yeah, I think so. Carole Hudson.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt stares. “Finn’s mom?” His voice gets all high and loud. Of all the women in Lima, his dad finds Finn’s mom.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. She came to see Finn at work one day, and… well. There was just something about her. We got to talking, and… one thing led to another.” That brings an entirely new kind of smile on Kurt’s dad’s face. It’s soft and happy, and wow – Kurt’s dad is in love. Kurt had never thought he’d see this. He never even thought it was a possibility, the thought that his dad might find someone has never, ever crossed his mind. Now that seems silly. Why wouldn’t his dad date?</p><p> </p><p>“Oh wow, dad,” Kurt says, stunned.</p><p> </p><p>“I’d like to invite them both for dinner, sometime soon, before you boys graduate.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, sure,” Kurt says. His mind is still reeling a bit.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>Dad is okay with us, I think</p><p> </p><p>Blaine</p><p>
  <em>That’s a relief</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You have so little time left in Ohio</em>
</p><p>
  <em>If he’d disapproved, it would have been hard to keep seeing each other</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>Yeah</p><p> </p><p>Blaine</p><p>
  <em>Are you okay?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>I just have a lot to think about</p><p>He said he’s seeing someone, too</p><p> </p><p>Blaine</p><p>
  <em>Oh yeah? You want to talk?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>No. I’ll be fine</p><p>I just need to mull things over for a while</p><p> </p><p>Blaine</p><p>
  <em>Alright. I’m here if you need me</em>
</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>That night Kurt lies in bed, deep in thought. He texted Blaine that he didn’t want to talk on the phone, and Blaine wished him good night. He needs time to think, because the talk with his dad gave him a lot of questions.</p><p> </p><p>It’s easier to start with the idea that his dad has found someone. Kurt is glad, and kind of relieved, too, that his dad won’t be left alone once Kurt goes to New York. It’s good that Burt will have someone there for him. It would be a lie to say Kurt hadn’t worried about his dad, all alone in their house with nothing but memories to keep him company. Burt isn’t that old yet, only in his forties. Maybe it’s about time there’s a woman in his life. Elizabeth has been gone for a decade soon. Kurt sighs and turns over, burying his head in his pillow. In moments like these, when he really thinks about things, the loss feels overwhelming again. He can live his life normally, he doesn’t think about his mom all the time. Still the grief is there. It returns on holidays and the date of his mother’s death is always a curse in the calendar. There are things Kurt wishes his mom had seen. He has moved on, but that doesn’t mean all the pain goes away.</p><p> </p><p>His dad seems to be ready for a new relationship, if the smile on his face is anything to go by. Kurt decides to be happy for him.</p><p> </p><p>Then there’s the other matter. The question about the future has been at the back of Kurt’s mind for a while now. He has thought about it a couple of times, and then shoved it back into the darkness. He has no idea what will happen. Blaine is in Ohio, and he doesn’t seem too keen on New York, not after everything he went through there. New York is the only place where Kurt sees himself living. Does that mean they have no future? Is this just a couple of months of fun?</p><p> </p><p>A conversation from weeks ago springs to mind. He told Mercedes that he and Blaine are serious, that they wouldn’t have risked starting anything if they weren’t. He can’t be that sure now. And Blaine’s earlier text made his skin crawl. <em>You have so little time left in Ohio</em>. Does Blaine not want to see Kurt after Kurt moves to New York? Are they going to be over? The mere thought hurts Kurt’s heart, twists unpleasantly in his belly. He loves Blaine. He’s not ready for them to be over. He wants his future with Blaine right there with him. He wants an apartment with Blaine, where they can sing and play and wake up and go to sleep together. He has always wanted to share his life with someone, and now that Blaine is his, he wants to share everything with Blaine.</p><p> </p><p>He hates the fact that now there’s doubt in his mind – that maybe Blaine doesn’t want the same thing.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please let me know what you think, again! </p><p>You can also come talk to me on tumblr: little-escapist.tumblr.com.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Chapter 27</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Time seems to speed up.</p><p> </p><p>Nationals is rapidly approaching, and it feels like getting ready for the competition takes all of Kurt’s free time. He helps Tina with the costumes, he spends time rehearsing songs – for once he is getting a solo. Mr. Schue came up with the idea of featuring both Kurt’s and Rachel’s NYADA audition pieces in their Nationals’ set, and everyone seemed to agree. Kurt is going to sing Not the Boy Next Door in Nationals, only with bigger back-ups than in his audition, and Rachel sings Don’t Rain On My Parade. The third number is a group song, everyone gets a couple of lines. Their set is good, it should carry them to the finals easily. They are determined to place higher than last year, and everyone dreams of actually winning the National Championship. It would be the perfect ending to their year, and the perfect ending for several glee clubbers’ high school careers.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt is mostly preoccupied with school wrapping up and Nationals, but it’s also a convenient excuse not to talk to Blaine as much. Kurt is still scared of the future, and he has no idea how to bring that up in conversation without sounding like he’s pushing the issue. They text, and they still call every night. Blaine is wrapping up his studies, right on time. His thesis is finished and he will graduate this spring just like Kurt. Every time they talk Kurt thinks about New York, he thinks about bringing up their future together, but it’s too scary. It’s much nicer to tell Blaine about shopping mishaps. Tina fell into the fountain at the mall the other day, carrying fabrics for their costumes, and she hit her head pretty badly. Luckily she survived with a minor concussion. Stories like that fill their conversations, and Kurt knows he’s avoiding what they really should talk about. He still gushes about New York, about what he has dreamed up with Rachel, and honestly, most of their phone calls go the same way. Kurt enthusiastically paints pictures of his future while Blaine listens.</p><p> </p><p>It feels too huge a thing to go over on the phone, the conversation if they have a future together at all. It’s always there, in the back of Kurt’s mind, and he tries to keep busy so that there’s no time to think. He can’t face it, and he wants to actually see and touch Blaine while they have that talk. He wants to look Blaine in the eye and say that he wants forever, if Blaine only wants to give him that.</p><p> </p><p>His dad’s new relationship is also a good distraction. Carole is lovely as she comes over one day after a date. She seems motherly and kind, and she’s obviously smitten with Kurt’s dad. Kurt is happy for them. His dad will be in good hands once he leaves. Kurt tells as much to his dad, who gets emotional about his only son growing up. They end up sitting on the couch watching cartoons after that, Kurt leaning his head on his father’s shoulder. Parting will be difficult. For so long, they were alone together, and soon they won’t be anymore. They have dinner, Kurt and his dad, Carole, and Finn, in Breadstix one night and it’s surprisingly not awkward to sit in the same table with Finn and their parents. They fit, in some odd way, and Kurt is sure it helps that he and Finn are kind of friends through glee already.</p><p> </p><p>On top of it all, it’s time to start labeling stuff. Kurt made a system to label everything he owns: things he will take to New York with him, things to put in storage, and things to throw away or sell. He has a lot of stuff, so it’s good to start early. It also makes it real, how close to leaving he is. That turns him a little wistful with every item he looks at. One night he ends up crying over his mother’s old jewelry.</p><p> </p><p>It’s hard, but it’s also really exciting. He and Rachel have started to look for apartments online, since they want to live together, not in the NYADA dorms with strangers. They dream big and look at beautiful apartments until they see how much the rent is. Kurt reins Rachel in after that. They have no budget for a nice, airy place in Manhattan. They start looking at smaller places in the neighborhoods. It’s still so nice to dream together, to think of finding a favorite coffee shop, a favorite restaurant, a favorite spot in Central Park. It will be their reality, and soon. They will get to hunt for furniture in thrift shops, and design their apartment as they like. Their life will truly begin. That’s the part Kurt likes to spend a lot of time thinking about. That’s the part he can’t wait for.</p><p> </p><p>After spending a whole Saturday with Rachel, going over their stuff and looking at apartments online, Kurt is full of nervous excitement about his future. His dad shakes his head and smiles as Kurt heads to the stairs to go bed, smiling and humming after recounting plans once he got home. Kurt shakes a finger at his dad in return.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m allowed to be looking forward to my life!”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re already living it, son,” Burt only says, a smile on his face, but there’s a tint of sadness in it. “When did you grow up?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt shrugs. “In time.”</p><p> </p><p>Burt laughs. “Yeah, it’s only gone by so fast.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt gives his dad a last smile and a goodnight. He doesn’t know what to say to that, or if he should say anything. He can’t really relate to how his dad is feeling, watching him planning his life, his adulthood in New York City.</p><p> </p><p>After showering and getting to bed Kurt takes his phone and calls Blaine. Their calls have been shorter lately, Kurt busy with his stuff, Blaine busy finishing the last essay and talking to his college friends and professors for one final time before he graduates. They both are at a turning point in their lives. Kurt is finishing high school and moving to New York, Blaine is finishing college and… Kurt doesn’t really know what Blaine is planning to do next. They have talked that Blaine could come to Lima for June, before he really starts to look for jobs and before Kurt leaves, but that’s the extent of it. Kurt has steered the conversation away from the time closer to the move. Maybe now it’s time to bring it up, finally.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey sweetie,” Blaine answers the phone. His voice is warm, as always, and Kurt misses him. They haven’t seen each other in so long, again, and all this long-distance stuff is getting old. They’ll finally have time to just be together, without the need to drive off in a matter of hours, once Blaine graduates and comes to Lima. Still, there’s a long time in between then and now.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi Blaine. How are you?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m alright,” Blaine shares. “I’m currently banished from my apartment because Santana has a date, so I’m on my friend Marley’s couch.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s unfair,” Kurt says.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, it is what it is. Santana did give us space when you came over.”</p><p> </p><p>“But still! I was with Rachel. We found some prospective apartments in Bushwick, we might just be able to manage the rent and food, but we’d need to get jobs. It’s pretty far from campus, but the subway works, so we think we’ll be fine,” Kurt tells Blaine, excited about Rachel’s find.</p><p> </p><p>“Whoa, Bushwick? Really?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. We can’t really afford to live just anywhere, so we’ll have to make do,” Kurt sighs. “But that got me thinking.” It’s time. He needs to talk about this. If he keeps putting it off, it will start to fester. He has put it off long enough, and he has to be brave now.</p><p> </p><p>“So, what are you thinking?” Blaine plays along.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you planning on doing now that you’re graduating?” Kurt asks. He doesn’t feel like beating around the bush anymore, and he wants to know. At least a part of him does. Another part of him is terrified.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine hesitates. There’s a long silence, and Kurt just waits. He needs to be patient.</p><p> </p><p>“Um. I’m still thinking that coming to Lima for a while would be a good idea. I’m looking for a job all the time, though. I have a prospective school here in Columbus that I’ve been looking into. The music teacher there is retiring, and there might be a spot for me once school picks up in the fall. It could be a start.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt’s stomach twists unpleasantly at the words. It’s great that Blaine has found a possible job, it isn’t always easy, but it’s in <em>Columbus</em>. “So, you’re planning on staying in Columbus?” It hurts to even say that.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Blaine says, dragging the word out slowly.</p><p> </p><p>Courage, Kurt tells himself. That’s what is tattooed on Blaine’s back, reminding him to be brave. “What does that mean for us? I mean, I’m going to New York anyway, if I get into NYADA, yay, if I don’t, I’ll find a job and reapply next year. There’s no way I’ll stay in Ohio forever.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine sighs. “I think this is a conversation we should have face to face.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, Blaine, please. Tell me what you’re thinking.” Kurt hates that he has to beg for that. He thought they would be together forever, but now it doesn’t sound like it.</p><p> </p><p>“I’d love for us to have a future, Kurt. There’s no doubt in my heart about that. But yes, for now, I’ll be in Columbus. We need to talk about logistics and stuff when we can actually see each other, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt bites his lip. This does not sound good, not at all. Suddenly he’s scared of seeing Blaine again. Meeting him means they need to have a serious conversation, and those can end badly. At the end of one such conversation he learned that his mother was going to die. Another ended with Sue Sylvester telling him there’s nothing she can do about the bullying. “Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt, I…”</p><p> </p><p>“If you say you’re sorry, I will get mad at you,” Kurt warns him. He is halfway to mad already. This isn’t how he wants this to go. “This is not a place to apologize. This is a point where life isn’t going smoothly, but it’s not your fault.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why do I feel like it is my fault, though?” Blaine asks, his voice quiet.</p><p> </p><p>“Honey, it’s not,” Kurt reassures him. His heart is breaking a little. He never thought this would be this hard. Well, he didn’t think much when they got together, he was just so happy to have his feelings returned. He didn’t think about this moment, about the clock ticking away moments until a long, long separation. He has hard time believing Blaine wants a future, no matter what he says, because New York is very far away.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll try to believe you,” Blaine says. “I’ve made so many mistakes in my life. I don’t want you to feel like I’ve screwed up with you.”</p><p> </p><p>“You are the best thing in my life,” Kurt says sincerely. “You shouldn’t doubt that for a second.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine takes a deep breath and blows it out audibly, static in Kurt’s ear. Kurt wishes he could see Blaine’s face. He wants to hold him, tell him that everything is going to be fine. He doesn’t know that, though, so saying it right now would feel like lying. He has no idea what will happen, or if they will be fine.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll talk once I get there, okay?” Blaine says then.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, let’s do that,” Kurt agrees. There’s nothing else to do, really.</p><p> </p><p>They end the call there. Kurt knows that Blaine is feeling down, and he isn’t happy anymore, either. This is just something they have to deal with. Kurt puts his phone away and bites his lip, denying himself the tears that are already burning his eyelids. He wants to scream, shout at the world for being unfair. All he wants is to go to New York and keep seeing Blaine. It seems that he’ll never have both, though. The distance is already straining them. There’s never enough time to be together, and phone calls get old after a while. They’ve never had that sweet, together all the time relationship that Kurt has witnessed with his friends. Tina practically disappeared when she started to see Artie – they were always together everywhere. Rachel spends an enormous amount of time with Finn. Kurt and Blaine? They’ve had two weekends and one stolen night, on top of a couple of hours here and there when Blaine has been in Lima and they’ve managed to hide away from everyone somewhere. It’s not fair. Kurt just wants to hold Blaine’s hand and cuddle him and drive over when he likes. He wants to go to the mall and the movies and get coffee from the Lima Bean. He doesn’t want every meeting, every date, to take hours of planning and scheduling. That’s what is ahead, though, because the distance between New York and Columbus is bigger than Columbus and Lima, and Kurt can’t afford to fly to and fro all the time. If he’s lucky, he can make it home for Thanksgiving or Christmas. He has to squeeze Blaine into a time so very limited, and it’s the last thing he wants. It’s better than not having Blaine at all, but it’s not what Kurt would ever be happy about.</p><p> </p><p>The tears come, no matter how much Kurt tries to stop them.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going out with Mercedes,” Kurt tells his dad the next day as he’s heading out the door.</p><p> </p><p>“With Mercedes or with Blaine?” his dad asks from the living room, where he’s watching the tv.</p><p> </p><p>“With Mercedes,” Kurt says, annoyed. “Blaine is not in Lima.”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, just checking. Have fun.”</p><p> </p><p>With that, and a slam of the front door, Kurt is out. The comment just soured his already bad mood more. Apparently his dad doesn’t trust him anymore, on top of everything else. It feels like everything is turning sour in the span of a weekend.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt didn’t sleep too well after the conversation with Blaine, and he needs to get away. He needs to spend time with Mercedes, since their time, too, is slowly but surely running out. Every moment counts, and it’s a shame that Kurt can’t spend every moment with all the people he’s going to miss once he’s gone. Everything is changing, the future is big and scary. Mercedes is something familiar, someone who has always been there.</p><p> </p><p>The drive over to Mercedes’ doesn’t take long, and Kurt is glad. He just wants her uncomplicated company now. They spend the day gossiping and listening to music while singing along. Mercedes sees that something is bothering Kurt, and it’s a relief to get to tell about his worries to her. Kurt doesn’t know how he will survive without her once they leave Lima.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please tell me what you think! </p><p>Next week's first chapter won't be here as early as usual, just a heads up. I usually upload these in the morning my time, but next Tuesday I have an appointment in the morning and I won't be able to. The chapter will be there anyway, just a few hours later (and that might not have any impact whatsoever, since I live hours and hours ahead of many of you).</p><p>I'm also on little-escapist.tumblr.com!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Chapter 28</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>The next week goes by in a blur. Nationals is coming up, and they’re busy getting ready and rehearsing. This is their last chance – or at least the last chance for many of them, since so many glee clubbers are graduating. That knowledge hangs over them at every turn. They push themselves harder than ever, and every moment in between rehearsing is spent together as a group. The impending separation is like a taste in the air, how all of them want to make the most of the time they have left together. Tina cries one afternoon, shouting how she loves them all so much. They end up in a haphazard hug pile, all on top of each other, after that. It’s oddly cathartic.</p><p> </p><p>The trip to Chicago goes along the same lines. They are nervous but happy, and more driven than in any other competition. The trip there is spent in excited chatter and with several different traveling games. Kurt can’t believe how close to these people he’s grown, how well he knows someone like Puck, who used to throw him into dumpsters only three short years ago. Still, here they are, their own little dysfunctional but loving family.</p><p> </p><p>Performing is a familiar rush, but it’s also very different from any other time. Kurt has his solo performance, for one, and this is also the last time he will perform with these people like this. He gives it his all, he knows he’s good, he knows the number is amazing. He gets a standing ovation, and he can’t help but feel a little smug, because the applause he receives is louder than Rachel’s. Their group number goes well, too, everyone is on spot, energized, every note perfect. It might be their best performance to date. No matter what happens, no matter what the judges decide, Kurt is proud of them. Mr. Schuester tells them the same thing, saying over and over that he’s proud and happy, but Kurt can see that their teacher is thirsty for victory. Same goes for Rachel, who spends the rest of the day in a stressed out panic, taking in the other performances and biting her nails.</p><p> </p><p>In the end, victory is theirs. Mercedes screams so loudly that Kurt is sure he won’t hear anything with his left ear for hours. They hug and dance and shout. They beat Vocal Adrenaline. They beat everyone, for the first time ever, and they are the National Champions. It’s the perfect ending for their glee career, for their years in high school. Mr. Schue cries. It’s perfect. Kurt tells as much to Blaine that night on the phone, and Blaine congratulates him, saying that it’s a shame he couldn’t be there to watch.</p><p> </p><p>“Damn them for having the competition in Chicago,” Blaine says. “I would have loved to see you. You and Rachel, and the whole club, really.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt sits in the hotel lobby – they won’t be leaving until early the next morning – and stares at the people around him. “I think there might be a recording. But you’ve already seen my number, and Rachel’s, too. We did our NYADA audition pieces here.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine laughs, low in his throat. “Oh, maybe it’s for the best I wasn’t there, then. Otherwise everyone would have known how much I want you. Those pants, Kurt. The mere idea of those pants drives me crazy.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt feels the heat rising on his cheeks. “Oh, no, no, don’t go there, I’m in public.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you in public?”</p><p> </p><p>“We don’t have the money to get hotel rooms for everyone, so we have to share. I’m with Finn, Puck and Rory, and honestly, I do not want to talk to you while any of them is listening. So I’m sitting in the lobby,” Kurt says. “It’s a shame, though. I would have loved to hear you think about me in the pants.”</p><p> </p><p>“You could still listen,” Blaine suggests, his voice low and sultry.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh no, and walk back up to the room totally riled up, with no way to relief? No thanks. I’ll have to leave you to your mental images all alone.” Though that makes Kurt unbearably hot, too, just thinking about Blaine thinking about him.</p><p> </p><p>“I hate this distance, Kurt,” Blaine sighs. “I just want to hold you. I want you to press me into my mattress and be close. I want you – your smell, your touch, your everything.”</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll have it,” Kurt promises him, though he’s not so sure how that could be accomplished. “You are still planning on spending June in Lima, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Absolutely,” Blaine says.</p><p> </p><p>They’ll have to tell everyone once summer comes. They’ll get time for themselves then, just them and no one else. Kurt takes that to heart. He will have weeks of undisturbed time with Blaine. They will finally be in the same town, just a ten minute drive away from each other. He really looks forward to that. And maybe then they can decide what to do about the future.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>William McKinley High School welcomes the National Show Choir Champions with a celebration that surprises everyone. They’ve always been the underdogs, hated and scorned, bullied and erased, but this time they get compliments and congratulations, high fives and smiles. It’s odd. There’s a banner in the hallway, congratulating them. It’s gratifying, but weird, and doesn’t feel real. It’s fake, it’s a forced celebration. All this school has ever celebrated are the numerous championships of the Cheerios. Kurt thinks it’s nice that their achievement is recognized, but he does not think that the bullies are sincere for one second.</p><p> </p><p>All that’s left of the school year is reminiscing, watching movies and trading yearbooks.</p><p> </p><p>Then, it’s the day. Kurt finds an envelope with NYADA logo in the corner among the mail. It’s large and thick, and Kurt thinks it can only mean one thing.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, Kurt, open it,” his dad coaxes by his side, a lot more excited than Kurt. Kurt feels frozen and scared. He’s pretty sure he got in, but the truth is in that envelope. His hands shake.</p><p> </p><p>“Do I even want to know?” he asks quietly, staring at the regal logo, displaying the words New York Academy of Dramatic Arts. This is his whole future, and he is even more nervous than when he got the audition invitation. One envelope that will determine the rest of his life. It might be a dramatic thought, but it’s real.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course you do!” his dad cheers. “You’ll have to know, anyway, to go on. Open it. <em>I </em>want to know.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt gives his excited dad a look. “I can see that.”</p><p> </p><p>It takes him several tries to rip the envelope open, because his hands are not obeying him. They shake and shake, he almost drops the letter. There’s a lot of paper in the envelope, brochures and forms and that can only mean he’s in. He hasn’t read the words yet, though. He needs to see the words to believe it. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and reads the letter on top of the pile of papers.</p><p> </p><p>He got in.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt got in. He will officially be a student in New York Academy of Dramatic Arts come fall. He has a spot in his dream school, in his dream city. He doesn’t have to go there and try to find his place. Instead he can study the things he’s most enthusiastic about. He feels faint, and like his legs might give up any moment. He feels like he’s going to either cry or pass out.</p><p> </p><p>He lifts his eyes to his dad. “I got in,” he whispers.</p><p> </p><p>Burt erupts in cheers. “That’s my boy! Congrats, son, I am so proud of you!” His smile is wide, eyes scrunched up, and he radiates joy that still doesn’t really get to Kurt.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt feels numb. It’s happening for real this time, this is not a daydream or an elaborate fantasy. He is going to NYADA. A smile makes its way on his face as the reality starts to slowly sink in. His eyes burn with tears, and soon spill over. He did it. He is going to get out of Lima. He will not be a Lima loser, stuck and unhappy. He is going to New York and he will conquer the world.</p><p> </p><p>He got in.</p><p> </p><p>His phone rings in his pocket. He has to wipe his eyes and give the acceptance letter to his dad before he gets the phone out with his still shaking hands. It’s Rachel. That can only mean one thing, right? That must only mean one thing.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, Rachel.”</p><p> </p><p>Rachel practically screams his ear off. He has to hold the phone an arm’s length away, and he exchanges an amused look with his dad. When Rachel calms down some, he jumps in place.</p><p> </p><p>“I got in, too! We are going together!” he celebrates, and Rachel laughs, loud and happy.</p><p> </p><p>“This is happening, Kurt! We are going to New York! We did it! We are going to New York!”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, we did it!” Kurt echoes, still shaking and happier than he might have ever been before. He will have a life in theater, and he was just granted an entrance into that life, onto the path that leads right to his dreams. It’s not a daydream anymore, empty and too much. It’s his reality.</p><p> </p><p>“New York!” Rachel sighs. “Oh my god, Kurt.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Kurt agrees. “I can’t believe it’s real.” The dream that he feared might be forever out of his reach is coming true. The life he wants is his for the taking.</p><p> </p><p>“I need to call Finn, and Blaine, and Mercedes, and…” Rachel starts listing.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine. Something inside Kurt freezes and his stomach contracts. Blaine. He needs to call Blaine right now, before Rachel gets to tell the news for the both of them. “Yeah, me, too,” he tells Rachel.</p><p> </p><p>“We need to meet up! I’ll ask dads to call your dad, let’s make something happen, we must celebrate this!” Rachel rants, and then she’s gone without a goodbye.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt stares at his phone, and then looks at his dad. “Um, Rachel got in, too.”</p><p> </p><p>Burt nods. “I gathered. That’s great, bud, you’ll have a friend there with you.” Burt’s eyes are misty as he looks at Kurt.</p><p> </p><p>“You should expect a call from the Berrys,” Kurt continues. “Apparently Rachel wants to celebrate. I… I’m going to call Blaine, now.” He feels a little shy as he says it. It’s foreign, after hiding Blaine from his dad for so long. They haven’t talked about Blaine that much, and it’s odd to just mention him so casually.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, sure, go on.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt smiles and hurries up the stairs to his room to talk in peace. He closes the door and sits down in his chair. His hands are still shaking a little with excitement. He feels like his whole body is trembling.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello, Kurt,” Blaine answers on third ring, voice warm and happy. Kurt will never tire of the way Blaine pronounces his name, careful and soft, unlike anyone else.</p><p> </p><p>“Blaine, I got in. I, I, I got accepted to NYADA,” Kurt tells him instead of wasting any time saying hi.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Kurt, that’s amazing! Congratulations to my talented boyfriend,” Blaine says, and he sounds sincerely happy.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt isn’t sure why that is a huge relief, but he still lets out a long breath. There’s still that conversation looming over every interaction, the conversation they’re waiting to have when they meet next. “Yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. This is great!”</p><p> </p><p>“It… it hasn’t really sunk in, yet,” Kurt tells Blaine, and plays with a pencil left on his desk.</p><p> </p><p>“I am so happy for you, you have no idea,” Blaine says. He sounds a little choked up. “You deserve the world, Kurt, my sweet, and this is the first step. I… I am so proud, and… you get to show them all what you’re really made of.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt giggles, overwhelmed with Blaine’s emotional reaction to his news. Also, his dad was close to tears, and Rachel got in, too. Everyone he loves is happy, and Kurt feels like bursting with it. He has never felt so hopeful or so happy about his life before. These people around him support him, love him, and are on his side. It means more than any acceptance letter.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m coming to Lima. I’m driving over today. I need to see you, to congratulate you properly,” Blaine says.</p><p> </p><p>“Blaine,” Kurt chokes. He feels too much. He loves this man so much.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. I’m coming for the weekend, and I want to see you tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yeah, of course. There… there is a gathering that they’re planning, I think,” Kurt says. “I can’t wait to see you.”</p><p> </p><p>“A gathering? What is my boyfriend, Mr. NYADA student, saying?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god, Blaine – I am going to be a NYADA student!” It strikes Kurt again with Blaine’s teasing words. He is going to be a NYADA student. He needs to say it, he needs to hear it for it to make sense. He has always dreamed big, but to have a dream come true like this is more than he can take in. He is going to NYADA.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course you are, my sweet,” Blaine says. “They would have been deaf, blind, and stupid not to notice your talent after that audition.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt laughs. He feels like he’s going to float away from his chair any moment now. He is going to be free, he is going to live in New York, breathe in the city and theater and he is going to sing his heart out.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I’ve got another call coming,” Blaine says.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s probably Rachel,” Kurt tells him. “You should get that, we can talk later, okay?” He hangs up before Blaine can ask any questions. Blaine should hear the news from his sister.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please let me know what you think! </p><p>You can also come talk to me on tumblr, I am little-escapist there!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Chapter 29</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>About three hours after Kurt opened his letter, they have a reservation in Breadstix. There’s Rachel and her dads, Finn, Kurt and his dad, and Blaine. They settle into a large table, Blaine seeking out a chair next to Kurt, and Kurt doesn’t mind at all. He brushes a finger against Blaine’s leg under the table, just to touch a little, because they haven’t seen each other in so long. It’s a shame they didn’t have a chance for a proper hello, they can’t do that in front of everybody. Blaine did give him a short congratulatory hug when they arrived, but it was nowhere near enough. Still Kurt feels complete with his boyfriend, dad and friends in the same table. He doesn’t even try to control his beaming smile, and Rachel seems to share that. She’s been grinning ever since they walked into the restaurant. Rachel and Blaine’s dads are both looking at their daughter with so much pride on their faces, and Burt keeps slamming his hand down on Kurt’s shoulder in celebration. Blaine seems more subdued, just observing everyone with a slight smile on his face, dark eyes sparkling.</p><p> </p><p>The food is good – it’s Breadstix, so it’s not excellent, but probably the best Lima can offer. They toast to Kurt and Rachel, Hiram talks a little about Rachel and her drive and talent, and Rachel needs to wipe her eyes afterwards. They share the excitement for a bright future without fear of details. They have time to sort everything out, tonight is just for celebrating this achievement. Kurt and Rachel got in to the one of the most prestigious art schools in the country on the first try. That’s not a small feat. There are probably hundreds who got rejected.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt is happy. There’s nothing complicated about it, he is simply happy. There’s only one thing that would make tonight absolutely perfect. Blaine. Everyone they care about is sitting around the same table. This would be the perfect time to tell them. It’s about time, anyway. Burt knows already. They can come clean and then spend time together without sneaking behind anyone’s back. That way they can have as much time as possible with each other before Kurt leaves.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt tries to catch Blaine’s eye. He doesn’t want to just announce it without talking to Blaine about it first. It needs to be a mutual decision, especially because it’s Blaine’s family that doesn’t know about them. Blaine doesn’t notice Kurt, though, listening intently to his sister on the other side of the table. Kurt glances around the table, everyone seems to be paying attention to Rachel’s story and not him. He moves his foot slowly towards Blaine’s until their shoes bump together. That gets Blaine’s attention. He sits up straighter, and after a few beats he glances at Kurt. Kurt inclines his head towards the bathrooms. Blaine looks back to Rachel and nods, as if following what she’s saying, but Kurt knows it’s for him.</p><p> </p><p>“Excuse me, I’ll be right back,” Kurt says and gets up. He heads to the bathroom, biting his lip. He wants this. Can he really get everything in one night?</p><p> </p><p>Once Kurt gets to the bathroom, he’s restless, both anxious and excited at the same time. There’s a guy at the urinals who gives Kurt a weird look before zipping up and walking away, and Kurt is alone. He knows Blaine has to wait a while before following, but every second is torture. He stares at his watch and listens to his own heart beating in his ears. He really doesn’t want to hide anymore. He feels invincible in the aftermath of the acceptance letter. This needs to happen. There’s no reason to try and keep their relationship from their loved ones. Now that Kurt thinks about it, the hiding seems stupid. His dad was grudgingly okay with it. Rachel will get around to it once she gets to freak out for a moment. They can come clean and the sneaking around will be finally over. No more lies, no more hiding. They could hold hands in public and while others are there, they could openly be close.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine opens the bathroom door and Kurt steps to him to take his hand. They’re blessedly alone for the first time in weeks, and Kurt wants to hold his boyfriend’s hand more than anything, because kissing in a Breadstix bathroom feels tacky. Blaine’s hair is slicked back along his skull, his wide eyes look at Kurt in question. He looks good, very polished and put-together. It’s almost impossible to see how the same man can turn into a rocker.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, my sweet. What is it?” Blaine asks, getting straight to the point. He looks a little worried even though Kurt is smiling.</p><p> </p><p>“I was thinking, with both our families here now, together, shouldn’t we just tell them?” Kurt tugs on Blaine’s hand, looking at him hopefully. “It’s the perfect opportunity.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine looks away. Kurt feels his smile freeze and fall.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think we should,” Blaine says quietly, but the voice echoes on the tile anyway.</p><p> </p><p>“Why?” Kurt asks. “My dad already knows. I’m sure he’s more scary than your dads are.” He tries for a joking tone, but it falls slightly flat in the face of Blaine’s hesitation.</p><p> </p><p>“I just… I’m not sure if it’s a good idea, right now,” Blaine says, still not looking at Kurt. “I don’t feel like stealing Rachel’s thunder, anyway. This is her night, and yours.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt swallows. It’s a thin excuse. Blaine looks small, drawing into himself, looking at the dirty floor between their feet. Kurt doesn’t know what is holding Blaine back, but he realizes that the bathroom of Breadstix is not the right place for this talk. “Alright.” If telling Blaine’s family is this difficult for Blaine, they can wait for a moment. They have time still. Kurt steps in to press a small kiss on Blaine’s temple before letting go of him and exiting the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The next day Kurt gets a text.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine</p><p>
  <em>Dads took Rachel shopping as a reward for NYADA. Want to come over? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt</p><p>I’ll be there in 10</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Blaine opens the door as soon as Kurt rings the doorbell. He looks serious, his hair is slicked back within an inch of its life, not even a hint of curls anywhere. He pulls Kurt into a hug when they close the door and get inside. The hug scares Kurt to his core, because Blaine is clinging to him, holding him tight and close. He has never held Kurt quite like this before. Blaine’s fingers dig into Kurt’s side and back, looking for purchase, almost painful. Kurt holds Blaine calmer, smoothing a hand down his back in a long motion. The dark blue fabric of Blaine’s shirt is scratchy under Kurt’s touch. Kurt just wants to make it better, help Blaine. Is he having a bad day again?</p><p> </p><p>“What is it?” Kurt whispers against Blaine’s temple.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine shakes his head and hides his face into the crook of Kurt’s neck. They stand by the front door of the Berry house for a long while, just holding each other. Kurt tries not to freak out. He has no idea what is going on, but a dread is creeping up his spine slowly and surely. Finally Blaine separates from the hold, steps back and looks up without meeting Kurt’s eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s go to the living room, okay?” he says, voice quiet.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure,” Kurt agrees. “Blaine, what’s wrong? You’re scaring me.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine makes a face and turns to walk to the living room instead of answering. Kurt follows on his heels, worry rising with every step. Something is wrong. Something is really wrong, and if Blaine doesn’t tell him, he can’t help. Blaine plops down on the couch and sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re going to New York,” he says, voice small, hiding his face in his hands.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Kurt says and sits gingerly down next to Blaine, turning to face him. He wants to touch, to caress away the pain evident in Blaine’s tense shoulders, but he doesn’t feel like he’s allowed right now. “But that’s not news, Blaine. We’ve known about it all spring.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know,” Blaine says. He sounds miserable. “I know. I’ve known all along that you’re leaving, but now it’s real. You and Rachel both got your letters.”</p><p> </p><p>“We both would have gone anyway,” Kurt reminds Blaine. He doesn’t understand what Blaine is getting at, here.</p><p> </p><p>“The thing – Kurt – the thing is. I can’t do this.” Blaine meets Kurt’s eyes shortly and looks away again, stares at his hands on his lap.</p><p> </p><p>It’s as if someone dropped a chunk of ice into Kurt’s stomach. “And by this you mean…?”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine takes a deep breath, eyes on his hands, face downturned. His hands shake. Kurt aches to take them into his own, but he can’t move.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean us.”</p><p> </p><p>“No.” Kurt shakes his head. “You don’t mean that.”</p><p> </p><p>“But I do, Kurt,” Blaine says. His breath shudders as he breathes. “This, starting anything with you, wasn’t a smart choice to begin with. I don’t regret it, Kurt, not a second of it, but it’s about time this is over. Your life is about to begin. You don’t need a dead weight dragging you down when you’re supposed to fly. You need to go and live.” Now he’s looking at Kurt, his eyes huge and wet and filled with pain.</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Kurt whispers, shaking his head, not able to take it in, his mind stuck and frozen. “You were happy for me! Just yesterday you were happy for me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Kurt, listen. I am so happy you get this chance, I am so proud of you for making it to NYADA. You deserve it more than anyone. But the truth is that you need to be free. Free of everything that’s Lima and Ohio, including me. You can start over in New York, leave this shit behind. You need to focus on your studies and on auditions, on meeting new, like-minded people; people who can offer you more. People who can lift you higher. I would be an obstacle in a couple of months. You never talked about future with me. You just talked about Rachel, about finding your apartment, about NYADA, about New York. You asked me what I’m going to do, and got upset when I told you. There was no dreaming about traveling to be with me, no plans for holidays together, only New York.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s a sign. I waited for you to bring it up, and you never did. Not a word about how I would fit into your new life. I get it, I do. It’s a new chapter. I do not want to tie you down, Kurt. I want to see you flourish, be the best version of yourself. I love you too much to force you into keeping me.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt is distantly aware of his tears overflowing, spilling on his cheeks and dripping down his chin onto his shirt. He doesn’t move to wipe them away, though. He’s too busy staring at Blaine’s blurring lines, taking in those beloved features. “You love me?” he registers the words slowly. His heart feels like it’s about to shatter into a million pieces. Blaine has never said it before.</p><p> </p><p>He has to get up, step physically away from what Blaine is saying. He stands stupidly in the middle of the room wringing his hands. “You don’t get to say that now. You don’t get to say that if you’re dumping me.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine swallows and nods. “That’s only fair. Kurt, I’m sorry. I never want to hurt you, but this is for the best. New York life will sweep you away, and it <em>should</em>. It’s already happening! It’s all you’re thinking about, and it should be, because it’s amazing. Your dream is coming true. I just… I don’t want to become an obligation, a forced connection you have to keep up with. The distance has been hard on us already, and that distance will be even bigger once you’ve gone. So, I’m setting you free.” Blaine blinks. Tears stick to his impossible eyelashes.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re pushing me away,” Kurt says through clenched teeth. Blaine told him once, not that long ago, that when he felt bad he isolated himself from others. “You’re self-destructing, and breaking my heart in the process.”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine breaks. His face contorts. He sobs, and the sound is terrible. It’s like it’s coming from his very soul. Kurt bites the inside of his cheek to keep quiet, to hold on to his anger. He tries to breathe through his stuffy nose and stays silent. He looks on as Blaine slowly gathers himself together, closes himself in, and lifts up a façade to face Kurt.</p><p> </p><p>“Just… it only makes sense to end this now. Kurt, I don’t want you to grow to hate what we have. I don’t want you to hate <em>me</em>.” A couple of tears escape, running down Blaine’s cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want to end it!” Kurt shouts. “I want you forever! What makes you think I won’t hate you after you do this to me? Why do <em>you</em> get to decide when it’s over?”</p><p> </p><p>“Because I’m older and I know what it’s like to be swept away by a new life. You’re already halfway there, Kurt, you’ve already been forgetting me! Our calls have been shorter, and all you’ve been talking about is New York. You might hate me now, but in the years to come, I hope you will grow to see this is the sensible thing to do. Maybe you can look on us with fondness.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt starts pacing. He’s really getting angry now. “Really? This is all about your past, isn’t it? All about Sebastian. Well, newsflash – I am not him. You can’t see the future, Blaine. You don’t know what will happen. You’re scared, and you decide to ruin us instead of seeing what we might become!”</p><p> </p><p>Blaine stares at him, mouth slightly open. His eyes are red and his nose is running. His mouth is downturned, there are red blotches on his cheeks. He looks like a mess. He shakes his head slowly. “No, Kurt. I’ve been listening to your plans, and it’s clear they don’t include me. And I need you to be free to live your best life. That’s it.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt squares his shoulders and stops to face his ex-boyfriend. “If it was up to me, I would live my best life with you by my side. But you’ve decided for both of us that it’ll never happen that way. So, I’m going to leave now.”</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t wait for an answer. He doesn’t stop or turn to spare one glance at the man who held his heart and squeezed it until it cracked. He doesn’t stop at the front door. He just opens it, steps out, and closes it behind his back. He has to come back still, to see Rachel, and he hates it. He never wants to set foot to that house again. The thought makes him physically sick. He goes to his car, gets in and reverses out of the driveway, numb, empty.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine said he loves Kurt.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine dumped him.</p><p> </p><p>It’s over.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm sorry.</p><p>Feel free to yell at me.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Chapter 30</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Kurt has no idea how he gets home. He knows he hurried upstairs past his dad without a word. He knows he flung himself onto his bed. There he lies now, sobbing into his pillow. It hurts. His chest feels like it has caved in, and his heart aches. He can’t breathe. His nose is stuffed and his lungs burn and the physical sensations are all he can focus on, because the rest would hurt even more.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine dumped him.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt wails into his pillow, eyes scrunched closed. It feels like a part of him has been ripped off. Blaine denied him. Blaine does not want him anymore, not enough to try to keep going once Kurt leaves. Kurt was not enough for him to hold on to. It was too good to be true, all the way from the start. Still Kurt believed that they would make it. He hurts, to the bottom of his soul, and he feels like all of his muscles are cramping at once.</p><p> </p><p>There’s a knock on his door. “Kurt?”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt can’t answer his dad. He doesn’t have the words. He isn’t sure if he wants to be alone or if he wants comfort. He knows nothing anymore. He cries out loud, he can’t be quiet no matter how much he tries. He cries like a child, trying to drown the noise into his pillow and failing. The sobs wrack his body, they come from somewhere deep, he can’t breathe, his whole being is a tight knot of misery.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, bud, what happened?” Burt opens the door.</p><p> </p><p>There is no way that Kurt can turn and face his dad, not like this. He hides deeper into the pillow, curling tighter into a ball, pulling his knees to his chest. Burt sits down next to him, places a tender hand on Kurt’s back. He doesn’t say anything. He just sits there, silently offering comfort, letting Kurt cry himself dry.</p><p> </p><p>After what feels like forever, Kurt lifts his head up and opens aching eyes to look at his dad. He must look like a mess, because his dad’s face is horrified.</p><p> </p><p>“Blaine dumped me,” Kurt whispers, and the tears return with a vengeance. His every muscle is tight, aching, everything hurts, and he doesn’t know how he’ll ever get out of this feeling, out of this situation. He feels like he’s going to die.</p><p> </p><p>His dad pulls him close. Kurt might be slightly taller than him, but his dad is still strong, and Kurt goes easily after a little tugging. He burrows into his dad’s side. He wants to be five again, so that every hurt could be done away with by just sitting in his dad’s lap. But he’s 18, and his heart has been broken for the first time, and he is too old to stop crying just because his dad is there for him.</p><p> </p><p>The rest of the Saturday goes by in a haze. Kurt can’t move. He can’t eat, even though his dad tries to force him to. Even the smell of food makes Kurt gag. So he stays in bed and cries. The tears ebb and flow, he calms down and even dozes off only to wake up and cry all over again as the hard reality hits him. Blaine is not his boyfriend anymore. It’s over, and Kurt has to learn to be without him.</p><p> </p><p>That night his phone lights up, and for a second Kurt’s heart jumps, because his first thought is Blaine. Ever since the concert in February Blaine has texted or called him every night.</p><p> </p><p>Tonight, it’s Rachel texting him. There will be no message or phone call from Blaine. No more sharing of their days, no more getting off together before falling asleep. No more goodnights or pet names as the last thing Kurt hears before sleep claims him. It’s unfair, it’s painful, and it feels so utterly wrong. He is alone, completely alone with the shards of his shattered heart.</p><p> </p><p>Burt lets his son wallow until Sunday afternoon. Then he forces Kurt to eat and drink properly, makes him dress up, and puts on a musical for them to watch together.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re allowed to be sad, Kurt,” he says. “But you can’t stay in it. Give yourself a timeline, and after that you should try to live as normally as possible.”</p><p> </p><p>“Can’t I just sit here forever?” Kurt asks. His head aches from crying so much.</p><p> </p><p>“No. I know now it feels like the only option, but you’re strong. Get yourself up and decide to keep living. It does hurt, but it’s not the end of everything.”</p><p> </p><p>Kurt wants to protest, but he doesn’t have enough energy to. It feels like the end of everything. It hurts to breathe knowing Blaine doesn’t want him anymore. He decides to take his dad’s advice. He’ll be sad for a week. Then he’ll get up from it and try to move on.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Going to school is torture, but it’s also a surprisingly good distraction. The year is coming to an end, and they are trying to find every possible moment together. Lunches stretch long, and Kurt is often almost late to his class because they got caught up in being together. Soon their glee club is disbanded, not the same it has been for the last years. Some of them are staying behind, like Tina, Artie and Sugar, but most of them are graduating and heading to schools all over. Quinn got accepted to Yale. Finn will start at OSU in the fall. Rachel and Kurt are off to New York. Mercedes is planning to move to Los Angeles. They will be spread all over the country, and they are all starting to realize that. Every moment together counts, and every glee meeting is full of too sappy songs. Mr. Schuester tries to stop them by giving them an assignment to sing encouraging songs, but it doesn’t really work.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt is good at distracting himself. There are moments when everything catches up to him, though. Every time Rachel talks about her brother it’s like twisting a knife in a wound. Rachel mentioned that “something happened to Blaine” after the weekend Blaine broke up with Kurt. Kurt fled the room, not able to hear any of it. Then Rachel tells them that Blaine isn’t coming to Lima for June like he was supposed to, and Kurt knows it’s because of him. They were supposed to spend the beginning of summer together, finally in the same town constantly. Now there’s nothing to pull Blaine to Lima, it seems. They’re over, and Blaine is staying away. Kurt tries to tell himself it’s better this way. He doesn’t need Blaine. Only his whole being is screaming after him.</p><p> </p><p>Listening to Starchild is not enjoyable anymore, but Kurt listens anyway. Maybe he’s some kind of a masochist, but he can’t stop poking where it hurts. He finds himself listening to Can’t Let You Go over and over again. He gives himself an hour here, another there, to listen to Starchild’s songs and remember what many of them represent. They remind him of Blaine.</p><p> </p><p>After one such afternoon he gets mad. He is angry at Blaine for making the decision alone, just telling Kurt that they should end it. He is angry that he gave his heart to Blaine to begin with, because Blaine was so against it in the start. He wants to ask Blaine why get involved in the first place, if this is where they end up. He wants to punch Blaine in the face for squeezing the life out of him, for dulling the colors of the world. Blaine’s behavior was unfair and manipulative, and Kurt wishes that they never were together at all. Then he breaks down in tears, because he remembers how good Blaine could be, how tender and loving. It all makes him even angrier in the end.</p><p> </p><p>Mercedes knows they broke up. Kurt doesn’t tell her much, and she doesn’t pry. She just offers Kurt something to do, takes him shopping and for walks and listens to music with him. Kurt will miss her a lot once they’re off to opposite coasts. They have a little cry about the impending separation, and promise to keep in touch despite the distance and time difference. Kurt promises that Rachel will never replace Mercedes. Mercedes rolls her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>All of a sudden, way too soon, it’s graduation day.</p><p> </p><p>They are excited and nervous, waiting for their turns to walk up on stage to get their diplomas. It’s a happy day. Kurt will finally be free of the torture within the halls of McKinley High. He will go to New York with Rachel. They have it all planned out. Kurt has started to pack his stuff, Rachel has done the same with hers, and their moving day has been agreed on – they are leaving early August, to get a feel of the city before the semester begins.</p><p> </p><p>They all gather behind the scenes, an excited bunch of high school seniors about to graduate, and it feels like all the animosity and rivalry within the school has evaporated. They all are celebrating together. The atmosphere is catchy, it makes Kurt squirm in his gown as he waits for his turn with a smile on his face. He did it. He’s here, finally, he survived high school. He had amazing and awful experiences, and now he can put this chapter of his life to rest.</p><p> </p><p>His name is called, and he walks up to get his diploma, head held high. No regrets, no fear. He is who he is, despite and maybe because of everything this school threw at him. He is free of the pain of bullying now, this is his moment, and he will seize it.</p><p> </p><p>He graduated high school, and he is on the way to the college of his dreams.</p><p> </p><p>Blaine is in the crowd. He is there with his and Rachel’s dads, and Kurt sees him from the stage, even through the lights. His hair is slicked right along his skull, no curls in sight, and even though he’s smiling, there’s something hollow on his face. His face looks somehow different – or maybe it’s just the hair? He looks small and subdued next to his dads. Even though Kurt swore he would let Blaine go, he can’t see anyone else now that he spotted Blaine. It’s like his eyes have their own will, and they stray to Blaine over and over again.</p><p> </p><p>After the ceremony Kurt gets a hug from his dad. He tries to steer clear of Rachel, so he can stay away from Blaine, but it doesn’t work. Rachel comes over, gets also a hug from Burt, and then she drags Kurt by the hand to be congratulated by her dads and brother. Kurt accepts the handshakes from Hiram and Leroy with a smile before facing Blaine. He feels cold, so cold, and all he wants is to hug Blaine. Hold on to him and never let go. But he’s not allowed to touch or even think about touching anymore, so he keeps his distance.</p><p> </p><p>“Congratulations,” Blaine offers, kind but quiet, face a calmly smiling mask.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt swallows. “Thanks.” That’s all he can say. He wants to say a lot more, he wants to kiss Blaine silly or maybe just punch him, he’s not sure. He accepts congratulations from Rachel’s dads before excusing himself to his own family, not sparing another look at the man who still somehow holds his heart. It hurts too much, still.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt manages to forget Blaine well enough, since his dad and Carole are both hugging him a lot, and they take him and Finn out to eat at Breadstix to celebrate the occasion. Kurt and Finn have accepted their parents getting together. Kurt is happy that there are people looking after his dad once he’s in New York. Everything is working out great.</p><p> </p><p>“So, actually, we have an announcement to make,” Burt tells everyone as they are waiting for dessert. “We’ve been thinking, with Carole, that we should move in together. What do you boys think about that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, really?” Kurt has to ask. It seems a bit soon. He exchanges a look with Finn, who shrugs.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, you’re going to leave, and the house would be too big for me alone,” Burt says. “There’s that spare bedroom that we can renovate for Finn, and you could keep your old room for whenever you visit.”</p><p> </p><p>“I guess it does make sense,” Kurt says. It’s big news, it’s another change to the growing pile of change, how nothing will be the same anymore.</p><p> </p><p>The summer turns out to be a flurry of packing, when they are putting everything to motion. Carole sells her house, and they spend whole two weeks going through stuff, what to keep, what to sell, and what is plain trash. Kurt sorts through his own stuff, too, packing the things he wants and needs in New York, and labeling stuff to go to storage and what to sell. They paint the guest room that is going to be turned into Finn’s room. They eat pizza on the living room floor because the kitchen is full of boxes, and that’s surprisingly a really nice afternoon. Carole is nice, and seeing Finn at his house isn’t too weird for Kurt anymore. Burt looks happier than he has been in so long. Kurt’s pretty sure he has never seen his dad smile like that, and it makes him happy, too. It comforts him that his dad will have Carole and Finn once Kurt leaves.</p><p> </p><p>In July, it’s ten years since Kurt’s mother died. Kurt and his dad take a huge bunch of flowers to her grave and have a sentimental moment, because so much time has passed and there is so much Elizabeth never got the chance to see. Kurt spends the whole afternoon sitting by his mom’s open dresser. It still smells like her perfume. Kurt used to lie on the floor there as a little boy, desperate for his mom. Now he feels the familiar grief, but it’s muted, and the scent doesn’t bring up a gush of hurt. Instead, it’s comforting.</p><p> </p><p>Everything is changing. Kurt is leaving home, but even his home won’t be the same it used to be. It’s bittersweet. Kurt is looking forward to New York, looking forward to NYADA, but at the same time he’s sad to leave home. He is going to the city of his dreams, he is going to the school he wanted to go. It’s a dream come true, it’s all he’s ever wanted, and a part of him really can’t wait to get there already. Still. Home is all he has ever known, despite the pain and fear Lima holds. It’s still home. It’s still the place where all his memories have been made, where his life has been. Now there are new people there, in his house, and already it feels different than it used to. All this change is a little much. It’s necessary, though. Letting go is never easy, but it’s time to leave the past behind. Kurt closes the dresser drawers and gets up from the floor, giving a silent bye bye to his mom. He’s ready.</p><p> </p><p>He’s ready for the rest of his life.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, here we are. This is the end of The Concert, even though the story is far from over. Encore is yet to come! I will start posting in the beginning of October at latest, depending on how writing goes. I want to have as much as possible ready when I start posting, so there won't be any awkward waiting. Currently I have little over 30k and 12 chapters done, so there's a lot more to these Kurt and Blaine on the way. I hope to see you there for the Encore :)</p><p>I hope you enjoyed this story. I thought this would be a logical place to stop for a moment, because Kurt is at the end of his life as he knows it, even though story-wise the ending leaves something to be desired. This tale has been a long time coming, and writing it hasn't always been easy. I've grown to love this version of the characters a lot. </p><p>As always, please tell me what you think! It has been my greatest joy to read your comments and reactions. Thank you for reading and commenting and being there with me, and with these characters.</p>
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